Takes

Zach Wilson is 'overqualified' for the NFL and that's why he struggles

The guy is so capable of throwing absolute bombs and dimes that when he can't and has to make the start decision and not make a gigantic play... he's just so good... he's overqualified for his job. Seriously. It's like, it's like he's so talented that he doesn't like other, I got it. Like people with less talented arms work on being game managers.

I will buy Colts season tickets if Jim Irsay forces Dan Snyder to sell the Commanders

I've decided, you know, we talked about like, I would become a Colts fan if Jim Irsay was the straw that broke the camel's back. Yep. I'm gonna buy season tickets to the Colts next year. Wow. If, if, if Jim Irsay can get down out the fuck out, I'm gonna be a Colts season ticket holder.

Bailey Zappy should be the starting quarterback for the New England Patriots over Mac Jones

Billy Zappy should be the quarterback of the New England Patriots. It's obvious to everybody that's watched the game... [He] does have more zip. Bailey Zappy should be the quarterback, more zip, I'll be the first to say it.

Geno Smith is a fraud and the party is over for him in Seattle

I just think this is, this is where we see like, oh, like [Geno Smith] fraud because like, I don't know as a Jets fan, I saw him play like so many times... I just think, I think, you know, party's over. I think people are gonna figure him out. They're gonna game plan for him and he's not gonna put up the points.

The Falcons aren't as bad as people think they are

I also just like the Falcons at home, I've kind of a hot take on the Falcons. I actually don't think they're that bad. Their offense is fun. So they're not that bad. I've got a new tier for the Falcons in your power rankings. It's just 'they're not that bad.' They're not as bad as you think they are because their offense when they do get the ball to their playmakers, they're actually scoring a shitload of points.

The Commanders actually beat the Eagles in three out of four quarters

I went back, I looked at the tape from last week, 24-8 against the Eagles, the Commanders, they actually only lost one quarter. So as we know it's a game a quarter, much like the NBA. And they lost the second quarter 24 to zero. They won the rest of the quarters cumulatively eight to zero. Sounds like the Commanders really beat the Eagles three times out of four to me.

The Ravens might be fraudulent

I just got baited. Yeah, you take the [over]. The Ravens defense sucks. Their defense, they're really bad. Like I'm, for the first time in my life, I'm considering using the word fraud. I think this Ravens team might be fraudulent. I think their defense is just that bad.

Kyler Murray will play poorly because of the Modern Warfare II beta release

I'm taking the Raiders in this one because this weekend we've got Modern Warfare II's beta coming out. So it's the first weekend where people can play the next Call of Duty dropping... Kyler is gonna have to spend a lot of time on the sticks this weekend... Kyler is gonna play with whatever version of a video game hangover that he plays with.

The Detroit Lions should be three-point underdogs to every team in the NFL regardless of the opponent

I did have the Commanders as my underdog... I think the line is five points off. I think it's Commanders by three. Every team—again, this is my model that I've had the boys in the back crunching some numbers on—the Detroit Lions... I think that they should be three-point underdogs to every team in the NFL, regardless of team.

The Commanders have a top three receiving core in the NFL

I think about the Commanders... I think they have a top three receiving core in the NFL. I think it's like, it's that fucking good.

Trayvon Walker will be a bust

I want to say Trayvon Walker, just because like I'm a traits over production guy and that's what the whole draft is... we haven't seen it on field... What are we doing here? ... I would say if I would pick one bust, it would be him.

Aaron Rodgers is faking his toe injury

Aaron Rodgers is faking his toe injury.

The Baltimore Ravens have a better chance of winning with Tyler Huntley than Lamar Jackson

I feel like the Ravens have a better chance of beating the Bengals with Huntley than they do with Lamar. And not because Lamar is a worse player overall. But I think that whatever offense they're running with Huntley rocks, it's clicking for some reason right now.

Lamar Jackson is a limited passer who stinks at throwing short passes

I will say it with my chest. When I criticize his throwing short passes, he does stink at throwing short passes.

Tim Boyle should not be in the NFL

What the fuck is Tim Boyle? Why is Tim Boyle in the NFL? ... He wasn't even good at UConn. He actually sucked at UConn. And then he transferred to Eastern Kentucky and had a breakout season his senior year where he threw for 11 touchdowns and 13 interceptions. After sucking at UConn, he sucked at Eastern Kentucky, and now we've just agreed that he's going to be an NFL quarterback?

