Takes

The Texans are officially my Pinky Team and I don't think they can win the Super Bowl

The Texans are officially be my Pinky team... I will cut the tip of my pinky off of the Texans win the Super Bowl. That's a, that's a fair. And I don't even think, yeah. I hate the pinky bet. Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand thrilling.

Arch Manning stinks right now and is a fundamentally different quarterback than we expected

I don't know what the hell this is. It looks like he's throwing from a different arm slot... I thought maybe he could be average at worst. I don't know what the hell this is... it does feel like it's mental. It feels like the yips almost.

I'm eventually going to lose the tip of my pinky on a bet

I'm probably gonna lose a pinky. Eventually. I'm gonna lose a pinky. We're gonna do this show for the next 40 years. I'm gonna do this bet every year for some year. I'm gonna lose the pinky.

The Chiefs' Mahomes and Andy Reid dynasty is finished

I just think the dynasty's over. I think Andy Reid and Mahomes dynasty's finished... usually when they pan the camera to Andy Reid, he's got a certain amount of girth... but this time it almost looks a little hollow. It looks a little empty.

The Green Bay Packers are a generational, once-in-a-lifetime team

Today is September 12th and the Green Bay Packers are a problem. Generational team. I listen credit to us. We said if they don't win the Super Bowl, it would be the greatest upset in the history of sports. And they are so good. They're guaranteed to win this Super Bowl and probably next year's Super Bowl.

The Buffalo Bills are going to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl

Bills have the easiest schedule now. Undefeated. Would it, wouldn't it be funny if the bills went undefeated? It's week one. I'm not gonna overreact, but I think that the Buffalo Bills are gonna go undefeated. Win the Super Bowl.

If the Commanders beat the Packers, I am expecting a Super Bowl

If we beat the Packers, anything less than a Super Bowl championship this year will be a, a massive crushing disappointment to me. If we win against the Packers, I'm thinking soupy, soupy.

The Packers are the best team in the NFL by far and will win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna take the Packers in this game. The Packers are the best team in the NFL. I don't even think it's close. Not close. They're gonna win the Super Bowl... If the Packers somehow don't win the Super Bowl, which it's would be pretty crazy. If they don't, I will be first in line saying I was wrong.

Nico Iamaleava should transition to being a wide receiver

Nico, I'm a receiver. Yeah, that's, that's what I'm calling him... I think he's very fast. I think he's got great change of direction. I think he has no idea how to throw like an intermediate pass whatsoever.

The Packers fleeced the Cowboys in the Micah Parsons trade

Packers fleeced... yes this is a cope and then I'm gonna mute the whole thing. This is crazy... will there be a player in the next two drafts in the, let's call it 15 to 25 range, where the packers will most likely be picking that will be better than Micah Parsons? The answer is no.

A Taylor Swift divorce album would result in incredible music

I want them to be happily married forever. A divorce album would rock... I'm saying if it happened, there would be incredible music. Right. Don't want it happen.

Titty fucking is 'very good' but not 'Hall of Fame' level

We want to take titty fucking. Yeah. It's very good. ... It's not Hall of fame. Hall of Fame is sex. ... If you're titty fucking in an above ground pool in Canada, you're having a very good time. Yeah.

Jayden Daniels will break every single NFL quarterback record this season

I really believe Jayden Daniels is going to break all QB records this season... I think he's going to have 5,000 passing yards... I think he's going to have 1,600 rushing yards.

The Colts are intentionally tanking the season to draft Arch Manning

I think it was [Stephen A. Smith] that said that the Colts are purposely tanking for Arch Manning... makes me think the Colts are tanking for Arch Manning.

Christian McCaffrey should not be drafted in fantasy football this year

Not taking McCaffrey at all... We're still not drafting Christian McCaffrey... I can't do it guys. I'm sorry. I can't do it.

The Super Bowl should be played in London to make it a bigger global event

It's a football field. It's the same dimensions, it's the same place. Hey, people are, have it so twisted where it's like, if we want this to be the biggest event in the world, we should have it in [London]... It's better for the sport. It's better for the show. It's better for us. It's better for everyone.

Arch Manning is as close to—or maybe even better than—Joe Burrow

Arch [Manning] is as close to or maybe as good as Joe [Burrow] as I've seen. Really. And I've never said that about anybody. I watched his practice, and I'll say this conservatively... Arch is the real deal.

