Takes

The Capitals made a massive mistake not re-signing Stanley Cup-winning coach Barry Trotz

The fact that the Capitals didn't re-sign their Stanley Cup winning coach after he won a Stanley Cup is still so fucking crazy to me. I know there's money and all that stuff, but how do you win a cup and not bring that guy back? ... He's a fun coach. He's a player's coach and once it gets to the playoffs, it's all about just making your team comfortable. Todd Reirden is not that guy.

The hockey ice in Toronto is significantly worse than the ice in Edmonton

Can someone explain to me going back to hockey the difference between the ice in Edmonton and the ice in Toronto because the Toronto ice sucks... Toronto ice is super choppy. It's like iced soup.

The Tampa Bay Lightning will win the Stanley Cup because of their previous failures

I've said all year that I like Tampa just because of what they went through last year and then bouncing back... I just refuse to believe a team that good isn't going to win a Stanley Cup at some point in these few years.

Success in hockey comes down to 'playing heavy' and winning stick battles

The way I want to play the game, we need size and strength. Being physical... You can play heavy, it's just winning puck battles. That's what it boils down to. Using your body winning puck bottles, having heavy sticks. That's what I mean by heavy.

Hockey is the only sport where an emergency backup goalie like a Zamboni driver can actually enter a professional game and win.

David Ayers, the NHL goalie who was like a Zamboni driver that they called in and asked him to start a game, he won the game... It's the only sport that can have this happen... it's the only sport where a goalie can be a guy just driving a Zamboni. Let's throw him in an emergency.

The St. Louis Blues' run from last place to Stanley Cup champions is insane and impressive

I don't like the Blues, but I'm going to give them some credit here because the fact that they went from the worst team in the NHL January 2nd to winning the Stanley Cup is insane. That's an insane run. Binnington was insane.

Zdeno Chara has a broken jaw

I'm going to speculate that it's something far greater than just his teeth. And I would assume it's a broken jaw. Because if it was just his teeth, he would have came back to that game in the third period.

Jordan Binnington is going to go into Boston and steal a game

I still think that Binnington has to steal one game this series where he stands on his head. And I said that yesterday's podcast that dropped this morning, that I have a feeling that he's going to go into Boston and steal a game.

The Stanley Cup Finals will be the Blues vs. the Bruins

The Sharks just laid a fucking dud in San Jose. So I think it's going to be Blues Bruins.

Brad Marchand should not have been suspended for his 'rabbit punch' on Scott Harrington

I was going to puke if he got suspended. That is not a suspension. Stanley Cup playoffs, a little punch in the back of the head while the guy's on his knees... it was not suspension worthy.

The St. Louis Blues have a 100% chance to win the Stanley Cup

They're a really good team. And it'd be one of the coolest stories ever. Last place, January 3rd... I mean, they got a lot of good weapons there... So there's a chance 100% that they could get the Cup.

Tuukka Rask is statistically one of the best goaltenders of all time

Statistically, [Tuukka Rask] one of the best goalies of all time.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are going to sweep the Tampa Bay Lightning

The Blue Jackets are up 2-0 right now on the Lightning. The Lightning about to get swept. Yeah, insane.

The Washington Capitals killed the Eastern Conference

Did the Washington Capitals kill the Eastern Conference? Not just the Penguins, who, by the way, they haven't won a game in the playoffs since the Caps beat them... Nor have the Tampa Bay Lightning.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are the winners of the trade deadline for going all-in

Columbus is a winner for me. They went out and made a bunch of good moves. ... They're trying to win one, and they never even won a playoff series. ... I think the fans kind of deserve it.

The New York Islanders are not 'for real' and cannot win the Stanley Cup

I'm going to say, like, no, right? [to are the Islanders for real] ... I understand, too, they think this is the beginning of what will be a successful year... But I don't think they can win the cup.

Half the internet will hate whatever name the Seattle hockey team chooses

Whatever they're going to name [the Seattle hockey team], prediction, whatever they're going to name it, half the people on the internet are going to be mad. Half the people are going to like it just like their jerseys.

