Takes

Scottie Scheffler is just a Masters merchant

He's also gonna be the new narrative guy. He might just be a masters merchant. He's got, he's got a win in major that's not the masters.

LIV Golf should allow all steroids and make the tour totally rule-free

I was shocked to know that Liv had a steroid policy... You have no rules. You play golf with shorts. They should, if you're the Liv Tour, make everything legal. Have it be steroids, but golf. Tackling. Yes. And a football and pylons.

If you protest at a sporting event, your punishment should be getting hit with a ball from that sport

Your punishment should just be directly related to the sport. They should have to go stand at the tee box and Scottie Scheffler and Tom Kim get the tee one like right at them. That's what it should be.

Patrick Mahomes is not the biggest threat on the celebrity golf circuit

I don't think Patrick Mahomes is the biggest threat on the golf course. Oh, okay. On the football field obviously is the biggest, but golf course I think a little different... I know he does have like a real golf hole in his backyard... I just don't see him winning it.

Rory McIlroy's makeup sex with his wife is propelling his US Open performance

Now that [McIlroy] is back, he's having the makeup sex, and the makeup sex is propelling him to get in the hole.

Scotty Scheffler was set up to be arrested by the PGA to boost TV ratings

I have reasons to believe that Scotty was set up to be arrested. If you look at the PGA numbers the day before it was extremely down... They paid a cop to tell Scotty the wrong information. The police department knew what time he'd be coming in and what car he would be in. I believe it was set up for large number of views the next couple days.

Rory McIlroy will get a performance boost from his recent divorce filing

Rory McElroy divorce bump. ... Rory's just gonna go to Cleveland. He, he's either trying to go to Cleveland or it was smart. What? You said you might be trying to go to Boston. ... Girls are looking at him, I'm gonna be, I'm a champion baby.

Professional golfers should never miss a putt from 10 feet or closer

Golfers should be better at putting. That's something like if you're a professional golfer, you should just never miss a putt anything 10 feet and in. Should never be missed. Ever. But that's just me.

If Scottie Scheffler doesn't win at least five Green Jackets, his career is a bust

Scotty's just, he's, he's only 27 years old. How over under, what would be a disappointment in terms of total major? Yeah. If he doesn't win five green jackets. I think his career was a bust. Yeah. I'd say he got two right now at 27. I think he has to get to 10 majors.

Tiger Woods was better at golf when he was 'dirtier' and having more sex

Tiger was at his best when... the grip of his putter smelled like absolute shit from his hands. Perkins waitresses. The dirtier Tiger was the better golf. Yeah. When he was getting it in the hole. Now he's gonna not do, maybe he just can't have sex 'cause he like, he can't walk.

The 2024 Masters will have an asterisk because Taylor Gooch wasn't invited

Brooks' teammate on Smash Taylor Gooch was interviewed... and he said he's going to be an asterisk. It's just a reality. Taylor Gooch will always remember as the masters that didn't have Taylor Gooch.

LIV Golf players sold their souls and should be shunned by golf fans

I hope everybody in LIV dies in a fiery boat accident. I hate LIV, I hate the whole idea. But imagine you guys, if they took half the NFL and said, 'hey, half the teams are gonna move to Saudi Arabia, we're gonna pay 'em five times what they're worth'... That's what happened to my sport... Tiger didn't [take the money]. And so I love Tiger for that.

The Masters is the best major, but the American Century celebrity tournament is second

I'd go Masters still first. I'd go American Century second. I have Steph Curry this week to finish top 10... A good British Open is like tied second with a Ryder Cup for me. But I would say Masters first no matter what.

LIV Golf should execute the last place team every week to fix their ratings

I have a very simple way to solve this ratings issue. Execute the last place team every week... The ultimate relegation. Yeah. To the afterlife... Or they don't have cuts but they could chop your head off.

Charlie Woods is going to be better than Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus, and Max Homa combined

[Big Cat]: Charlie's next up he's gonna come and beat your brains in... [PFT]: Charlie Woods is gonna be better than Tiger... better than Tiger and Jack combined. [Big Cat]: Better than you. [Max Homa]: Done. You'll just be gone. Which is actually pretty exciting and we'll caddy for him.

Charlie Woods could win the Masters right now if they let him in

Charlie Woods could win the Masters right now if you wanted to. Is there a way that if they let him in, he could win it? ... Charlie Woods is gonna be the greatest. He's next up. We've always said that on this podcast. He is now he's him.

