Hank

Losing a preseason game to an NBL team is bad for Chris Paul's legacy

The sun's lost their first games. Good for us. They lost an NBL team, an Australian league team... How did Chris Paul do though legacy wise? [Hank:] I mean, that's bad for your legacy. [Big Cat:] I'm gonna count that as another 3-1 lead blown.

Bailey Zappy is 'the guy' for the Patriots

I think he is. He is. They let him throw, if they let him throw the ball, he's the guy when they let him throw the ball... there was a spark and an energy when Bailey Zappy was playing today... I was more excited today watching that game than pretty much any of the other games.

I will win the season-long NFL picks competition

This is gonna be awesome. I mean, I'm gonna win so I'm not really worried about it.

The Packers are not that good

The Packers are not that good. Brian Hoyer is due for a win. They'll, no, they won't be in the hungry dog because I'm not putting the Patriots in anymore.

I can survive for three weeks on the streets as a stray dog

How long do you think you could survive on the streets? Like a stray? Three weeks. I'm a warrior. I survived out there.

Max Homa must be on the Ryder Cup team

If max isn't on the Ryder Cup team... we riot. It's a travesty of justice... He went four and oh in his matches, he had an electric walk in putt on the 18th green on Friday to win his match and the USA dominated and won the Presidents Cup.

New York is a bad sports town because Yankees fans celebrate team records too much

This is embarrassing that [Yankees fans] are celebrating this hard when they just went down from four to three in the bottom of the ninth. Are the Yankees a bad sports town? Yes... I just don't get all the hoopla around it... Whatever, it's a team record. He's going for a team record.

I don't see how the Eagles or Bills miss the Super Bowl

I watched the games last night, right after put in a bet. Barstool sports book plus 1850 Eagles bills Super bowl. Anything less is an object... I don't know how either of these teams don't make the super bowl.

I'm taking the Broncos -10 over the Texans because of the altitude advantage

Denver Broncos minus 10 makes no sense to me and therefore I'm gonna take it. The Broncos lost in September at home... they're covering machines because of the altitude and the heat... that combo is a killer.

Seahawks fans deserved to lose the SuperSonics

The Seahawks take, which was correct... I think what people got really mad about is when you said like you deserve to lose the Sonics. Yeah. That Joe sports... because the Sonics like just straight up, they left, they fucked over the city of Seattle.

Andrew Luck was a 'busted chaw' and is an overrated quarterback

Andrew Luck: busted chaw, bad for town. Okay? Fact. Game over and debate. I've had people fucking bitching and complaining... 'Andrew Luck was great?' Every time they make excuses for him, it disgusts me.

Seattle is a bad sports town because they booed a quarterback who won them a Super Bowl.

My hot seat is Seattle. Just bad sports town. Booing, booing or Superbowl quarterback... one super bowl was plenty. That should be enough to be a legend in your town forever. And that's why they lost NBA team.

The Patriots are no longer a perennial Super Bowl favorite

I'm think I'm just ready to fully admit that the Patriots are not the Patriots anymore. Yeah. They're not the Patriots that I grew up since I was nine years old... If the Patriots make the playoffs, that's a winning season.

The Bears will be frisky and cover +7 against the 49ers

I'm just gonna take the biggest [underdog]. The Bears. Seven points week one is a lot... There's a lot of turmoil in San Francisco. Trey Lance, Jimmy G you don't know what's going on... Seven points is the lot in the NFL.

The Mets are going to win the World Series

Now it's like, they're going to win. They're going to win the championship. After that [Timmy Trumpet performance], I was like, the Mets are going to win the championship.

Hasbulla is a bigger living legend than Michael Jordan

One-one is Hasbulla. He's a living legend. He walks in the room, everyone stops. You go to any country in the world and they're like—Hasbulla. He's got international [fame]. Hasbulla objectively is way bigger [than Michael Jordan].

Saquon Barkley's 'kill mindset' quote will be used against him as soon as he has a bad game

My cool throne is the Giants fantasy people that are gonna draft Saquon Barkley. He said, it's kill mindset now. It's like, fuck everybody. I'm sure that won't be like a quote that gets turned around when it's like that quote and then him going like, 14 rushes for 60 yards.

