Takes

Being an American soccer fan is the 'worst kind of guy you could be'

Being an American soccer fan is like, it's the, it's just the worst kind of guy you could be. Really? It's just the most [lame]. I live in Brooklyn, and I like footy. Like, it's just like shut up, you know.

Soccer is the most boring popular sport in the world

Soccer? Don't under don't understand. It's the most popular sport in the world. Yep. By far. Yep. And I watch a game and it seems so fucking boring. Like I get the moment that you get the goal is very fun. But every other moment in between it is like, when are they gonna fucking do something?

CONCACAF is rigged to ensure the United States doesn't win the Gold Cup

I join the chorus of those who were saying CONCACAF rigged. They don't want to see the United States win the Gold Cup. They'd much rather have it be Mexico.

The United States might actually just suck at soccer

So if [Pochettino] loses it's the, we might suck at soccer. Yeah, we might suck at soccer. Okay. I've been saying that.

Offsides should be removed from soccer

Offsides should be taken out of soccer. There should be no offsides.

The USMNT will never be great until the players care enough to fight fans in the stands

The United States will never be great at soccer until our players care enough to go into the stands and fight people from other countries. It just means more. That somehow a Malice at the Palace situation... these guys just fucking care about soccer.

The USMNT might just suck at soccer regardless of the coaching

Now I agree that Greg Berhalter should be fired... is there a chance we just suck at soccer? I feel like everyone just tells us that this is the best players that we've ever had. And yet if you look at it, it's like 20 years ago or 30 years ago, we accomplished way more.

NBA players would win the World Cup for the US in four months if they switched to soccer

If the Bucks decided that they wanted to be the US men's national team in soccer, we'd win a World Cup. No problem. Pick any sport. They'd be our best soccer player without a doubt. Give them four months.

Messi's assist against the Red Bulls was the craziest pass I've ever seen

Beat the Red Bulls scored another or no? Yeah. Unbelievable goal. Probably the craziest pass I've ever seen in the, in the sport of football... I think it was [better than his World Cup pass].

Expected goals is the biggest crock of shit stat in sports

I'm a big expected goals guy. You know the expected goals account that tweets out... how many goals you should have scored... that is maybe the biggest crock of shit stat in sports. It's like, well based on how you guys really played, you won two to nothing.

The US Women's National Team are 'entitled babies'

No, you shouldn't be celebrating like that after you tie Portugal. Zero. Zero. You only won one game against Vietnam... So act listen, you haven't won shit yet. They're entitled, they're entitled babies.

MLS team names like Inter Miami and Real Salt Lake are stupid

I fucking hate MLS team names. Yeah. Inter Miami... I love the entire aesthetic of Inter Miami... but it's just the team names are stupid when it's like inter Miami Ray Salt Lake. FC Sporting kc. Yeah. Gimme a fucking break.

Lionel Messi is the undisputed GOAT after winning the World Cup

My who's back is the World Cup. That game was awesome. Messi is the goat. I mean, Ronaldo, I mean, there's nothing left. Messi has literally won it all. It's all over. He's the goat. Also, no argument left. No debate.

Cristiano Ronaldo is the GOAT

Ronaldo, my goat got benched. People don't like Ronaldo. I don't understand. ... Ronaldo's the goat, Messi's great but Ronaldo greater.

Lionel Messi is a better and more magical soccer player than Cristiano Ronaldo

I respect the amount of work that Ronaldo puts in... he's top notch pro. But Messi, I mean, what the guy has done on the field, it's magic. You don't see that in a player. And I don't know when, and if we will ever see a player that is quite like Messi again.

Michelle Akers is the greatest women's soccer player of all time

All time goats... I would say probably Michelle Akers. Yeah. She just—talk about somebody that would run through a brick wall, play on one leg if she had to, she scored in some of the biggest moments. She was definitely somebody I looked up to.

