Takes

LeBron James buying headphones for his teammates is a 'bad boss move'

LeBron bought everyone headphones before game two? Another really bad boss move. Basically buying everyone a gift so that when he trashes them and calls them assholes and tells the media that he can't do it all on himself, he's then going to come behind the press conference and be like, hey guys, but you remember those headphones I got you?

I hate the NBA because of the Prima Donnas and flopping

I just hate the NBA. ... Just, you know, it's just, I don't know. I feel like it's all one-on-one. It's just the timeouts, the fools that play. A lot of ball hogs. ... Prima Donnas. Flops everywhere. It's just slow.

I support capping three-pointers if it hurts Steph Curry and the Warriors

I hate the rule, and I hate these changing of rules, but if it means we can take away the one thing that Steph excels at over everyone else, I'm kind of in favor of that.

The Oklahoma City Thunder would have beaten the Cavaliers in the Finals if they had advanced

Oklahoma City is the big loser in all of this because I think they would have won the title if they had faced the Cavs.

DeAndre Jordan makes at least 60% of his free throws in practice

Honestly, he goes over and shoots on the side after we're done and everybody else is shooting. He probably shoots at least 60% in practice, maybe more.

Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook are the big losers of the Warriors' Game 1 win

Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook are the big losers of tonight. When it really comes down to it, when you basically had this Warriors team beat and now you're watching this game and you see that the Cavs don't have answers for the Warriors... they're chokers and big time losers again.

Riley Curry has to go

One thing I will say, I do agree with Big Cat, that Riley Curry, she's got to go. I'm done with Riley Curry.

Draymond Green's dirty play and antics are deliberately on purpose and I appreciate it

I, for one, appreciate a dirty player... game recognizes game. That dick kick was totally on purpose. All the antics are on purpose. And I have no problem with it. I think there should be more of that.

LeBron James will never surpass Michael Jordan because he has lost in the Finals

I think his – the fact that he lost titles, he's already not going to surpass Jordan, because he never lost. He never lost a title.

LeBron James is held back by a tiny percentage of people-pleasing that Jordan and Kobe didn't have

I think that he's a people pleaser. And I think that's the difference between him, when we talk about Jordan, him and Jordan, and him and Kobe... Kobe and Jordan, of course, he wasn't no people pleaser. He didn't give a fuck... I just think there's like a little tiny percentage of people pleasing that's in [LeBron] that has screwed him up.

Draymond Green is now a dirty player on the same level as Dwyane Wade

Draymond Green, he is very, very hateable now. He's now like a Dwyane Wade dirty guy where he just has all these accidents and the accidents always end up hurting someone else.

If Draymond Green was a white guy named Raymond Green, he would be more loved

What if Draymond Green was Raymond Green and he was a white guy? He might be more hated, but he also might get away with—he might also be more loved by a large collection of the audience there... if you're a white guy, you can get away with being dirty a little bit better because you just naturally look uncoordinated when you fall down... so people believe you when you're just like flopping down. So if Draymond were white, I actually think he would be more loved overall.

A team's enforcer should be an unskilled player off the bench, not a star like Draymond Green

I like my tough guys and my clowns and my bozos to be totally unskilled, and you just throw them in to rough people up. [Draymond Green] is too skilled for that. You need that guy, but it needs to be a guy off the bench who comes in and does that shit. Not a guy who's arguably your third most important player.

A 73-win season means nothing without a championship

Don't mean a thing without that ring. That's all I'm going to say... That is the 72-10 1996 Bulls. That was their little mantra. And the Warriors... The 73-win Warriors look like they're in a lot of trouble.

Russell Westbrook is currently the best player in the world

[Russell Westbrook] had 33, 36, 11, and 11. Unreal. He basically said, I'm the best player in the world and I'm going to take over this game. I'm going to take over the series.

I despise Cleveland Cavaliers fans

I love Browns fans. I fucking despise Cavs fans. They're the worst. I know they're the exact same people, but they're not.

The NBA Draft Lottery was rigged for Philadelphia

I actually am going to side with Philly on this one and say that it was rigged for Philly.

