Takes

No one in history has ever regretted getting a dog

No one regrets a dog. No, no ever that's facts.

If Rex Grossman beat Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl, Manning would have never won a ring

I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength come on... you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten paid Manning in that game. Peyton Manning would have never wandering correct correct facts.

Gold is more valuable than money

I'm going to go with something better than money, gold. [Gold is more valuable than money.] It is.

Wearing green jerseys makes a team half a second faster in the 40-yard dash

Any time a team plays with that color green, it takes half a second off their 40 time. That's just a fact. I didn't make that up.

Age 25 is the peak for physical strength in the human body

I'll go with 25. Peak strength. That is the human body's at your peak strength. [...] It's scientific fact. When you're 24 or 25, that's why BYU always wins games. [...] 25 is your peak strength.

The Packers will have zero tolerance for fighting in training camp

No tolerance there... zero tolerance at all. You fight you're out. Just for the day. And don't get me wrong, skirmishes are going to happen. You don't want to see haymakers being thrown, especially when it's your own teammate.

The secret to the Stone Cold Stunner is doing it in a ring because the concrete has no give

The secret to the stunner is do it in a ring because you got a little bit of give. I hit my damn tailbone [on concrete] and every vertebrae in my back said, fuck you, don't ever do that again. So yeah, it works best inside a ring with a little bit of give.

Feral hogs are a legitimate national problem that needs to be addressed

Someone brought up a very actually the the like the most fair point that's ever been brought up he was like what about the 30 to 50 feral hogs that run in my backyard and terrorize my children... apparently they're a real problem they just run and just they will kill you they're mad they're insane so we need to do something about the feral hogs.

Peyton Manning had visible muscle atrophy in his arm during our 2012 Duke workout

The only real thing I did was... we were just talking about some of the atrophy he had. Like his right arm was not as big as his left, some of the musculature areas... I haven't had a minute of medical training in my life so I was just [asking] what's the explanation and the nerves and how they were regenerating.

I use Microsoft Excel for everything, including writing poems and drawing pictures

I do everything in Excel. Everything in Excel. I draw pictures in Excel. Excel is the first thing I learned, and I've stayed with it. I'm a disciple of Excel... You can format the cell and do three to four lines or six. They can overlap. It's a very versatile piece of software.

We have all been living in a computer simulation since 2012

My fire fest of the week is the fact that we've all been dead for seven years. Back in 2012, the Large Hadron Collider was invented... And currently we're living in a computer simulation. We're like, God is doing like a Madden Sim season... there are these little tiny glitches that the computer didn't get right. For example, Skechers Shoes. I always thought it was S-K-E-T-C-H-E-R-S. Turns out it's not. There's no T in there.

US Soccer audited finances prove the women players earn more than the men

My hot seat is people who think U.S. soccer is sexist and doesn't pay the women enough. Because our good friend DR came out with a tweet today where he showed that the women – U.S. soccer responded for the first time ever with what shows that their independently audited finances that show that their women players actually earn more than the men.

Pro wrestling is real, but has predetermined finishes

I would say wrestling is real... We have predetermined finishes. And I like to say that we were like no different than the NBA... We're like a Broadway with body slams. You know, we're a form of entertainment that you can't get anywhere else.

Anthony Weiner being alive proves the Clintons didn't murder anyone

Anytime Anthony Weiner's Weiner pops up, which it does several times a year, that is all the proof that you need [that the Clintons didn't murder people]. Although I would really like to see Hillary Clinton try to kill somebody.

NC State is the most average college football team in history

North Carolina State football... they are five-ten overall for their entire history. Five hundred and ten winning percentage. They have twenty-three of the last 40 years they've gone to a bowl game. All the bowl games are like the exact same... the Gator Bowl, the Sun Bowl, the Independence Bowl... Every year is basically 7, 8, 9 [wins].

J.B. Holmes is the slowest golfer ever

Slowest player ever. Very slow. And he shot an 87. So if you're going to be that slow and shoot an 87, that's an issue.

No amateur golfer has ever actually shot a 13 on a single hole

My theory is that nobody except for professional golfers have ever shot a 13 right? That's true because you just pick it up after a while.

Steph Curry is the greatest shooter in NBA history

Steph Curry's the best shooter in NBA history. Who said it before me? I think I was the first person that I heard say it.

Pepsi was the sixth largest military power in the world in 1989

In 1989, the cash strapped Soviet Union paid Pepsi with 17 submarines, a cruiser, a frigate and a destroyer in exchange for three billion dollars worth of Pepsi, causing Pepsi to become the sixth largest military power, at least Navy wise, in the world.

You don't break habits, you only replace them with new behaviors

People think you break habits. You don't break habits. What you do is replace one behavior with a different behavior.

Footballs were never actually made of pigskin

Wilson football reached out to me about that and they explained that it was never pig skin, it was cow skin... I said, so now I was thinking to myself, now I should just go around and just start saying, like, let's go toss the cow skin around.

I can catch a fish with my bare hands in a river in Alaska

If I had a day on a river in Alaska, I could catch a fish with my hands. ... I've been watching a lot of Planet Earth. Their method is not that crazy. ... Give me enough time in Alaska.

Anytime a sports front office says a relationship is 'fine' and reports are false, they are lying.

Anytime, and this counts for coaching, front office, whatever it may be, anytime someone says our relationship is fine and these media reports are false, they are lying. They are always lying, and it always ends up being a trade. The fact that the Houston Rockets tried to convince everyone that James Harden and Chris Paul didn't hate each other's guts is absolutely laughable.

Hitting a home run is the ultimate way to beat the shift

You learn the rules of baseball because isn't hitting a home run beating the shift every single time? You just actually blew my mind. You beat the shift when you hit a home run over everyone.

