Takes

John Cena will return to WWE within the 2026 calendar year

I would say within a calendar year [of now]. ... Next calendar year, [John Cena] will be back. If it was his final match, he would not have lost.

Taylor Swift's new album is a flop

My other's back the week is Taylor Swift... heard it was a flop. From what I've seen, I, I would give it not her best... some are saying it's, it's chat GPT. It's it's, yeah.

Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time

I'm just gonna get mad. I wanna just enjoy a movie and Happy Gilmore 1 is the funniest movie of all time.

Coldplay staged the viral Kiss Cam moment for publicity

I feel like Coldplay might have set this whole thing up because we're talking about Coldplay online. Coldplay's getting talked about more than they've ever been talked about so much.

The Gallagher brothers will break up before the Oasis reunion tour finishes

I would be disappointed if they didn't break up during the tour. That means that they've changed. And I want the same Oasis.

Morgan Wallen is fully back after his recent controversies

Morgan Wallen... he had some controversies, you know, throwing a chair over their ledge... I just feel like he was a fantastic star. I think he's so back.

Anne Hathaway has a fixation for scouting gritty athletes like OG Anunoby and Danny Woodhead

Anne Hathaway is back. And if you look at the stats. A guy Riggs posted about this OG Anunoby ran into Anne Hathaway Courtside. He was jumping outta bounds to save a ball. Since that moment he's been, he's had 24.3 points per game. Now Anne Hathaway is leaning into it. So she's like posting pictures of OG Anunoby on her Instagram. The one other obscure ish athlete that she's developed a fixation for over her career was Danny Woodhead. She's a massive Danny Woodhead fan.

The show 'The Librarians: The Next Chapter' looks like the dumbest show of all time

The librarians, the next chapter. They're showing these commercials in all these games. It like it. I can't believe it's a real show that is being made. It looks like this is the best whose guy ever dumb this fucking show of all time.

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

I find myself actually liking LeBron James after watching the 'Starting Five' show on Netflix.

I have been watching, there's a lot episodes, so I'm, I'm not finished with it. But the NBA starting five show on Netflix. ... I do find myself like liking LeBron... He's funny. ... Like he's just, it's just the, he's funny. He's just a big goof.

Jay-Z picked Kendrick Lamar for the Super Bowl halftime show just to spite Drake

Jay-Z doesn't like Drake. So he basically did the opposite. He took Kendrick. Also, Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. They're just gonna make it to the Drake can never watch a Super Bowl again.

Kendrick Lamar is winning the beef because he is speaking for everyone who hates Drake

Drake is responding to Kendrick Lamar, but Kendrick Lamar is, the way he's dropping these things is basically he's speaking for a lot more people that just haven't said anything to Drake in a long time... It essentially talking for a bunch of people being like, we've been saying this shit behind your back.

J. Cole is the real winner of the Drake-Kendrick rap beef

The smartest person, the real winner of this entire beef is J. Cole because J. Cole was in it. And then he went on stage and he was like, no, I'm kind of a pussy so I don't want to do this. Smart. He's the goat for recognizing that he did not want to be anywhere involved in this.

Beyonce's 'Jolene' cover is not good and should be skipped

Beyonce's Jolene sucks. That's, she covered it on this album. She did it. And it's a skip. Oh, it's a big skip. It's skip. It's not good. Boy.

Sydney Sweeney is bringing back the era of 'tits' over 'asses'

My who's back of the week is Sydney Sweeney. She was on SNL. ... People are saying, is Sidney Sweeney bringing back tits? Well, there's been don don't know. What would you say? A decade run where asses have been number one. ... We might look back in history and be like, when did Tits come back? Sidney Sweeney.

Ludacris should have a 'Lud Bowl' halftime show performing all his features

I think that they should do a Lud Bowl halftime show where it's Ludacris. It goes out and he performs like all of his features with all the other artists that have had him on their songs.

I was right about Brittany Mahomes being attractive

I want to just all due respect, Patrick, you've won... your wife is hot. And I would say that his wife is very attractive. Good job. I got this one right.