The 'Rock N Jock' era celebrities would beat current ESPN Celebrity All-Stars

The old rock and jock days of the 90s, the MTV rock and jock days, we would definitely, if you took the best players from then, we would definitely be able to compete with the ESPN celebrity all-star game guys for sure. No doubt. There's not a lot of ball movement with the ESPN guys. It's a very self-centric game.

Steph Curry is easy to love but I understand why people want to start hating him

[Steph Curry] is everything right in terms of... but he's not trying to be everything right. I think he's just a genuinely nice guy and a chill dude... but if you want that [hate] bandwagon I understand.

I only became a Kobe Bryant fan after he became an underdog during his legal scandal

I came back around to Kobe when he became the bad guy and he became the underdog... when the shit hit the fan with him, I wanted to see... [Post-sexual assault] I became a fan of Kobe. That's just like a weird thing with me.

Carl Malone's 'The Mailman' is one of the worst nicknames because it's redundant

I used to think it was mailman, like man, male, like guy, dude, the mailman, like finally a male for men... I just think it's a little bit redundant. That's all. Plus, like he delivers. Yeah, I get it. That's lame.

Raptors fans treating every sport like soccer is bizarre

Here's the thing about other countries besides the United States. They treat every sporting event like it's a soccer game. Like they get together in the big town square where you're not allowed to have open containers... there's a lot of scarf wearing going on out there. That's always been a very bizarre thing to me.

Steph Curry needs a tragedy in his family to become likable again because Americans don't like perfect people

I don't want someone in Seth Curry's family to die, but if someone did die in his family, he would immediately lift the air of like hateability... I'll admit when my take got a little too hot, got away from me... but if someone did die, he would immediately lift the air of like hateability.

LeBron James is the most valuable player in the NBA, regardless of who wins MVP

I would say LeBron should be the MVP this year, though. He is the most valuable player in the NBA. That's a fact. Well, I guess we got to get into a debate over what valuable means.

I'm officially done with Riley Curry

I'm hashtag done with Riley Curry. i've i've had it that's riley time riley curry okay yeah it was it was cool last year um it was a nice little like diversion from the normal post game press conference now i feel like i feel like she's reading her press clippings a little bit too much and she thinks that she's really cute and she might be really cute but she she knows that she's really cute now and last year she didn't know it she was just being cute so um i'm done with riley curry don't want to see her again

The NBA deserves bad officiating because they retired the great iconoclasts like Joey Crawford

Joey Crawford's retirement is one of the darkest moments in what has been a pretty lackluster season... Officiating in the NBA was better with two guys who knew what they were doing... now they get Scott Fosters. Now they get Tony Brothers. They deserve it. They deserve to have nothing but crappy officiating from now until the end of time.

Dwyane Wade dunking during the Canadian national anthem is the most American thing possible

He was actually dunking during it, which I think is the most American thing that you can do is just be dunking during another country's anthem. But like, isn't there a fine line between being like too courteous to another country and then committing treason? Because if you're really respecting the other anthem, that means that you don't love your own country.

Always be wary of an 'offensive genius' coach

The offensive mind, always be wary of the offensive mind. That's actually a good motto in life. Mark Trestman's another one. Always be wary of the offensive genius. I'd rather a defensive guy than an offensive guy any day of the week.

Chris Webber was definitely betting on the Thunder-Spurs game

Chris Webber, I'm pretty sure Chris Webber was betting on this game because I've never heard anyone so emotionally invested in a game... It was clear that Chris Webber had money on this game.

Carmelo Anthony is a bum

Carmelo? He's a bum. ... He's a bum on the Knicks. And he wears bum hats.

The NBA should fast forward to the conference finals

Let's just fast forward. They should eliminate half the teams in the NBA.

The NBA first round should return to five-game series

I honestly think they should go back to the five games in the first round. The five-game series just felt more like every game means so much. And if you can win one game, it's like, ooh, maybe they can actually pull this off.

NBA first-round draft picks are losing their value because of the rising salary cap

Cap space isn't near as valuable as it was, first round picks aren't nearly as valuable as maybe they used to be and I think there's definitely a lot of good things within [the process] but it's kind of sad to see the state that franchise has found itself in.

The NBA will lose its man card if they go to more than one ad on their jerseys

I'm going to take the NBA's man card once they start throwing these. If they go to more than one ad on their jerseys, man card time.

