Takes

The Patriots vs. Bills game will be a shootout

I'm excited. I'm really excited. I think this game is gonna be a shootout. I think it's gonna, you know, Patriots are gonna have to get a little bit lucky, but it's gonna be a good test... One score. Yeah... I love the Patriots team total over, I love the regular over.

Jaden Daniels will run all over the Buccaneers

I think Jayden is going to run the fuck outta the football. And I think Austin Eckler is gonna run the fuck outta the football. I think that Todd Bowles is going to, if he tries to blitz Jayden the way that he did in week one, it's not gonna end up well for him.

TJ Watt's injury might be a psychological 'Art of War' ploy to trick the Ravens

I have a theory about TJ Watt's injury... I think this could be an Art of War situation. Sun Sue Art of War. Make your enemy think that you were weak when you were strong... Start throwing out the one in 10 without TJ Watts Stats... Let people start thinking during the week of practice. Maybe TJ's not gonna be playing this week.

Michael Penix Jr. is the guy to finally unlock Bijan Robinson and Kyle Pitts

I think [Michael Penix Jr.] might be the guy to finally unlock Bijan [Robinson] and give us a proper... maybe Kyle Pitts just needs a left-handed quarterback.

The New York Jets will dominate the Jacksonville Jaguars

I think this is gonna be a shit kicking by the Jets... This is actually my game of the year. I think they're gonna take all the frustrations out of this dog shit season onto the Jaguars Sunday.

Shane Waldron was the primary issue behind the Bears' struggles

Shane Waldron is the Antichrist. Shane Waldron caused all the problems. Shane Waldron, every war tragedy, anything you can think of in history. Shane Waldron was the issue behind it... The only way I can tell myself that the Bears have a chance is that Shane Waldron was deliberately holding the Bears back in every capacity and now everything's gonna be different.

The Vikings are the best team in the NFL

The Vikings are the best team in the NFL... Sam Darnold potential revenge game. Even though we already had it one time. But it's a bounce back. There won't be any rain.

Purdue will win the National Championship as a redemption story similar to Virginia in 2019

I love love, love love Purdue. Revenge... The UVA formula. And what, what didn't UVA win the next year? Yeah. It's happening again.

Every NFC South coach who doesn't win the division will be fired

Whoever wins the NFC South will not fire their coach going into next season. Agreed. Every other team will... I'm not saying that they should... we can say the entire NFC South is coaching for their job.

The 49ers will beat the Eagles this Sunday, but the Eagles will win the NFC Championship rematch

The Eagles have the defense... played 92 snaps on Sunday. That's a lot of snaps... I feel like the Niners have this game circled more than the Eagles can. And I think that like, this will be the NFC championship game in the Eagles will probably beat them in the NFC championship game. But I feel like this Sunday it's Niners.

Bet on any team playing the Bears to win their division

I've told everyone, If, you want to If you like the Saints this week. Which you should. 'cause they'll beat the Bears. Bet 'em to win the, the, the division. Now's the time. It's a free win bet. Every team who play, every team who plays the Bears just bet that team to win the division. 'cause you know, you'll get at least better odds once they beat the Bears.

Aiden O'Connell will be a future starting quarterback in the NFL

I have a take. I think Aiden O'Connell might be a future starting quarterback in the NFL... I saw him against the Chargers. He looked good.

I want Jim Harbaugh to coach the Bears and draft Caleb Williams

I want Caleb Williams. I have said the names Caleb Williams and Jim Harbaugh probably a hundred times in the last four days. I want to bring back man football. Let Jim Harbaugh just stuff all the dorks in Halas Hall into a locker and just go back to being a man football team.

Bryce Young is too small and has a slender frame that will lead to injuries

I get the Bryce Young hype. I get it. The thing is... you can't put 30 pounds on Bryce Young. His frame is, his frame is just, it does, it's not gonna work. If you look at his frame, he's slender at the shoulders... Because of that, like, he's gonna be more injury prone.

NBA Finals Prediction: Nuggets over Bucks

If it's not the suns, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna stick with my nuggets. My nuggets over Hank's Celtics... Nuggets over the bucks.

