Hank

Lacrosse will sell out a 50,000-seat stadium within the next 30 years

By what year is lacrosse going to sell out a 50,000-seat stadium, Hank? 30 years. Within the next 30 years, so he's calling his shot... I'm pretty positive I'm right.

Instagram Stories will be a massive threat to Snapchat's market dominance

Originally, Snapchat completely had the market, but now Instagram is coming in hot... Instagram, Mark Zuckerberg literally took Snapchat and just added it on Instagram... It's going to be a battle.

Asking a friend to get something on Barstool is the worst favor you can ask

Can you get this on Barstool? The worst. People know I haven't talked to in years will text me a little blue like, yo, put this on Barstool.

The NFL conspiracy to take down Tom Brady is a proven fact

Do you think that they unfairly accused [Brady] of something and it's a conspiracy just to sit down the face of the NFL? ... Yes, that's actually a proven fact. ... Yeah, they just don't like the Patriots. Too much winning.

Lord Voldemort is a top-tier bad guy

My number one bad guy, Lord Voldemort. I ain't going with the Harry Potter stuff. ... if you're going to be a bad guy, like an old Russian mobster with an accent, it doesn't get much worse than that.

Jumping off a bridge into water is the best hangover cure

First one, jumping off a bridge. Like jumping off a bridge into water. You get an adrenaline rush, and then you get the water, and then once you're in the ocean, then you're unhungover.

Bill Russell is better than LeBron James

Hank you actually had speaking of hot takes hank didn't you say bill russell was better than lebron? yeah that's right... I'm not ruling [Russell beating LeBron one-on-one] out by any means.

Lacrosse will be the fourth major sport in America in 30 years

Should lacrosse take over soccer as the fourth major sport? I think it's got to be us. I think we've got to take it upon ourselves... 30 years.

The 'Car Stick' is a necessary invention for everyone who drops items between car seats

Simple, simple invention. Everyone needs it. Just a little skinny stick that you can, like, it, like, would go stick up from the side of your car. And when shit gets stuck in between your seats, just grab the stick and it fishes it right out of there.

NFL Blitz is a Mount Rushmore-tier video game

All right, first up, NFL Blitz. No, I played video games a lot more when I was really young, and that was my favorite one.

Giancarlo Stanton will win the 2016 Home Run Derby

I have the artist formerly known as Mike Stanton... ooh, plus 365, the favorite.

Ryan Howard was a better character as a temp than as a corporate executive

I like the temp Ryan Howard to corporate. I didn't like him after he came back.

Napping in the sun is a top-tier pool activity

Number three taking a nap. Oh yeah, yeah. Falling asleep in the sun. ... I'm going to just get a big sunburn and let it turn into a tan. ... I'm all natural.

Tom Brady is the greatest American to ever live

Name the greatest American to ever live. Tom Brady.

All mustard is trash

I have nothing on my Mount Rushmore because all mustard is trash.

Gershon Yabusele is the Celtics' future championship captain

The Celtics drafted their future championship captain, Gershon Yabusele, from France.

Game 7 Prediction: The Cavaliers will beat the Warriors 93-89, Kevin Love will dominate the boards, and Stephen Curry will choke

My prediction is I feel like the Cavs are going to take this one somewhere in the neighborhood of 93 to 89. I don't expect [Kevin] Love to have a big night scoring, but I do think he's going to make a statement on the boards... [Matthew] Dellavedova is going to have zero personal fouls, zero turnovers... Curry is going to choke big time again. I'd be shocked if he got above 17 points total... I've got a final score of somewhere in the neighborhood of 93 to 89 Cleveland.

The Under Armour curse is real and we are currently living in its golden age

Anytime a good team loses, you got to ask what the curse is. I think it's definitely the Under Armour curse. It lives on. [Jordan] Spieth struck out big time at the U.S. Open... Cam Newton, Steph Curry... I think we're living in the golden age of the Under Armour curse. So I don't like to brag, but between that and me leaving my wallet at the queue, I feel like this whole postseason has really vindicated my whole worldview.

