Takes

Patrick Mahomes has to play a perfect game for the Chiefs to win

[Mahomes] has to basically play his perfect game for the Chiefs to win, and I don't think he's going to play his perfect game... Patrick Mahomes is going to throw an interception that everyone's going to be like, what was that?

The Eagles will cover +8 and win against the Saints because of Nick Foles

I'm taking the Eagles. I'm taking all the underdogs this week... I feel like eight is too much. And Nick Foles, whatever's going on, I don't know... I just don't know how you can go against whatever the hell is going on with Nick Foles.

Bill Belichick tricked the world into thinking Rob Gronkowski was unhealthy this year

I think that it's a major stay woke that the greatest trick Bill Belichick ever pulled was convincing the world that Rob Gronkowski was unhealthy this year so he's just been playing possum.

If the Cowboys are a legitimate NFC contender, they will beat the Bucs by 20+

If the Cowboys are a legitimate NFC contender, they beat the Bucs in this game by 20 plus. They bury Jameis Winston. They do not let him off the mat.

The Saints will 'kill' the Steelers

I think the Saints are going to kill the Steelers. The Saints, there's a lot of talk... oh, maybe not so good. They're not looking as great the last few weeks. They're at home. They're going to kill the Steelers. Mike Tomlin versus Sean Payton, enough said.

Aaron Rodgers will play his best game of the season to prove Mike McCarthy was the problem

I feel like Aaron Rodgers is going to try to ball out so he can say Mike McCarthy was the problem. Absolutely. That is exactly what's going to go on. He's going to play the best game of the season.

Le'Veon Bell will sign with the Jets for more than $17.5 million per year

I think the Jets, the Jets are the team. And I think the over-under is $17.5 million a year, and I'll take the over.

The Cowboys created the blueprint for beating the Saints

A blueprint on how to beat the Saints... You've got to play at home, so you've got to stay away from New Orleans. You have to have an all-time defensive performance from your defense. You have to have an all-time terrible performance from Drew Brees. You have to have a coach that secretly wants the Cowboys job.

The Patriots and Saints will meet in the Super Bowl

I picked the Patriots and the Saints in August. And I'm sticking with it. I think the Saints are the best team now... I'm going to stick with the Patriots, and I'm going to stick with the Saints in the Super Bowl.

Aaron Rodgers might throw the rest of the season to get Mike McCarthy fired

I wouldn't be shocked if Aaron Rodgers throws the rest of the year. [He wants McCarthy to get fired]. He's sick of him.

The Rams will have 'super strength' by training at high altitude before returning to sea level

The LA Rams went to Colorado Springs to practice in altitude all week... Will they have super strength by going back down to sea level? Okay, so yes. I was going to say, if there's any other answer, then yes, you're wrong.

Sam Darnold is bad and investors should sell the stock

Sam Darnold. Trash. He's bad. Sell the stock.

The Raiders are the worst team in the NFL

The Raiders are the worst team in the league. And that is also considering the fact they beat the Browns. But they are the worst team in the league.

Kirk Cousins will not win big games for the Vikings

But that's one of those games that if you're a Vikings fan, you have to ask yourself, we paid Kirk Cousins to win those type of games, and Kirk Cousins isn't going to win those type of games. He's not going to win those type of games... Kirk Cousins will not win big games, but he can win enough games to get you in the playoffs.

I'm withholding all judgment on Josh Rosen for his rookie year

I'm officially saying this whole year, too early to judge. I learned my lesson from Jared Goff. I like that. What about Sam Darnold? Too early to judge.

Archie Manning is the Kris Jenner of football

I think Archie Manning is the Kris Jenner of football... He really is. I agree with that. He has made it so that Peyton Manning... when he put his balls on someone's face? That one got erased. The Eli Manning fraud... when he was selling fake jewelry, that one got erased... Archie Manning, he is basically controlling the narrative of the Manning family and getting it to a point where I actually think the Giants ownership is afraid to bench Eli.

