Takes

Paul Skenes is broken after the World Baseball Classic

Paul Skenes is broken... World Baseball Classic hot seat broke him.

Mark DeRosa intentionally threw the game to Team Italy because of his Italian heritage

A lot of people were talking about, the last name [DeRosa] is Italian. Very Italian. And he seemed to throw this game to Italy. I'm just saying connect the dots. Paesan.

Shohei Ohtani was just playing against electricians in the World Baseball Classic

If you're talking about Shohei, you can literally say he was just playing against electricians. He got shut out by an electrician.

I had no intention of hurting Ruben Tejada during the 2015 NLDS slide

There was zero intention to fuck anybody up on that play... Obviously the outcome was different than other slides that I've had. I didn't anticipate actually hitting him nearly as hard as I did... I had no intention of hurting him whatsoever.

Every baseball game should be decided by a swing-off

I like the swing off. The end of game is great. I want everything decided by swing offs now. Regular season baseball games swing off... child custody hearings swing off.

Aaron Judge should be ineligible for MVP because being 6'7" is technically cheating

Aaron Judge should not be eligible for MVP. I agree. He's a beast. It's actually cheating how tall he is. He should not be eligible for MVP. He's different though. And just so we're clear, if Aaron Judge ever comes on this show, we will tell him he's the MVP.

I am officially the best bunter in Major League Baseball history because I am one-for-one

I do say this though. I do say I'm the best bunter in major league history... I had one bunt attempt got it down. So. Anytime big situations, I always say I'm the best bunter in major league history. You ready to, can't take that away from me. I'm one-for-one.

The Detroit Tigers will win the American League

I'll say this right now. I think the Detroit Tigers are gonna win The AL. I don't know if they can win the World Series. There's some good teams in the NL... in the last month, it's like [Javi Baez] recaptured something and, and, and come back to the world as, as what the electrifying Javi Baez was.

Beards are causing baseball injuries because the face is connected to the elbow

My who's back is baseball injuries 'cause Garrett Cole's out for the year... Bad Tommy John. They should never change the rules about shaving your face. Like this, this would not have happened if he was clean shaven. That's true. That's your, your face. Your face is connected to your shoulder, to your elbow.

Grand slams are rally killers because they clear the bases

Grand slams are rally killers. You shouldn't hit 'em because then you get everybody off the bases then it's hard to keep scoring runs.

The MLB should allow players suspended for steroids back early if they win the Home Run Derby

Our idea that we had last year was one of the best, which is if you test positive for steroids, you can get out of your suspension by winning the Home Run Derby.

The world would be better if George W. Bush had become Commissioner of Major League Baseball.

If George W. Bush had become commissioner of Major League baseball, the world would be so much better. Baseball would be so much better. Say what you want about the man, the fucking All-Star game's not ending in a tie with George W. Bush.

I wish I had used steroids during my MLB career

I look back now, I go, fuck, I wish I would've done 'em. Yeah. To be honest with you. I wish I would've because I, I don't think I would've, I I think I would've gained velocity. You know, I, I, I think in that aspect, so with my ability to throw strikes, I think it would've made me a lot better.

Major League Baseball should get rid of all stats from the pre-integration era

I actually think you should just get rid of all old stats pre-integration because that was ma the major league stats are also tainted. You kept out because you kept out some of the best players. You've deliberately kept them out. You shouldn't be able to count those as those the like the number one stats.

I will pay for John Fisher's hair restoration if he appears on the podcast

John Fisher because you're a bald fuck. Big Cat will pay for your hair restoration for one appearance on Pardon My Take. Because he is bald. Take it. You bald bitch.

The New York Yankees have already won the World Series after their opening sweep of Houston

I'd just like to be the first to congratulate the New York Yankees on winning the World Series. Yeah. Four game sweep in Houston. Congrats. Juan Soto has been incredible. The Yankees have won it all.

Shohei Ohtani took the coward's way out by staying with the Angels

After the pressure of the trade deadline gets lifted, he decided to stay with the Angels. A team that has no expectations on it. That's interesting. He took the coward's way out. Is he afraid of the bright lights? If I was Shohei Ohtani, I would be demanding a trade to the New York Yankees or the Los Angeles Dodgers.

The Phillies will no-hit the Astros in Game 5 of the World Series

I'm gonna say Phillies five Astros zero. They get no hit. Yeah, I just, I reversed it. I reversed the no-hitter on their ass.

