Takes

Watching deep-fake porn of your friends is a lifestyle choice, not a moment of weakness.

I've never clicked on a link being like, I want to jack off to my friends. That's not really, that sounds like a lifestyle choice. Not a moment of weakness.

There is a zero percent chance LeBron James watched the WNBA draft

There's no way he watched a WNBA draft. There's a 0.0% chance. If he was watching WNBA draft, he would have tweeted it during the WNBA draft, not 24 hours later being like just a thought I've had on my mind recently.

College basketball is better when Duke is the villain

College basketball is better when Duke is the villains. So I'm happy for the tournament. I'm excited. Shut everyone up.

Matthew Slater is the most 'Patriot' Patriot of all time

Matthew Slater... I feel like I'd never seen an interview from him. It was like this guy rocks. He probably knows everything. He was like the unassuming special teams guy... he's the most like Patriot Patriot of all time probably.

I'm officially on nervous watch that the Packers are going to make a run

I'm officially on—I'm nervous watch. I'm nervous that they're [the Packers] going to make a run. I change my—Packers fans know me well enough that I start to change my tone when I start to get really nervous... knowing that they're better than [their record].

Deshaun Watson will be suspended indefinitely for at least one year

Sean was suspended for, for a year, for a year, but also indefinitely. They're going to drop that one on, on Friday. Yup. Yup. Right before 4th of July.

Watching athletes who are younger than you is demoralizing

When you get past your thirties, something that really sucks is all the athletes you're watching are younger than you. And being like, like you start calling athletes, kid, and like, shit like that, where you're like, oh, okay. Like Luca Doncic is like 13 years younger than me. Like that shit just like, kind of fucks you up.

Oregon is the weakest 1-seed but has an easy path thanks to Duke being in their bracket

Oregon's definitely the weakest one seed, but then you've got to look at their bracket. Because they were blessed to have Duke in their bracket, the committee always gives Duke the easy ride. By proxy, Oregon also got the easy ride.

TJ Watt is the Defensive Player of the Year

TJ Watt is defensive player of the year. And I know there's a lot of guys out there that could probably win it. He had three and a half sacks today... TJ Watt now has played 10 games this year. He has 16 sacks in 10 games. That's insane... TJ Watt definitely has moments where he just completely takes over a game... There's my vote.

Central Time is the best time zone for watching sports.

Central time is the best time to watch sports. No question. [Big Cat:] No question.

Ryan Switzer is a 'swaggy' player to watch out for

I like that little [Ryan] Switzer guy. He's swaggy out there. Beasley, he's been balling for a few years now, and he's created his niche.

JJ Watt is actually dead and has been replaced by a clone to cover up his social media absence.

I think J.J. Watt's dead... I think when he comes back, that's not J.J. Watt. That's going to be a clone that they've replaced him with. J.J. Watt... could not stay off social media for this long.

The Houston Texans are better off without J.J. Watt

I want their team to go so far in the playoffs that are the Houston Texans better without J.J. Watt takes start to heat up. Because if they win, I'll say if they win two playoff games. Yeah, if they win two playoff games, you're going to get those takes, and I'm here for those.

George Steinbrenner was the greatest owner in sports history

Best owner ever. I had the utmost respect because I don't think I've ever seen an owner that wants to win as much as George Steinbrenner wanted to win. Like, literally, we played 162 games. I really think that he wanted us to win 162 games, like not one loss.

Taking away Tyler Warren effectively ends Penn State's passing threat

I actually think that a big impact on this game was when Tyler Warren got taken out. When you take Tyler Warren away from Penn State, then you take away all the threat of their, their physical passing because they're wide receivers. Can't catch a ball.

Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson

There's a chance that Aaron Rodgers is having a better year than Deshaun Watson... Sean Watson is very bad.

Deshaun Watson probably has a burner account on Twitter

He also might have created a burner account after the game... allegedly from Deshaun, I think it was called the Twitter account, was like Gainesville raised or something like that. All the tweets that he had were about Deshaun Watson replying to people... saying not his fault.

Colorado will lose to Oregon by a lot

I think Oregon's gonna win by a lot.

The Pac-12 is dying because people can't watch stars like Caleb Williams play on their network

The returning Heisman Caleb Williams, who would probably be the number one pick in the draft and no one in America could watch it 'cause it was Pac-12 network... that could not have been the better way to tip off the last Pac-12 season opener to be like, hey, this is why we're dying. Because we can't watch fucking Caleb Williams play football.

