Takes

Peter King is a hypocrite for criticizing the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest

It is unbelievable to watch where Peter King draws the line. Putting a serial rapist into the Hall of Fame. Okay. Darren Sharper. Eating too many hot dogs on 4th of July? Nuh-uh. Don't do it. Covering a sport for 30, 40 years... where guys are dying from brain injuries... Okay. Watching Joey Chestnut eat 71 hot dogs on July 4th? Uh-uh. That's Peter King's line.

I would have been a better cast member than a writer at Saturday Night Live

I really was probably better off as a cast member. I wasn't a writer when I got on the show. I think because I actually auditioned for cast... I came in with no writing experience, but I were amazing with your ideas.

Wrestling heels must stay in character at the arena to maintain credibility with fans

My thing is when you're a bad guy, a heel, you, of course, obviously just the character you play, but when you're on site at the arena, you have to play the character. You have to because if you don't, if you're nice to everybody and then an hour later when you're in the ring and trying to get people to boo you, people are like, oh, I'm not going to boo you.

The NBA Draft is the most anticlimactic show on television

Is there any more anticlimactic TV show than the NBA draft? ... You only have to tune in for the first five minutes of the NBA draft and then you're good to go.

Jim Nantz is the best broadcaster to ever call golf on television

I'd rather listen to [Jim Nantz] do golf than listen to myself do golf. ... I think he's the best to ever call golf on TV in my lifetime, or at least in my adulthood. And I wanted to hear him do golf at Pebble Beach. ... I'd rather fall asleep to him calling golf while I lay on the couch than anybody else.

Cord cutters are not real sports fans

People who are cord cutters are not sports fans. I'm just going to say it right now. Because you are buffering and you're watching a minute behind. You care more about the money you're saving than sports, than the actual sports and being up to date. You are not a real sports fan.

The tour-based model is the best way for a niche sport like lacrosse to make a national impact

We're tour-based. ... When you're a smaller sport like lacrosse, we needed to capitalize on the players, on venues and distribution. ... If we were to label cities to them, that we would just be really local and we wouldn't be able to capitalize on this national growth. ... Some fan in San Francisco and New York can just pick their allegiance.

For the health of the Premier Lacrosse League, Paul Rabil needs to get into a fight in week one

You got to fight like week one to get it out there. Like you know that right? Like for the health of the league, you have to fight.

People who chase TV ratings on the internet are the absolute worst

People who chase ratings might be the worst people on the internet... They don't even care about the sport. They just care about the next morning. How many people watch and how can I spin this to fit my exact narrative that I'm trying to throw out?

Skip Bayless is the real winner of the 2019 NBA Finals no matter the outcome

Skip Bayless is the real winner of these NBA finals, no matter what happens... Because if the Warriors win, it's an indictment on Kawhi. And Skip gets to say, number two, I told you he was number two. And if the Raptors win, it's a big win for Skip Bayless because then he can retroactively use that and say it means less that LeBron James beat that Warriors team without KD back in 2016 because Kawhi also did it.

Direct messages on Twitter or Instagram officially count as 'texting' for reporting purposes

A text is a tweet, a DM, an Instagram DM, an Instagram comment... Broussard did the classic thing where... he says that Kevin Durant and he exchanged many DMs... he's not having it [the debate if a DM is a text]. It's all just a text now.

NCAA Football is the greatest video game of all time

NCAA video game is back. Well, maybe back. NCAA formed a committee to bring back the NCAA football game. And this is the greatest news I think that has ever happened in my life. Because that game is the best game ever.

Joe Rogan is like a golden retriever that's brave enough to do DMT

I think Joe Rogan's the best interviewer because he's curious. He's genuinely curious. He's like a golden retriever that's brave enough to do DMT.

Max Kellerman farted on 'First Take' because he's terrified of Stephen A. Smith

I think he did fart, and I think it's because Stephen A. Smith has just been owning him with debates... Kellerman is scared of Stephen A. Smith. He is absolutely frightened by the very sight of him.

Instant replay should have a shot clock to keep the game moving

We should just have a shot clock on the replays because that would be thrilling. If the ref only has a certain amount of time... if they can't find the replay fast enough, guess what? Tough shit.

Referees and umpires are more entertaining when they stand up for themselves

I like umps that stand up for themselves. I think that we've done umps a disservice recently... I like it when they stand up for themselves, when they have a thing like Country Joe West. It's kind of fun knowing that there's a guy out there who's absolutely not what people paid to watch that thinks that he's what people paid to watch.