The Chargers are the worst tackling team in the NFL

I think the Chargers might be the worst tackling team in the NFL. They just don't tackle. I feel like every Chargers game you'll just watch guys just running around like broken plays. Guys not being able to get tackled.

Deshaun Watson will be rusty and the Texans will cover +7

Texans plus seven Dashaun Watson's coming back. He is playing his first game of football since January 3rd, 2021. That's essentially two years. In between football games. That's a long time. It's a long time to not play football. Yes.

The Jaguars have never had a good tight end in their franchise history

I don't think the Jaguars have ever had a good tight end ever. Yeah. Like Mercedes Lewis. Lewis is the only one I could think of. But when he was on the Jaguars, I think he was just mostly a blocking tight end... The Jaguars have never had a good tight end ever.

Tom Brady will demolish the Falcons to avoid a three-game losing streak

My favorite is the Bucks minus nine against the Falcons at home... Tom Brady has not had a three game losing streak since 2002... He's 10 and oh against the Falcons... He's going to demolish the Falcons.

The Falcons aren't as bad as people think they are

I also just like the Falcons at home, I've kind of a hot take on the Falcons. I actually don't think they're that bad. Their offense is fun. So they're not that bad. I've got a new tier for the Falcons in your power rankings. It's just 'they're not that bad.' They're not as bad as you think they are because their offense when they do get the ball to their playmakers, they're actually scoring a shitload of points.

The Ravens might be fraudulent

I just got baited. Yeah, you take the [over]. The Ravens defense sucks. Their defense, they're really bad. Like I'm, for the first time in my life, I'm considering using the word fraud. I think this Ravens team might be fraudulent. I think their defense is just that bad.

I'm going to get jacked and start dressing like an adult in 2022

I'm getting jacked again and starting to dress more like an adult... Look what I got for Christmas... It's a satchel. It's not a backpack. Adult steps.

The Bills are the #1 team in the league right now

My current BCS rankings have the Cardinals and the Bills, one and two. [But] the fun fact about the Bills, they have double the point differential than the second team not named the Cardinals... The Bills are plus 108. They are fucking killing people. We can agree. Bills should be at the top.

Kirk Cousins will turn back into a 'pumpkin' on Halloween against the Cowboys

I've actually identified exactly when [Kirk Cousins] is going to turn back into old Kirk Cousins... Halloween. I think he's going to have the entire month of October this year, and then on Halloween he's playing in against the Cowboys and he's got some tougher defenses that he's going to be going up against.

Arkansas will 'kill' Oral Roberts in the Sweet 16

Oral Roberts, Arkansas. Arkansas is going to kill them. Must bust all the way.

I will 'wipe Jose Canseco off the face of the earth' and force him to retire from public life

If I beat up Jose Canseco and he loses his fight, I don't see how he can even show his face in public again. So I'm literally wiping him off the face of the earth. We're never going to hear from him again.

The Bills are going to crush the Steelers

I think the Bills are going to crush them, actually.

Michael Thomas is a terrible fit for Jameis Winston's deep-passing skill set

I can't think of a wide receiver that fits Jameis Winston's skill set less than Michael Thomas. Just running slants, just going as close to linebackers as possible. Bad, bad. Yeah, just tell him, I know that your captain slant runs straight downfield. Go deep, go deep.

The 2020 Steelers are a 'fun' offensive team, not just a defensive juggernaut

I'm starting to embrace the fact that the Steelers are fun... the Steelers are a fun offensive football team, and it's taken me probably two and a half years of them actually being electric on offense for me to accept that fact.

Keeping Adam Gase is the smartest move for the Jets because he is a 'tank' that can't be accused of tanking

Keeping Adam Gase is the smartest thing you can do is GM because... it actually Adam Gase is your tank like he is your tank but not tanking. You can't be accused of tanking, but you are tanking when you have Adam Gase there.

Tom Brady will have a massive 'get right' game against the Panthers

I think Tom Brady's going to eat this week and everyone's like, oh my God Tom Brady's back. Yeah Bruce Arians did the classic Bruce Arians thing where he just spent the entire week making fun of Tom Brady.

