Takes

Colin Cowherd's theory of Manalytics is actually real

The theory behind it that the regular season doesn't matter and the playoffs get a lot harder and your flashy PER and how you score at such an insane pace in the middle of December, that doesn't matter in the playoffs. ... It sucks that we can't mock manalytics because it actually makes sense. ... manalytics are real.

Jim Nantz has never been on the internet

Jim Nantz has never been online in any capacity that we're talking about. I don't think he's ever been... unless someone's showing him Instagram on their phone, he's not by himself scrolling on social media.

Deion Sanders only considers players great if they call him for advice

If you're a young player in the league and you call him for advice once a week, then you're a good player. If he mentors you, then you're one of the best players in the league. ... If you play in a boring place like Tennessee, then he just doesn't know who you are.

John Skipper's story about leaving ESPN due to cocaine extortion is missing key details.

I don't believe this is the full story. So my PR 101 would be maybe tell the whole story because now people are going to be like, huh, that seems a little odd. You were infrequent and you were careful. And then all of a sudden some random drug dealer was like [going to extort you].

Bet the favorite in the second half if they are losing at halftime

If a favorite is losing in the first half, you just bet the favorite in the second half. That's it. I invented that last year.

The internet is a 'hustler's paradise' for content creators

It's a hustler's paradise in the content world. And it really becomes like the forefront of your mind for everything. So it's like it never stops.

Geno Smith is claiming the earth is flat as a media hack to stay relevant

when I saw him tweeting out videos today about it, my first thought was he's launching some new brand awareness thing. And so it was a great way to get back in the national conversation. Right. Was tweeting about how the earth flies. That is a hack into the media. Just tweet something. It's too easy.

We can make millions of dollars using bait-and-switch YouTube videos

Why don't we do that? We could be making millions. We need to create the fake YouTube account and then be like, oh, my God, check out the biggest play from the Super Bowl. And then it's just us pitching Pardon My Take at draftjoshallen.com and Bitcoin to Jen... I think we could actually make a lot of money off the bait and switch on YouTube.

The Olympics starting events before the opening ceremony is total 'bullshit'

Why does curling start before everything else? They really need that much time to do curling? ... So they don't light the torch, but they play the Olympics. It's bullshit. So-called bullshit.

Adam Schefter covering the NBA has become a distraction

And this one is for our little pee boy... Adam Schefter, who was scooped on the Todd Haley news when he was on the Le Batard show talking about the NBA. Yeah, has the NBA become a distraction for Adam Schefter?

Tony Romo is a good announcer but he talks way too much

Let the fucking moments breathe. All he does is talk. He talks the entire broadcast... I hate how much some people think he's the perfect analyst... If he just let it breathe a little bit, he would be everything everyone says that he already is.

The NHL does a terrible job of marketing the league

I feel like the NHL just doesn't do a good job of marketing the league. It's so goofy. I don't understand it. You do stuff that really kind of confuses the casual fan. They haven't talked about [the All-Star Game] at all.

Stephen A. Smith has a point about his 'Screaming A. Smith' nickname being unfair

Stephen A. Smith says there's racial undertones to anyone who calls him Screamin' A. Smith. So he says there's a lot of people out there who scream. Why don't they get the Screamin' A. Smith nickname? ... I've done some thinking about this out loud, some verbal thoughts, and you're right. I will stop saying screaming.

Lacrosse is booming and the sales are up

My cool throne is lacrosse. Nike chairman Phil Knight, he was commenting on the Duke Florida game the other day, and he said, lacrosse is growing. So the sales are up. They're growing, not a show. Business is booming.

Crime reports should always include which sports team the criminal supports

Every time a crime's committed in America, every time there's a report about it in the news, they should just say what teams the people who committed the crimes liked. That'd be great. ... It just adds like a little bit of levity to every headline that you get. Like Steelers fan murdered his whole family. ... Classic Steelers. So funny.

Facial expressions in impressions are a 'cheat' to make people believe the voice is better

The facial stuff is all a cheat. If you can do the mannerisms and the stuff with your face, it's a total cheat to get people to believe the voice is better than it is because people will start to see.

Twitter's 280-character limit is too much reading

280 characters is too many, too much reading. I agree. Just reading in general, I think they should have reduced it by half.