Chili is one of the strongest leftover foods because the flavors intensify the second day

Our second one is going to be chili. Chili's one of those things where the flavors get stronger the second day. I think it's a very strong pick.

Opening bottles with your teeth is a definitive sign of being a criminal

Opening bottles with your teeth... It is crazy. It blows my mind. Glass bottles are not supposed like your teeth or your teeth... some people I have, I have a friend that would do it. Like, do you have a bottle? I have a bottle opener. And he's like, no, let me do it with my teeth... it's concerning.

Eating fish for lunch in the office should be a real crime

We're gonna go with eating fish for lunch in the office. Should be a crime. Yeah. Should be, yeah. Should be a real, it should be a real crime. Yes. It's definitely pre-crime yes. Like you just have no standards or like, you know, empathy for any of your coworkers or peers.

Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are the best candy overall

One, one, no brainer. Pick hat knows this favorite candy. I literally had it for breakfast this morning. Reese's.

Orange is the best Starburst flavor

I personally like orange, orange. [Big Cat: Pink is last, that's crazy.] Orange, red. See yellow. Okay.

Getting head is a universally loved thing

Our first pick is getting head. Getting your [dick] sucked or getting eaten out if you were a lady. Everyone likes head. I think this is the obvious one too.

The Choco Taco discontinuing was a genius marketing move and it's coming back

My other who's back is the Choco Taco. They said they're bringing it back. Stay woke. That was a genius movie. Choco Taco's going Morbin time. They just reminded everyone the Choco Taco rules and then everyone like pull it away.

Sean McDermott is a sleeper pick for a fight because of his wrestling background

This one I think is also pretty obvious, but might not be to the naked eye. It's Sean McDermott. He was a back to back national prep champion wrestler, like all time. Good wrestler had a 61 and oh record surrendering just one take down. You get in a fight, how many people that you fighting know how to wrestle?

The NBA should retire Bill Russell's number 6 league-wide

Retire his number. Yeah. All across the league. He was, I like, let's go Hank. He's got the MVP trophy right? So yeah. I agree. Retire his number. Yes. Good call Hank.

Derek Carr will win NFL MVP in 2022

MVP 2,500. Oh wow. Jersey Jerry... Jersey Jerry gave it to me. I put it in. It's the first future I have. MVP the whole league... With one of the best wide receivers actually. And one of the best offensive coordinators. And they had a lot of promise last year.

LeBron James will respond to Skip Bayless and try to 'Time's Up' him

I think this is the year that LeBron responds to Skip. Tries to get him off the air... Skip's gonna start going after Bronny Jr. And then LeBron's gonna be like, 'that's a bridge too far. Time's up.' He's gonna try and time's up Skip.

A pet is the absolute worst gift to receive

Any animal that you have to take care of? It's like, not a, it's not something that let's say you don't like the gift you can, you know, pretend to like it. And then kind of just forget about it. If you get an animal, like you have to take care of that animal.

Rory McIlroy did not deserve to win the 2022 Open Championship

If you're Rory and you're leading the Open and in the back nine, you only have one birdie... He didn't necessarily choke, but he didn't, he didn't deserve to win. Like he didn't, he didn't play the back nine, like a champion.

Jack Nicklaus is a better golfer than Tiger Woods because he has more major titles

Tiger's the second best golfer of all time, according to [me]. [Jack Nicklaus] has got more majors. You can only play when you play.

Committing a crime is a 10 out of 10 way to kick things up a notch

Our last pick is going to be committing a crime. It kicks it up a notch. It could be something minor, like a light goes yellow then red, but you're like, 'fuck it.' Or it could be high level, like robbing a bank. Committing a crime, kicks it up a notch 10 out of 10 times.

I genetically cannot get a six-pack

I'll also never promise a six pack during the summer ever again. I am [getting there] but no. I don't think you genetically can get a six pack. Absolutely. I'm kidding. It's not everyone can get one. No, I am. I'm on the road there.

