Takes

The 'torch' has been passed to Drake May and it cannot be passed back to Josh Allen

The torch has been passed and that's it. It's over... Drake may has the torch and then it will go until we pass it to someone else... It can't go back.

Lamar Jackson sucks and the Ravens would only get a fourth and fifth-round pick for him if they traded him right now.

Lamar [Jackson] sucks... [The Ravens would only get] like a fourth and a fifth [round pick if they traded him right now].

The 'Blob' weather pattern could mean the end of the world

B-Big Cat, We are Earth could be finished. We could be done... There's a world, the blob never goes away... I do wanna say you're right. I was being dramatic there. Blob will go away, but it's sinking its toes right now.

The Kansas City Chiefs are officially eliminated from playoff contention

The Kansas City Chiefs have been eliminated from playoff contention... I just don't think that they can run the table because that's gonna be it. It's hard. These aren't the same chiefs.

Ben Johnson is the true alpha in Detroit who built the culture of aggression, not Dan Campbell

Who is the alpha in Detroit? Was Ben Johnson or Dan Campbell? Ben Johnson can fucking run the football. Ben Johnson is jacked. Ben Johnson is a culture builder... the violence, the aggression, the way they, the offensive, like of violence that he, it imposes on other teams.

The New York Jets will acquire Lamar Jackson from the Ravens next season

I do go to bed and I just thinking who's the next quarterback will be next season. And right now we're on Lamar Jackson... Ravens don't make the playoffs. Raven's good organization. They've moved on from quarterbacks in the past... we got like three years of Lamar.

Derrick Henry is officially washed and the Ravens should move to a running back by committee

I would probably go running back by committee if I was the Ravens. I think Derrick Henry's time is done... He just does nothing and all the other running backs are at least explosive.

The Vikings should cut and immediately re-sign J.J. McCarthy so he can be a reclamation project

What the Vikings really should do is cut JJ McCarthy. Yep. So he's a bust and then sign him back. So he is a reclamation project. Then it'll be good. Cut JJ McCarthy, officially declaring a bust, sign McCarthy former draft bust and have KOC fix him. Smart.

The Kelly Green jerseys will fix the Eagles' struggling offense

The Kelly Greens could fix the offense. There's no reason to think that it won't... Always a good idea. Kelly Greens fix the offense. Wow, great idea.

The Broncos, Patriots, and Colts are more complete teams and better Super Bowl contenders than the Bills, Ravens, or Chiefs

I'm picking on the side of the Broncos, the Patriots, and the Colts. ... we are creatures that we love nostalgia. ... Old habits die really, really hard. And I think we think about the Ravens, the Chiefs, and the Bills. Yes, the best teams? No, they're not. The Ravens' defense is flawed. The Chiefs are 5-5. ... I think the teams like the Broncos and the Colts are more complete teams.

If the Chiefs lose to the Colts this Sunday, they will miss the playoffs

If the Chiefs lose to the Colts this Sunday, they're missing the playoffs. Period. Point blank. It's just math. ... This will be the first step into them basically kind of the dynasty crumbling because if they lose to the Colts, I'm telling you right now, you can book it. They're not making the playoffs.

The Lions are frauds who only score points against terrible teams

Every—this, it's a Lions suck fest because they score a lot of points against shitty fucking teams... This is just what the Lions do every fucking year. They score a lot of points against shitty fucking teams and everyone thinks that they're the best.

A 'hot blob' and an 'earth tilt' will make the Chicago winter catastrophic and uninhabitable

Apocalyptic winter might be upon us. Why? I think it's inhabitable winter. We might just have to go out of country... High pressure, massive ocean heat wave up in North Pacific. The blob... They're saying 2013-2014 had nothing on this blob.

I think I could give Victor Wembanyama problems just by bodying him and getting physical.

I think I could probably give him a problem just bodying him a little bit. A little bit more weight than him. Back him down... If I just threw a couple bows on him, he probably wouldn't wanna come in the paint.