The Mona Lisa is an ugly, shitty, overhyped painting

We don't understand the hype of the Mona Lisa whatsoever. It's a fucking chick. And she's ugly. I don't get it... It's a fucking painting. It's so dumb. It's so hyped... It's a shitty painting. If you put that up in my house, it'd be like, take it down. She's ugly.

It would take at least 10 world-class UFC fighters to kill one silverback gorilla

A hundred of me will kill that gorilla. But we would need at least 10 [UFC fighters]. We would need at least 10. One guy is gonna have to sacrifice it, man. Yeah. You need one guy to sacrifice maybe two then you need one to be able to grab the back. I'll just keep on choking until it dies.

I will cut my penis off if Rutgers is ever ranked #1 in football

I said when Greg Schiano was announced as the head coach of Rutgers, that if... Rutgers is ever ranked number one in football, I will cut my penis off. I feel good about that bet, actually.

The Denver Broncos have one of the five best rosters in football and are Super Bowl contenders

The Bo Nicks thing to me, like it makes total sense... I think the Broncos are, are amazing. Like they, they have one of the five best rosters in football. I think they're a Super Bowl contender.

Caleb Williams missing throws in training camp is actually AI-generated

I did see another one [video] that got like no retweets of him actually nailing the drills. ... I sent [Ryan Whitney] the clip and he said, sick. He looks awesome, being obviously facetious. And I said, that's AI dude. ... But I got you to believe that for a second.

This Ravens defense has the potential to be the best ever.

I think this right here has the potential to be the best because we haven't done it yet. So it's untapped. So it's about, it's not about what's on paper, it's about what we actually do in person. I'm excited about the opportunity that we're gonna have as a unit because I know there's some damn good dudes on this team.

I will never be a better person than I am a golfer

I definitely fall short as a person... I think that's shit. I mean, it's like... I would say I have plenty of room to improve on the person front and, and definitely plenty of room and room to improve as a golfer as well. [Big Cat: There's no way you'll ever be a better person than golfer]. Yeah, I think that's, that's a fair option.

I had no intention of hurting Ruben Tejada during the 2015 NLDS slide

There was zero intention to fuck anybody up on that play... Obviously the outcome was different than other slides that I've had. I didn't anticipate actually hitting him nearly as hard as I did... I had no intention of hurting him whatsoever.

UFC would be a better sport if there were more KOs and no gloves

There should be more KOs. No gloves. Too much defense. There's too much defense. I want more. They should be standing up and just throwing fist. Be a much better sport.

Nikola Jokic will force a trade from Denver to the Chicago Bulls because of the large Serbian population in Chicago

I think Nikola Jokic is gonna force a trade out of Denver at the end of the season to the Chicago Bulls. Whoa. Number one Serbia population in America. Wow. That's just a wild one.

Jayden Daniels will be the worst quarterback of the 2024 NFL Draft class

The Washington Commanders are gonna miss the playoffs. Jayden Daniels finish dead last out of the 2024 QBs in that draft class.

Every baseball game should be decided by a swing-off

I like the swing off. The end of game is great. I want everything decided by swing offs now. Regular season baseball games swing off... child custody hearings swing off.

Jesus is the chillest bro of all time because he took a three-day nap

He's just the chillest guy of all time. Turn the other cheek. Try to, you know, bring world peace to the world. Dude, bro. Took a three day nap. How chill is that?

I am not an intercourse guy

Not much of an, not much of an intercourse guy.

If Christian Yelich wins the Home Run Derby, Pardon My Take is officially over

If Christian competes in the home run derby and wins the home run derby... you know that your job would be, you wouldn't have a job. Why? Because the show would end. The last scene of this show would be us eating each other's ass. We can't come back from that. It'd be over.

Patrick Mahomes might be washed

Mahomes might be washed. He just discussed, he didn't play great at the end of the year. They choked in the Super Bowl.

Jaden Daniels is the fifth best quarterback in the NFL

I watched an hour of his highlights in the 4th of July... I think he's five. I think just, yeah, he's five.

