Takes

Morgan Wallen is fully back after his recent controversies

Morgan Wallen... he had some controversies, you know, throwing a chair over their ledge... I just feel like he was a fantastic star. I think he's so back.

Taylor Swift would never allow Travis Kelce to propose to her on the field after a Super Bowl.

I was just thinking he wouldn't actually, after I said it, I realized Taylor would never allow it to happen. But I was thinking of like confetti. No, I just that that thought of all that scene disgusted me, but I don't think, I think they would do it in a little more classy way.

Nikocado Avocado's two-year weight loss reveal was a genius strategy

He's been posting videos for the last two years where he's large... then this week he posted a reveal stating that he prerecorded two years worth of mukbangs and has been putting them out periodically and just losing all the weight... this is actually incredible.

I am going to smash the hot dog world record against Kobayashi

I'm gonna smash [the record]. I'm gonna eat more hot dogs than ever before... Right now the over-under is like 66, and I'm gonna blow that out.

I would have made more money than any actor in history if I had accepted the lead in 'Avatar'

I had a chance to be in Avatar... I probably would've made more money than any actor in history had I taken the part... It was 10% of the total earnings from the film... All I know is it made over 3 billion.

Joey Chestnut is the best eater of all time in the history of the world

Everybody eats. Joey Chestnut is the best person, the best eater of all time in the history of the world. He needs to be rich for that fact.

I did not see anything supernatural on the plane

I did not see anything. What I mean, I think y'all knew that. No I did not... I got a bit of an altercation. It spiraled outta control... It was an expression of speech. I just was in my fields needed to get off that. I was highly distressed. Not a good look.

If Travis Kelce and Dr. Fauci don't accept Aaron Rodgers' debate challenge, they officially lose

Under debate laws, if Travis Kelce and Dr. Fauci do not accept the debate they have lost. That is how debates work online.

Frank Dux, the real-life inspiration for Bloodsport, is the greatest liar of all time.

Frank Dux is the greatest liar of all time. All of it is fake. It is based on a true story, except Frank Dux lied about his fighting record as well as the existence of the entire tournament, as well as his military record. He just keeps lying about everything. Everything is made up.

Connor Roy was the only sibling with a real relationship with Logan Roy

Connor, that scene when they had the virtual dinner with dad thing that they watched that scene was basically showing all of us that Connor was the only one who had a relationship with his father that meant anything. Everyone, all the other three kids were just transactional. Like they want to be pa like the, the the next in line.

Bobby Knight once had his players stop a scripted play for the movie 'Blue Chips' because he didn't want to lose the possession

The director come in the huddle and he says, all right, we need about 15, 20 minutes to set up the last play. So Penny Hardaway is gonna throw the lob past the Shaquille O'Neill and then they win... As we're leaving the huddle to go play defense. Coach Knight says, 'Don't let him get it. Grab him.' So they run the play... We grab Shaq, the ball goes out of bound and he's yelling the director's yelling. Cut, cut, cut.

LeBron James is lying about when he started listening to Migos

LeBron today wore an outfit... a reporter asked him... he said 'I love Migos. I've been listening to them since I was in Miami in 2010.' The Migos didn't start putting music out until 2011 and they weren't really popular until 2013... just no reason to lie whatsoever.

George Jetson was born on July 31st, 2022

My woe is on today... July 31st as we're taping it. This is the day that George Jetson was born on whoa. In the TV show The Jetsons. Whoa, whoa. That is whoa. And if you watch the Jetsons, we're like journeying throughout outer space, future conquering other solar... nothing's changed.

The term 'glow up' was created by Chief Keef

The term glow up, came from Chief Keef when he was like 16 [with] Glo Gang and his friends... he created that, but now it's like a very mainstream term.

I became bigger than the 'Van Wilder' movie

When I was young, I was like, I want to be bigger than that movie. So like, I wanna, I w I don't want that movie to be who people think I am. And I think I've gotten bigger than the movie. And so now it's like, it's a nice song. It's like a nice subplot in my story.

Harambe is officially back as a cultural force due to the Bengals' Super Bowl run

My who's back of the week is our sweet prince Heran bay. We obviously were very early on it in 2016... with the Bengals making this run, then being from Cincinnati it's of naturally happened... it went Facebook, super nuclear viral... it's back.