I can pass the bar exam without going to law school if I study for four months

I have irrational confidence in myself to be able to pass the bar exam. It doesn't make any sense. I just think that if I, if I tried for like four months... I think I can, I can be a lawyer.

The Kansas City Chiefs will miss the playoffs

Memes, did you say that maybe the Chiefs won't make the playoffs? I did. You wanna stand on that? Sure. Okay. Chiefs won't make the playoffs. Oh, you're saying the Chiefs won't make the playoffs. Whoa.

The Italian race is essentially finished because they are too attracted to Latinas

He [Jersey Jerry] told me today that Italians were done in this country... because a lot of them are attracted to Latinas. And so then they have kids with Latinas and then there's no more Italians.

The Colts are the best team in football right now

The Colts who are the best team in football... Their offense is absolutely electric. They are like, they're just well-rounded all the way through.

The Jets will not lose another game for the rest of the season

Honestly. Yeah. I don't think they should lose another game for the rest of the [season].

Wisconsin Football is currently the worst program in Power Four football

Wisconsin football just because they're the worst team in college football, Power Four college football. It's an absolute joke what's happened to the program. They haven't scored a touchdown in two games. The culture's broken, the program's broken.

Baker Mayfield's poor performance was due to helium-filled footballs

The rational side of the internet and sports fans understand that this is an inflategate situation. Those balls were getting thrown high for a reason, and I think it might be helium based... I think a back room equipment room job might have went down.

I fully condone and respect the thieves who successfully pulled off a heist at the Louvre.

I condone robbing the Louvre. That's, that's, I got nothing but respect. ... It's good to know that like there's still thieves that are planning heists, especially at the Louvre and like making it happen.

Every Philadelphia sports team should be blown up and started from ground zero

Done. Everything's done. Blow it up. Blow up. Start every single team from ground zero. No, I, every single one of 'em, I'm done with the union.

Jalen Hurts looks like the worst quarterback in the NFL

Jalen Hurts looks like the worst fucking quarterback in the NFL. He's a bad quarterback right now.

Saquon Barkley has been horrible all season for the Eagles

Saquon also all of a sudden sucks. Now that no one's talking about that. He's horrible. He's been horrible all year. The whole team sucks. Everyone sucks.

Patrick Mahomes is officially washed after being under .500 for two days

Mahomes is washed. Washed. These two days under 500 he's washed.

Justin Fields is a loser

Justin Fields is perfect for this team... he's a perfect quarterback to lose games and that's it. That's all he is. He is a loser.

The 2024 Eagles are the worst 20-1 team in NFL history

Is this Eagle's team the worst 20 and one team in their last 21 games of all time... every, literally every negative thing that I've said about the Eagles this year has come from a place of extreme jealousy and also trying to stir Max up... I think the Eagles, yeah, they're the worst.

Joe Burrow might be the best athlete to ever play sports

Joe Burrow might be the best athlete to ever play sports. I was gonna say Joe Burrow for MVP... I think it goes past that.

The Jets will not win a single game for the rest of the season

After last night's game, I don't think they're gonna win a game. I think they're gonna go... that team did not look like they could win a game.

The Patriots' ceiling is a Super Bowl appearance if they beat the Bills

I would like to put Super Bowl appearance. Asterisk... I think we're gonna shock the world this Sunday and then anything's possible.

Drake Maye has signs of playing better in year two than Tom Brady did

We got a long ways to go, but [Drake Maye] has signs, he plays better in year two than Brady did. Year two was a Super Bowl win, but he wasn't lighting it up as the quarterback.

The Patrick Mahomes 'conversation' will be triggered if the Chiefs lose badly to the Ravens

At what point do we have to say there's maybe Mahomes isn't what he was... This is the conversation game. If they lose and it's close, then it's not the time for the conversation. Right. But we will have a definitive answer after this game.