Tom Brady is a 'trophy husband' who needs a sugar mama like Kim Kardashian

Tom Brady is a stay-at-home dad. He needs to find another sugar mama to pay his bills because he always likes women who make more than him. That's just the facts. ... He's a trophy husband. ... Now he's looking for someone to take care of him.

Zach Bryan is the best musical artist of my generation

Check out Zach Bryan if you haven't. I think he's the best artist of ever. My generation. My generation.

The upcoming Harry Potter TV show will suck

The movie sucks. The show's probably gonna suck too. That's my take.

Sam Hurd was released from prison early to serve as viral marketing for the movie Cocaine Bear

Sam Hurd has been released from Federal penitentiary... after serving a 10 year sentence for distributing cocaine. Timing is very suspicious with the release of Cocaine Bear. A lot of people are saying that this judge might have taken some money to do some gorilla marketing for the movie.

Megan Fox followed Eminem on Instagram specifically to spite Machine Gun Kelly

Megan Fox is back. Her and Machine Gun Kelly broke up and she unfollowed everybody on Instagram except for three people... Eminem... I feel like she just followed Eminem just to fuck with Machine Gun Kelly.

LeBron James is lying about when he started listening to Migos

LeBron today wore an outfit... a reporter asked him... he said 'I love Migos. I've been listening to them since I was in Miami in 2010.' The Migos didn't start putting music out until 2011 and they weren't really popular until 2013... just no reason to lie whatsoever.

Five years is the official amount of time for a meme to become funny again

It's the perfect time for it to come full circle. Cause we've, we've predicted, we've had this conversation off air many times. Like when do you think Harambe jokes are going to be funny again? I think five years is now officially the amount of time when something can become fun again.

Harambe is officially back as a cultural force due to the Bengals' Super Bowl run

My who's back of the week is our sweet prince Heran bay. We obviously were very early on it in 2016... with the Bengals making this run, then being from Cincinnati it's of naturally happened... it went Facebook, super nuclear viral... it's back.

Emily in Paris is a genius show despite being terrible

Emily in Paris is the worst show ever by the way, never watched it... it is mind-numbingly bad, but it's one of those shows that's so bad. It sucks you in... It's a genius show. It's a genius show and it's terrible. But it's genius.

Urban Meyer's wife sent him to the bar to get his charisma back

I think Shelly Meyer might win wife of the year... led me to believe that she was like, 'Urban, go out and remember why you're Urban Meyer. Go out and hit on some chicks and get that swagger back. Get that charisma back. Get that fucking confidence back.' I think she actually sent him out to be like, go out, pick up a chick. Don't have sex with her, but pick her up and remind yourself why you're the alpha.

Dog the Bounty Hunter will find Brian Laundrie before the FBI

Dog the Bounty Hunter is on the trail of Brian Laundrie... What happens if Dog finds him before the FBI? He absolutely will. He's Dog the Bounty Hunter. Like Brian Laundrie probably saw that clip and he's like, all right, it's over.

The Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez relationship is a fake publicity stunt

It's fake love because it's all publicity stunt. The fact that they're remaking old pictures, they don't actually love each other. Imagine doing this, imagine having a relationship that is all for the tabloids... it's disgusting.

The internet trend of saying 'The Beatles suck' is objectively wrong

A decent amount of the internet is now just co-opted to take the Beatles suck and it blows my mind... You can say you don't personally like the Beatles... but saying they just suck is... the dumbest thing to say... Music that is occurring right now would not happen if it wasn't for the Beatles.

Fast and Furious is the best movie franchise to watch while stoned

I don't think that there's a franchise of movies that's better to watch stoned in your entirety than Fast and the Furious.

Jeffrey Toobin should own his scandal and become 'the jack off guy'

He should have been like, 'Hey guys, listen, I'm a guy. I jerk off.' You know what? You should trust me more because I'm just a regular guy who jerks off and guess what? This is my pledge to you. I will not do it in front of any more cameras. Lean into it. You have to own it at this point. Just become the jack off guy.

