Takes

My Early Final Four: UConn, Florida, BYU, and Akron

I'm gonna go Yukon, Florida, BYU, Akron... I'm gonna take Akron to win it all.

The show will perform a group porn if they make it to a 20-year anniversary

If we make it to 20, we will do a porn. A soft-core nine-way gang bang. Okie cookie.

I will play twelve more years of professional football

I would love to play 12 more years. And that's just 12. [Big Cat: Wait, 12 more years, or 12 total?] 12 more years. I'm gonna be on 12 this year... I would love to. I'm halfway. In terms of my arm, it is just... I'm blessed... I'm gonna play 24 years.

The Patriots will win the Super Bowl by 50 points

Any divisional rival... Do I not want [Seattle] to win? ... Patriots by 50. That's what I've said all week.

I bet $40,000 on the Patriots money line in the Super Bowl against Hank

What if I put a $40,000 bet on the Patriots money line in the Super Bowl? When it hits you get $80,000, then I keep the rest... [Hank] let's do that. Let's shake on that.

Connor McDavid will leave the Oilers after the next three seasons

He's Gonzo win or lose. We have three seasons left with Connor McDavid. That's my opinion... after three years, so three more playoffs. I think that would've been 13 years for McDavid.

AJ Brown will likely be traded by the Philadelphia Eagles this offseason

I won't be surprised if AJ Brown is traded in the off season. I think we're at the point where it makes sense for both sides for him to move on. They can find another receiver, they can make their offense go without him.

Kyle Pitts will eventually have 20 touchdowns in one season

I predicted that Kyle Pitts will have the greatest year of any tight end of ever in year 20 in the NFL. He'll have 20 touchdowns. That's a fact.

If the Chiefs lose to the Colts this Sunday, they will miss the playoffs

If the Chiefs lose to the Colts this Sunday, they're missing the playoffs. Period. Point blank. It's just math. ... This will be the first step into them basically kind of the dynasty crumbling because if they lose to the Colts, I'm telling you right now, you can book it. They're not making the playoffs.

The Jets will not lose another game for the rest of the season

Honestly. Yeah. I don't think they should lose another game for the rest of the [season].

The Jets will not win a single game for the rest of the season

After last night's game, I don't think they're gonna win a game. I think they're gonna go... that team did not look like they could win a game.

The Patriots' ceiling is a Super Bowl appearance if they beat the Bills

I would like to put Super Bowl appearance. Asterisk... I think we're gonna shock the world this Sunday and then anything's possible.

The Texans are officially my Pinky Team and I don't think they can win the Super Bowl

The Texans are officially be my Pinky team... I will cut the tip of my pinky off of the Texans win the Super Bowl. That's a, that's a fair. And I don't even think, yeah. I hate the pinky bet. Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand thrilling.

I'm eventually going to lose the tip of my pinky on a bet

I'm probably gonna lose a pinky. Eventually. I'm gonna lose a pinky. We're gonna do this show for the next 40 years. I'm gonna do this bet every year for some year. I'm gonna lose the pinky.

The Buffalo Bills are going to go undefeated and win the Super Bowl

Bills have the easiest schedule now. Undefeated. Would it, wouldn't it be funny if the bills went undefeated? It's week one. I'm not gonna overreact, but I think that the Buffalo Bills are gonna go undefeated. Win the Super Bowl.

The Chiefs will miss the playoffs this year

Chiefs are not making the playoffs.

Jayden Daniels will break every single NFL quarterback record this season

I really believe Jayden Daniels is going to break all QB records this season... I think he's going to have 5,000 passing yards... I think he's going to have 1,600 rushing yards.

I will cut my penis off if Rutgers is ever ranked #1 in football

I said when Greg Schiano was announced as the head coach of Rutgers, that if... Rutgers is ever ranked number one in football, I will cut my penis off. I feel good about that bet, actually.

Nikola Jokic will force a trade from Denver to the Chicago Bulls because of the large Serbian population in Chicago

I think Nikola Jokic is gonna force a trade out of Denver at the end of the season to the Chicago Bulls. Whoa. Number one Serbia population in America. Wow. That's just a wild one.