Darren Rovell's brand is being the guy who 'forgot' to fill out a bracket

Darren knows brands. And my suspicion is he realized at the very last minute that his brand is being the guy that doesn't fill out a bracket and tells you that he didn't. And so he was like, it'd be bad. It would just be a bad change of pace.

No joke is truly offensive because the intent of a joke makes it benign

There's a big kind of intellectual theory around this about benign violation and the idea that no joke is offensive because it's a joke. Because as soon as you put it in that space where you go, okay, it's cancer... But as soon as you make a joke about it, you put it into a space where you go, it's benign. It's actually, it's okay, and it's got no power over us.

Jason Witten was essentially fired by ESPN

Jason Witten just got fired. Let's just call it what it is. If he was good at his job, he would not have gone back. I think ESPN was essentially like, dude, we're not saying you're fired, but... you're fired.

The word 'thick' is officially cancelled because Trey Wingo used it

My hot seat this week is thick. ... I'm actually canceling thick. Because Trey Wingo, he caught wind of it. ... the fact that Trey used a double C, it was like watching Darren Rovell kill 69 jokes in real time.

Adam Schefter is helping Robert Kraft by reporting there is a 'bigger name' in the prostitution sting

Adam Schefter says there's a bigger name involved, and somehow we don't have the bigger name, which leads me to believe that Adam Schefter is doing Robert Kraft a favor by basically sending everyone on a wild goose chase to figure out if Tiger Woods got jerked off.

The NFL was within its rights to prevent Bob Costas from bashing the league during a broadcast

Of course the NFL was like, hey, Bob, you can't say that on one of our fucking broadcasts, dude. Roger Goodell does a lot of stuff to silence a lot of people... but this one, it's like, why would you be allowed to bash the league that's paying your salary right now? During a game, you really can't do that.

Fame is the least appealing part of being an actor.

Still the fame is the least appealing part of it for me. I really like coming to this city [New York] because paradoxically it's a really crowded city but you can kind of be more anonymous here.

NBA players are egotistical 'assholes' compared to modest NHL players

It's the ego on these assholes [in the NBA] to think that they're bigger than the team. They're bigger than the league... LeBron carries wine into the fucking game. Looking like a clown. And by the way, no hockey player would ever do that. They're going to say my teammates are the best teammates of all time because they don't need everything to be about them.

A documentary of Lenny Dykstra looking for God would be the most watched thing ever

This is the greatest story of all time. Lenny Dykstra's pursuit to find God. How is this not a Netflix documentary? This would be the most watched thing of all time. Lenny Dykstra just walking around the world looking for God.

If a podcast lasts seven years, it is Radio Hall of Fame worthy

If you do a podcast for more than seven [years]... the 95% of podcasts go for exactly one month and end. And then the other 5%, if you can get past seven years, then you're officially Radio Hall of Fame worthy.

The writer of the 'I Miss Northwestern Losing' article is dangerous to society

Pat Fitzgerald actually is an awesome coach. We have friends on that team... But their alumni, when they're writing shit like this, you're dangerous to society. If you are struggling this much with watching sports, they're not for you.

NASA is inventing stories about aliens to secure funding against Space Force

This goes back to my theory that NASA is just inventing cool shit to talk about so they can continue their funding because right now they're going up against Space Force. But I would assume that, like, this would be something that Space Force would really get a lot of money thrown into their coffers for. If you think that there's aliens that are actually checking us out.

Joe Buck is the best announcer of the last 30 years

Do you think that Joe Buck is the best announcer of the last 30 years? Yes. I think Joe Buck, although he's getting so much credit now... Throw your Joe Buck sucks take out the window. Which is true.

Jason Witten was hired by ESPN solely to mend the relationship between the network and NFL owners

Jason Witten is in place to mend the ESPN-NFL relationship, which makes sense... they put him in there, and it doesn't really matter if he's bad for the audience. It just matters that the rest of the owners and Roger Goodell likes him.

NBA Twitter needs to chill out during October

October is football and baseball. Chill out, NBA Twitter. Let us have a fucking month... Enough, NBA Twitter. You get your time. We're going to all pay attention to you... from like February till essentially July. So just chill out.

Jason Witten might be a robot

So are we sure Jason Witten is still alive? He is a robot, and I do not understand why they overthink these things so much and just not put Booger McFarland in the studio. You could actually hear Booger McFarland getting mad at Jason Witten.

Serena Williams was being a baby and stole the moment from Naomi Osaka

It felt to me like she was being a little bit of a baby and she was losing and wanted to kind of make a scene. And it sort of stole the moment from the person who actually did win, Naomi Osaka.