I'm betting on Lamar Jackson because he plays better with diarrhea

Another important thing to note is that Lamar Jackson has been out two days this week with diarrhea. Again, he's the most diarrhea quarterback in the NFL and he always plays great. He plays lighter when he's at diarrhea. So this is a big time intestinal bug issue for the Ravens and for Lamar Jackson. So I'm going to bet on Lamar Jackson.

The NFL has figured out Geno Smith

I think the league might have figured out Geno Smith, Big Cat. On that last drive [last week]... I think the blueprint's out there for how to shut him down. The Steelers defense is going to show up.

The Cowboys are currently #2 in the NFL if we used BCS rankings

If we did BCS rankings for the teams right now, I think the Super Bowl would maybe be the Cardinals versus the Cowboys because the Cowboys have the best loss. I think the Cowboys might be number two in the BCS.

The Raiders are the most fraudulent 2-0 team in the NFL.

The Raiders are the most fraudulent 2-0 team... I don't know if they're that good. I think they're okay. They're not that good.

Creighton will upset #1 overall seed Gonzaga in the Sweet 16

I think they're [Gonzaga] getting upset. Yep. Against Creighton? Yep. With the P-word [Greg McDermott's plantation comment]? Yep.

Matt Patricia is the 'dumbest rocket scientist' in the world

I think that Matt Patricia is, without a doubt, the dumbest rocket science on the face of the earth right now.

Ryan Tannehill is a great quarterback, but he still actually stinks

Ryan Tannehill still stinks. I don't have anything beyond my eyes that told me that he still deserves not to be honest my guts right. It's my guts that are telling me that he still stinks. I just I still don't trust him. I've never trusted Ryan Tannehill... he is just been delaying the stinking.

Daniel Jones is JaMarcus Russell 2.0 because of his turnover rate

Daniel Jones and JaMarcus Russell had the same player in terms of turnovers... I will bring you know what I want. I will bring that exact same energy starting this weekend Daniel Jones. I'm going to run with that but is he is JaMarcus Russell 2.0.

The Seahawks defense is soft

I'm going to say that I think that the the Seahawks defense I'm going to use the S word. I think they're soft. I'll link their sauce sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, you know, what's terrible, you know, I'm doing right now. I'm giving side I to I'm throwing shade. Yeah all the s words for Seattle's defense know they're really I think that the Niners come out and just absolutely take their soul from them.

Bill O'Brien general manager should fire Bill O'Brien head coach

Bill O'Brien general manager of the Texans is firing Bill O'Brien head coach of the Texan. I would love to see it... It's the opposite of Bill Parcells when he was in Dallas and said if you're going to ask me cook dinner, then at least let me shop for the groceries.

The Buccaneers and Patriots Week 1 results will be a referendum on Tom Brady's legacy

What has to happen is we need the Buccaneers to win and the Patriots to lose or the Patriots to win the Buccaneers to lose so we can really hammer into that story. Storylines cannot be taken back. This weekend is a referendum on the life-altering change of course that Tom Brady made.

Viagra is an effective pre-workout supplement for getting a pump

And sildenafil is for a pump. It just gets your veins... sildenafil is the active ingredient Viagra, but it's sick for pump.

Aliens come from the center of the Earth, not outer space

Honestly, there's aliens of courting the government but I don't think the aliens come from outer space. I actually think that they come from within the center of the Earth... they are beings at the center of the earth that are coming to the surface.

Wearing a 'PMT Karate Black Belt' shirt is the ultimate life hack to avoid fights

I have an idea it dawned on me... we are going to start PMT karate and sell the shirt... you according to us. We are the heads of PMT. Karate you listening right now. You have a black belt. Yeah, so you are not stealing Valor... No one will fight you. That's the whole point of wearing the shirt.

I might get an NFL call-up as a 'camp leg' based on my XFL kicking film

I'm also thinking that there's an outside chance that with what I've put on film already and what I will continue to put on film, maybe I get a call for a training camp for an NFL team. Maybe I'm a camp leg... They need camp legs. I'm not worse than Vinatieri. I'm a better kicker than the greatest kicker of all time.