The 'Is Die Hard a Christmas movie?' debate is the worst thing ever

My who's back of the week is people asking, is Die Hard a Christmas movie? I saw it start to happen. Fuck. This is the hot dog is a sandwich debate. If anybody asks you this question, they are a police officer. Do not answer them... Please don't do it. I will lose respect for you.

LeBron James calling DK Metcalf 'Baby Bron' is the lamest thing ever

How come we didn't talk about this earlier? DK? LeBron James posting a story on his Instagram referring to DK Metcalf as baby Bron. Lamest thing ever. This guy's really good. He's baby Bron? I would be so pissed off if I was DK Metcalf.

Bronny James Jr. is better at smoking weed than I am

I would say I would say something like that. Yeah, smoking the nuggets pack. He's better at smoking weed than I am. Oh, he's what, 16 years old? He's great at smoking.

Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with dating famous people

Shailene Woodley. Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with just dating famous people. He just dates... I think maybe... you'd probably want to date a non-famous person to convince them to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin.

The entire world might be made of cake

There was a video titled, 'These are all cakes.' It's like a three minute video... it blew my mind. Then everyone convinced themselves that you know, maybe the world is just a giant cake. Like the Matrix.

Tekashi 6ix9ine's addiction to Instagram Live will eventually lead to his downfall

this dude is so good at self-promotion... But the only downside to it is he's addicted to going live. He goes live when he's about to commit crimes. And as somebody who's on the run from people that are looking for him, I think that's going to be his downfall.

I am 'Team J' in the Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari divorce

I'm team J. I don't know anything, I literally don't know anything, but I'm team J. ... That's my quarterback. Frat bros gotta stick together... I am team J forever and always unless noted he gets arrested for a felony.

Britney Spears set a world record by running the 100m dash in 5.97 seconds

Britney Spears set a world record in the 100 meter dash. She ran a hundred meters in 5.97 seconds on a treadmill which is four seconds faster than Usain Bolt... no one's gonna break that record.

Game of Thrones Season 8 was so bad that no one will rewatch it even during quarantine

I tweeted that the 8th season was so insultingly bad that people about to be locked in their houses for weeks on end and no one's going to rewatch Game of Thrones.

Breaking Bad is the best show of all time

I did the same thing that you did with Game of Thrones with Breaking Bad and I'm never really watched that show ever... it's the best show of all time.

1917 was a better movie than Parasite

I did like 1917 more, but Parasite was just as good. Like it was one of those—let the record show, 1917 was better.

The movie Cats will release a new version next week to exploit its own failure

I'm a little bit woke because it is getting people talking about the movie Cats... what they're doing is they're taking the movie back. They're re-editing certain scenes and sending an entirely new version out next week. So now the people that already saw it are going to want to go back and see it again.

Breaking Bad is the best show in the history of television

Breaking Bad movie following the season finale... I'm very excited about that. Very excited. Best show in the history of television.

The Area 51 meme is the reason people are now bum rushing music festival gates

I blame the organizer of the Area 51 thing for just convincing people everywhere to get a big group and run through a fence. Some of these kids were jumping fences [at Lollapalooza], and I was just shocked by their athleticism.

The Jeopardy buzzer is goosed to help James Holzhauer win

I think Jeopardy's probably goosing his buzzer speed because he's really, really quick on the thumb... I think the buzzer on the left is faster than the other ones because it's in the best interest of Jeopardy to have a dominant star. They need a king.

Country Trap is back and here to stay

Country Trap is back and it's going to stay around for a while... All I'm saying is we talked about it on the show and now [Lil Nas X] is number one and number three on the charts.

The Motley Crue movie 'The Dirt' is ten times better than Bohemian Rhapsody

Motley Crue is also back... They put out a Netflix movie. I know Queen Bohemian Rhapsody won all the awards. This was like a 10 times better of a biopic movie. All sex, drugs, rock and roll.

Adnan Syed is definitely guilty

The one you're talking about [Serial] came out five years ago about Adnan Syed. Who I think is really, really guilty. But for some reason, they just... I don't know. He just seems like it was a show about a guy that was guilty that had very charming murderer.