Oregon is a 'Team of Destiny' because of the Chris Boucher injury

Don't sleep on Oregon because remember, Oregon takes on Michigan's Team of Destiny and Oregon had the big injury to [Chris] Boucher right before this tournament started... when you lose someone, that's a big Team of Destiny situation.

The Oregon basketball court is the worst court design of all time

The Oregon court is the worst court of all time. I hate that court. It looks like it's warped. Every time I see that court, I get fucking so mad.

I'm actually into watching the LIV Golf tour

I mean, if a fan, like I'm watching it... it's entertaining. I can't, I'm not gonna sit here and say, it's not.

A no-hitter with 19 strikeouts and one hit batter should be considered a 'perfect game'

I actually think that if you throw 19 strikeouts and you hit one guy and throw a no-hitter, that is the perfect game. [Big Cat]: I think they had a error as well. [PFT]: Unbelievable. For 19 strikeouts. Awesome.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are on fraud watch

To be consistent, we have to say that if they lose this game [against the Niners], we have to call the Jaguars frauds... they haven't done anything to really earn that. It's just that they haven't played anybody. No, they're on fraud watch.

A 'football guy' is someone who enjoys lighting up a cigar and watching the game at home

To me, I'm a football guy, and I enjoy watching it. I enjoy lighting up a cigar and watching it in my house or my condominium. That's what I enjoy doing.

Cody Kessler was brought in to make Blake Bortles nervous, not to make the team better

I don't think [Kessler] was there to make Blake Bortles better. I think he was brought in to make Blake Bortles nervous. And that's not a recipe for having a good football team.

The NFL rigged the first six games of the Browns' schedule for Deshaun Watson

Also NFL rigged: the first six games that they have are the easiest schedule in the league. We mentioned that on the schedule release, that the people were saying look at this, they're setting it up.

JJ Watt grunts and moans while chasing quarterbacks

No, [JJ Watt] is not a big talker at all. Like it's kind of – you kind of just – you hear him like grunting and moaning behind you as he's coming. He just makes noises, really.

Golf is better when fans have specific players to root against like Brooks Koepka

Biggest pet peeves about golf is that no matter who wins, we all say yay at the end of it... You rally around one guy, right? And that's what you also need to be able to rally against one guy... Frankie has been going against Brooks for a few years now.

The 49ers are on fraud watch if they lose to the Bengals

Next week it's gonna be the 49ers and the Bengals. Ooh, I'm gonna say this is a must win for the 49ers in that if they lose it, their frauds, they're, they're on fraud watch right now... we are going to call them frauds if they get beat by the Bengals.

The Steelers are officially on 'fraud watch' if they lose to the Bengals

I think the Steelers are on fraud watch for me. I I do. I I mean I I, their defense is very, very good... but this is a game that I, if the Bengals get life back in this, I, I'm putting the Steelers on fraud watch.

Derek White's Game 6 buzzer-beater felt like a series-winning moment

Game six was unbelievable. Just that win and the day after did, it did feel like a Game seven win. It felt like a series win. I was, I was basking at it. I truly was.

Michigan has turned the corner and is a dangerous team after winning the Big 10 tournament

Michigan obviously beat Wisconsin Big 10 title today. Dusty May called it correctly. He was like, our team needs a reset. They got their reset and then they won the big 10 tournament and they looked really good doing it. So maybe they've turned the corner and gotten that reset they needed.

Watching sports all weekend on the couch is as physically and mentally taxing as completing an Ironman

I would put up a guy sitting on a couch and watching an entire slate of college football on Saturday and an entire slate of NFL football on Sunday... I would put that up there with the Iron Man. I really would. Obviously not physically as taxing, but mentally far more taxing.

I will start watching the show 'Dave' by next Wednesday

By the time I speak to you on next Wednesday's show, within the next week, I will have started Dave. That's my resolution... I'm going to be able to fulfill on two out of those three [goals] already and three out of three by next week.

WNBA Finals will be the third most-watched sport in the fall

The finals of the WNBA specifically will have the third most ratings in the fall. So behind college football and the NFL. There needs to be a third place. And WNBA finals will surpass the NBA opening, will surpass the NHL and it'll be the third most watched sport. It'll battle the World Series and it will be three.

