Takes

Ludvig Åberg is a choker who can't win on Sundays under pressure

Ludvig Åberg. Can't win the big one. Yeah. Big time. Can't win the big one. Another choke. Choke to the masters... He stinks on Sundays. I don't know what it is about him... just when he gets under pressure he just melts down.

Jacob Bridgeman's wife is wrong; he is a better golfer than he is a person

Jacob Bridgeman... there was a clip on PGA tour posted from his wife that said he is a better person than he is a golfer. Not true. Not true, dude. You just won a PGA Tour tournament... You're a top 50 golfer alive right now. You're not top 50 human beings. Sorry buddy.

Rory McIlroy's potential Masters victory will have an asterisk because he's been using an illegal driver

Rory had an illegal driver at the Masters asterisk. He needs to still win the masters to complete the grand slam.

Scottie Scheffler is just a Masters merchant and hasn't proven he can dominate other majors

He's also gonna be the new narrative guy. He might just be a masters merchant. He's got, he's got a win in major that's not the masters... People compare to Tiger. These are his, you know, finishes and majors in his last 10 majors. It's not the greatest.

LIV Golf should allow all steroids and make the tour totally rule-free

I was shocked to know that Liv had a steroid policy... You have no rules. You play golf with shorts. They should, if you're the Liv Tour, make everything legal. Have it be steroids, but golf. Tackling. Yes. And a football and pylons.

If you protest at a sporting event, your punishment should be getting hit with a ball from that sport

Your punishment should just be directly related to the sport. They should have to go stand at the tee box and Scottie Scheffler and Tom Kim get the tee one like right at them. That's what it should be.

Patrick Mahomes is not the biggest threat on the celebrity golf circuit

I don't think Patrick Mahomes is the biggest threat on the golf course. Oh, okay. On the football field obviously is the biggest, but golf course I think a little different... I know he does have like a real golf hole in his backyard... I just don't see him winning it.

Rory McIlroy's makeup sex with his wife is propelling his US Open performance

Now that [McIlroy] is back, he's having the makeup sex, and the makeup sex is propelling him to get in the hole.

Scotty Scheffler was set up to be arrested by the PGA to boost TV ratings

I have reasons to believe that Scotty was set up to be arrested. If you look at the PGA numbers the day before it was extremely down... They paid a cop to tell Scotty the wrong information. The police department knew what time he'd be coming in and what car he would be in. I believe it was set up for large number of views the next couple days.

Scottie Scheffler is a 'system golfer' who is significantly less effective without his caddy, Ted Scott

I still think that the fact that [Scottie Scheffler's] caddy skip Saturday is a bigger story. That's so crazy to me. He sucked on Saturday. He's a system golfer. Ted Scott is the reason why Scotty is so good. ... [Scheffler] shot great again on Sunday when Ted Scott came back.

Rory McIlroy will get a performance boost from his recent divorce filing

Rory McElroy divorce bump... Scotty Scheffler baby bump. Rory McElroy divorce. Divorce bump... I think it might be Rory divorce bump.

Professional golfers should never miss a putt from 10 feet or closer

Golfers should be better at putting. That's something like if you're a professional golfer, you should just never miss a putt anything 10 feet and in. I wouldn't miss it if I were a professional golfer.

If Scottie Scheffler doesn't win at least five Green Jackets, his career is a bust

Scotty's just, he's, he's only 27 years old... If he doesn't win five green jackets, his career is a bust. Scottie sucks. Scotty's a bust.

Tiger Woods was better at golf when he was 'dirtier' and having more sex

Tiger was at his best when... the grip of his putter smelled like absolute shit from his hands. Perkins waitresses. The dirtier Tiger was the better golf. Yeah. When he was getting it in the hole. Now he's gonna not do, maybe he just can't have sex 'cause he like, he can't walk.

The 2024 Masters will have an asterisk because Taylor Gooch wasn't invited

Taylor Gooch was interviewed... and he said he's going to be an asterisk. It's just a reality. Taylor Gooch will always remember as the Masters that didn't have Taylor Gooch.

Golf galleries should cheer throughout the entire swing to create consistent background noise

I also kind of wish that they would be able to cheer throughout the entire swing. Because... then it just becomes background noise. So just, just cheer everyone cheered through the backswing.

It wouldn't be surprising if Phil Mickelson joined LIV just so the Saudis could bankroll his gambling debt

He gambled so much that it, it wouldn't be surprising if Phil like gets in bed with the Saudis and tries to have them bankroll him.