Alex Ovechkin is officially better than Wayne Gretzky now that he has 700 goals

Ovi just scored his 700th goal. ... I'm predicting. I'm going to be at the Caps game on Saturday night. I'm going to see him score two more goals. ... And then it's going to happen. Now he's officially better than Wayne Gretzky.

The Packers are frauds and their defense is a fraud

I convinced myself the Packers are frauds every single week until they win the Super Bowl and then I cry in a puddle... I think their defense is a fraud.

The Jets +3 against the Raiders is the start of a run to the playoffs

My Underdog is the Jets... Jets plus 3 the run the table. Yeah, they're good. We're in the middle the early stages the table runner. Yes, but I think that they could handle the business at home.

Jay Gruden played Dwayne Haskins early just to prove to the front office that he wasn't ready

I actually think it was [Jay Gruden] saying fuck you to Dan Snyder and Bruce Allen who want him to play Dwayne Haskins. He put Dwayne Haskins in knowing he was going to fuck up just to be like, see, I told you he wasn't ready.

The Ravens are severely overrated

I do think the Ravens are severely overrated. ... They've done a major comeback to earth for the last couple weeks.

I'm worried that Tom Brady missing OTAs is the beginning of the end for the Patriots

I want to use this occasion to point out maybe a more serious issue, and that's that Tom Brady isn't at OTAs either. So is this the beginning of the end for the Patriots?

The Panthers should cut Cam Newton if they lose to the Browns

Panthers, by the way... if you lose this, maybe cut Cam Newton. Cut him. Straight up cut him.

NFL punts into the end zone should be worth two points if the punter weighs over 300 pounds

If you should have a guy who's over 300 pounds punting the ball and if they can punt it into the end zone, it's worth two points no matter where you are on the field.

Adam Thielen is better than Calvin Johnson because he broke the consecutive 100-yard games record

Adam Thielen's better than Calvin Johnson. True. Fact. His [Calvin's] best record just got broken by Adam Thielen, bro.

The Houston Texans are a legitimate Super Bowl contender

I've talked myself into the Texans are a legitimate Super Bowl contender.

Ben Roethlisberger is 'officially fully broken'

I don't know if we could say Ben [Roethlisberger] at home is a good quarterback right now. He's just, he's broken. He's broken. He is finally officially fully broken. It happened. Ben is broken.

The Lions have already quit on Matt Patricia

The Lions already quit on Matt Patricia. I think he's already lost the locker room. I'm going to go all the way there... They already hate Matt Patricia. They already hate that stupid backwards hat and the trash bag he wears.

I am not a Patrick Mahomes guy

I want to be on the record that I am not a Mahomes guy. Okay. Put me on the record. Put me in the history books.

The US will win the 2018 World Cup

I'm going with the U.S... They could still come back. You never count the U.S. out until they're totally out.

The Warriors will beat the Cavs in the Finals in only three games

I'm going Cavs-Warriors again, and the Warriors win in three games.

The Chargers will be the best team to not make the playoffs this season

I'm taking the Chargers, minus four, the best team to not make the playoffs. ... I stand by that. They have an unbelievable pass rush. Phil Rivers, they almost win every single game. They're going to be the best team that doesn't make the playoffs.

Instant replay should be abolished in sports

I think we should actually get rid of instant replay. All together, just give it all the power back to the refs and the umps... I feel like I watch instant replays more than I watch sports now.

Cam Newton stinks again

Cam Newton stinks again. Well, that's not entirely true. Okay. He kind of stinks. He likes to go up and down. I feel like when Cam, when everyone's like, ooh, Cam's putting it all together. He's like, hey, guys, watch this. Hey, hold my avocado. Watch this. Because he's a millennial. He's going to fucking just throw three interceptions and look like trash.

Bob Huggins will have a heart attack in the finals because of the desert heat

Bob Huggins is going to have a heart attack during the game or at the end of the game. Leave it all out on the court, and they're going to win... And it's in the desert, too. Way too hot for Huggie Bear.

The Patriots are idiots for betting on themselves against the Browns

I knew that everybody in America was going to be taking the Patriots, so that's why I went with the Browns. I wanted to take the Patriots, so I'll give you that. It's not because you're a Pats fan. It's because you're an idiot that you're betting on the Patriots.