Watching Caleb Williams throw a football is like watching Steph Curry play basketball

Albert Breer just put out an entire piece about Caleb Williams... checked all the boxes. Called him a Steph Curry-like experience watching him throw the football. It means Steph Curry's awesome to watch play basketball, so it's like that in football.

Aaron Rodgers wants the Jets to break up with him, not the other way around

I think Aaron Rodgers doesn't want to come back to the Jets, but he wants them to be the ones that break up with him. He's been needling Woody Johnson... I think he wants them to end it. And then he'll see if anyone out there really wants him.

Drake deserves an at-large NCAA Tournament bid no matter what happens in their conference tournament

Texas does not to be deserved to be in. They're bad if like Drake gets kept out instead of Texas. If Drake doesn't win their conference, I'll be very upset. I'm gonna say it right now. Drake deserves to be in no matter what.

Florida is my primary sleeper team to watch in the NCAA Tournament

A team that intrigues me is Florida. They intrigue me because they got size, speed shooters, guys. Golden's a hell of a coach. He did a great job at San Francisco.

Deshaun Watson mentoring Shedeur Sanders is like an old person getting a pet

Lucky for Shedeur Sanders, he found a mentor in Cleveland that's taking him quote under his wing. It is Deshaun Watson. Deshaun Watson has stepped up to show the young guy the ropes... I think this is maybe a situation like who saved who, like an old person getting a pet?

Watching sports on the couch is better than being at the games

Honestly, getting to watch games on your couch is way better than being at the games usually anyways. sitting on your couch at home with your own snacks and your own food, it's awesome.

I'm counting Novak Djokovic's Wimbledon loss as his 25th major because Jannik Sinner is a cheater

I'm counting this as Novak Djokovic's 25th major because he played [Sinner] better than Alcaraz played [Sinner]. And [Sinner] is a sinner and he's a cheater. So therefore Ipso Facto Djokovic is the goat 25th major Grand Slam championship.

The James Madison vs. Oregon playoff game is not a health and safety issue

Bud Elliot said that it was possibly a health and safety issue... he was like, I'm worried for the health and safety of JMU playing against Oregon... Stop saying it's a health and safety issue. Okay... fuck it, let's go win the game.

The Browns will be a very good team in two years once they clear Deshaun Watson's contract.

I actually think that the Browns might be in a good position for the next, like two, two years from now. ... Deshaun Watson, I think has an $80 million cap hit that's about to kick in. ... I actually think two years from now, the Browns could be a very good team.

The NFL should adopt a hybrid draft format where the first round is live but later rounds are remote

If they can do a blend if they could do a hybrid it would be perfect. I would want the first round live with people in the draftees in the spot... but I agree with you like if we could do rounds 4 through 7 where everyone is remote and you can see into the room like living rooms of all the coaches and GM's that was fascinating.

Bruce Arians is a 'Rhino Hunter' who loves signing old, veteran quarterbacks

Bruce Arians did say he prescribes to analytics... and he does like older quarterbacks. So he's kind of like a cougar hunter... Bruce Arians is definitely a rhino Hunter. Yes, because he liked Carson Palmer, loved Peyton Manning. He likes these old guys.

Deontay Wilder was gassed because he had to walk through the MGM Grand for 10 minutes

Watching Deontay Wilder have to walk through the entirety of the MGM Grand... it was no joke 10 minutes of him just walking through the through the back rooms. I said right then and there I was like he is going to be gassed because that is everyone knows that feeling when you're in a casino and you've been walking around.

Trent Williams is the rare offensive lineman who is actually fun to watch play

Trent Williams is a joy to have on your team. He's just a fucking bully. He's also the rare offensive lineman where you have fun watching him play. Like after the ball was snapped, my eyes would just go to Trent Williams because it's like this guy, we might throw an interception, but Trent Williams might punch a guy in the throat.

Aaron Rodgers might be washed because Davante Adams chose to play with Matthew Stafford over waiting for him

That also might mean that Aaron Rogers could be washed. Because Davante Adams [to the] Rams. Wouldn't you think he would be like, oh, I'm gonna wait to see where Rogers goes. And he is like, no, I'd actually rather just go with Stafford.