Takes

The Simpsons characters are significantly better in 2D than 3D

I did watch the first half of The Simpsons broadcast last night, and I don't know why it took me so long to remember this. The Simpsons are a million times better in 2D. The Simpsons in 3D. Not that fun.

Stephen A. Smith has the greatest gift of gab in the history of television

He has the greatest gift of gab in the history of television in my view. You just knew right away he's going to let me say that to him. [Stephen A. Smith] is the perfect foil for me.

Bob Costas is horrible at broadcasting baseball and should stop

Bob Costas... He just sounded, he's broadcasting the Yankees-Royals series and he sounds horrible... He has all the money. He doesn't need to do it. I don't get why he chooses to do it.

Al Michaels is at his best when he is visibly annoyed by the quality of football

When Al Michaels is at his best now is when he's annoyed with the quality of football. And he was so annoyed. He gets into surly old man mode very early on in the first half. He was just like, well this is awful. This is terrible, Kirk, get me outta here.

I will not draft Travis Kelce for moral reasons related to his podcast

This is the number one sports podcast. Yes. That's it. There is no other sports podcasts. There will be no talk of that person [Travis Kelce] on this... No Travis Kelce on our team. I love that. Good, good. Take a stand.

The ESPN NBA halftime show is terrible compared to TNT's Inside the NBA

I don't wanna watch [Stephen A. Smith's] halftime show. It's awful. When they go from TNT to him, I'm like, this is the biggest turnaround [downgrade] I've ever seen. ... It's just not good TV to me.

Kevin Warren's chair selection scene on Hard Knocks was riveting television

The scene where [Kevin Warren] was talking about the different chairs... that was riveting television. They're designing suites for their stadium that doesn't exist. And Kevin Warren's making executive choices about whether or not you want a high top chair with a back... these are the decisions that a president has to make.

Connor Stallions would be a massive weapon as a scout for a gambling company

I honestly think that this guy could be a weapon in the gambling space. Have him do one pick a week, go out, scout whatever you want to scout. Unlimited budget. He's a one-man CIA.

John Oliver's monologues are only convincing to people who don't actually know anything about the topic he is discussing

John Oliver's monologues are probably the best in the business. They're unbelievably convincing until he does the one on the topic that you know. ... If he did an NBA one... I'd go 'you're fucked.' ... It's the accent and a great setup on HBO. I can't hang with that.

The leak that Stephen A. Smith might pursue acting is a transparent and unbelievable contract leverage move

There was an article recently about Stephen A.'s new contract and it was like, if they can't figure it out, he may go to politics, he may go late night, or he could get into acting. ... But acting? Because he was on General Hospital a couple episodes? Come on. ... Acting? Come on.

Skip Bayless genuinely believes his own contrarian opinions about LeBron James and Tim Tebow

The one person in the history of the world that thinks that LeBron sucks and Tim Tebow is great... he truly believes that. ... I appreciate how crazy he is. ... what an insane person to have on TV.

Skip Bayless would have found a way to criticize LeBron James's legacy regardless of the Olympic MVP outcome

Skip obviously went straight to Twitter and was like, Steph Curry won the MVP. Right? Yeah. He said LeBron did win the MVP and yeah, skip was like, this is an indictment on LeBron's legacy just perfect spin zone... if Steph had gotten the MVP, it would've been the same video being like LeBron didn't get the MVP and this was his team.

Noah Lyles is the Hater of the Year for his comments on the NBA

Noah Lyles... might have to do that as a Takey Hater of the Year. Because he was the one who before the Olympics said, you don't win a world championship if you win the NBA championship. That's not the world... He definitely got cut playing basketball. He's got some very deep seated anger for any ball sport.

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me because he was too dominant

Michael Phelps ruined swimming for me personally. Because he was so goddamn dominant that, and it happened so recently that I'm watching swimming and I'm like, well, Phelps would've beaten all these guys.

The New York media is unethical and prioritizes control

The media in general is scared of people that they can't control. Because they built this brand that can't be controlled. I would say the majority of them too are so unethical. The practices now is just a fucking joke.

Adam Schefter is one of the few media members you can actually trust with off-the-record information

Adam and I actually are close... he's one of the media members you can actually trust that if it's off the record, it's not going anywhere. Like he actually will keep it close to the vest.

The Sonos app is terrible and needs to be completely fixed

I got something to say about Sonos. Figure it out guys. Ooh, what's up with this app? Why do I need the app to, to play the, the music? I agree. And if you're gonna require me to have the app to play music, at least make the app good. You know? Yes. I gotta be able to go on my Spotify and just click a speaker. Yep. You can do it with everything else.

The JJ Redick hiring is huge for the podcast community because it proves podcasters can do anything.

JJ Redick, coach of the Lakers... my first thought was, it's huge for the podcast community. It is. Us podcasters can do anything.