The Wizards should draft Caitlin Clark to sell tickets

Why don't the [Wizards] draft Caitlin Clark? I think she'd sell tickets. I think she'd sell tickets. Now is, is she at the ability level to be an NBA player? No. Obviously not. But sell tickets. She can go out there, there ball and hoop. She can hit a couple threes.

The Knicks are going to hire Rick Brunson as their head coach

There's a theory that they're crossing all these names off. They're gonna ask everybody get denied and then they're gonna go back with a Rick Brunson being the coach. That's a theory I saw out there.

I am officially the best bunter in Major League Baseball history

I do say this though. I do say I'm the best bunter in major league history... I had one bunt attempt got it down. So. Anytime big situations, I always say I'm the best bunner in major league history. You ready to, can't take that away from me. I'm one for one.

Connor McDavid is the greatest hockey player of all time

I just started running around the room... running around greatest hockey player of all time. I just started tweeting that like, it's just, it's incredible to watch him.

The 2025 OKC Thunder championship will be the worst title of their upcoming dynasty

We have gotten ahead of it and we think this actually will be the worst Thunder team to win a title in their dynasty run. 'cause you guys [Alex Caruso] are probably gonna win like six in a row. So you're saying this is the worst this year? Yeah. We just back where we'll be like, can you believe that team won?

The Carolina Panthers are destined for the Super Bowl because Ohio State won and Jennifer Lopez is getting divorced

2024 Ohio State wins the National championship. The Panthers have a losing record. Next year, 2025, the Panthers open up with the Jacksonville Jaguars again. Also in 2002, Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce... 2014 Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce... 2024 Jennifer Lopez files for divorce from Ben Affleck. It seems like the Carolina Panthers gonna be the Super Bowl.

Steph Curry is the West Coast version of Joel Embiid in the playoffs

Some are saying that Steph Curry is the West coast version of Joel Embiid in the playoffs.

The Bears and Commanders will meet in the 2025 NFC Championship game

This is January 25th and it is the Washington Commanders against the Chicago Bears for the NFC championship. Wow. That is my game of the year. Putting it all on the line.

The Detroit Tigers will win the American League

I'll say this right now. I think the Detroit Tigers are gonna win The AL. I don't know if they can win the World Series. There's some good teams in the NL... in the last month, it's like [Javi Baez] recaptured something and, and, and come back to the world as, as what the electrifying Javi Baez was.

Jayson Tatum is not a superstar

Jason Tatum is not a superstar... He didn't play on the Olympic team. He didn't play.

Jayson Tatum has officially replaced Joel Embiid as the worst playoff superstar in the Eastern Conference

I guess that a super embarrassing that Jason Tatum has now taken the crown of the worst playoff performer in the Eastern Conference... Joel Embiid for a long time was known as the worst Eastern Conference superstar to play in the playoffs. And Jason Tatum simply has worst playoff stats than Joel Embiid. And that's a fact.

If Steph Curry wins FMVP with a torn hamstring, he is ahead of LeBron James

If Steph Curry wins NBA finals, MVP by the way, with a, a torn hamstring. He has a, a torn hamstring I think... You gotta put him ahead of LeBron.

Sovereignty is a pussy for skipping the Preakness

I'm saying I'm gonna prank call sovereignty. I we should harass this horse. This is a beta horse. This is what happens. It's a horse that's been coddled its entire life... Sovereignty's a puss. Let's just stop beating around at this horse is a fucking pussy.

The Capitals are going to 'skull fuck' Paul Bissonnette and the Maple Leafs in the Eastern Conference Finals

Paul Bissonnette, you better hope that you get your ass kicked in the second round because I wouldn't like nothing better than the skull fuck you in the Eastern Conference finals. And I will, I will skull fuck you. Tom Wilson will skull fuck you.

If the Hurricanes beat the Capitals, I will never masturbate to Brandy Love again

If the hurricanes beat the capitol, I'll never jack off to Brandy Love again. Ball's in your court. Mr. Beast is wrong. Also says that Brandy love is from Dearborn, Michigan. But she's a Hurricanes fan.

A fake kidnapping is the only way to find out if a rookie is 'ride or die'

You gotta fake kidnap your boys if you wanna make sure that they ride or die... it's a simple question of: do I like this kid? And the only way to find out is you go down the line and it's fake kidnapping with a real gun on video.