Jerry Jones traded for Amari Cooper because he was drinking Johnny Walker Blue

I do not understand how the Dallas Cowboys gave up a first-round pick for Amari Cooper... Jerry Jones... the reason is Johnny Walker Blue.

Adam Thielen is the best wide receiver in the NFL right now

Thielen, here's a take. I think Thielen's the best wide receiver in the NFL right now. Boom. I said it.

The Bears are officially good if they can beat the Patriots

If the Bears can beat the Patriots, then they're officially good. It's going to be a big test.

The Eagles season is officially saved after beating the Giants

Eagles season is saved. Carson Wentz, there was no QB controversy. But Carson Wentz, Eagles season saved. They're now 3-3, which is essentially like a 10-game lead in the NFC East.

NFL scoring will go down as defenses catch up to offensive gimmicks

Look what happened today. You know what happens? Everybody catches up with the gimmicks. The gadget plays. Offense is going to rule. Never again will the defense be able to stop them. Look at today. They started to slow them down today... Scoring will go down. It will not stay the same pace.

Andrew Luck is the heir apparent to Eli Manning as the 'dumb quarterback face' of the NFL

Andrew Luck is going to be the new dumb quarterback face. Eli Manning retired after the 2016 season—we've had that hole in the entire NFL. Where is the Eli Manning face? Where is the dumb quarterback face? Andrew Luck, he is the dumb quarterback face. I think he's a very good quarterback... but he does have a dumb face and it shows up in the worst times when he plays football.

Josh Gordon will be a 'cheat code' for Tom Brady and the Patriots

Josh Gordon, obviously, he's going to be a cheat code. He's going to be the guy that Brady throws it up to, and he's going to catch it nine times out of ten. I'm going to get sick of it. I'm going to be upset at myself for predicting it and ruining my life in advance.

Showtime Mahomes is a great nickname and it has to stay

[Patrick Mahomes] is Showtime Mahomes. Jason Witten gave him that name, and I think it's got to stay. It's such a bad nickname.

Josh Rosen will be exposed as a fraud against the Seahawks

My pick's going to be the Seahawks, minus three... the Cardinals. Yeah, Josh Rosen's going to throw like four picks... After this week, he'll be exposed.

NFL offenses should stop blocking and let defenders hit the QB to draw 15-yard penalties

I'm actually at the point now where I think if I were a coach in the NFL, I would say to my offensive line, just treat every play like a screen and half of you don't block. And let them get to the quarterback because we'll most likely get 15 yards.

The 2018 Super Bowl will be Rams vs. Chiefs

I think it would be the Rams and the Chiefs, and probably the over would be at 70.

Dont'a Hightower can no longer play linebacker effectively

Hightower can't run like he used to run. And so he's really a defensive end. He can't play linebacker anymore.

Eli Manning should just retire already

Fuck Eli Manning. How many times is Eli Manning going to sack himself when I put a little fucking cashola on the Giants in a Sunday night game? Fuck you, Eli Manning. Just retire, you fucking asshole.

Josh Gordon won't succeed in New England if he couldn't in Cleveland

If you can't get your shit together enough to play for the Browns and for the Browns to release you—I think that if you can't get your shit together enough to be able to play on the Browns for six years, then you're probably not going to be able to play for Bill Belichick.

The Buccaneers cannot sit Ryan Fitzpatrick if he wins in Week 3

Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him? I don't know what's going on with Ryan Fitzpatrick, but I am ready, much like Case Keenum last year where we had to ask ourselves many times... Ryan Fitzpatrick, if he wins week three, how can they sit him?

Tom Brady will play three more years and win one more Super Bowl

Gun to your head, Tom Brady, how many more years does he play? Three. How many more Super Bowls does he win? One.

Matt Ryan stinks

Today is Friday, September 7th and Matt Ryan stinks. Is Matt Ryan hurt? Because he's not good.