The Derek Jeter documentary will be boring because athletes produce their own content

Documentaries that are made by the people just suck... When you have you need to have a neutral third party director for these documentaries or as they're all like the same... Derek Jeter's going to do that thing where he's like you guys, I was famously private... now I'm going to, and it's just not going to be anything.

Nuclear-powered 'air cruises' are fake and would definitely crash

It's a plane cruise. Yeah. It's like a massive, massive, massive, bigger than whatever name like four aircraft carriers... 20 electric engines powered by nuclear fusion. I'm just going to say this. If this is real, I will absolutely laugh when it crashes and everyone dies. There's no way to test fly this until you actually make the real thing.

Refusing to use the metric system is a top-tier American trait

For our final pick, we will go with refusing to use the metric system. Just the rest of the world uses it. It makes such perfect sense... and we're like, oh, we're doing 12 inches.

Football is back because the Patriots announced their red throwback jerseys

I saw the Patriots put out that they're gonna come and wear their red throwback jerseys this year. And that was the first time I was like, I think football's back.

The Catholic Church is low-key gay

We're going to go with the Catholic church... The drama, the costumes, the pageantry of it all. Super theater. They wear dresses, they're spraying water, there's smokes going on, there's candlelight, singalongs. Pageantry of it all.

I am a huge LIV Golf fan because the golfers are good and it's free on YouTube

I've been watching the LIV Tour since it started. I will continue to watch it. I'm a huge LIV fan. I'm just like put sports in front of me if they're entertaining and good golfers, I'll probably tune in, especially if it's free on YouTube.

John Wall will be a great player as soon as he leaves the Rockets

He's still a good player, right? He's totally healthy now. Yes, he has no lingering foot injuries. He's back. I feel like he's going to be a great player as soon as he gets off the Rockets.

The Celtics are a super young core and they will definitely be back in the Finals

It's like, they're super young and they're going to be back. And the position [Brad Stevens] is in... he is now going to be able to help the team get better through the front office. It's not drastic changes. Don't need to be made.

Derrick White was the worst player in the last two games of the NBA Finals

I was going to wear this shirt that we just came out with for Derrick White, who fucking sucks is maybe the worst player in the last two games. So that was just dumb on my part. Cause I thought about it after game three and by the time the shirt was made, he was just an absolute garbage can.

The current Celtics are destined to be like the 2012 Thunder and never return to the Finals

I feel like the only real good comparison to the Celtics team is the fucking Thunder and they never got back.

The Celtics will still win the NBA Finals because they perform best when their backs are against the wall

I still think [the Celtics] are going to win the series. I do think that the last 10 minutes of game four and five, there was just some infuriating plays... But I do think that it's very relatable of the Celtics to just put everything off until the end... They're procrastinating. And then when their backs are against the wall, that's when they perform the best.

NBA teams from the 1990s would be killed by the Warriors because they didn't do cardio

Any team from the nineties that had to deal with the fucking pick and rolls and like the movement that the Warriors do, like they would die. NBA players didn't run. They didn't do cardio in the nineties. They would be killed on the court.

Little Caesars pizza is trash and barely counts as pizza

Little Caesars is trash. It is trash. People forget... Caesars are just trash. It's like not pizza.

Draymond Green is absolutely useless

My butthole is clenched. It was a very impressive performance from Steph Curry. He did everything for them. Klay Thompson, [Draymond]... I mean Klay played well, [Draymond's] absolutely useless.

Robert Williams is the most impactful player on the court for the Celtics

When Robert Williams [is out there], he's the most impactful player on the court. As many blocks as he has, he probably has so many more that just because his presence is there, [opponents] don't even try and take shots. He brings the energy for the Celtics.

Dell Curry bringing Steven Johnson's ex-wife to the game was a purely spite-driven move

But then on Friday at the Celtics game, Dell was there with Steven Johnson's ex-wife. And he's dating her. He brought her to the game. So clearly he was... that was just purely out of spite by Dell. Like just straight up, just an absolute spite move.

There will definitely be a Game 6 in the NBA Finals

I do think there will be a game six, unfortunately. Very scared about game four.