Takes

The solution to Miami's football struggles is to hire a massive cheater and pay more money to players

Miami is a really easy problem to solve. It's like just let them cheat. Just hire the biggest possible cheater. Pay more. All the time. Find another guy that's got a Ponzi scheme going there and let him run the program again.

JJ Watt's heartfelt apology to Deshaun Watson was staged for the cameras

My Hot Seat is the Texans camera crew... JJ Watt and Deshaun Watson were sharing a heartfelt moment of JJ Watt apologizing to Deshaun Watson and he said, 'I'm sorry we wasted a season for you.' And a fucking camera guy caught it... he's got to be pretty embarrassed about that because that's something that, you know, between teammates... or else everyone's going to know what a great dude you are.

Teams are 1-7 in their next game after winning on a buzzer beater in the NCAA Tournament

Teams in the last 10 years are one in seven after a buzzer beater in the NCAA tournament in their next game. One in seven. Numbers never lie.

JJ Watt will get a DUI within six months if he keeps up his current public persona

He either comes on Pardon My Take and doesn't interview anybody and is actually real for a little bit... or two, he keeps up the facade, and then six months later, he gets a DUI, and then it's all just completely busted. ... If you keep this up, and then you get a DUI, guess what? You're screwed.

Only Oregon, Ohio State, or Georgia can win the national title this year

I do strongly think that if your name's not Oregon, Ohio State or Georgia, you're not gonna win the whole thing.

Nikki Glaser was the best roaster and Ben Affleck was the worst at the Tom Brady Roast

I thought Nikki Glaser was the best because anytime you have a roast, like the professional comedians, you could just see why they're professional comedians... I thought Ben Affleck was the weirdest and worst. It was really strange. He spent 10 minutes yelling about like an anonymous Bills fan.

The Hall of Fame game cancellation was a conspiracy to force viewers to watch the Olympics.

The Olympics, tonight was supposed to be their big night. They needed the ratings... NBC, their president is a guy named Steve Burke. Steve Burke just happens to be a former Disney executive. Maybe he called in a favor... [the painter] is probably the easiest person in the world to pay off.

Watching a big man who can pass is the best thing to watch in all of sports.

Watching a big man that can pass like Jokic is maybe my favorite thing in all of sports to watch. I'm thinking through every single league... but I actually think that watching a big man that is just throwing no look passes over his head from the post down low... that's my favorite thing in all sports.

The NFL is better when kickers are erratic and unpredictable

We want to see Roberto Aguayo stick around because the NFL is always a better place. When there's a kicker that whenever he lines up, you don't know which way the ball is going to go. Like it might hit the ref in the head and knock him unconscious.

Watching Hard Knocks will lead to drafting a bust running back in your fantasy league

It is also the time of year where you watch Hard Knocks and you fall in love with a guy who's catching everything or the backup running back, and then you draft him in your fantasy league, and he sucks. It's called the Chris Polk.

Paige Bueckers will be a better WNBA pro than Caitlin Clark because she's more athletic and explosive

I do think that she [Paige Bueckers] might be a better WNBA player than Caitlin Clark. I think she's more athletic. She's more explosive. Caitlin Clark obviously shoots better from the outside... but in terms of, I'm talking about winning.

The Warriors will miss Steve Kerr in the later rounds of the playoffs

Steve is the one who is able to sort of maestro all of that along. I think they will miss it in the later rounds as the competition gets tougher... it is a delicate thing over there.

I always bet the over on Bedlam no matter what

My favorite college tradition... betting the over in Bedlam, no matter what, no matter what. Oklahoma/Oklahoma State play, over, put it on your phone.

Everyone must watch the Super Bowl

You can't not watch the Super Bowl. Like, you can't... In two weeks' time, you're going to want that football back. Don't take it for granted.

The Houston Texans are definitely not better off without J.J. Watt

How could you be better without [J.J. Watt]? You know, no matter what people think about him off the field, on the field, he's a pretty darn good player. Now you put him with Mercilus and Clowney, it'll be interesting what happens. So to say the Texans would be better with him off the football field, I don't think is—that's just [the PMT] hot take.

Chip Kelly is on the Ice Throne because he intentionally stocks his roster with bad players to buy more time

I think Chip Kelly's on the ice throne, too... Because he's got blame gap. One thing that Chip Kelly is really great at is stockpiling his rosters with the shittiest quarterbacks... He's stocking his roster up with bad, bad players. And then he can be like, well, I didn't have the personnel this year. I'm still implementing my system.