Will Zalatoris made a deal with the devil to win one tournament and his injury is the cost

I'm nervous that he made a deal with the devil and the deal with the devil was let me win one. That's what I'm nervous about. And I bet on him last week to finish top 10... I'm nervous cuz it feels like the timing is [predominant].

The LIV Tour could eventually take over everything in our lives, including this podcast

I mean, it's a possibility that live tour could just take over everything that we like. Yeah. In every single branch of our life in this podcast. Yes. Open for business.

Naming your child Cameron guarantees they will win an Open Championship

I don't know why all the Camerons are good at golf cam Smith. Isn't random. We got cam young cam young cam young is the one who's leading right now. I believe cam Smith. Isn't third. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. And Cameron's are just it's it's the most golf name out there. Have a kid named Cameron. They'll probably win an open championship.

Crown Prince Muhammad bin Salman is the most annoying guy in golf for ruining the game

One crown prince Muhammad bin Salman. He's an annoying golf [guy]. He is annoying. He's taken. He's just ruined the game of golf for everybody. Really. He's probably the most annoying golf guy. And if he hears me say this, he probably saw my arms off. Yes.

The US Open should only be won by Americans

Not to be xenophobic, but the US Open should be won by an American. So as far as I'm concerned, Will Zalatoris is the champion.

You shouldn't be able to win a Major while wearing braces

Not to teeth shame, but I don't think you should be able to win the US Open with braces... I'm happy that he's getting his teeth fixed... but in the moment the take was, this is bullshit. Take his trophy away.

Max Homa should turn in his tour card after his performance at the Masters

We did positive vibes only, but now we can speak honestly, the way [Max Homa] played after he made the cut was disgusting. And he should probably turn in his tour card.

Tiger Woods is back

I was backs tiger woods. And so on. The golf club is deep. People went crazy... He swung a golf club. I've won one crazy.

Max Homa's Fortinet Championship win should have an asterisk

I'm glad you brought it up. Cause I was going to bring it up, but yeah, I think it's got to be right? [Not a real tournament]. Yeah man, I boy, I hate to do that to Max. I mean, you could also argue that it really wasn't even Max because with that mustache, it doesn't even look like him.

Olympic drug testing will expose golfers with suspicious size increases

The Olympics are coming up around the corner... guess what sport is also in the Olympics and they're starting to do the eligibility for? Golf. So you know, if you see any like discrepancies in people's drive [and] their size compared to their size maybe two years ago... They don't drug test in the PGA. [The IOC tests] are pretty hard.

Bryson DeChambeau's U.S. Open win is a 'Mickey Mouse' major championship

Also Bryson, he has a Mickey Mouse U.S. Open. Can we admit that? Oh, here's something I'll just throw out there. It's a Mickey Mouse major championship. There are no fans.

Brooks Koepka would have won the PGA Championship by 15 strokes if his knee was healthy

[Brooks Koepka's] knee is hurting him, and he wasn't able to get all the way low to read putts, and the putter is what kind of killed him today and this weekend. So Ipso facto, he probably would have won this tournament by 15 strokes if his knee was okay.

I could shoot the same score in the PGA Championship playing left-handed

What would you shoot if you had to play the PGA Championship left-handed? [Koepka]: Probably the same as I would right-handed, honestly. ... I have no idea. I just know just swing as hard as you can from the other side of the ball.

My performance at the Masters was one of the most heroic things ever done

And I started talking about how heroic it was [playing the Masters injured], and people took great umbrage with that comment... You agree. [Koepka]: I couldn't have agreed anymore. Absolutely. I mean, it might have been one of the most heroic things ever done.

Hideki Matsuyama should serve blowfish liver at the Champions Dinner next year

If I'm Hideki, I serve blowfish liver and let the chips fall where they may maybe thin out the field a little bit. See who gets poisoned.

Bryson DeChambeau looks fat when he is playing poorly

When you're bigger and you're doing well, you're strong. And when you're doing poorly, you're fat. And he looks fat today. Not to body shame, but there's something about the plus four next to his name that the strength now becomes a little pudgy.

Brooks Koepka playing the Masters on one leg is the most heroic thing ever

Brooks is playing on basically one leg. It's probably the most heroic thing I've ever seen in any sport ever. And again, we're not making excuses. We're not biased. We're stating facts. This is like Willis Reed. This is Kirk Gibson.