The Astros should start cheating again to beat the Yankees in the ALCS

If I'm the Astros, I start cheating again. Like I want, I want them to just beat the fuck outta the Yankees and then to have the Yankees just looking around like what the, what the hell just happened to us? I want spin rates to be off the chart this series.

Albert Pujols' late-career home run surge is suspicious and 'not normal'

Albert Pujols, 42 years old. July 4th he was hitting .189. And since then he leads the league in batting average and has like 11 homers. That's totally normal... Why does Sam Querrey not do fucking drugs before he retires? He should have done some fucking Winstrol.

MLB should cover up steroid use for players who are great for the game

David Ortiz was like, they, they just shouldn't suspend him because he's so good at baseball. And he is a face of the game... That's actually that's that makes more sense than what his own dad is doing. David Ortiz is right. It's like, if you're awesome at baseball, they should just cover it up.

O'Neil Cruz has a chance to be the best baseball player of all time

Someone told me that I trust who has good baseball knowledge said that there's a 5.5% chance he could end up being the best baseball player of all time... think about it, you're like, oh fuck, I gotta pay attention. He's six foot seven... is it true that he runs like Tyreek Hill? He's so fast. And then he threw from shortstop to first base... 97 [mph].

I bet $40,000 on the Orioles to win the AL

I made a bet on the Orioles to win the AL at 400 to one... I just got caught up in the buzz and I was like, fuck, I think I want a ride. I want, I want to ride with these guys.

Reds fans should defecate in the Toyota Tundra at the stadium to protest the owner

A Reds fan posted yesterday saying... 'I will be scaling the wall to defecate in the bed of the Toyota Tundra.' I just liked that Reds fans are fighting back. This is how you fight... maybe it will make people go shit in their trucks.

The 2022 World Series will be the Phillies vs. the Padres

Can you imagine if it's the Phillies and the Padres in the World Series? How right I would be. Yeah, that would be sick. If the AL just imploded. That would be the all-time prediction.

Babe Ruth would not even be a Double-A player in today's game

I saw a video, someone found a video of like 19-whatever the fuck he was born, he had a shitty swing. He looked slow and fat. If he was in today's day and age, he wouldn't even fucking be in AA. Who the fuck out of him put down field stands that I'm taking away his pinstripes. I'd probably strike him out.

The Houston Astros weren't just banging on garbage cans—they were using NASA technology

If the Astros got this technology from NASA that was going to steal these signs and relay them to the dugout on internet wifi... believe me guys, they wouldn't be banging on a garbage drum and give the hitter signal. It had to be very high-tech guys.

More than 80% of Major League pitchers doctor the baseball in some way

What percentage of non-athletics pitchers in general do you think are doctoring the ball in some way, shape, or form? I would say probably somewhere in the north of 80%... In terms of guys that just like that would use pine tar or something of that nature.

The Chicago Cubs prospect Jesus Camargo was likely a front for a drug cartel

Jesus Camargo was arrested after police found 21 pounds of meth in his team equipment bag... Is this something that's an organizational thing where he was assigned to do that? I wouldn't put it past Ricketts to make money any which way. It would not shock me. It'd actually be good for baseball if the Chicago Cubs were just straight up like the Juarez cartel.

I ran a 4.29 40-yard dash back in my prime

I ran a 4.29 40. That's 30 years ago.

Clayton Kershaw is the greatest postseason pitcher of all time

Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since the wild card came around. So yeah, he's he might be the best postseason pitcher out there of all time.

Jose Altuve should have claimed he had steroid-induced back acne instead of an 'unfinished tattoo' to explain his jersey-ripping controversy.

No, it wasn't a tattoo. I was just embarrassed because I had a ton of bacne from all the steroids I was taking. Reframe the conversation. Type of cheating... I was cheating by ingesting substances the cheating that's allowed.

The rumor that Jose Altuve wore a vibrating buzzer to steal signs is likely true

I've heard that rumor and I have no first-hand knowledge of it. I'll say that but I've heard that rumor from three independent people that don't know each other around baseball and generally speaking when you hear it from multiple sources that aren't in the same facility... it's true.