I have crushed playoff hockey series betting for 10 straight winning years

I literally, for 12 years straight, absolutely destroy playoff hockey. I bet serieses. This year, I was like 9-1 going into the last one... But I went 9-2 this year, and I've had 10 straight winning years betting serieses.

The Stanley Cup Finals are over and the Capitals will win in five games

This series is fucking over. Done. Done. Over, finished, no chance. They're not even going to get a single more game. It's going to be 4-1. Caps in 5.

The Capitals are a wagon and I am feeling very confident about them winning the Cup

The Caps stole one at home. They're a great road team. They're not a good home team. So they stole a game at home. I'm feeling very, very confident. I'm going to be down at Game 4 on Monday... The Caps, they're a wagon.

The Washington Capitals are a team of destiny

We're going to talk about how the Washington Capitals, our Washington Capitals, are a team of destiny? Yes. ... Cap's got this. They're just stronger. Stronger, faster?

This might actually be the Washington Capitals' year to win the Stanley Cup

Today is Friday, May 25th, and might actually be the Caps year. Like, it's still shocking that they're in the Stanley Cup Finals. And I'm not saying this in a mean way because I, too, root for and have rooted for loser franchises, but, like, the Caps were a loser franchise. So to get over that mountain, it takes a lot.

Tom Wilson is a star and a complete badass

Tom Wilson, that dude's a star. I fucking love Tom Wilson. He's a badass. We make fun of him a lot because he tries to cut people's head off with his skates. And he like intentionally hits people in the head... but he's no longer on fraud watch.

The Capitals are a Team of Destiny because they beat the Lightning

Every single team that has defeated the Lightning in any round besides the first round went on to win the Stanley Cup. Team of Destiny. Doesn't get any more Team of Destiny than that. Now they're 2-0 in Stanley Cup this year. It's a dynasty.

I am officially not worried about the Capitals

I told you ultimately I haven't been worried once this entire playoffs for the Caps because I don't actually care, so it doesn't really mean anything... So I am not worried. As a Caps fan, I'm not worried.

I am not worried about the Capitals despite the series being tied 2-2

Listen. We just wanted to say, as a team. It's our year. We're not worried. So the Capitals lost... But we didn't win. We didn't win, but we're the better team. We injected money into the local economy... Not worried.

I am NOT worried about the Capitals

We're not worried about the Caps, repeat we're not worried about the Caps... I'm actually not worried. I'm not worried. Nope. We got another one at home. Marlon's Man's going to game four.

Mark Scheifele is an NHL superstar now

I want to get respect out to Mark Scheifele. I don't if you've been watching the Western Conference. He's a, I'd say superstar now, Scheifele. He's incredible.

The 2018 Washington Capitals are playing better than any version of the team in history

I'm telling you, this Capitals team is playing better than any Washington Capitals team than I've ever seen with the exception of like every Washington Capitals team between the month of October and February.

I was 100% confident the Capitals would beat the Penguins once game six went to overtime

I knew it was going to happen. We all knew it was going to happen. I was so confident in that team when it went to overtime. If we had lost that game, the whole series was over. There's no chance that we're going to come back. That's a mental midget thing.

The Tampa Bay Lightning are 'light work' in the playoffs based on my 2015 experience

I have been at war with Tampa before, the 2015 Stanley Cup. It was light work, even though we were down a little bit, but it was light work. They're not that hard to beat. I'm going to teach you a couple things about what Tampa hockey looks like.

Matt Murray sucks and his glove hand is a liability

Murray sucks. Murray sucks on ice. His glove hand stinks. And his glove leg sucks too. I think he had a stroke. I think the left side of his body has been paralyzed.

This feels like the year the Capitals finally get past the Penguins and win it all

Feels like this is a year. Feels good. We might be a little biased because we're all such big Caps fans here, but 2-1 [in the series] feels good.