MLB baseballs are definitely juiced and it's stupid to deny it

Well, there's absolutely I mean, there's something different I don't think any I mean Manfred's the only guy that's denying this but i mean they're on pace record pace for homers... there's no doubt. I mean, it's juiced. I can't believe they keep denying it.

Every team in the NBA would have offered Kevin Durant a max contract except for the Knicks

If every team in the NBA had the ability to offer a max contract to Kevin Durant, every single team would give him a max contract. And the Knicks. They're the last team.

Playing for the Patriots is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining

It's mentally, physically and emotionally draining to play for the Patriots. It's not like you have Wednesday, Thursday to kind of get warm. Like we're practicing hard every day. It's tougher for me. Just get out every day and rev up.

I was 6'4" and dunking in a basketball game by the 8th grade

I was 6'4 in eighth grade. I dunked in a basketball game in eighth grade. You're Magic Johnson. You're playing all five positions. I was like, dude, this is the greatest thing ever. I'm going to the league.

I made $125,000 selling custom software at age 27

I think when I was 27 I made a hundred and twenty five thousand... I was selling software, custom software in Austin, Texas.

Sports only drive bar business about 70 days a year

Sports will only fill a bar about 70 days a year... And a lot of people think, oh, but a sports bar, they come every night. That's not true. They don't come for every baseball game, only postseason. They don't come for every NBA game, only postseason...tops 70, 80 days.

Women over 34 need backs on barstools, while younger women prefer stools without them

When you have women over 34, you put her back on a barstool... Under 34, you don't. And the reason why is over 34, women get very sensitive about their asses... Under 34, I want you to spin around for interactivity.

Roy Williams has been a better coach than Coach K since arriving at North Carolina

Roy Williams has won more since he's been at UNC over Coach K. So I don't know what they [Duke] do.

Long-term baseball contracts are actually deferment portals for the player's true value

Long-term contracts are... for the true value of the player in the short term being a deferment portal for those values that you didn't pay up front in the future years. For example, a player is worth $80 million a year... they pay him $32 million over 10 years. And then we have the public complaining that the last four years he didn't earn the $32 million when they forgot that he was worth $80 million the first four.

Brooks Koepka's main goal for 2019 is the Open Championship

He said to us that he's really focusing on the Open Championship this year, the British Open. That's the one he doesn't have. He really, really wants that one. He's already won two U.S. Opens.

Donald Trump cheats at golf by giving himself club championships he didn't win

What he does, he plays the first round at any course he opens by himself with Melania in the cart or whoever, and he calls that the club championship... And there was one he won when he was in Philly and the tournament was in Bedminster. And he called and said, well, won the club championship... make me the club champ. Just on his word.

Donald Trump would shoot an 85 if he were completely honest

[Big Cat]: What would you say Donald Trump would shoot if he was completely honest about every shot right now? [Reilly]: 85. That's still pretty good... But at Tahoe they kept track, right? And he didn't break an 80.

Kevin Durant's 'calf' injury is actually a secret Achilles injury

I'm definitely an Achilles Cav truther now at this point. Because I think that if the injury was as minimal as they made it seem at first, he would have at least tried to play by now.

Joe Flacco is statistically the worst starting quarterback of the last five years

Does John Elway realize that Joe Flacco statistically in the last five years is the worst starting quarterback you could have?

Only 66% of first-round MLB draft picks will ever end up playing in the major leagues

Even for the first-rounders taken last night in Secaucus, only 66% of them will end up in the majors.

Human civilization is highly likely to end by the year 2050

So good old science came out with a report today, and it said that it's highly likely that human civilization will end in 2050.

Opioids are far more addictive and dangerous than marijuana

For everyone out there, opioids are way, way more addictive and bad for you than marijuana.

Games called by Kevin Burkhardt and Charles Davis hit the over more than any other major NFL booth

Charles Davis and Kevin Burkhardt... out of all the major announcing teams, and I'm saying the ones that do 17 to 25 games a year, who do you think had the highest percentage of overs? No, it was Charles Davis and Kevin Burkhardt.

The Domino's Pizza Tracker is fake

My hot seat is the Domino's tracker... Some big J journalist, independent journalist, went in, did some research, and was like stalking, would put in an order, and would follow the restaurant, follow the driver, and make sure that the tracker was up to date. And it's not. No. He foiled it. He foiled Domino's.

My goal was never to play college basketball; I just wanted to be a pro

Ultimately, my dream was never to play college basketball. That was not my main goal. My main goal was always to play in the NBA.

If I had chosen to go to college, I would have picked Kansas

No, if I'm being serious, I would have went to the University of Kansas.

I bought a $160,000 Tesla so I would be forced to quit dipping

So the plan was to buy a Tesla so that I could quit dipping because then I wouldn't have to go to the gas station anymore. So now I just go to the gas station just to buy dip.

The Giants are bad at collecting accurate intel on other teams' draft boards

The Daniel Jones thing, look, I think the Giants don't do a good job of finding out accurate information that other teams can do... When he [Gettleman] talked about the Redskins and the Broncos, that's not true... I think they could have waited past six [to draft Daniel Jones].

My best NBA games were played while high

My best games in the NBA were high... After [shootaround] I would go home, I'd smoke a joint, then I would take a nap. And then I'd wake up, shower, eat, and bounce... It was probably within four or five hours of the game possibly.

Mastery of the buzzer is 60% of the game on Jeopardy when playing against elite contestants.

The buzzer becomes the most important factor at that point. And I think that I would say the buzzer is maybe like 60 percent of the game. And then there's another 30 percent that's your trivia knowledge and 10 percent maybe is the strategies.

Larry Fitzgerald is a 100% lock for the first-ballot Hall of Fame

There's never been more of a lock for Hall of Fame than Larry Fitzgerald. He will be 100% first vote.