The NFL is trending toward eliminating the preseason in favor of a 19 or 20-game regular season

This is now how it chips away that we're going to maybe go no preseason 19-20 games. Regular season. McVay's doing that, too. McVay benched all his good players. So, I mean, I would be, you know, take away a couple preseason, give us a couple more regular season. I'd be okay with that. Why not? More football that way.

Betting the over early in the NFL season is a smart move due to the high volume of penalties

What do you think about betting a lot of overs early in the season? ... I talked myself into that big time last night.

Jalen Ramsey will have a major, high-profile mistake this season due to 'karma'

I'm saying Jalen Ramsey is going to have a big fuck up in a big game this year. And people are going to have a roast show on Twitter.

Jason Garrett is on a toasty hot seat in Dallas

I'm going to see the Dallas Cowboys in Oxnard, California. [Jason Garrett's hot seat?] I think it's toasty. It's toasty.

Hue Jackson will be the face of Hard Knocks because players love him and he has a boatload of personality

I think outside of Bob Wiley, I think Hue Jackson will probably be that next guy that becomes the face of the Browns Hard Knocks because he's got a lot of personality. He loves talking off the cuff. He's very passionate. He really loves his players, and he shows it. Players love him.

The new NFL helmet tackling rule is going to kill football

The new helmet rule, the tackling helmet rule, is going to kill football. It's essentially every single hit in the NFL you can be like, is there going to be a flag? There should be a flag every single tackle. So we're kind of screwed.

Kirk Cousins is going to suck for the Vikings this year.

Kirk Cousins is going to suck this year. The answer is no [on whether he is good enough to get them past where they went a year ago].

The 1990s were the last era where professional athletes could be out of shape and still succeed

The 90s were kind of the last era where guys were basically able to just be fat pieces of shit and go to the whole thing... There's some guy who in every single sport we can trace to. Like, who is the guy who's like, I'm actually going to train in the offseason? I'm going to lift weights.

The Cleveland Browns have found their quarterback in Baker Mayfield

I love Baker Mayfield... he was so calm and cool about it like he didn't get mad he was just like you're a fucking idiot man and so Cleveland I think you found your quarterback.

The Colts are favorites to finish second in the AFC South behind the Jaguars

the Colts, just in general, are back this year. I think you've got to pencil them in as favorites to come in second in that division behind the Jaguars.

Ben Roethlisberger will play another five years

And I think with Randy Fichtner as the quarterback coach now and coordinator, [Ben Roethlisberger] will play five years.

Josh Allen can throw a football 92 yards

He can throw the ball 92 yards. 92s, exactly.

Baker Mayfield is a great competitor and will be successful with the Browns

No, [Baker Mayfield] is going to be great. He's, you know what, he's just got this thing about him that... Baker, he's just like a competitor, man. Like, I was happy to see him go number one. If anybody can, like, move forward with the Browns [it's him].

Baker Mayfield will be a successful quarterback for the Cleveland Browns

I actually think this [Baker Mayfield] is going to work, and I know that's like stepping out on a very, very thin branch saying a Browns quarterback that they drafted really high might actually work, but I like Baker Mayfield. I like him a lot. I think that he is a very, very good quarterback and I like the competitiveness.

The Browns are smokescreening everyone by pretending to like Josh Allen with the #1 pick

Everyone thinks they're going to take Sam Darnold, but they're making a lot of moves for Josh Allen. And everyone says they like Josh Allen, but it's a smokescreen. And they have the first pick.

Josh Rosen's intelligence and outside interests are red flags for NFL teams

I think a red flag has been brought up for Josh Rosen that he's too smart and that he cares too much about things besides football. ... Teams should send scouts to the UCLA library and hang out there, see how many times Josh Rosen comes in... if you're reading more history books than your playbook, then it's going to be a real issue.

Kirk Cousins is only good enough to take a team exactly where they already were

As somebody who's watched a lot of Kirk Cousins games over the past like five years, he is just good enough to get you exactly where you got last [year].