The Knicks are going to hire Rick Brunson as their head coach

There's a theory that they're crossing all these names off. They're gonna ask everybody get denied and then they're gonna go back with a Rick Brunson being the coach. That's a theory I saw out there.

The Carolina Panthers are destined for the 2025 Super Bowl because of the Ohio State/J-Lo divorce prophecy

2024 Ohio State wins the National championship. The Panthers have a losing record. Next year, 2025, the Panthers open up with the Jacksonville Jaguars... Jennifer Lopez files for divorce from Ben Affleck. It seems like the Carolina Panthers gonna be the Super Bowl.

Charlie Woods will win more than five and a half career majors

Charlie Woods over under five and a half career majors... Over, over. Smash. Easy. Smash it easy.

The Bears and Commanders will meet in the 2025 NFC Championship game

This is January 25th and it is the Washington Commanders against the Chicago Bears for the NFC championship. Wow. That is my game of the year. Putting it all on the line.

The Detroit Tigers will win the American League

I'll say this right now. I think the Detroit Tigers are gonna win The AL. I don't know if they can win the World Series. There's some good teams in the NL... in the last month, it's like [Javi Baez] recaptured something and, and, and come back to the world as, as what the electrifying Javi Baez was.

Bill Belichick is likely having a baby with his girlfriend Jordon

If I had to give one piece of advice to Jordon, have a baby. No, no. With Belichick, with Bill. Have a—let's get a baby in this thing. Consummate this love with a baby. A baby in the mix of this would be one of the greatest stories.

Paige Bueckers will be a better WNBA pro than Caitlin Clark because she's more athletic and explosive

I do think that she [Paige Bueckers] might be a better WNBA player than Caitlin Clark. I think she's more athletic. She's more explosive. Caitlin Clark obviously shoots better from the outside... but in terms of, I'm talking about winning.

St. John's is going to win the National Championship

St. John's win it all. I filled out my entire bracket. It's kind of, it's a weird final four... Michigan State. St. John's. BYU. Kentucky.

Alabama will beat Auburn in the National Championship game

In this bracket... I have Bama beating Wisconsin and then Duke on the way to the Final Four... And they're going to beat Auburn to win it all.

Rob Gronkowski is considering an NFL comeback with the Denver Broncos

Rob Gronkowski is considering a return to the NFL and that he would like to potentially play for the Denver Broncos... I'm told he loves Denver and Quarterback Bo Nix... He's gonna be a Bronco. There's no other way for him to do this than be a Bronco.

Drake Maye will win a Super Bowl before Patrick Mahomes wins another one

Who wins the Super Bowl first? Drake Maye. Okay.

Jameis Winston would lead the Jets to a #1 seed and a Super Bowl if he started 17 games.

If we're gonna suck, I would rather just have fun watching football and just go with Jameis Winston for 17 games... He said on the Pardon My Take interview that he wants to be a bridge quarterback and he wants to win a Super Bowl. I'm sold. He's the guy. starts all 17 games, number one seed, Super Bowl.

Josh McDaniels is going to turn Drake Maye into Tom Brady 2.0

We're gonna draft Drake Maye next season. Fuck yes... Josh McDaniels is going to turn Drake Maye into Brady 2.0.

Anthony Richardson will be out of the NFL in a couple of years

We drafted as our QB one Anthony Richardson on our team... It will never happen again. I actually, I'm, I'm coming in here with takes. I think Anthony Richardson is out of the league in a couple years.

The Raiders will beat the Chiefs on Black Friday because 'the NFL doesn't make sense'

This might be my, 'the NFL doesn't make sense' game. I'm taking the money line. I don't feel confident in them winning. I am going to do it because I want the rush of being right about something... Raiders money line.

I will cut off the tip of my pinky if the Falcons win the Super Bowl

Falcons are not winning the Super Bowl. Guaranteed. Falcons are not winning the Super Bowl. That's, I I believe it end the season. Tip of the pinky. If the Falcons somehow win this game on Monday night, I have to also have the Rams.