LeBron James should leave Cleveland now because his mission in town is accomplished

My question is, is this the worst thing that could ever happen in Cleveland? Like, is LeBron James gone now? Like, is his mission in town over? Why would you want to stay in Cleveland if you're LeBron? Like, what if he goes back to Miami?

Whoever signs Harrison Barnes to a max deal this offseason—like the Suns—is making a huge mistake

I want to give an advanced thoughts and prayers to whoever signs Harrison Barnes to a max deal this offseason... if we're power ranking, like, which team would be the team to load up on a whole shitload of Harrison Barnes, I'm going to guess the Suns. So thoughts and prayers to the Suns for making a terrible decision.

Sports like the NBA and NFL should wait until the end of the game to announce penalties and scores

The USGA said that they weren't going to announce whether or not [Dustin Johnson] was going to be penalized until after his round was over, which is just a great rule... The bottom line is anyone out there who's complaining about this rule is a bad Christian because you don't get to know if you're going to heaven until after you're dead. So why should you get to know what your score is before you're done with a round of golf?

LeBron James isn't actually clutch; he's just a 'carrier' of a mutated clutch gene that he passes to teammates

LeBron James still doesn't really have it [the clutch gene], but he is a carrier of it. He's mutated it, and Kyrie [Irving] caught it from him... much to LeBron's chagrin, Kyrie became more clutch than he was after catching the disease from him. He's the carrier of the mutated genes. He's the Zika fly.

Allen Iverson would never have gotten off the bench in my dad's era because he carried the ball too much

My dad swore that Allen Iverson would never have gotten off the bench in his day because he carries the ball too much. My dad doesn't like watching basketball anymore because in his day, you couldn't put your hand on the side of the ball... It was just a league full of guys bouncing the ball straight up and down.

Mountain Time is the best time zone for sports fans, followed by Central, Pacific, and Eastern

If we're doing power rankings of time zones, I've got to say Mountain Time is number one. Everybody shows no love to Mountain Time, but it's a nice little mix of not having to start watching sports too early and not having to stay up too late. Mountain Time, Central Time, Pacific Time, then Eastern Time.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers by 15 points in Game 7 of the NBA Finals

I think Steph's going to play, Warriors by 15.

Lacrosse will be more popular than baseball in 50 years

Lacrosse is going to be more popular than baseball in 50 years.

Viagra creates 'robotic' boners that feel like a lead pipe in your pants

I've heard they're robotic boners. I hear you have a lead pipe in your pants. I'm curious to see if it's something that happens.

The only difference between a mixtape and an album is price

[Mixtapes are] for free. Albums you have to technically pay for. You can still find it for free, but technically it costs money. Mixtapes are just for free. Musically... there's really not much of a difference.

The 2017 NBA Finals will be the Celtics vs. the Warriors

I got Celtics and Warriors. Kevin Durant and Isaiah Thomas are going to be a serious force to be reckoned with.

Doing somersaults cures muscle cramps

My fun fact is that if you get a cramp, doing somersaults gets rid of the cramp. ... I was playing golf with my friends, and he just started doing somersaults. And I was like, why? And he said, it's because you get cramps, and that gets rid of him.

The physics of how planes stay in the air don't actually make sense

I don't understand the physics of planes staying in the air. ... I mean, you're going 30,000 feet in the air and you're just trusting that a plane is just going to coast.

Coachella is just Burning Man for millennial social media kids

Coachella... It's gotten overrun, like completely blown out by mainstream people. It's burning man for millennial social media kids... where all the teens wear stupid sunglasses and feathers in their hair.

I'm just not going to pay my taxes

Probably just not going to do them. [Taxes].

Washing an Oreo under tap water before eating it is 'not that bad'

My buddy was like, oh, have you ever run an Oreo underneath water before you ate it?... He went and got an Oreo and put it underwater and gave it to me. It wasn't that bad.

The 'suh dude' trend will last until the end of the school year

I got to say at least until the end of the school year because it's already second semester and usually that won't wear off until the end.