Watching porn is like spending time in the film room for baseball players

If I'm a baseball team, I would probably think about going the other way... When you're having sex... what do they tell you to think about? Think about baseball. So actually, the more porn you watch, it's like putting in more time in the film room thinking about baseball.

Oregon is the most under-seeded team in the 2021 NCAA tournament

The most under-seeded team in the 2021 NCAA tournament is Oregon... Dana Altman, the master of the Rubik's Cube... This team is more talented than its seed. I think they're a very difficult matchup for Iowa. I have a big Pac-12 breakthrough... I've got Oregon going to the second weekend.

The Knicks have been playing better without Jalen Brunson this series

For some reason, the series, [the Knicks] are just playing better without [Jalen Brunson]. This series. They have been playing better without him when he is off the court.

Deshaun Watson does not love playing the game of football

A lot of people were having the discourse. Does Deshaun Watson love football? Mm. Does he love, does he love being a football player or does he love playing football? Mm. I love that conversation... I think he just loves being a football player. Big Cat. He loves being paid like a football player... I don't think that he loves football. He doesn't love the grind.

Baker Mayfield is tipping off Adam Schefter with fake news tips to make him look like an idiot

Baker Mayfield... has been tipping off Adam Schefter with fake shit and making him look like an idiot because he knows we got a little rivalry with the P-Man.

Deshaun Watson was more dominant in the NFL than he was in college

Look at what Deshaun Watson did. Deshaun Watson was more dominant at the NFL level than he was at the college level. Nobody expected that.

Matt Schaub was a good quarterback whose career was ruined by a loss of confidence

Matt Schaub is definitely number one [on the Mount Rushmore of Texans QBs]... No, he was a good quarterback. He had a bad season. And I think it ruined his confidence, but he was a good quarterback when he was balling. He had a bad run.

The Yankees are actually better without Derek Jeter

Kind of strange how the Yankees started winning after [Jeter] retired. Are the Yankees better without Derek Jeter?

You watch college basketball to see Duke players cry after tournament losses

If you are not a Duke fan, you watch college basketball for the moment that Luke Kennard and Grayson Allen cry during the tournament after they get stunned by a 10-seed. That's why you watch.

LeBron James' tears after winning the Cleveland championship were fake

I'm not a huge LeBron fan. I feel like he's very calculated. I felt like when he cried after he won it for Cleveland, he felt like he had to cry because MJ cried when he came back and did his thing and it made it emotional. Fake tears.

Jason Day is a sleeper to watch for a top finish at the Masters

I'll go Jason Day. Jason Day has been trending and his game plays so well at Augusta. Exceptional putter, great pitcher of the golf ball and has kind of gained some distance this year. I would say Jason Day is the name that I'm looking at [to win a second major].

Rory McIlroy's Masters win extinguished the hater narrative forever

It's a much harder hate. Yeah. We had to retire it. That's what I'm sad about. We had to retire because Rory, no matter what he is now the sixth all time to have the career Grand slam... He beat all the haters. Including us.

SGA's style of play is frustrating to watch when he's fishing for fouls

I still stand by the take that I don't like watching him [SGA] when he is foul baiting... I still get pissed off when he, when he embellishes. I think the Timberwolves are at their wit's end with it too.

Floyd Mayweather was in complete control for every second of the Conor McGregor fight

In terms of actually looking back and thinking about it, there was not one second that [Mayweather] wasn't in complete control. Like Connor threw some big punches, but Floyd knew exactly what he was doing the whole time. He's like, I'll play defense for a few rounds, and then he's going to get gassed, which he did, and he knocked him out.

Oregon is a bad matchup for North Carolina due to a lack of size

I do think North Carolina is going to win. I think they're the better team. And they're a bad matchup for Oregon... [Oregon] has athleticism. They do not have—they have a little length. A lot of athleticism. No size.

Chris Webber was definitely betting on the Thunder-Spurs game

Chris Webber, I'm pretty sure Chris Webber was betting on this game because I've never heard anyone so emotionally invested in a game... It was clear that Chris Webber had money on this game.

Larry Fitzgerald will come back later this year and play for the Cardinals

I do think that [Larry Fitzgerald] is going to come back later on this year and play on the Cardinals... especially if there's an injury.