Sam Ponder's tweets are the legal definition of 'interference with contractual relations'

There is a doctrine in the law called interference with contractual relations. Knowing that you are about to enter into some kind of a business relationship with a third party... if someone attempts to have that contract stopped. That is the very definition of this case, of that tort.

The TV show should have remained titled Pardon My Take rather than changing it to Barstool Van Talk

I was against the name change. I thought [Pardon My Take] made sense from a branding standpoint from what we've built right here to bring our audience over to television. I thought it made all the sense in the world to keep the show's name as [Pardon My Take].

I stand by the totality of my work despite previous offensive comments used to cancel the show

I've said many things that I'm sure if you showed to me today, I'd be like, eh, probably not the best. But I think more than anything, more than like one tweet or one word you said, you should be judged by the totality of everything you've done. And I will stand by everything I've done at Barstool. I'll stand by the platform that it's given me. I'll stand by the audience that I've built.

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling are the least electric duo to call an elimination game

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling. Maybe the least electric duo to call an elimination game in sports. It sounded like they were just hanging out... It sounded like Ernie Johnson was on the phone with his wife in the other hand, and then he'd just pop into the mic and be like, that's a double.

I miss Joe Buck's 'big game' voice

I'm going to say it. I miss Joe Buck... Joe Buck has a big game voice. That's a fact. Yeah, he could say the exact same things that Ernie Johnson says, but there's something about Joe Buck. You hear that voice, and you know what? It's pageantry.

Rooting against Tony Romo in the broadcast booth is as fun as rooting against him on the field

Rooting against [Tony Romo] in the booth is actually becoming as fun as rooting against him on the field was. He's like, now this could be a screen here. In my head, I'm like, throw the fucking ball deep.

Tony Romo misses almost all of his in-game predictions

He gets a lot of predictions wrong. That's the one thing that they've said about Tony that he's really good at is making predictions, but they don't talk about how he misses almost all of them.

Tony Romo talks too much and doesn't let the game breathe

If you think Tony Romo is revolutionizing broadcasting and the greatest thing ever, you're just straight up not listening to him talk over Jim Nantz. ... I want to watch, let the game breathe. Tony Romo's like, he's down my fucking throat the whole game.

Twitter's 280-character limit will ruin threads and make the app unbearable

Twitter has announced that the app that everyone loves and can't make any money has announced they're going to make everyone read more. So 280 characters... I might not be able to be on Twitter anymore. That's so much reading. They just doubled their product. And they just ruined threads.

I am firmly anti-Tony Romo as a broadcaster because he provides too many spoilers

I'm fucking sick of everyone saying how great Tony Romo is... It's impressive that he calls plays, but I don't really want to know what's coming. It's a spoiler. He's literally doing in real time spoilers right in my face. And everyone's like, Tony Romo, such a breath of fresh air. I am firmly in the anti-Tony Romo until people just cool down a little about it.

Anyone who isn't 'Team Russillo' is on the wrong side of history

This is a heavy one, but you don't want to be on the wrong side of history. So if you're not Team Russillo, you're going to be on – history will not look fondly upon you.

Society is ruined because of Instagram curated lives

I actually think we're fucked. And I actually think, the story's about someone else, but I talk about it personally... I have not had an original thought in more than a year [because of social media].

Every reporter should Google themselves once a week

If you're a reporter, if you're a journalist, you have to be able to take the heat as well. Every reporter should Google themselves once a week, I would say. Got to make sure your name's out there. Read all the hate possible.

The Challenge is the fifth best sport in America

If we're talking about non-mainstream sports, that's The Challenge. It's the fifth best sport in all of America.

Rickie Fowler is coming off desperate by liking all 164 of his girlfriend's Instagram posts

Ricky Fowler, who apparently has been liking... He's liked every single one of his girlfriend's Instagram posts. Yes, 164... He's coming off a little desperate. Maybe tone it down.

Jamie Horowitz should have worn a hat to hide his large forehead

Jamie Horowitz... Definitely should have been a hat guy. Should have went with a big hat. He's got a large forehead, and I'm not saying that's why he got fired, but it's the Tom Crean, right? It's like you can't give them an extra reason to fire you... if you have a big forehead that just looks stupid.

Blake Griffin is funny for a basketball player, but he's not a better podcast guest than me

I'll tell Blake to his face, you're funny for a basketball player, but you're not a better guest than me... I'll tell Blake to his face, you're funny for a basketball player, but you're not a better guest than me.

