Takes

The World Cup draw will be rigged for the United States

If anyone could pull it off, Trump doesn't care about soccer. Oh he does. He he's, he took the ball from FIFA. He's been bragging to everybody about how he got the World Cup. Make that happen buddy. Iceland is the smallest country to qualify for the World cup.

Ben Simmons' career is over now that his agent has dropped him

My Hot Seat is Ben Simmons... He got dropped by his agent... if you're getting dropped, you're, you're, you must be bad, bad. You just not care. Yeah. At all. He just literally doesn't care even enough to like take a contract, bad sign. So he's just not, he's he's not represented currently.

Luka Doncic's weight loss makes him the epitome of male fitness.

Luca is skinny. He looks great. He looks awesome. Credit to Nico [Harrison]... He is on the cover of Men's Fitness right now. So he went from being traded because he was too fat to play sports to being the epitome of male fitness. Good for him.

Mike Vrabel will immediately set a no-nonsense tone as a consultant for the Patriots

Vrabel is back and it's no longer the Jerod Mayo. Did you guys see this clip of Mike Vrabel... He's a boss. He's just gonna be a boss. That's a tone set. That's a man that has teenage sons at home.

The rumored Conor McGregor vs. Logan Paul boxing match will be a 'shitty money grab' that sucks

Conor McGregor tweeted that the rumors of about with Rio are false. I'm in preliminary agreements... to face Logan Paul in a boxing exhibition in India... It's probably gonna suck. I'm sick of it. This might be, so they fight someone who's actually like at the top of their game.

The winner of the US Open will shoot between minus five and minus one

No, I would like minus five to minus one. [to win]

Dudefest 2024 is going to happen and it will be a major success

We are in the works of, and it's gonna be a Barstool Sports joint. PMT will be big behind it. Jersey Jerry started it. Dudefest. We're doing it. Dudefest 1.0 is not gonna—think about like Elio's Ice Icon. It's kinda like that. It's gonna rock.

Bronny James will likely be drafted in the 30s or 40s range

I think he's still gonna go in that thirties, forties range. So I think that's still a good bet.

Mike Vrabel is too physically intimidating to get a head coaching job

She [Diana Russini] said that she had a GM at the Senior Bowl who mentioned to me Vrabel's physical build, that he's a very large human being and can be very intimidating to people in an organization... If you're a football owner, large human beings, you don't wanna be around them. You want a nerd. You want a tiny little nerd.

The Miami Heat season is at a crossroads after a seven-game losing streak

I have to be accountable here and say the Heat have lost seven games in a row. They've lost every game since they extended Erik Spoelstra. And this is really a crossroads for your season. This is where the documentary starts or this is where everything lights up and is a disaster.

No long-haired quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl

No long-haired quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl. People forget that.

Craig Counsell to the Cubs is a sign the team is ready to spend and compete for World Series titles again

I also think this is the sign that the Cubs are ready to start spending and start competing for World Series again. Because you're not Craig Counsell... you don't go to the Cubs, your rival... unless you have a deal in place from Jed and Tom Ricketts being like, 'Hey, we're going for this.'

Dabo Swinney's refusal to adapt to NIL and the transfer portal is his downfall

He's so resistant to change when college football has so drastically changed in the last five years. It's kind of great to be like, dude, all you had to do was embrace it and realize that everything is changing around you. You gotta change. Like Nick Saban has always changed.

The reason Hank is grumpy is because the current weed supply has been nerfed by a virus

I actually know why Hank's grumpy... weed's on my Hot Seat. There's something called a hop latent viroid going around and it basically nerfs potent weed... the nerfing of the weed is going around right now... [it's] affecting like 90% of marijuana plants in the country.

The 'horns down' gesture is officially back and allowed in the SEC

You can use horns down because according to John McDade, the SEC's coordinator of officials on penalizing for horns down signal in '24... he said that you can use horns down against Texas.

Malik Murphy is the real sleeper in the Texas QB battle and has the best arm on the team

In reality in the UT quarterback competition, there was a big dark horse sleeper that no one saw coming in Malik Murphy... I think has the best arm out of any of the quarterbacks on the team. Quinn Ewers did have an amazing day... but this Malik Murphy guy just was throwing bombs out there.