Premier League coaching and academies are night and day compared to the American system

When your kid and the academy system growing up over here in Europe, they just have such good coaching... Over here [Europe], there's just more purpose into training and playing the game. They know it better and they just understand it more than than I was taught growing up... when I was growing up to what I see over here, it was night and day.

Soccer is a joke because games are decided by penalty kicks with lasers in players' faces

I said that soccer is a joke. Like the fact that your spot at the World Cup is determined by a fucking penalty kick with laser beams getting shot in your face is a joke.

I don't believe the United States will ever be good at soccer

I just don't believe that we will win. It's that simple... I wish we were good at soccer. We're not. And I'm not gonna pretend like soccer matters in this country when it doesn't.

Liverpool is currently the best soccer team in the world

It's great just being able to walk around saying we are the best team in the world... Because we are... at the minute, the best team in the world. And it's fucking great to watch, lad.

Mo Salah is the best player in the world right now

And we've got the best player in the world at the minute in Mohamed Salah.

Lionel Messi has more God-given talent than Cristiano Ronaldo

Messi... Ronaldo's man-made, where Messi's God-given talent... Like Ronaldo's work for everything himself, where Messi was just given that talent, where when he's got that ball at his feet, it's like it's super glued to it.

Cristiano Ronaldo is the greatest soccer player of all time

Who is your goat in soccer? [Bolt]: Cristiano Ronaldo... from my experience from very far... Madrid, plus I know Manchester... Tom Brady proved to the world he's the one. Ronaldo proved he's the one.

Nick Saban could make Alabama the number one soccer team in the world immediately

I know we joke, but if Nick Saban and the Alabama football team decided they wanted to be number one soccer team in the world, they would. Immediately. Zero training. Yes, they just would.

The U.S. women's soccer team sucks at soccer now

My hot seat is the U.S. women's soccer team because they lost and we stink... I tweeted about like, oh, we suck at soccer now.

The European Super League would have been sick and a great idea

I honestly kind of missed the idea of the super league. I, again, it's bad. We understand football's a sport. Everything else is a business, but super league would have been sick and low key. Imagine Man City against Barcelona on a Wednesday, like twice a year on a Wednesday that you would have. That's just a great idea. Great idea.

Gareth Southgate is to blame for England's Euro loss due to delayed substitutions

I think south gate [Southgate], I think you took too long to meet the changes because when you brought on stack off [Saka] is when they equalized... Sack [Saka] was 19. How'd you make it a 19 year old, 10 [take] the final penny [penalty]? How can you make a 19 year old?

Soccer should change the rules to prohibit scoring on a penalty kick rebound

I don't think you should be able to rebound a penalty in soccer... I just feel like you should get it if you miss it you miss it... If you miss it, you miss it. It's a fucking free throw.

American sports owners like Stan Kroenke and the Glazers tried to turn European football into WrestleMania

And in came the American sports owners... Stan Kroenke, who it's not clear to me actually knows he owns Arsenal... you've got the Glazers... and they've got ideas... it was a bit like that old sci-fi show V where we welcomed in the aliens who seem nice... to try and turn what is precious, what has grown over a century, just that evolution, the history, the traditions, and to try and turn that into WrestleMania was a bit dark.

Cristiano Ronaldo is not a top three Ronaldo

It's time that we have an honest conversation about Ronaldo. I don't even think he's a top three Ronaldo. You've got Ronaldo, you've got Ronaldinho, who is named Ronaldo... Fat Ronaldo. He's number six overall Ronaldo.

The European Super League would actually have been sweet because of the high-level matchups.

The Super League kind of would have been sweet. ... Imagine if there was just a Wednesday, like every Wednesday afternoon, just the best teams in the world playing each other. ... would you watch because it's going to be sweet. They'd be like, yeah, I'd watch. ... It would have been fucking sweet.

America deserves all the credit for killing the European Super League

In order to kill something so evil as the Super League, you have to create it. So shouldn't Americans get credit for creating something that the world can get behind and [kill]? We did this. We created and killed it, so we deserve all the credit. Specifically this show and generally America.