It is better for your career to be a meme than to be in a blockbuster movie

Do you think it is better for your career to be in a blockbuster movie that makes, let's say, $500 million or be in the badass, like the coolest meme of all time? Coolest meme of all time. Easy answer.

I would not have the same relationship with Joe Buck today if it weren't for the Artie Lange incident

If it wasn't for that Artie Lange show, I don't think that we would have the conversations that we have with Joe Buck.

HBO was hypocritical for policing Artie Lange's content while airing shows like 'Real Sex'

You can't be on HBO and go, well, this is just way too much when you've got like Pornucopia that's on after that. Real Sex, which is, you know, that's about as far as you're going to go on normal cable. Taxi Cab Confessions. We could go on.

Athletes are inherently difficult to get good interviews out of

Athletes are tough to get a good interview out of. So I don't think it was my fault, but I think Joe got fucked too.

I would handle the Artie Lange incident much better and more authentically today

If you saw Joe Buck 2018 in that same spot, I think I would have rolled with the punches maybe a little bit better on air. I think I would have been different. I think I would have been better with it, and I would have been more equipped... having gone through this vocal thing that I went through, kind of not really caring anymore what people think... I would have handled the moment probably better.

The new Monday Night Football booth is an 'F' without Joe Tessitore

Without Joe Tessitore, it's an F.

James Harden should turn the Scottsdale phone-throwing incident into a cell phone carrier commercial

Dude, every time something like this happens, if you could just figure out a way, if you're James Harden's agent, just create a commercial instantly making fun of this. Do a sprint commercial where you're just grabbing phones out of people's hands, throwing it, then handing them a sprint phone. And everyone would be like, oh, that's funny.

Media personalities should get things wrong on purpose once every few months to move the needle

I had somebody to pull me aside. I was like, you take it too seriously when I was younger. And he said, get something wrong on purpose. Just be so wrong once every few months that it kind of registers with people.

Hulk Hogan's reinstatement to the Hall of Fame represents a 'one-in, one-out' policy for racism

But now that Papa John got in trouble for saying the N-word... In America, we have like a one-in, one-out policy for racism. So Papa John's racist now, and because he's in the club, Hulk Hogan is now out of the racism club.

Stephen A. Smith's receding hairline makes him a better journalist

Stephen A., his hair has been receding into that cul-de-sac that he has for the last five years. It becomes like a satellite dish of hair. So he's able to hear these whispers at a pace that you or I can't, that mere mortals can't.

You can't fire an FBI agent for breakdancing

You can't fire someone for feeling a dance circle. If you've ever been at a wedding, any kind of party, there's nothing more awkward than a dance circle where no one goes in. So this guy had to go in. He did an unbelievable move.

Chris Paul not playing Game 7 with a hamstring injury is weak compared to hockey players

So my hammy hurts so bad you can't go out and jump up two inches off the ground and take a jump shot because you're hammy? Are you kidding me? You can't get a shot? Like hockey players, you know how many shots? There's probably, I bet you 18 or 20 guys got a needle somewhere in their body last night just to go out and try to battle for the cup... It's a long way from the heart.

There should be a reality show called 'The Amazing Racist' for people fired for racism

Everyone that gets fired for being racist should go on a reality show together. They should make a reality show called Racism Island... The Amazing Racist... The winner is the first person to get fired for being too racist from the show that you go to for being fired because you're racist.

Every crime drama can be successful with just interviews and aerial drone shots

We need to do a crime drama because essentially all you have to do is interview a couple like FBI or ATF guys and then mix in a shitload of drone shots of where, around where it happened. Like, Making a Murderer, it was just half drone shots. Evil genius, half drone shots.

Darren Rovell is a 'Debbie Downer' for analyzing athlete business ventures like Marvin Jones Jr.'s cupcake shop.

Darren Rovell from the rafters telling him that the most important part about opening a franchise is to understand that franchisor fees come off gross sales, not net sales... and basically shits all over Marvin Jones Jr.'s dream and tells him that he made a terrible investment... He is Debbie Downer in real life. What a fucking asshole.

No matter where we go in our careers, people will try to take us down for our past

It's almost liberating because it taught me that no matter where we go with our careers, people are going to try to take me down for my past. And that's fine because at this point, the biggest takeaway was don't get caught in a situation where internal politics and people with an ax to grind can determine your fate.

Going to ESPN was a mistake fueled by the brand's legacy seduction

I think it was a mistake for sure. It was a mistake to go back to ESPN. I'll be honest. We got, speaking for myself at least, got a little bit seduced by the fact that, hey, we're going to be on ESPN. I mean, I grew up watching ESPN. It's a brand.