The Buccaneers and Patriots Week 1 results will be a referendum on Tom Brady's legacy

What has to happen is we need the Buccaneers to win and the Patriots to lose or the Patriots to win the Buccaneers to lose so we can really hammer into that story. Storylines cannot be taken back. This weekend is a referendum on the life-altering change of course that Tom Brady made.

I will bet on any NFL team that was bad the previous year in Week 1

My week one strategy is just basically bet on the teams that sucked last year.

Bears recycle their urine and feces into carbohydrates while they hibernate

They recycle their poop and pee while they hibernate... we don't poop and they turn it into more carbohydrates while they hibernate.

The Chiefs will win Super Bowl 54 and Tyrann Mathieu will have a turnover

I'm also taking the Chiefs. I have a lot of conviction in that bet... The Honey Badger is making the difference in this game. He's going to have at least one turnover. He has been the key to the Chiefs defense stepping up.

Ryan Tannehill is peaking and will never play better than he is right now

We're in the process of watching Ryan Tannehill as good as he's probably ever as good as his body is capable of playing football. That's how he's playing. The best will ever get it's probably not going to get any better than this.

The New Orleans Saints will blow out the Atlanta Falcons

I think that the wonky game already happened with the Saints and the Falcons. I think the Saints are going to blow them out.

The Packers and Broncos will hit the under 43

I'm taking the Packers and Broncos under 43. The Broncos last 10 games, 10 unders. And the Packers defense is good. I think that's going to be the easiest under of the week.

The Dolphins will hit the Over on their 2019 win total

The fact that there was only one person that picked their team to finish with a worse record than Vegas, that means that we have to take the over for the Dolphins. We got to fucking hammer that over on Dolphins.

The Eagles will cover +8 and win against the Saints because of Nick Foles

I'm taking the Eagles. I'm taking all the underdogs this week... I feel like eight is too much. And Nick Foles, whatever's going on, I don't know... I just don't know how you can go against whatever the hell is going on with Nick Foles.

If the Cowboys are a legitimate NFC contender, they will beat the Bucs by 20+

If the Cowboys are a legitimate NFC contender, they beat the Bucs in this game by 20 plus. They bury Jameis Winston. They do not let him off the mat.

The Saints will 'kill' the Steelers

I think the Saints are going to kill the Steelers. The Saints, there's a lot of talk... oh, maybe not so good. They're not looking as great the last few weeks. They're at home. They're going to kill the Steelers. Mike Tomlin versus Sean Payton, enough said.

The Bears are officially good if they can beat the Patriots

If the Bears can beat the Patriots, then they're officially good. It's going to be a big test.

Josh Rosen will be exposed as a fraud against the Seahawks

My pick's going to be the Seahawks, minus three... the Cardinals. Yeah, Josh Rosen's going to throw like four picks... After this week, he'll be exposed.

Josh Gordon won't succeed in New England if he couldn't in Cleveland

If you can't get your shit together enough to play for the Browns and for the Browns to release you—I think that if you can't get your shit together enough to be able to play on the Browns for six years, then you're probably not going to be able to play for Bill Belichick.

The Warriors will beat the Cavs in the Finals in only three games

I'm going Cavs-Warriors again, and the Warriors win in three games.

Cam Newton stinks again

Cam Newton stinks again. Well, that's not entirely true. Okay. He kind of stinks. He likes to go up and down. I feel like when Cam, when everyone's like, ooh, Cam's putting it all together. He's like, hey, guys, watch this. Hey, hold my avocado. Watch this. Because he's a millennial. He's going to fucking just throw three interceptions and look like trash.

Gonzaga is a team of destiny because they absorbed Northwestern's power

I do believe in teams of destiny absorbing the teams they beat and their destiny... So they took out Northwestern, which was a true team of destiny, and they absorbed all that destiny. They're double the destiny.

This week in the NFL will be a 'wonky' week where crazy things happen

I think there's gonna be a wonky week. It's one of those weeks where it's just like crazy things happen I just have a feeling... I just I feel like this is gonna be a wonky week.

The Lakers will make the playoffs and win over 24.5 games

I'm going to stick with the L.A. Lakers. Over. I'm going to tease my own show. I got the Lakers in the playoffs this year... This team can only go up. That's like 25 wins unto itself.