James Gunn maintains a 'no asshole' rule on his film sets

[James Gunn] also has a no asshole [rule]. And he puts together teams of people who there's not a bad apple in the bunch... I knew I was going to be surrounded by good people.

Magic Johnson doesn't physically write his own tweets

I found out that Magic Johnson does not physically do any of the tweets, which may explain some of it. It's articulated clearly across the room or while he's doing 17 other things as a titan of industry. And then there is a woman whose job is to figure out what he's talking about and make it a tweet.

Jackass Forever will be the start of a massive streak of movie hits.

Jackass Forever, the trailer came out... and I feel like it's just going to be hit after hit after hit after hit for the next few months because there's so much of a backlog [from the pandemic].

The internet trend of saying 'The Beatles suck' is objectively wrong

A decent amount of the internet is now just co-opted to take the Beatles suck and it blows my mind... You can say you don't personally like the Beatles... but saying they just suck is... the dumbest thing to say... Music that is occurring right now would not happen if it wasn't for the Beatles.

The 'You're not that guy, pal' clip will be the clip of the summer

Pretty much, it's a great clip, but I think that's going to be the clip of the summer. Everything you do with your friends, your coworkers, pretty much anything... you're going to see comments about you're not that guy.

The ironic resurgence of Harambe is due for a comeback

I think we actually are getting close to having it [Harambe] be funny again. The resurgence. Because it was very funny for that summer. Then it was like very lame. But now enough time has passed where if you just drop a Harambe, it's like, oh, that's actually kind of funny. The ironic resurgence of Harambe is due.

Ben Affleck was 'tampering' with J-Lo while she was engaged to A-Rod

Ben Affleck was tampering. Ben Affleck, it was reported, was texting J-Lo in February when J-Lo and A-Rod were still engaged. That is illegal. That is tampering.

Citizen Kane is no longer the best movie of all time according to Rotten Tomatoes

Someone that works at Rotten Tomatoes found an 80-year-old review... talking a negative review about Citizen Kane. So they put it in the Rotten Tomatoes whatever system, and now it's 99 on Rotten Tomatoes, not 100. Paddington 2 is 100. So Citizen Kane, by Rotten Tomatoes metrics, no longer the best movie of all time.

Drake's Scary Hours 2 tracks are currently holding the top three spots on the Billboard charts

Drake released three new songs last week, and they're now one, two, and three on the Billboard [Hot 100].

Cocaine Bear is already a 'must-see' movie

Elizabeth Banks is to direct a bear-centric thriller, Cocaine Bear, for Universal... Just a movie, a must-see. I'm already slapping a must-see on it.

The first recorded joke in history was a fart joke

The first recorded joke... was from the 19th century BC, 1900 BC. And it's a Sumerian joke... about a young bride who farts as she sits on her husband's lap.

Jackass 4 will be a hit because the first week of production was explosive

We were one week into production where when she got shut down, but that's actually a good thing because that week was so barking explosive... in that one week we proved ourselves... now Paramount sees it like they're behind it... I'm like there's full confidence for me that it's going to be a hit.

Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with dating famous people

Shailene Woodley. Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with just dating famous people. He just dates... I think maybe... you'd probably want to date a non-famous person to convince them to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Larry David navigating the COVID-19 pandemic in Curb Your Enthusiasm will be amazing television.

Curb Your Enthusiasm got greenlit for an 11th season... I think Larry David—Corona is going to be amazing. The corona Larry David, like there's no better wheelhouse for that guy.

I'm genuinely happy that Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline from 'Outer Banks' are dating in real life

John B and Sarah Cameron dating in real life. Yes. Fuck. Yes. That is so hot. That's awesome. Oh fuck. Yes. All right. I need all the Deets on that... Chase Stokes and Maddie in real life. According to—get stoked—Ria's already—Ria's where's my heart is about to burst.

Underappreciated comedies like 'Walk Hard' and 'Popstar' are often more enjoyable to look back on than blockbusters

Walk Hard is a movie that made very little money. I think it's one of the funniest ones of all the ones we did... That's our favorite thing when you know, something feels dismissed at the time and it seems to hold up ten years later... [Popstar] is another great one. It is always a bummer when you don't have the box office you were hoping for... but you want something to make people happy.

