Takes

Patrick Reed hasn't taken off the Green Jacket since he won the Masters

He showed up in the green jacket at the Rockets game. He has not taken it off. Well, yes, you're right. He has not showered. He has not done laundry. That's pure Patrick Reed for you.

The Timberwolves will upset the Rockets or Warriors if they make the playoffs

I got a take that if the Timberwolves make the playoffs, they're going to upset someone. Either the Rockets or the Warriors.

I believe the guy who claims to be Bill Clinton's son

He's definitely Bill Clinton's son... I've seen the tweets. The story adds up. I've done the research.

This is Tom Izzo's final year coaching at Michigan State

One of my who's backs is, this is Coach Izzo's swan song. I'm just going to say it. This is his final year.

I am officially winning all my bets this year

This is the year I'm going to win all my bets. So it happens every year right before March Madness. I tell myself, give myself a little pep talk, but I think this is going to be the year.

Winter Olympics athletes aren't that impressive; you just have to be born in the right place

The Winter Olympics are definitely the Olympics where you can sit there and if you watch it long enough, you can convince yourself you could have been an athlete in every single sport. It's not hard. It's just essentially like if you were born in a weird European country and they didn't have basketball yet, you would be a speed skater.

Zion Williamson has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness

I'm going to squat on a Zion Williamson take. I'm going to say he doesn't have NBA explosiveness. Even though he has like a dunk video where he's just dunking. I'm going to say he has high school explosiveness, not NBA explosiveness.

Freddie Adu is back and American soccer is officially saved

Freddie Adu is back, and therefore U.S. soccer is back... News soon. Oh. Yeah. So he's back. He's the future. He is the future of American soccer. Yeah. He is American soccer.

The Patriots have a psychological edge over 'bird' teams in Super Bowls

The Patriots have beaten a lot of bird teams in Super Bowls. The Falcons, the Eagles before... Seahawks. Yeah, you never know until you try.

Jeff Fisher is the best coach in football

All of [Jeff Fisher's] players are going to the NFC Championship game, and I love it because it just solidifies that Jeff Fisher is the best coach in football.

I will lose 15 pounds and weigh 225 by my birthday

I think I weigh about 240-ish... and I'm going to try to get to like 225 by my birthday. [February]. First, like, seven pounds come off by just me, like, not eating breakfast. So take a big dump, don't eat breakfast, boom.

The Rockets and Celtics will meet in the NBA Finals

Rocket Celtics calling it right now. [Warriors?] No. [The Rockets beat them] in seven.

Jeff Fisher is a quarterback whisperer

Jeff Fisher is back in a big way because all of his quarterbacks are shining right now... Jared Goff just killing out in L.A... Number two is Case Keenum. Nick Foles playing well... He's a quarterback whisperer.

Wisconsin will beat Ohio State in the Big Ten Championship

I think Wisconsin could beat Ohio State. I really do. Halftime of the Michigan game, I was like, oh, fuck, but Wisconsin put it on them in the second half, and I was like, this defense can play with – hey, defense travels.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back

As a team, Miami is officially, officially back. Now, Hank said it last week. The U. But they are now back.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back

The U is back. They had the black jerseys, which was just unreal. Dominated Virginia Tech. And the fans... there was multiple incidents of fans fighting police, fans fighting each other. Police fighting fans. That's back. The U's got all their swagger back.

Coach Ed Orgeron was never on the hot seat at LSU

I'm staying resolute in my support of Coach O. I don't think he was ever on the hot seat. Don't think he's ever going to be on the hot seat.

Jay Cutler has at least two more years left as a quarterback in the NFL.

I think we have another, like, two years of Jay [Cutler] in the NFL.

Alabama's second string could win the SEC

Alabama debates are back... could Alabama's second team win the SEC? Because they're deep. Real deep... the Hawaiian quarterback [Tua Tagovailoa], the second string, it would be unbelievable.

Bryce Harper will lead the Nationals to a surefire World Series title

He's coming back to lead the Nationals to a surefire World Series. It's the Nats year. This is the year that Natitude is back.

Fullbacks are officially back in a big way in the NFL

Fullbacks are back in a big way... I think it might be confirmation bias, but I've been noticing fullbacks more and more. Specifically, Derek Coleman, the fullback for the Falcons.

I almost got a tattoo of Javier Baez on the back of my neck after seeing his slide against the Blue Jays.