Clayton Kershaw should embrace Satan to fix his playoff struggles

There's only one more thing for [Clayton Kershaw] to do to try to turn this around and that's go completely satanic. Flip the script. Embrace Satan. Become goth Clayton Kershaw. Cornrows... mascara... black lipstick. Just like flip the script on God entirely. See if Satan will give you a hand.

MLB should have its pros pitch to kids during the Little League World Series game

I wish they played on an actual Little League dimension field... Kids pitching, Paxton Lynch just went deep... Major League Baseball players hit it. Yes. And just have it be.

Christian Yelich is not a true home run hitter because he's too skinny

Yellich sucks. He's not good enough to win a home run derby. I still, even a year later, even though he's, like, got 31 home runs or whatever. He doesn't have a home run swing. No, he does not. He's too skinny.

The 'ass-eating' bet with Christian Yelich is a lifetime commitment

I think it only should count for the one time. Like, you can't do the home run derby every year. I think it should be a home run derby. The next one you do, when you have to enter it and play in it, and that will be the bet.

I will eat PFT Commenter's ass if Christian Yelich wins the Home Run Derby

We're screwed because Christian Yelich is in the Home Run Derby. We said we'd eat each other's asses if he wins the Home Run Derby.

Baseball players should start smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey in the dugout to prevent modern muscle injuries

Yeah, I think that baseball players should start smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey in the dugout again because you never heard of guys back in the 20s tearing their ACL. They just limped around like fools for the last 40 years of their life if they were lucky.

I will eat PFT Commenter's ass if Christian Yelich wins the Home Run Derby.

They were talking about the Home Run Derby and if Christian Yelich ever got in it and won, that [Big Cat] would eat PFT Commenter's ass. Yes. And so when I saw that tweet, it just reminded me... I'll fucking eat PFT's ass, whatever.

Baseball managers should be required to manage shirtless

If you're a manager, it should be mandatory that you're shirtless. Just the pants and the belt. We should do bodies of baseball, and it's just all the managers.

The Detroit Tigers will win the AL Central

The Tigers are in the Central, right? Oh, wow. Tigers... Is Vegas always right? [Vegas win total 68]

Bryce Harper probably demanded his $330M contract be paid entirely via Cash Card

I bet you that Bryce Harper has a cash card. I bet you he demanded his entire contract to be paid in the cash card. Do you know why? Because $330 million is cool. But you know what's really cool is having the cash card from the Cash App.

Bryce Harper is actually 30 years old and the Mormon church is hiding it

Here's a spicy take. I think that Mormons, they say that their players are younger than they really are, kind of like some of the Latin American countries that have gotten in trouble recently. I think Bryce Harper is actually 30 years old, and the Mormon church has kept it indoors.

PMT is 99% responsible for my second half performance

[What percentage of credit for my performance in the second half?] Like 99% probably.

Trevor Bauer is the dumbest player in baseball because he got lead poisoning from snorting fighting necklaces

What it basically amounts to is Trevor Bauer is the dumbest player in Major League Baseball, possibly sports. Trevor Bauer got spooked by a fake tweet in 2011 that Obama was going to take his fighting necklaces and confiscate them. So he snorted them and then got lead poisoning, and now he's the dumbest player in baseball.

I love to fight and I would have kicked Kurt Bevacqua's ass if he actually came out of the clubhouse

You're goddamn right I like to fight. ... Come on out, I want to talk to you. And be ready, because I'm going to kick your ass. And [Kurt Bevacqua] wouldn't come out. He would not come out because I'd have laid him out, boy.

If Christian Yelich ever wins a Home Run Derby, I will lick a crow's butthole.

If you win the Home Run Derby... I'm going to lick a crow's butthole. That's what I'll do. I'll one up the guy.

Mike Trout should get a mural of LeBron James' 'Welcome to LA' mural tattooed on his neck to improve his fame.

He should put, like, the LeBron James Welcome to L.A. mural on his neck. Yes, and then people will finally be like, oh, Anaheim is also in the L.A. market. And then he'll get swarmed by people trying to deface the mural on his neck. Yes. And so everybody will know what he looks like.

Baseball should remove the catcher position for the first two strikes with no one on base

My idea was to just remove the catcher and put the catcher in the infield or the outfield against a batter when there's nobody on base for the first two strikes. Yeah, the umpire gets hit a few times with some fastballs or whatever, but you don't need a catcher. Like who cares if the game's delayed a little bit?