PGA Tour players should cheat because it takes 'huge balls' and is highly profitable

I kind of respect the move [of cheating]. If you're on the PGA Tour, just cheat. You can make a lot of money. I actually don't respect the move, it's kind of a shitty thing to do, but it takes some huge balls to try to do it.

LIV Golf players sold their souls and should be shunned by golf fans

I hope everybody in LIV dies in a fiery boat accident. I hate LIV, I hate the whole idea. But imagine you guys, if they took half the NFL and said, 'hey, half the teams are gonna move to Saudi Arabia, we're gonna pay 'em five times what they're worth'... That's what happened to my sport... Tiger didn't [take the money]. And so I love Tiger for that.

The Masters is the best major, but the American Century celebrity tournament is second

I'd go Masters still first. I'd go American Century second. I have Steph Curry this week to finish top 10... A good British Open is like tied second with a Ryder Cup for me. But I would say Masters first no matter what.

If a golfer goes 10 years without a major title, they should lose one existing major for every additional year they go winless

PFT: If [Rory] doesn't win in a 10 year span, he goes back to never having won a major. Kirk: I would say, yeah, my argument would be he take one away for every year [past] 10. It's now 10 years since this guy won a major Championship.

Tiger Woods' injuries always seem to flare up exactly when he starts playing poorly

I wouldn't say this, but some people online would say this... Tiger's injury did seem to come on like a wave as soon as he started playing bad. I wouldn't say that... but I read that and I was like, Hmm. Something to think about.

Max Homa needs to start being mean to people so the media stops asking him for favors

This is part of [Max Homa] being a slut. He can't say no... we gotta harden him. He needs to know Max with his fist, not a ball with his fist. He needs to start hitting people... start hitting maybe a cameraman. I don't know. Just start hitting people out of anger. Be a guy that no one wants to go up and ask to do something... He needs to find his little mini-Ellen DeGeneres streak where he starts being mean to people.

LIV Golf should execute the last place team every week to fix their ratings

I have a very simple way to solve this ratings issue. Execute the last place team every week... The ultimate relegation. Yeah. To the afterlife... Or they don't have cuts but they could chop your head off.

Max Homa is a choke artist

But he is a choke artist. We both know it... Did you see him with the Genesis? Did you see him with the Genesis? ... Oh yeah, we called it a choke. We dubbed it, we, we claimed it was a choke.

Charlie Woods will be better than Tiger Woods and Jack Nicklaus combined

Charlie Woods is gonna be better than Tiger... better than Tiger and Jack combined.

Charlie Woods could win the Masters right now if they let him in

Charlie Woods could win the Masters right now if you wanted to. Is there a way that if they let him in, he could win it? ... Charlie Woods is gonna be the greatest. He's next up. We've always said that on this podcast. He is now he's him.

Will Zalatoris made a deal with the devil to win one tournament and his injury is the cost

I'm nervous that he made a deal with the devil and the deal with the devil was let me win one. That's what I'm nervous about. And I bet on him last week to finish top 10... I'm nervous cuz it feels like the timing is [predominant].

The LIV Tour could eventually take over everything in our lives, including this podcast

I mean, it's a possibility that live tour could just take over everything that we like. Yeah. In every single branch of our life in this podcast. Yes. Open for business.

Naming your child Cameron makes it likely they will win an Open Championship because it's the ultimate golf name

It can't be, they'll just be random. Cameron. I don't know why all the Camerons are good at golf... cam Smith. Isn't random. We got cam young. And Cameron's are just it's it's the most golf name out there. Have a kid named Cameron. They'll probably win an open championship.

Crown Prince Muhammad bin Salman is the most annoying guy in golf for ruining the game

One crown prince Muhammad bin Salman. He's an annoying golf [guy]. He is annoying. He's taken. He's just ruined the game of golf for everybody. Really. He's probably the most annoying golf guy. And if he hears me say this, he probably saw my arms off. Yes.

The US Open should only be won by Americans

Not to be xenophobic, but the US Open should be won by an American. So as far as I'm concerned, Will Zalatoris is the champion.

You shouldn't be able to win a Major while wearing braces

Not to teeth shame, but I don't think you should be able to win the US Open with braces... I'm happy that he's getting his teeth fixed... but in the moment the take was, this is bullshit. Take his trophy away.