Marcus Mariota might be the best quarterback on the Washington Commanders roster

I just said, I was just like, what if Marcus Mariota is the best quarterback on the Washington Commanders roster.

Pumpkins are useless food that only hippos and squirrels actually enjoy

I got a vendetta against everything pumpkin... nobody likes pumpkins, we're just forced to do a lot of stuff that we just forced to do as human beings... The only animal [that eats it] is the hippopotamus and squirrels.

The Texans are officially my Pinky Team and I don't think they can win the Super Bowl

The Texans are officially be my Pinky team... I will cut the tip of my pinky off of the Texans win the Super Bowl. That's a, that's a fair. And I don't even think, yeah. I hate the pinky bet. Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand thrilling.

Arch Manning stinks right now and is a fundamentally different quarterback than we expected

I don't know what the hell this is. It looks like he's throwing from a different arm slot... I thought maybe he could be average at worst. I don't know what the hell this is... it does feel like it's mental. It feels like the yips almost.

I'm eventually going to lose the tip of my pinky on a bet

I'm probably gonna lose a pinky. Eventually. I'm gonna lose a pinky. We're gonna do this show for the next 40 years. I'm gonna do this bet every year for some year. I'm gonna lose the pinky.

The Chiefs' Mahomes and Andy Reid dynasty is finished

I just think the dynasty's over. I think Andy Reid and Mahomes dynasty's finished... usually when they pan the camera to Andy Reid, he's got a certain amount of girth... but this time it almost looks a little hollow. It looks a little empty.

The Green Bay Packers are a generational, once-in-a-lifetime team

The Green Bay Packers are a problem. Generational team. We said if they don't win the Super Bowl, it would be the greatest upset in the history of sports. And they are so good. They're guaranteed to win this Super Bowl and probably next year's Super Bowl.

The Buffalo Bills are going to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl

Bills have the easiest schedule now. Undefeated. Would it, wouldn't it be funny if the bills went undefeated? It's week one. I'm not gonna overreact, but I think that the Buffalo Bills are gonna go undefeated. Win the Super Bowl.

The Chiefs will miss the playoffs this year

Chiefs are not making the playoffs.

If the Commanders beat the Packers, I am expecting a Super Bowl

If we beat the Packers, anything less than a Super Bowl championship this year will be a, a massive crushing disappointment to me. If we win against the Packers, I'm thinking soupy, soupy.

The Packers are the best team in the NFL by far and will win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna take the Packers in this game. The Packers are the best team in the NFL. I don't even think it's close. Not close. They're gonna win the Super Bowl.

Nico Iamaleava should transition to being a wide receiver

Nico, I'm a receiver. Yeah, that's, that's what I'm calling him... I think he's very fast. I think he's got great change of direction. I think he has no idea how to throw like an intermediate pass whatsoever.

The Packers getting Micah Parsons for only two first-round picks is an absolute fleece by Green Bay

Packers fleeced... yes this is a cope and then I'm gonna mute the whole thing. This is crazy... will there be a player in the next two drafts in the, let's call it 15 to 25 range, where the packers will most likely be picking that will be better than Micah Parsons? The answer is no.

A Taylor Swift divorce album would result in incredible music

I want them to be happily married forever. A divorce album would rock... I'm saying if it happened, there would be incredible music. Right. Don't want it happen.

Titty fucking is 'very good' but not 'Hall of Fame' level

We want to take titty fucking. Yeah. It's very good. ... It's not Hall of fame. Hall of Fame is sex. ... If you're titty fucking in an above ground pool in Canada, you're having a very good time. Yeah.

Jayden Daniels will break every single NFL quarterback record this season

I really believe Jayden Daniels is going to break all QB records this season... I think he's going to have 5,000 passing yards... I think he's going to have 1,600 rushing yards.

The Colts are intentionally tanking the season to draft Arch Manning

I think it was [Stephen A. Smith] that said that the Colts are purposely tanking for Arch Manning... makes me think the Colts are tanking for Arch Manning.