LeBron James' Zero Dark 30-23 playoff social media blackout is really stupid

LeBron is so dumb. It's Zero Dark 30-23... Not Zero Dark 23. It's Zero Dark Thirty. So it's the full movie name. Twenty three. And it really goes back to the biggest weakness LeBron has is no one in his circle has like any brain to say, hey, LeBron, this is really fucking stupid.

Kobe Bryant has given people more false confidence than Adolf Hitler

He's trapped a lot of really weak-minded people into believing that if you go around all the time and act like you're the shit... then you're going to be the best person in whatever field that you've chosen. So he's given a lot of false confidence to people, probably more false confidence to people than Adolf Hitler, I would say.

The 1996 Bulls would beat the 2016 Warriors because modern NBA rules don't allow defense

I got to take the bulls because when the bulls played, I don't know if you know this or not, but nowadays you're not allowed to play defense in the NBA. I've heard a lot of people say that recently and they've said it so much that I'm starting to agree with it.

Donald Trump's border wall would beat the 2016 Golden State Warriors because it is salary cap friendly.

The thing I like about Trump's wall is that it's very salary cap friendly since somebody else [Mexico] is paying for it. So Trump's wall would have enough room left over to sign [Kevin] Durant this offseason. ... you could get a lot of good role players and surround like a lot of glue guys in addition to Durant with Trump's wall and still be under the cap. So I'm going to go with Trump.

Jay Wright looks like a mafia guy who would break Rick Pitino's legs

Jay Wright in the first place, he looks like a mafia guy. Now, I don't have any proof, but he looks like the mafia guy that they send to break Rick Pitino's legs.

Kobe Bryant had the best left-handed shot in the NBA

Kobe's like, I'm the best left-handed, the best left-handed... Do you remember when he broke his finger? Okay, so he breaks his finger in the game, doesn't check out. His line that night was like 18 and something with just one hand. He literally played with one hand... He looks over and goes, Amo, like what? He goes, I told you I had the best fucking left hand in the league.

Kobe Bryant was a self-made player who maximized his game through meticulous practice

The thing with Kobe too, is he really does work on his game. I always tell people he's a self-made player and people always kind of leave that out. He's obviously athletic, but that guy used to work on pivoting, passing, just weird stuff. He put in the time and obviously reaped the benefits from it.

Double rims are the worst thing in basketball because you can't make a shot unless you swish it.

Is there anything worse than like meeting up with your friends playing pickup basketball and you get to a place and it's double rims? ... You can't make a shot unless you swish it. Like it's the worst feeling. It's such like a sink in the gut that you get when you see those damn double rims.

I am almost completely done with the 2016 Chicago Bulls

I thought there was no way in hell that the Chicago Bulls would lose two back-to-back games against the New York Knicks. Boy, was I wrong. So that one was a big-time Jimbo. Hurt me in the wallet. Hurt me in the heart. Hurt me in the soul. I am so close to being hashtag done with the Chicago Bulls.

LeBron should toy with the Cavs' emotions by following rival teams

He knows that he can do whatever he wants in Cleveland. So he should just keep toying with their emotions. He should go look at houses in Miami, rent a condo in Malibu. Unfollow the Cavs Twitter account. Follow the Knicks Instagram account. Just basically do all this shit to toy with their emotions.

Rooting for sloppy, terrible basketball is as fun as rooting for scoring

I get that you feel bad rooting against teams scoring points. But there's a beauty to rooting for teams to just play sloppy-ass ball and turn the ball over all the time and have really egregious fouls and backcourt violations and five-second violations. There's a lot of fun to be had in that, and I feel like you're missing out on it by adhering to this stringent rule that life's too short to bet the unders.

The 'other bracket' guy is the worst person during March Madness

I'm power ranking. Other bracket guy is number one is the worst... The guy who always he'll always chime in whenever there's a big upset. But he'll like have one bracket in his hand... 'I don't have that upset here. I just have it on my other bracket.' This like elusive other bracket that no one knows about.

Serge Ibaka being well-endowed is a known fact confirmed by rumors

[Serge Ibaka]... Everyone knows [he's] got a big dick. That's just a fact from a rumor.