The Philadelphia 76ers are currently in a complete free fall

My hot seat is the Philadelphia 76ERs. They're in a complete, complete free fall. Lost four outta the last five they played. Yoic. Everyone's talking about Embiid versus Yoic for mvp. MBI wasn't even man enough to play. James Harden also didn't play kind of a bullshit excuse like calf soreness.

Lamar Jackson won't sign a new contract until after the NFL Draft

I think Lamar's gonna, I think it's gonna go, I think Lamar we're not gonna get anything until after the draft. He's gonna just keep going... then whoever misses out on a quarterback in the draft, will then be like, okay, now we will sign this offer sheet because also then you get to use your draft pick this year.

The 49ers are in a good spot with 'Big Cock' Brock Purdy taking over

The best thing that could happen to a team is their backup coming in and having a huge cock and getting a nickname and then going to win a Super Bowl... I feel like the Niners are now in a good spot... I think the Niners are probably gonna win the Super Bowl just on that.

Chat GPT is going to replace everything

There's this new program called Chat GPT. ... this thing can basically write blogs. ... this thing's gonna replace everything. ... I'm definitely gonna be using this because, yeah, it's just insane.

Trent Williams is tipping 49ers plays based on his pre-snap stance

Trent Williams, a tackle on the 49ers apparently might be tipping Pass or run plays by his stances. Some of the difficulties in the running game with Deebo Samuel specifically might be because of Trent Williams tipping off plays with his stance. Shout out that Twitter user, he went through the all 22 and found this tell.

I am getting hair plugs to combat my balding

I'm gonna go one way or the other. I don't wanna stay where I'm at right now. I'm in no man's land... All right. I'm gonna get hair plugs.

The mob deserves a better reputation because they built Las Vegas

The mob, shout out the mob. Mob gets a bad rep. They built Las Vegas for us. That's a fact. Say what you will about the mob. They built Las Vegas. Okay.

Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play in 2022 until the civil suits are resolved

I'm about ready to say, like I've seen enough and that I feel like Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play this year until, until they figure out what's going to happen with the civil suits, because this is now 24 women. And with like strikingly similar details about what's happening.

The 2022 College Football Playoff field will be Alabama, Ohio State, Georgia, and Clemson

I was talking to people the other day and they were like, what, who do you think is going to be like the top four going into the pre-season next year? I was just off the top of my head, Ohio State, Alabama, Clemson... Georgia, Georgia, they've gotten a lot of transfers and they've gotten some talent.

John Sterling has become a parody of himself and needs to retire from the Yankees booth

My hot seat is John Sterling. I think this is a bit at this point... [Sterling] is blind. For the third time, it wasn't even close. He needs to quickly make the decision so he can say that he's retiring and everyone can just praise him so that he doesn't have to deal with what's going to probably happen a few more times.

High taxes in Minnesota and Canada prevent their NHL teams from landing top free agents

My cool throne is Minnesota and Canada. The reason why they can't land good free agents to make their hockey teams good is because of taxes.

Coach Cal is truly on the hot seat at Kentucky if people believe fake firing rumors

It makes me think like if a joke like that can be believed that much he's truly on the hot seat. This, this it is.

The Winter Olympics ratings decline is due to a lack of NHL pros in hockey

The average total audience was 11.4 million viewers for the 2022. And that's a sharp decline... I'm convinced it's the hockey like it's, it's it's hockey, not having the pros and not having it as like a tentpole.

Hank the Tank the bear cannot be relocated and will die if forced into the wilderness

Hank the tank is a 500 pound black bear... He doesn't know how to hunt because he's so dependent on humans. He cannot be relocated to the wilderness or he would die of starvation because he's completely has zero motivation... Plus he's fat as fuck.

Robots can now reproduce

Cool throne is robots. They lost their virginity. Not much more that we need to explain there. Robots can reproduce now. They just released it. There was a scientific research experiment. There was a scientific green robots that created. It's a thing.

The Chicago Bulls are officially back

My cool throne is the Bulls because Bulls are back. They're the last undefeated team in the East. They are good.