Tom Wilson's hit on Brian Dumoulin was clean

I think it was a pretty clean hit, too. So he was skating behind the guy, right? It was Dumo. So Dumo was a friend of the show. So Dumo was skating, and then Wilson was behind him, and then Dumo just hit the brakes and almost threw his head into Wilson's shoulder.

The Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I feel pretty good. I think this is our year. Yeah. I feel pretty good. Yeah, I feel like this is all going nicely for us.

I will eat one bite of horse shit if the Capitals beat the Penguins

I think you should have to eat shit if they beat the Penguins. Agreed. Just one bite. I'm not saying... Just one bite. Everyone knows the rules. ... Caps beat the Penguins. We're going to Central Park, and PFT's going to eat some shit. Just one bite.

The Capitals are the better team than the Penguins and will win the series

We're the better team on the ice tonight. We're the better team overall. You can count that. It's fine. It's 1-0 Caps. ... I don't give a shit if the Capitals lose the Stanley Cup... as long as we beat the Penguins. I'm going to cash that ticket.

The Vegas Golden Knights are the greatest expansion team in sports history

I mean, it's the best expansion team in the history of pro sports. I mean, that's saying something.

The Washington Capitals are better this year because they are actually worse than last year

The Washington Capitals, they are better this year because they're actually worse than they were last year, okay? ... The fact that the Capitals are not as good, they're not as deep... It means that they're winning ugly is what I'm getting at. ... we've tried being by far the best team talent-wise. That hasn't worked. So let's give it a shot being a little bit shittier than them.

The Capitals are going to 'shit pump' the Blue Jackets and finally win the Stanley Cup

I'm super confident in the Capitals. I think they're going to shit pump the Blue Jackets tomorrow night... And then it's the Penguins. And then you're going to lose. Then this is the year, guys. This is the year.

2-0 is the most dangerous lead in hockey

2-0 is the most dangerous lead in hockey, and the Blue Jackets have a 2-0 lead. They stink. I'm okay with that.

The Capitals losing Game 1 is good because you can't win a Cup without adversity

This is how you find out what your team's made of. You can't win a Stanley Cup if you don't have to battle through some adversity. Good news is we got it out of the way right away.

The Capitals are finally in the right position to win because they've become a 'switch-flipping' team like LeBron James.

I personally feel that [the Capitals] are in the right spot right now. They're a switch-flipping team. Like LeBron James flips a switch when they go to the playoffs. The Caps are flipping the switch.

The Washington Capitals winning the Metropolitan Division means it is their year to win the Cup

Other big news, Caps won the Metro. Yeah, it's our year.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I am officially, without any sarcasm whatsoever... I think it is the Caps year... This is the Caps year.

I bet $100 on the Washington Capitals to win the Stanley Cup

I had Hank get us a future. Me, Bubba, and Hank each put in $100. We got a future... The Washington Capitals outright winner... We'll win $4,800 if they win.

The success of the Golden Knights makes the rest of the NHL look bad for giving up those players

It's kind of going to make the rest of the league look really bad because all the other teams gave up all these guys, and they're all like the quote-unquote NHL rejects.

I will eat horse shit if the Washington Capitals win the Stanley Cup

I actually stand with the guy [in Philly] who ate the poop... If the Washington Capitals win the Stanley Cup, I will eat horse shit.

Russia is the heavy favorite to win Olympic Gold with no NHL players involved

Unfortunately, it's Russia. They're going to win and then they're going to take the flag out and they won't play an anthem. But it's going to be pretty crazy to see because they're loaded. They got all these guys over there that never, I mean, some of them couldn't play in the NHL because there's a chance of them could. They're playing in the KHL.

Evgeni Malkin is a traitor for joining a pro-Putin social campaign

Evgeni Malkin... listen to the balls on this motherfucker. He is joining a pro-Putin social campaign in America... Malkin, as far as I know, is the one who started it. This son of a bitch is basically a traitor. And he's propping up a dictator who goes after journalists.