Lance Armstrong single-handedly ruined the name 'Lance' for babies

I think Lance Armstrong probably killed the name Lance. Yeah, you know babies named Lance? Yes, yes. Lance is not a little kid's name. I feel like you name a fucking—that's the kid that you're like, I'm going to wait until I meet it and know its personality and it turns out to be real asshole.

Forrest Gump 2 will never happen

No, that won't happen. I mean, I'll tell you some things that were in it, but I did write the script and I turned it in on 9-10. The day before 9-11 and Bob and Zemeckis... and Tom Hanks and I sat together and we looked at each other and said, that's the end of this.

Shows like 'The Kardashians' and 'Real Housewives' are heavily scripted and planned out

All the housewives shows and even the Kardashians who actually are really nice people. But that stuff's all scripted out and it's all planned. There's not like where they're, no one goes, well, let's go to Nobu for lunch. Oh, my gosh. There's my arch enemy.

Outer Banks is essentially 'The OC' meets 'National Treasure'

What the fuck is Outer Banks, man, Hank? I started watching it. It's like how is this show? It's the OC meets National Treasure. How is this show popular?

People love reality television because it allows them to feel superior to the 'shitty people' on screen

That's why we love reality television, because we get to watch it and say, oh, well, at least we're not them. At least we're not drunk fighting in the Hamptons every summer. Or at least we don't own these tigers and kill our husband. We judge ourselves like we could be shitty people, but we're not that.

Lauren and Cameron from Love Is Blind will stay together

I do think Lauren and Cameron are going to make it. I hope so... they are the like... I do think Lauren and Cameron are going to make it.

Cameron and Lauren are the only normal couple on Love Is Blind

My favorite couple by far is Cameron. And what's her name? Lauren? Lauren Lauren. They're the most like hey. They're pretty normal as camera know is he's a weirdo born. He's a little to have your notice like every time they walk he like is way too close to her.

George Clooney is a college-level athlete

So Clooney's very, very good. He's college-level athlete. Full college level... [Clooney] was a great baseball player, like college-level baseball recruited for baseball and he really knows how basketball works. Like he knows how to do a pick-and-roll. He understands basketball.

Woody Harrelson has legitimate basketball hops

I thought I could beat Woody... and he destroyed me, man. He was up at the hoop. He could really get right to the hoop... Woody has hops. Yes.

Top Gun: Maverick is a five-ball movie

[How many balls would you give Top Gun 2?] Five. [So you do know the system.] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The murderer in Don't F*ck With Cats was not a genius mastermind

This guy is not as smart as everyone's making him out to be. He is not some mastermind. He's a fucked up piece of shit... he's narcissistic and he got caught in like three days.

The movie Cats will release a new version next week to exploit its own failure

I'm a little bit woke because it is getting people talking about the movie Cats... what they're doing is they're taking the movie back. They're re-editing certain scenes and sending an entirely new version out next week. So now the people that already saw it are going to want to go back and see it again.

Baby Yoda is the breakout star of The Mandalorian

Baby Yoda is the breakout star. It's basically the main character of the show, but he's electric. If you watch the show, he is so cute.

Space Jam 2 is going to suck

He's [LeBron] doing Space Jam 2, man. It's going to suck. Yeah, for sure. He'll ruin it.

LeBron James is an asshole for trying to trademark 'Taco Tuesday'

LeBron's an asshole. Let's just go business hour with LeBron. I do just hate him. He is trademarking Taco Tuesday. Trying. This is the guy who his big inventions, his big ideas, business ideas. Talking in a barbershop. With his friends. Space Jam 2. Remember when he created Plinko?

Odell Beckham Jr. will eventually bring back his old hairstyle

I predict that the old hair is coming back... I do too.

Pro wrestling is real, but has predetermined finishes

I would say wrestling is real... We have predetermined finishes. And I like to say that we were like no different than the NBA... We're like a Broadway with body slams. You know, we're a form of entertainment that you can't get anywhere else.

The Bachelorette winner Jed and Hannah B. will break up within a month of doing a People magazine feature

I think they stay together until it's always they do like a People magazine story about the couple. About nine months later, they're usually living in some really nice Nashville house and they're like, we love our new life... right when that comes out, they'll break up within a month.