Javi Baez had such a good slide for the Cubs to win an extra inning... In that time, I almost got myself an El Mago tattoo. ... Maybe on the back of my neck like his MLB tattoo.

The wind in Chicago will help Roberto Aguayo's accuracy by pushing the ball back to the uprights

He's so wildly inaccurate that the wind is actually going to push his balls back towards the uprights.

Darren McFadden will tear his hamstring immediately and disappoint fantasy owners

Darren McFadden looks like he's going to get a lot of carries for the Cowboys... And when I say a lot of carries, I mean a lot of carries in the first half of the first game. And then he's going to tear his hamstring. And everyone who drafted him is going to be really pissed off.

Lonzo Ball playing well in Summer League means the Showtime Lakers are back

The Lakers are back. Oh! The Lake Show is back. So Lonzo Ball's been playing pretty well in the Summer League, and so that can only mean one thing, and that's the Showtime Lakers are back.

Icing Bros will inevitably make a comeback

I'm going to call it right now. Icing Bros is going to come back. That's going to suck. Take a knee and chug. That was a tough summer of 2008 or 9, whatever it was.

Tiger Woods' hair plugs are working

His hair did not look as bad as it has in the past... No, but it looks like the hair plugs might be working. Because Tiger Woods is a notorious guy who went balding pretty early.

Kevin Love should be the quarterback of the Cleveland Browns

Kevin Love should be the Browns quarterback. He does have unbelievable passing. He'll throw one or two a game where it's like, how the hell did he do that?

Bees aren't actually dying at an alarming rate

And people keep saying that they're dying at an alarming rate like you did. But I don't think that they are. I'm woke on the whole bee thing, the whole bee scare of 2016.

Tiger Woods at 100/1 to win the Masters is a must-bet even if he doesn't play

The Tiger Woods, 101 odds to win the Masters. Jump on it now before they go down... Those are the best odds I've ever seen for a guy who's not even going to play in the tournament.

Jay Wright is a big-time choker if you take away his one ring

Jay Wright on CBS coverage... People forget if you take away that one ring, it's a big-time choker.

Johnny Manziel is officially back and committed to a comeback after getting engaged

My who's back of the week is Johnny Football... Comeback season. He just got engaged to show that he's committed and he's making his comeback. So it seems like he's got everything going for him heading forward.

I would predict no babies are born nine months after March Madness starts

I would predict that there are like no babies born nine months after the start of March Madness because no guy out there is [finding success]... This is the weekend that a guy drinks too many beers, eats nachos, and then farts a lot and falls asleep on the couch.

Hometown saviors always work out well for the Cleveland Browns

He said that he would go play in Cleveland. He's a hometown kid. We all know that hometown quarterbacks work out really well for Cleveland. They're always saviors.

Tiger Woods missing the cut is actually good because he can't get injured during the final two rounds

Other spin zone, he only played two rounds because he missed the cut. So that's two less rounds you could injure himself in. Less wear and tear. Smart move getting ready for the Masters. Way to save yourself.

Chip Kelly will leave the San Francisco 49ers for the Oregon head coaching job.

So Chip Kelly rumors are back, and I think he's going to go to Oregon. Then again, he did say he's not interested in it, and as we know, as Nick Saban proved to us... if a coach in the NFL says they're not going to college, that means they're not going to college.

Jeff Fisher intentionally loses games once he gets above .500 because he is a try-hard for mediocrity

Jeff Fisher... He lost, but he's back at .500. So that's the classic Jeff Fisher. It just felt like such a try-hard move by him. And you know that the second he goes 3-1, he takes his foot off the pedal so hard. He's like, 'hey, guys, we need to get back to even here.'

Oregon will be back on top of college football in four years when Chip Kelly returns

I'm going to call my shot. I'm going to say Oregon's going to win. If we can do like four years to call who's back, in four years Oregon's going to be back to being back. ... When they get Chip Kelly back, right?

This is finally the breakout year for Reggie Bush

I think this is the year for Reggie Bush. ... So on the year, his year average is negative four. So today he had three, so I think that was the rush he needed.

Nebraska football is officially back

Nebraska football. Huge week three win against 22nd ranked Oregon. The program's back.

Texas is back

I'm going to ask the question right now. Is Texas back? Texas is back. I think Texas is back. I mean, it was a statement win. Charlie Strong, he needed a statement win, right? Now he's back.

A football team of active military troops would dominate the NFL

I can't be the only one who thinks if the troops wanted to, they could put together a football team and dominate the NFL.