Takes

The Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez relationship is a fake publicity stunt

It's fake love because it's all publicity stunt. The fact that they're remaking old pictures, they don't actually love each other. Imagine doing this, imagine having a relationship that is all for the tabloids... it's disgusting.

Daniel Ricciardo is a fake Australian because he failed to mention 'drop bears'

I don't think Ricciardo is actually from Australia. Because, one, he didn't make a drop bear comment, which is like Australia 101... and kangaroos are actually dangerous, and he wasn't actually down with the animals in Australia. He's probably from Chile.

Guy Fieri should be America's mascot

[Guy Fieri] is everything that we thought the bald eagle would be. I just think if you're cheering against whatever team Guy Fieri's cheering for, then you're essentially rooting against Flavor. He's Drake's Wario. He's the good version of a bandwagon fan.

The Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio didn't exist before the movie 'City of God' and was just a prop

I don't even think [the Christ the Redeemer statue] existed before that movie City of God. I think they just put it in there as a prop. It's like the Rocky statue.

Elon Musk should announce he bought the Yankees and immediately dissolve the team on SNL

You know, it'd be very funny if [Elon Musk] just straight up announced that he bought the Yankees and then dissolve the Yankees immediately, or the Yankees are no more.

Ted Lasso could coach the Jets to a 10-6 record

You can't convince me that Ted Lasso couldn't take the Jets to 10-6.

OJ Simpson's son committed the murders, not OJ

I don't think OJ did it. ... I think it was his son. ... I saw a TikTok.

Aaron Rodgers will eventually become the full-time host of Jeopardy!

I actually think that Aaron Rodgers is going to eventually be the full-time host of Jeopardy. I think he's going to be, after he retires, I think he will. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to like doing it too much, and it combines all his favorite things: mustaches, being smarter than everybody, and letting everybody know that you're smarter than them.

The 'Doggface' Fleetwood Mac cranberry juice video was a corporate plant

I think that he is probably a plant. I think that this is mostly done... a combo stunt done by Fleetwood Mac and Ocean Spray cranberry juice—big cranberry.

Zendaya's Emmy win was not a 'biggest upset' because fans were happy about it

She won the Emmy for best actress and the New York Post wrote an article and it said biggest upset in Emmys 2020 over Jennifer Aniston and more... Zendaya stands were all very upset because they're like no one's upset about this like this. No one's upset. Like this is a great thing.

Deuce Bigalow was the second highest-grossing DVD behind only The Green Mile

It was the second most highest-grossing DVD, only slightly below, like a few hundred thousand dollars below, like Green Mile. So it's like Green Mile, Deuce Bigalow, Mission Impossible. Holy shit. So that was gigantic.

You guys are over 30 and no longer your own audience

You guys are over 30. You're no longer your audience. I want to go with the 14-year-olds.

Maybe everything isn't going to work out -- let go of these unrealistic dreams

Maybe everything isn't gonna work out. That's where you want to be, man. You gotta let go at that point, man. You don't hold onto these unrealistic dreams.

Mark Zuckerberg definitely has ass implants

Mark Zuckerberg surfing has hit the internet... I noticed right away. The dude's got a fucking donk. He has got cheeks. Big-time cheeks... I think it's an ass implant. Mark Zuckerberg is a nerd though... he can't just do something that's so obvious. What he can do is get a fake fat ass.

The text exchange between 50 Cent and Will Smith about Jada's 'entanglement' was real

I would bet money that it was real... Because it's 50 Cent and he's absolutely reckless. He's reckless.

Ghislaine Maxwell will not be safe in prison

Last hot seat is Ghislaine Maxwell. She's being sent to prison... She's not going to be safe there. TRIAL'S not up for a year. Yeah, so she's got a lot of prison time.

The entire world might be made of cake

There was a video titled, 'These are all cakes.' It's like a three minute video... it blew my mind. Then everyone convinced themselves that you know, maybe the world is just a giant cake. Like the Matrix.

The city of Columbus should be renamed 'Flavortown'

The city of Columbus is has a petition now. Columbus obviously not a great dude in history. So we're cleaning up history and were replacing it with real American history and rename Columbus 'Flavortown' now. That would be sick.

Stephanie Cmar will win Top Chef Season 17 because of the judge's reaction in the trailer

In the preview for the finale, they have Padma awarding the winner and saying congratulations you are top chef, but people have gone back and rewound it and they can tell by her inflection that she's genuinely surprised to be awarding it to this person. So now the internet is thinking the betting odds have shifted that it's going to be Stephanie... my money is on Stephanie.