Max Homa should be cancelled for not wearing red and black in honor of Tiger Woods

We have a stay classy for our guy, Max Homa, who did not wear red on Sunday in honor of Tiger Woods. Shame. Who does he think he is? ... Max, you're cancelled.

John Rahm's viral skipping shot at the Masters might be doctored

John Rahm hit a shot that walked on water at Augusta... I think that the Masters needs some more Buzz around it because it's not being held at the traditional time. I think that maybe there might be some monkey business afoot here somebody who's better at the internet than me look at the footage and tell me if you think that it's doctored at all.

History will vindicate the claim that Bryson DeChambeau is roid raging

I think that history is going to vindicate our Bryson [DeChambeau] takes sooner rather than later. This is a classic roid rage type. If I'm on a witch hunt, he's roid raging out there. Guy stinks. Big time.

I think Bryson DeChambeau is taking steroids

I'm out on Bryson DeChambeau. Yes, he's big the bombs. Guess he's put on weight, but he's artificially I'm going to say it right now. I think he's taking steroids. I think that it's artificial popcorn muscles.

Golf takes too long and should be reduced to 14 or 15 holes

Nobody wants to spend five and a half hours out there... Literally, I would just make it like 15 holes, 14 holes. Because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker.

The deer seen on the US Open broadcast are fake and being let loose from a truck

Those are fake deer... I'm saying there's a guy. I'm saying a guy's standing on the beach with a big fucking truck of deer and just letting them loose. I don't mind that, actually.

I could beat some professional golfers on the senior tour

I could beat, not be one, I could beat one [professional golfer]... Trevino, all the old guys... At some point, the father time is on my side. I'm 41... An average round for me, if I go out and just play average, I'll shoot in mid-80s.

Bryson DeChambeau is an asshole for deciding to leave the flag pin in while putting

He has decided that this year he will be leaving the pin in when he putts... depending on the coefficient of the restitution of the pin. What an asshole.

Illegal streams for the Tiger vs Phil pay-per-view will lead to a hacking bloodbath

If you are a hacker on the internet, the Tiger and Phil pay-per-view illegal streams will be a field day. Because I would imagine a lot of 50-year-old white dudes trying to find a Twitch stream will end up with a lot of hacking... It's going to be a bloodbath on the internet.

Tiger Woods means more to the sport of golf than any other athlete means to their specific sport

The Tiger effect is very real. I mean, we knew this was going to happen, but it just goes to show, like, I don't think there's ever been someone who's meant more to one specific sport than Tiger Woods to golf.

Brooks Koepka is better than Tiger Woods was at his peak

Kepka is better than Tiger Woods was at his peak, right? He's bombing his driver. Tiger at his peak... No, I just think he's underappreciated. All he does is win majors.

The fan Tiger Woods hit with a golf ball is responsible for Tiger losing The Open

Tiger was back for a minute, and then he hit a guy with a golf ball, and everything fell apart from that moment on. I hope that guy's a real asshole, the guy that got hit. And I hope it affects him down the line. I hope it becomes like a Steve Bartman situation because he took something very important away from us. He took Tiger being in contention on the 18th hole of a major championship in the year of our Lord 2018 away from the world.

Tony Romo is a fraud for talking about qualifying for the U.S. Open for five years and never doing it

I would like to see Tony Romo. Wasn't there talk of Tony Romo qualifying for a U.S. Open? ... So is he a fraud? I mean, he's been talking about it for the last five years. I don't know.

Jordan Spieth should take off his hat so people only focus on him being bald rather than his bad golf

Spin Zone or PR 101, [Spieth] can just take off his hat and people be like, oh shit, you're bald. That's the bald guy. So no one will remember that you did the snowman thing.

Tiger Woods played in an era with shitty golfers who didn't play defense

I think it's almost time to have the conversation of, like, did Tiger Woods just play in an era with shitty golfers? And now the new generation is way better than Tiger Woods ever was. Like you put Jordan Spieth back in the 2009 Masters... When the course didn't play defense at all. He played in the dead ball era.

If Rory McIlroy bans beer for fans, PGA golfers should be required to drink while playing

Yes Rory, we can ban beer from PGA events, but the golfers then have to drink... they have to drink one beer per three holes. I think that's fair.

Serena Williams could beat Tiger Woods in golf right now

The real question is it sounds like Serena Williams could beat Tiger Woods now.