Jake Marsh

You must heat all Italian deli meats to 165 degrees to avoid the risk of salmonella

CDC just sent out... that you have to heat up all your Italian meats to 165 degrees [for] salmonella. No more like a cold Italian sub right now. Everywhere.

High-fiving the opposing pitcher after hitting a home run is over the line

The high five of the opposing pitcher is over the line and I don't support it. The pitcher runs up to home plate, high fives the batter as he's running around... That's too much for me.

NFL jerseys will eventually have advertising patches like the NBA and NHL

The NHL, like the NBA, is adding advertising to the front of the jerseys in 2022. I feel like it's inevitable for NFL.

The Miami Heat franchise would cease to exist if they ever stopped re-signing Udonis Haslam

If they ever don't bring him back on the Heat, the Heat as a franchise, I think, just ceased to exist. He's literally the definition of Heat culture.

I will be the play-by-play announcer for the PLL doubleheader on July 31st

It is happening. July 31st, a doubleheader. I'm [on] Peacock. I will be doing the play-by-play. It would not be possible without all of you guys in here. Paul Rabil was a big advocate.

Robert Griffin III has found his future career as an analyst

So ESPN and Fox are in a bidding war for him as an analyst. Whoa. So it looks like he found his future career. ... The executives were, quote, blown away by his audition.

I am the best person in the Barstool office at table tennis

The moment Hank had an opportunity to say I was no longer the best, he would have ran away with it. So I knew if I lost back-to-back... But I knew I'm [the best freaking one here].

It is always better for a journalist to be right than to be first

The one thing you do teach you is you always, it's always better to be right than be first.

The Pittsburgh Pirates have the second-worst run differential in the National League

They have the second-worst run differential in the NL right now... second worst behind [Big Cat's] Nets.

I genuinely didn't know the T in 'mortgage' was silent

I genuinely thought that's it. I didn't know the T was silent... I missed that once. I've gotten criticism in my broadcasting career. I've gotten destroyed for this... It's my fault. I messed up.

If college coaches can hop from school to school without waiting, players should be able to do the same

If coaches can hop from school to school and not have to wait, players should be able to do the same thing. I love it.

A Gonzaga-Baylor championship game won't appeal to casual sports fans as much as Blue Bloods

If we can get Gonzaga-Baylor, it would be great for intercollege basketball fans, but the casual sports fan, maybe not. They won't set aside the time if it was Duke versus Kentucky in the championship.

Max Abmas' missed buzzer-beater against Arkansas is one of the most notable misses in NCAA tournament history

We've got [Max Abmas'] missed buzzer beater for Oral Roberts. I think it's up there with one of the most, like, Gordon Hayward missed territory. Like, it's one of the most notable misses in NCAA tournament history.

Alabama can shoot their way to a college basketball national championship

They're a spider monkey. They could shoot their way to a championship.

The NCAA will include a VCU highlight in 'One Shining Moment' to acknowledge their COVID-forced exit

This is my long shot. They are going to put a random VCU highlight from the regular season to give them their shine. Or the conference championship, maybe them cutting down the nets. They can't get robbed in 'One Shining Moment.'

Syracuse has a 50-50 shot to make the NCAA tournament, but they will ultimately get in

I think it depends on how the bubble teams around them do... but gut says yes [they get in].

UConn is the 'popular pick' to win the Big East Tournament

I think the popular pick this week is going to be UConn in the Big East. They're the three seed. Villanova lost their best player, unfortunately, last week, Collin Gillespie.

Jim Boeheim was wrong to attack reporter Matthew Gutierrez during his press conference.

Boeheim should not have gone after him... He was being a pro and being a good journalist. He probably was looking like a twerp, and Boeheim was just like, 'fuck you.'

Vacations are back now that Israel is fully vaccinated

Cool throne would be vacations. There's going to be fully vaccinated out in Israel. Vacations are back.