The US soccer team needs European coaches to reach the next level

I think you need better coaching. So European coaches coming over here will help you... You have to spend money on grassroots... Because, like it or not, we're the ones that understand the best football. We've got the philosophies.

Messi is better than Ronaldo because he is better at cheating on his taxes

Messi is probably got like a billion... He's better at shooting us, he got away with cheating on taxes for longer than Ronaldo did. Rinaldo you bitch. Messy has one, two, three, four, five, six golden boots. Count the booties.

Calcio Storico makes all other sports look lame

I went into this being like 'this might make rugby look bad' and then I went out of it being like it makes every sport look bad because every sport is just lame compared to this. It's just Fight Club with a scoring element. It really does make all other sports just like... hockey guys are going to watch this and be like, 'whoops, we thought we were the tough sport.'

Soccer is boring because you cannot use your hands

Soccer... simple, just because any sport that you can't use your hands, that's like 50% of your body and the stuff that are much more important and you can't even use it. You're just running around, at most you're scoring one goal. It's boring as fuck.

I would take over and coach US Soccer

I will take over US Soccer. I would be the coach of US Soccer... You automatically get to drive an Audi. That's part of the deal... I would like that.

I am done with U.S. Men's Soccer after the loss to Canada

Just when you think it couldn't get worse, we lose to Canada. ... I'm done with the U.S. soccer until they start fucking just doing anything. ... I'm done being embarrassed. I want them to be good.

Tim Howard is the greatest male U.S. soccer player of all time

I would say the greatest, the greatest male U.S. soccer player. Landon Donovan, Kobe Jones, Alexi Lalas, [Dempsey], [Dempsey], Freddie Adu. That's it. That's the list.

VAR is ruining soccer and we should go back to just complaining about refs

My other fire fest... is robots. Especially VAR robots in the World Cup, in the Women's World Cup. It's ruining soccer. It is absolutely ruining it. I'm actually the mindset that I'm out on instant replay across the board. I think we've gone too far. Fuck the robots. We need to complain about refs.

Alexi Lalas has the most smug face in national sports media

Alexi Lalas looking like a smug prick on national television. It's Alexi Lalas season, and that means that he gets to stare into the camera after every single game looking smugly like he kidnapped your dog... He's back in a bit. He's got the most smug face, I think, on national sports media these days.

The World Cup is the best tournament to win because you're the champion for four years

The World Cup is the best tournament to win because you get to be champion for four years. That's pretty fucking sweet. It's like being president.

Lionel Messi is the greatest soccer player of all time, better than Cristiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo versus Messi. Who's better? [Rooney:] Messi. Yeah, I think I've said it before, but they're both probably the best players ever to play the game. And I just think Messi is... In my eyes, the greatest ever.

Soccer is the greatest sport ever created

What's something that the casual fan doesn't understand about the sport? [Rooney:] For me, it's the greatest sport ever created.

The US not making the 2018 World Cup was the best thing for soccer in America

The U.S. not making this World Cup is actually the best thing that has ever happened for soccer in America... with the U.S. removed, you watch this World Cup... and people got to enjoy soccer for soccer and not worry about, are we good enough? Is the U.S. up there with them? They just got to enjoy the game.

FIFA should use 'retroactive penalty kicks' to settle group stage ties

Anytime a tie happens in group stage, they should just do a PK that they can save for later. It's like, this doesn't count now, but if you guys end up tying everything else, it then counts.

Messi is the GOAT

[Speaker 0] (3:25-3:27) And Messi is the GOAT.

Soccer players are frauds and the sport isn't that difficult to play

Soccer players are frauds. I don't think that it's that difficult to play soccer.

Messi is the greatest footballer ever, better than Cristiano Ronaldo

I am always Team Messi. Always. Messi is the greatest footballer I have ever seen in my life for so many different reasons.

The US Men's National Team would have had a strong showing in the World Cup if they had qualified

I believe that we would have had a strong showing in the World Cup had we qualified for it and not lost to Trinidad and Tobago, based on the results of this friendly [against France].