LIV Golf should make the holes on the green larger to attract more eyeballs to the sport

I think that they're going to do something. That'll make the scoring a lot lower because they need to, you know, they need to attract eyeballs... make the courses easy. You make the holes a little bit bigger. I'm telling you place. Make the holes bigger though. Yeah, that'd be sick.

Max Homa should turn in his tour card after his performance at the Masters

We did positive vibes only, but now we can speak honestly, the way [Max Homa] played after he made the cut was disgusting. And he should probably turn in his tour card.

Tiger Woods is back

I was backs tiger woods. And so on. The golf club is deep. People went crazy... He swung a golf club. I've won one crazy.

Max Homa's Fortinet Championship win should have an asterisk

I'm glad you brought it up. Cause I was going to bring it up, but yeah, I think it's got to be right? [Not a real tournament]. Yeah man, I boy, I hate to do that to Max. I mean, you could also argue that it really wasn't even Max because with that mustache, it doesn't even look like him.

Olympic drug testing will expose golfers with suspicious size increases

The Olympics are coming up around the corner... guess what sport is also in the Olympics and they're starting to do the eligibility for? Golf. So you know, if you see any like discrepancies in people's drive [and] their size compared to their size maybe two years ago... They don't drug test in the PGA. [The IOC tests] are pretty hard.

The pins on the golf course are currently screwing over the players

Maybe I should be yelling at, maybe you guys should be making a fuss about these pins. Like, I mean, we could talk about any other shot... the pin screwed me.

Bryson DeChambeau's U.S. Open win is a 'Mickey Mouse' major championship

Also Bryson, he has a Mickey Mouse U.S. Open. Can we admit that? Oh, here's something I'll just throw out there. It's a Mickey Mouse major championship. There are no fans.

Brooks Koepka would have won the PGA Championship by 15 strokes if his knee was healthy

[Brooks Koepka's] knee is hurting him, and he wasn't able to get all the way low to read putts, and the putter is what kind of killed him today and this weekend. So Ipso facto, he probably would have won this tournament by 15 strokes if his knee was okay.

I could shoot the same score in the PGA Championship playing left-handed

What would you shoot if you had to play the PGA Championship left-handed? [Koepka]: Probably the same as I would right-handed, honestly. ... I have no idea. I just know just swing as hard as you can from the other side of the ball.

My performance at the Masters was one of the most heroic things ever done

And I started talking about how heroic it was [playing the Masters injured], and people took great umbrage with that comment... You agree. [Koepka]: I couldn't have agreed anymore. Absolutely. I mean, it might have been one of the most heroic things ever done.

Hideki Matsuyama should serve blowfish liver at the Champions Dinner next year

If I'm Hideki, I serve blowfish liver and let the chips fall where they may maybe thin out the field a little bit. See who gets poisoned.

Bryson DeChambeau looks fat when he is playing poorly

When you're bigger and you're doing well, you're strong. And when you're doing poorly, you're fat. And he looks fat today. Not to body shame, but there's something about the plus four next to his name that the strength now becomes a little pudgy.

Brooks Koepka playing the Masters on one leg is the most heroic thing in sports history

Brooks is playing on basically one leg. It's probably the most heroic thing I've ever seen in any sport ever. This is like Willis Reed. This is Kirk Gibson. Everything that you can think of where someone just triumphs over all these injuries and hardships, that's Brooks shooting plus two today.

Max Homa should be cancelled for not wearing red and black in honor of Tiger Woods

We have a stay classy for our guy, Max Homa, who did not wear red on Sunday in honor of Tiger Woods. Shame. Who does he think he is? ... Max, you're cancelled.

I blame the other PGA Tour players for not physically assaulting Patrick Reed to stop him from cheating

I don't blame Patrick Reed anymore for cheating and getting away with it. I blame everybody else on the tour for not doing anything to make him stop, like physically assaulting him.

John Rahm's viral skipping shot at the Masters might be doctored

John Rahm hit a shot that walked on water at Augusta... I think that the Masters needs some more Buzz around it because it's not being held at the traditional time. I think that maybe there might be some monkey business afoot here somebody who's better at the internet than me look at the footage and tell me if you think that it's doctored at all.

History will vindicate the claim that Bryson DeChambeau is roid raging

I think that history is going to vindicate our Bryson [DeChambeau] takes sooner rather than later. This is a classic roid rage type. If I'm on a witch hunt, he's roid raging out there. Guy stinks. Big time.