Duke will replace a top team as a 1-seed in the NCAA tournament if there is a COVID outbreak

They just announced that there are going to be replacement teams with COVID. The first four teams out are going to be on standby. God forbid Gonzaga, Baylor, Michigan have COVID outbreak. Duke... replaces them as the one seed. That's what's going to happen. They're not going to shift around.

Chapstick is one of the biggest scams in America

I present to you one of the biggest scams in America. Chapstick. I keep losing mine. It is impossible to finish a stick. You have to buy a new one every week. Do you know anyone who's ever finished a chapstick?

No college basketball team will ever win back-to-back national championships again

Back-to-back championships. They'll never be done again. It might, but I don't think it will.

Fernando Tatis Jr. will be a Yankee in four or five years if the Padres don't win a title

Well, I mean, the Padres, they obviously were an electric team in the shortened season last year. Slam Diego? Yeah, Slam Diego. So if they don't win a title in what? The first four or five? Then he's a Yankee.

Zach Wilson's mechanics are Mahomes-esque and baseball-esque

It's just the way [Zach Wilson] uses his base in separation to his upper body when he throws. It's very Mahomes-esque and very baseball-esque.

Loyola Chicago is in great shape to make the NCAA tournament

They're in great shape to make the tournament... If they make the tournament, everyone's going to talk about [Sister Jean].

The PLL and MLL merger is a monumental moment in lacrosse history

I think that this is actually probably like a huge moment in the lacrosse history. This is like when the NFL and AFL merged.

Duke should have changed their shoe contract after Zion Williamson's shoe exploded

Duke should have changed his shoe contracts after Zion [Williamson], huh?

Twitter's decision to discontinue Periscope is a mistake

Hot Seat Periscope. It's been discontinued in March. The Twitter made the decision to, it's going to be Twitter live. So the memories that the Cat caves there. Twitter does that. They choose the wrong thing to do and do it more than any company that's ever existed.

Losing the SEC on CBS theme song is a tragedy for college football

On behalf of all college football fans, we are losing the SEC on CBS theme song in 2024.

The Heat will win the NBA Finals in seven games

They did not [win Game 4]. However, they're going to win the series in seven games.

Many are questioning the validity of Bryson DeChambeau's US Open win because Brooks Koepka was injured

Bryson DeChambeau... emerge victorious to win his first ever major. Many are questioning the validity of this win as two-time US Open Champion Brooks Koepka did not participate due to injury.

Crutches are useless because they hurt your armpits more than your foot

I'm putting a man named... Emil Schlick in 1917. He invented the crutch and I'm saying the crutch is useless. It is my armpits are more sore than my foot.

I would root for Vermont over Syracuse if they played in the tournament

I didn't grow up a Syracuse fan. So but now that you know that now I know people ask me all the time if they play each other in this year's tournament. I would root for Vermont because wow.

Ranking Steph Curry over Kobe Bryant all-time is crazy

Bleacher Report came out with their top 50 all-time NBA players and Kobe was 14, Steph Curry is 10... They're mad. They're real mad. They're big mad.

The NFL is experiencing a kicker epidemic where even Hall of Fame-caliber veterans are missing routinely

The NFL kicker epidemic continues, of course... but the alarming part about this is even future Hall of Famers and veterans are missing left and right. Adam Vinatieri and Stephen Gostkowski have each missed three extra points so far this season.

Chris Bosh earned over $31,000 for every rebound in his NBA career

Chris Bosh totaled 7,592 boards, and on the court, he earned $239,063,622. Do the math. Bam. That's more than 31 grand per rebound. Not too shabby.

College football coaches should wear helmets and full pads on the sideline

Why the heck do baseball managers wear full uniforms?... Imagine if other sports did this. Give me Coach O [Ed Orgeron] in a helmet and full pads, parlayed with Greg Popovich.

Only 66% of first-round MLB draft picks will ever end up playing in the major leagues

Even for the first-rounders taken last night in Secaucus, only 66% of them will end up in the majors.