No matter where we go in our careers, people will try to take us down for our past

It's almost liberating because it taught me that no matter where we go with our careers, people are going to try to take me down for my past. And that's fine because at this point, the biggest takeaway was don't get caught in a situation where internal politics and people with an ax to grind can determine your fate.

Mitch Trubisky is now the number one quarterback of the 2017 draft class following Deshaun Watson's injury

I think you have to give it to [Mitch Trubisky] at this point [as the number one quarterback in the 2017 draft].

Bill Belichick keeps blackmail files and secret surveillance videos on all his former coaches

I bet you Bill Belichick keeps files, and he not only does that, but he installs videotapes in their homes, he pulls a big Putin move, and he observes them, and he has dirt on all his coaches. Any coach that leaves him, he's got blackmail.

Carlos Correa should hand over his man card for proposing right after winning the World Series

Yeah, that's a problem for me because you don't want to propose at the best possible time of your life because everything's downhill from there. It's too much of a good thing... You're basically giving yourself Christmas and your birthday on the exact same day.

Aaron Rodgers will retire sooner rather than later

I'm excited to see how long [Aaron Rodgers] can drag out this off season with his decision to retire or not. I actually think it's gonna be sooner rather than later. I think that he's probably gonna walk away.

Deshaun Watson has the worst contract in the history of sports

Deshaun Watson already had the worst contract in football, probably in history... It just further proves how horrifically awful the Deshaun Watson contract was.

Indiana winning at Oregon is the best college football win of the season

The Indiana win at Oregon I think is the single best win of the entire college football season. And I also think Oregon's getting dropped down too far in the polls after the fact, 'cause I think Indiana really is that good this year.

The Cardinals will have a very good, fun-to-watch offense this season

I think the Cardinals' offense is going to be very good this year... I think they might be one of those really fun teams to watch. They might not win seven or eight games, but they give us some great red zone late witching hour moments.

JJ Watt should sign with Cleveland or Buffalo to achieve legendary status

Cleveland does, you know, we discussed it when he became a free agent. Like, that is the... franchise you can go to that will embrace him... If you're the final piece to bring a Super Bowl to [Cleveland or Buffalo], it's a totally different level than signing with the Titans or with the Packers.

NFL Draft prospects must understand they are CEOs of Fortune 500 companies

You've got to understand for the next, you know, four or five months, this is locked in time... You are going to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, essentially. I never looked at it that way. Of course, I see it completely different now, and that's the way you have to look at it. You are the head of a foundation, of an organization, and you can be for a long period of time.

Going to Disney World after winning the Super Bowl is actually a punishment

The Disney world thing that they have to do is just punishment. Sam Darnold and Kenneth Walker being in the teacups right after the game when it's like all you wanna do is party with your boys. That sucks.

Utah State is a sneaky mid-major dark horse to watch in the NCAA tournament

If you want a sneaky team, if they get in, and that's a sneaky mid-major, would be Utah State... Sneaky good team. Good coach, a lot of shooters, and a good young big man.

Lionel Messi is the undisputed GOAT after winning the World Cup

Messi is the goat. I mean, Ronaldo, I mean, there's nothing left. Messi has literally won it all. That game was fucking incredible... I'm happy for Messi. I, he's always been my goat and this was literally the last thing he had to win.

Tom Brady is 'all class' for posting his $563,000 Patek Philippe watch before going into the broadcast booth

Tampa Bay Buccaneers legend Tom Brady... took to Instagram today to remind us that he's all class. Before hopping into the booth, he posted... big game, big watch. He hit us with the Patek Philippe Aquanaut. [It's worth] like 563,000. And this is just a casual before game like, Hey guys, stepping into the booth.

Links golf is never fun to watch

it just never seems fun. When I watch it, I'm like, what? This, the wind is always blowing. It's overcast. There's huge bunkers. It just doesn't seem fun.

Luka Dončić is already a better player than Dirk Nowitzki ever was

Jay Kidd said he was already better than Dirk, you know, he's 25 years old... they're already talking about he's better than Dirk and he ain't even won a [ring]... this is telling you how special this kid is. Like this man is a real problem and he's still not really in his prime.

The Pac-12 will finally be worth watching and exciting this season

In all seriousness, the Pac-12 will be worth watching... This is the first season in a long time, going into the season, I'm actually excited to watch Pac-12 basketball in a very long time.