Ben Simmons will face an all-time 'boo-fest' upon his return to Philadelphia

Ben Simmons has arrived in Philadelphia, took a COVID-19 test as required by NBA protocol... I love going to a good boo-fest. Going to the Sixers' first game, I might have to figure out, talk to Tick Pick and get out there. So perfect that it's Philly... Philly's going to roast him.

The Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not the other way around

I'm gonna, I'm going to switch the narrative on Trevor Lawrence. I think that it's the Jack, the Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not Trevor Lawrence failing the Jaguars because they don't put a team around him. Like I, I think he's going to be great if they can put a little bit of a team around it.

You must heat all Italian deli meats to 165 degrees to avoid the risk of salmonella

CDC just sent out... that you have to heat up all your Italian meats to 165 degrees [for] salmonella. No more like a cold Italian sub right now. Everywhere.

I will do everything I can to help Max Homa game the new PGA bonus system for extra money

We are absolutely going to do everything that we can to get Max Homa this extra money. Because Brooks [Koepka] will do it on his own... Max might need some help from us. [The PGA] can't get in trouble for defrauding the PGA Tour.

Vacations are back now that Israel is fully vaccinated

Cool throne would be vacations. There's going to be fully vaccinated out in Israel. Vacations are back.

Cam Newton will reach out to the kid who trash-talked him and take him under his wing.

Cam's absolutely going to meet up with this kid. I think Cam is going to absolutely reach out to this kid, take him under his wing.

I will out-muscle Jose Canseco in our boxing match

I knew I was going to out-muscle [Jose Canseco], if anything. So I've just been training speed, punch, output, that sort of stuff, footwork... I am going to kill this guy legitimately.

The Cleveland Browns will get 'clapped' by the Kansas City Chiefs in the Divisional Round

The Browns are going to get clapped against the Chiefs.

Clayton Kershaw is the greatest postseason pitcher of all time

Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since the wild card came around. So yeah, he's he might be the best postseason pitcher out there of all time.

There is an active war going on in the ocean where orca whales are specifically ripping out sharks' testicles

Whales are ripping out the testicles off the coast South Africa... there's some sort of war going on in the ocean. They're practicing Eugenics. They're not there disabling their ability to breed.

Big Ten football is officially back

My cool throne is Big Ten football because Big Ten football is back. Totally. It's officially back Surya sir. Yacht who is her? Yacht. He doesn't have a random dude on Twitter who last I got tagged me one of his tweets and he was like sort my sources are telling me that the Big Ten football season like schools are very upset Big 10 football season still is back on.

The 5-overtime NHL game was caused by bad ice in Toronto

I personally blame the blame the ice in Toronto for the 5:00 overtime game.

LeBron James has played statistically worse on Tuesday nights since the start of the 'Taco Tuesday' era

He did a statistical analysis of every single LeBron James game played on a Tuesday night... he found out that pre Taco Tuesday he had win percentage that was 4% higher than normal. In the Taco Tuesday era, it's minus 2 percent. So he's doing statistically way way worse on Tuesday nights because he's eating so many tacos or maybe he's waiting to eat them till after the game and that's all he can look forward to.

Carmelo Anthony will dominate in the NBA Bubble because it mimics the Olympic Village environment

This is actually the perfect environment for Carmelo Anthony because when does he perform at his best? In the Olympics, right? When the athletes are confined to a certain type of village... living under the bubble.

Sports could save millions of lives by providing a model for solving COVID-19

Sports might save millions of lives. And this is definitely not just me talking insane because I haven't had any sports on TV... Because if you can test, if you have a test case and a model for how to solve it amongst a given population, you can expand that out.

The Washington Post is named after a slave owner

Well, the Washington Post was throwing shade at the Redskins for how racist their name is, but they're named after a slave owner.

Division III colleges canceling their football seasons is a precursor to Division I canceling theirs

a bunch of D3 colleges is to cancel their seasons including mine... I feel like that's a precursor to division one.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future

My cool throne is lacrosse, sport of the future. Yep. Paul Rabel figured out betting, so they're doing an event in the summer. People are going to be able to bet on it.