Wikipedia is the greatest website of all time

My number one is Wikipedia. The best website of all time. I don't think I even need to explain it. We have a Wikipedia club.

LaVar Ball should not be held accountable for facts in his takes

I'm not on board for fact checking LaVar Ball's takes on anything. As far as I'm concerned, LaVar Ball does not when he says things, he doesn't give a shit if they're true or not. He's a prey and spray kind of taker. He's just gonna shoot, shoot, shoot. LaVar Ball, he can't be held accountable for his takes.

NPR's pledge drives are a form of extortion

One of the big things now is if you'll give a donation, we will stop soliciting money. It's extortion. In other words, they're on there with some kind of meaningless promotion. And their attitude is, you hate this, right? The answer is obviously yes. You want us to stop, right? Yes. Give us some money.

The Volkswagen commercial with the grandmother and the ashes is fake and manipulative

Volkswagen... they're like, well, we'll just put a really sappy story where a bunch of kids cry and an old grandmother, and we'll put some Simon and Garfunkel behind it, and everyone will say, oh my God, Volkswagen, they're so nice. Don't fall for it.

MLB locker rooms shouldn't allow bloggers or fanboys inside

They're letting a lot of people in the clubhouses that shouldn't be in the clubhouses... They're letting guys in there that have no fucking clue. Fanboys. I don't respect those guys until they give me the respect back.

The Kentucky Derby is infringing on Chris Berman's 'Fastest Two Minutes' trademark

I just want to say a little cease and desist to the Kentucky Derby. They're infringing a little bit on our good friend Chris Berman's trademark of the fastest two minutes in sports.

You need 100,000 followers and a blue checkmark to officially be an 'Instagram Model'

I'm going to say you need 100K... I think it used to be back in the day like 10K. These tea companies are wising up... 100K, I think that's when you can officially call yourself an Instagram model.

A sports dynasty requires at least three championships in one era

The rule I said, I threw out there was you have to have at least three championships in your Dynasty era. Two, that's a really good team. Three, you can now claim Dynasty.

United Airlines should fix its PR by making people horny with porn links

If you make us horny, guess what? We're not angry anymore... Just tweet out porn. Be like, hey, it's now being reported that this guy was a porn freak or something. Be like, hey, you know who else was a porn freak? United. And then just start giving us free links.

The NFL should let fans call in penalties from their couches like the LPGA

I love this rule. This is my favorite part about golf by far. Anybody at home has deputized themselves as a rules official... the NFL could deal they could adopt this rule I want to sit at home I want to call face masks from my couch and i want dean blandino to have to review the tape.

JJ Watt did a Twitter Q&A solely to set up his PMT interview appearance

I'm totally woke on the fact that [JJ Watt] was doing this, I think, just so that he could say – he knew that he was going to get HeyJJ'd in his replies. So I think he was just setting up this entire Q&A for the question about Pardon My Take so he would say, I will go on the show.

The NBA has a credentialed media problem

This puts the credentialed media squarely in the crosshairs of the NFL. In fact, I would go as far to say that the NFL has a credentialed media problem... Epidemic of their credentialed media people violating the law.

LeVar Ball's plan is just to get a billion dollar contract for himself using his kids

He's reached the point where everything that he says is picked up by every media source possible. So he knows that no matter what comes out of his mouth it's going to be distributed nationwide and that's kind of his plan right? He wants to develop the brand he wants to have a high profile so his kids can get a billion or sorry so that he can get a billion dollar contract. And then his kids will get a little taste of that.

Broadcasters should never bet on games they are announcing

I really gave up betting on games that I'm announcing... I would not recommend that any analyst or play-by-play guy do a game [they bet on] simply because it influences how you view the game and the athletes that are involved.

Autoplay videos are good because they remind you to close old browser tabs

I keep tabs open, about eight tabs at a time, and most of the tabs are open for about six hours. If you have an autoplay video that starts after three hours of me being on that website—it reminds me to close out the tab.

Tom Brady has definitely heard the Pardon My Take podcast

Tom's definitely heard you guys. Statistically, I mean, statistically speaking, there's not that many people who haven't. So Hank, if you're listening, [Tom] knows exactly who you are.