Washington will win the Big 10

Washington Huskies plus 8,000... I'm gonna go with the conference, our local conference. The big 10, little long shot.

The Chiefs will not win the AFC West and will enter the playoffs as a Wild Card

I think that division's [AFC West] gonna be scrappy, top to bottom... I think they make the playoffs as a wild card. I don't think they win the division. I'm telling you, I think it's just my—why do you hate the Chiefs? I don't hate the Chiefs. No, it feels personal.

Jaden Daniels' absolute minimum level of play will be Josh Allen

My biggest fear now is that Jaden Daniels is gonna be so goddamn good and that Jaden Daniels is gonna be awesome. Like I'm talking Joe Burrow, I'm talking Josh Allen. ... I'd say minimum, minimum Josh Allen.

The Patriots will have more combined wins than the Bears and Commanders

My preemptive take of the year is that Drake Maye in New England [Patriots] are going to have more combined wins than the Washington football team and Chicago Bears.

Xander Schauffele will never lose another major championship in his career

Xander Schauffele has lost his last major ever. I'm gonna see if I can parlay all four. You've already lost your last major. That's crazy.

Aaron Rodgers will prove he is the number one quarterback in the NFL this year

Rogers will prove that he's the number one quarterback this year. Patrick Mahomes never beat him in the playoffs.

The US will be under a massive cyber attack soon, and everyone should withdraw their cash

I suggest you take out all your money outta your bank and stop using credit cards for the next few months until I can give you the green light again. We will be under a cyber attack sooner rather than later... I'm in communication with the very important person for one of, if not the biggest software companies in the world... I met a guy on a plane... He's a higher end for a major major software company... he just pretty much said like, I know too much, but I don't at the same time.

The eclipse and the CERN particle collider will send us into the fourth dimension

They're turning CERN on the day of the eclipse. And I believe the research is they're trying to reach a fourth dimension... Once the the moon covers the sun when it comes back, like we'll be in the fourth dimension. Like everything will be different.

The New York Yankees have already won the World Series after their opening sweep of Houston

I'd just like to be the first to congratulate the New York Yankees on winning the World Series. Yeah. Four game sweep in Houston. Congrats. Juan Soto has been incredible. The Yankees have won it all.

I am picking UConn, North Carolina, Arizona, Gonzaga, Purdue, Marquette, Houston, Duke, Creighton, and Tennessee to all win the National Championship.

Yukon is going to win the National Championship. Also going to win the national Championship: UNC is gonna win the national Championship. Arizona's gonna win the national Championship. Gonzaga is gonna win it. Purdue is going to win the National Championship... Marquette's going to win... Houston's gonna win... and also Duke.

I will be able to dunk a basketball and hit twenty three-pointers within the next ten months

I'm going hard to dunk... summer, that's exactly my plan. I'm already over leveraged. What if I do both and hit 20 threes? I just have to basically change my entire lifestyle way of thinking and everything.

I bet $10,000 that I can dunk a men's basketball on a 10-foot rim by the end of 2024

I'll bet you $10,000. You can't do it by the end of the year. Yeah, I'll match... Men's basketball, 10 foot rim... Deal, deal, deal... I'm due to follow up on one of these things and make it happen.

I am betting $5,000 on a Kyle Juszczyk anytime touchdown and Marquez Valdes-Scantling first touchdown parlay to win $1 million

I'm gonna parlay [Kyle] Juszczyk anytime touchdown with Marquez Valdes-Scantling first touchdown. Five grand to win $1 million. Done.

Patrick Mahomes might end up passing Tom Brady as the greatest of all time in every category

He might end up passing Brady as the greatest of all time in terms of Super Bowls, MVPs, numbers, the whole deal. I mean that's, he's special and he carries that team every single week.

Bronny James will win an NBA Finals before the Patriots make the playoffs again

Bronny James will win an NBA finals before the Patriots make the playoffs again.