We are competing against the 'juice ball era' of podcasting where every show uses gimmicks and stunts to get numbers.

PFT and I want it on the record that we've always done this podcast Natural. We've never, we've never dated Taylor Swift. Nope. We've never became the, the Lakers head coach. It's the juice ball era. It is. It's crazy. Everyone's got all these tricks and bits trying to get all their numbers up. We just show up and we run the ball every day.

Every athlete should get one pass per year to skip the media after a loss

I think that every athlete should get one a year where they can just say, I'm I'm not doing this and, and this you, you and if you, if you don't use it, you lose it. So you don't get carryover, but you get one a year where you can just be like, Nope, no moss, I can't do it. Because I would, if I were Rory and I had to sit there and have Bryson come up to me and be like, that was an incredible fight you put up, you know what? Oh, you played so great. I wish two of us could have won this. And then go sit and have some reporter say, Rory, talk me through what happened with that putt that you missed. I kill myself.

Rory McIlroy's tire spinning exit gave reporters a better story than a boring press conference would have

The media gets so mad after Claire. And then they have all their articles about how this person didn't give them anything to write about. Right. And he actually, Rory gave everybody so much more stuff to write about. Right. So much more stuff to talk about by not answering questions than he did if he had stuck around and just given like deadpan answers of credit to Bryce. And he played really, really well. Of course I'm disappointed. Very upset that I missed those puts, you know? Yeah. It's one of those things, golf's a hard game. That's what Rory would've said.

Success in broadcasting is a combination of luck and constant preparation

Luck a hundred percent. A lot of life is being right place, right time... But like certain people tend to be lucky because they're constantly prepared. They're constantly ready for that moment. And then all of a sudden that right moment does flip and it clicks... All you can do is be good.

An NFL broadcaster could call an NBA game more easily than vice versa

I think an NFL broadcaster could broadcast an NBA game with more understanding and clarity than vice versa. Because it's too—offenses are too complicated. Defense is too complicated. The NFL, you know, 'cause you got, 'cause remember like in football, every play is an individual story... I just think there's more need and space to fill in more like football lingo and talk that than there is maybe in a ever, you know, a constant flowing basketball game that you could kind of fake it a little bit more.

Secretariat's records are fraudulent and he likely used steroids

Secretariat had 663 children... Guess how many of his kids won a Triple Crown race? The answer is zero... every mile time has gradually gotten better over the years except horse racing... He also lost a bunch of races... they had an excuse ready after every single loss... he had horse herpes and they blamed his loss on that... The more you look into Secretariat, the more it stinks to high heaven.

Flightline is the GOAT horse over Secretariat

I think we should as a podcast, we should say Flightline is our goat. Flightline was a horse that won the Breeders Cup two years ago... He raced six times and he just killed everyone... Casual fans will say Secretariat... Flightline, he was an incredible horse.

Pat Bev's interaction with the reporter wasn't that bad; it's just something he's been doing all year to everyone.

I'll start with the, the reporter thing. I didn't think it was that bad. Reporters love defending reporters. Pat Bev's been doing this all year. Subscribe to the pod... People making it like a misogynistic thing is crazy. He's been doing it to guys too.

Will Compton is a better person than he was a football player

The perfect Will Compton is a better person than he was a football player. Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. It's easy. Yeah. That's easy.

The Masters app is the greatest piece of technology ever invented

My cool Throne is the Masters app... I redownload the Master's app. Have to, it's a tradition unlike any other. And when you log into the, the first time, it just feels, it's such a great way to come down from the NCAA tournament being over... the greatest piece of technology ever invented. Yep. And you open it up and you're like, everything's going to be okay. 'Cause the Masters app's here and it's comforting and it's perfect.

The SGA and Chet Holmgren AT&T commercial is horrific and a major mistake

The Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Chet Holmgren commercial is horrific. And those are two of the most fun young players in the NBA. and I don't know who told them to do that, but that was a big mistake. 'Cause I hate them now.

Joe Lunardi hates his job and should be replaced by Steve Kornacki

Joe Lunardi has to work three weeks a year and he said goodnight at 10:57 during conference championship week on Friday night when there was like six games left. What is up with this guy?... What he needs to realize is that with one snap of the fingers that freak Steve Kornacki could step into his job and do it better.

Doing podcasts over Zoom is whack and doesn't work; you need to be in the same room together.

You have to physically make everyone agree on being in the same place because the Zoom shit whack. It's whack. It doesn't work. You need to be together. So as long as me and [Bobby Lee] are gonna be doing our show, we'll be in LA.

I don't need an agreement to disagree — why can't we just disagree?

I've never understood what that means. Why can't we just disagree? I don't need an agreement to disagree.

I knew what 'disingenuous' meant in high school

No, I think what it meant is not only did you not know what disingenuous means, I did. But you did. You had to look it up. No, and that's not, didn't I actually knew what that meant when I was in high school.

Sports fans are more knowledgeable today than at any other time in sports history

In 2024 I would make the argument that fans are more knowledgeable than they've ever been in any part of like sports history. There is countless things that you can watch if you want to learn more about the game that you love... everything is at your fingertips when it comes to becoming a more knowledgeable fan.

JJ Redick is playing a character on 'First Take' to lean into his Duke heel persona

I do think he is doing a little bit of a bit when he goes on first take, it's the heel in him. If you watch it under the idea that JJ is being like the Duke smart ass, I know more Ball than you, it's great TV.

Media coverage favors coaches over players because coaches have longer careers

Players need to know that there's a reason that the mainstream media has the coaches' backs. And it's because no matter how long you play, that coach is gonna coach longer... That relationship with that coach is more important than that relationship with the player. So when you see narratives like Russell Wilson, and you see like, okay, there's like one or two guys that are talking [badly] about the coach... it's because they know that coach is still gonna be coaching.

Tony Romo doesn't add any substance to broadcasts anymore

Tony Romo, he just doesn't. And we were the first to this take... He doesn't add any substance anymore. And it's like, and he makes weird noises. He was singing into commercial. He just says obvious things and he misses obvious things too.

Tom Brady should not over-prepare and should just be himself in the broadcasting booth

If I am telling Tom Brady anything... I would just say be yourself. I, I don't get into this trying to sound like what you've heard over the years... You know the game. Don't over prepare and see what you see and react with your gut on what you see. I, I think so many times people like that's, they, they overdo it to the point where they're just paralyzed by so much information.

The NFL Super Bowl should be called by the season's best announcers

I think that the Super Bowl should be announced by the best announcers that year... It should be Greg Olsen and Jim Nantz.

The word 'analytics' is used as a placeholder for any number that sports fans dislike

I have a take. And that's, people just use the word, they substitute the word analytics in whenever there's a number that they don't like and they're like, this is analytics.

I hate watching playoff football on an app like Peacock

I hate the experience of watching a game on an app as opposed to watching on TV, where you can easily and elegantly and seamlessly flip back and forth and show off your skills going back to the game right as it's about to snap again... it's a playoff game and it stinks.

AI will never be able to replace podcasting because it isn't capable of being consistently wrong or stupid enough to replicate human banter

I feel very secure in my job. I don't think that we would ever be able to be taken over by AI. How would they get things wrong all the time? Like don't, don't computers get things right? Can you imagine an AI having a debate about whether or not [something is] a bad take?

Al Michaels hears the social media criticism and thinks it is bullshit

Al hears it. He disagrees with it... Social media is using those two examples [Jacksonville playoff game and Denver game] to just say Al Michaels hates Thursday night, Al Michaels has lost it... He hears the noise, I don't think he's like 'I'll show them'. He has more of an f-you attitude about it. He thinks it's a bunch of bullshit.

Ryan Russillo would be great in prison as long as he has League Pass and weights

I actually think that [Ryan] Russillo would be great in prison. He would love... think about it because he doesn't really go outside that much. As long as prison had League Pass and weights... so you just work out, eat, and then watch basketball all day.

Kirk Herbstreit's dog being certified as an emotional support animal is a 'fake' designation just to help him fly

I saw a tweet from Herbie [Kirk Herbstreit] yesterday... he said that his dog just got certified as an emotional support animal. That feels like a fake emotional support animal to me. It feels like he just wanted his dog to fly.

Al Michaels is the perfect broadcaster for Thursday Night Football because the games are usually bad

Maybe Al Michaels is the perfect guy for Thursday night football. Yeah. Because like, you don't want to peak too early. No. You want to kind of ease your way into the weekend.

Announcers need to stop saying 'asterisk' on wins

I don't know why it's become a thing that announcers are now saying asterisk. They did it for the Lions game too. Tarico did the asterisk for No Kelsey, Chris Jones. And then last night they're like, well, asterisk there was tripping on the part return. Who the fuck cares. The Wind's a win.

Jason Garrett is a total buzzkill on the broadcast

There's no better way to kill your football buzz than having Jason Garrett call the game... I know it was week zero. I know there's only like seven games. They all, they all mean something to me. And then Jason Garrett was on there and I immediately fell in a nap in the second quarter.

Shannon Sharpe joining ESPN is a move to get back at Skip Bayless

Shannon Sharpe is going with Stephen A. Smith to ESPN. This just proves what we all knew that he hated Skip Bayless. This is a move that's not just for Shannon Sharpe, it's to get back at Skip. It's like getting with your buddy's ex-girlfriend.

The 2017 Barstool Van Talk cancellation was caused by a bad omen involving a dead squirrel

He said that when we were there, a hawk came and picked up a squirrel and after we left the hawk dropped the dead squirrel on the bench we were sitting on. And his wife said, whatever those guys were talking about, it's not gonna work out. ... That's a bad omen. Really bad.