What's the shades on inside for? I can't say what that makes me think

What's the shades on inside for? It make me think, you know what it make me think. I can't say what it make me think.

Nobody is lining up to learn about Karl Malone — go watch Tiger King or some shit

I don't think there's nobody lining up out there wanting to know about Carl Malone, so why boring with that? Let's watch the Tiger King or some shit like that.

Britney Spears set a world record by running the 100m dash in 5.97 seconds

Britney Spears set a world record in the 100 meter dash. She ran a hundred meters in 5.97 seconds on a treadmill which is four seconds faster than Usain Bolt... no one's gonna break that record.

Dude Perfect is responsible for the coronavirus because their trick shot gong was made in Wuhan

I'm putting Dude Perfect on the hot seat. I don't know if you've seen them recently, but they were showing off the gong that they have in their Dude Perfect warehouse... and it says proudly made in Wuhan right on the big gong there. So many people are asking is Dude Perfect responsible for the stuff that's going on the world.

Game of Thrones Season 8 was so bad that no one will rewatch it even during quarantine

I tweeted that the 8th season was so insultingly bad that people about to be locked in their houses for weeks on end and no one's going to rewatch Game of Thrones.

Barnett and Amber from Love Is Blind will not work as a couple

I want to talk about Barnett because Barnett... he's a fuccboi the very distant definition of fuck boy and he's found his girl in Amber Who is the very definition of a hot mess. So you got a fuccboi in a hot mess. And those are two Unstoppable forces that are just going to rub up against each other until they get into a fight. That relationship is not going to work.

Madison will win The Bachelor because she has the heart of a winner

I said Madison episode 1 of this... I watched the first episode and she said that she won four state championships in a row in high school. And I was like that is a heart of a champion. Even if she doesn't like this guy she's going to compete to win it's a winner and that's what she's gonna do.

Madison Prewett will win The Bachelor because her dad is the Auburn coach

My prediction is there is a girl who is a four-time state championship basketball player, and she goes to Auburn, and her dad is the coach of Auburn... My money's on her. Clearly, she knows the long haul, the grind.

The movie 'Cats' is intentionally broken to generate viral buzz

I'm a little bit woke because it is getting people talking about the movie Cats because we probably wouldn't be talking about it at all if it wasn't a massive fuck up. And now what they're doing is they're taking the movie back. They're re-editing certain scenes and sending an entirely new version out next week. So now the people that already saw it are going to want to go back and see it again.

Kevin Garnett will get an Oscar nomination for Uncut Gems.

KG's getting nominated [for an Oscar], if anybody's getting nominated.

My upcoming diss track will put Drake out of business

Oh, yeah, the diss track is coming. I wrote it on Friday. So, yes, I'm continuing my battle against Drake. I murdered him. He's dead. He's already dead. I haven't even laid it down yet. I almost feel bad putting Drake out of business like this.

Rob Gronkowski needs to be in the Super Bowl halftime show

Jay-Z, I know you're a listener. Put Gronk in the Super Bowl halftime show. ... He needs to be in the halftime show.

Jake Gyllenhaal's acting in military movies is stolen valor

Fuck Jake Gyllenhaal. I've heard he's kind of a dick. Like, the whole method acting thing, it's like, dude, chill out. You weren't actually in the military. It's stolen valor, basically, what he does to just try to play badass characters all the time.

The Night King in Game of Thrones just really loves cocaine

All I took away from The Night King... He fucking loves cocaine. biggest showboater of all time. Like, bro, you were walking so slow to try to win that game.

I will be appearing in Space Jam 2 as a Monstar

I will be [in Space Jam 2]. I can see myself being a Monstar... LeBron, I'm in. 100% in on Space Jam 2.

Tom Cruise is washed up and would lose to Justin Bieber

Bebs is a beast. He's in the prime of his career right now. And Tom Cruise is washed up.

The Raptors are out of 'bullets in the chamber' after Obama and Guy Fieri showed up for Game 2

You can't respond to a one-two punch of Guy Fieri and Obama... I don't think that Canada can... They don't have any bullets left in the chamber.

Arya Stark will die in the Game of Thrones series finale

I think Arya's going to die too. Yeah. There's my prediction. Yeah, she seems like she's a likable enough character. She's got a little bit of that spunk in her where she can get herself into some trouble.

I am officially 'Team Targaryen' and defend Daenerys' actions as a battle tactic

I want the Targaryens to be ruling at the end... You show up for battle, you've got to fucking battle... If a team against Alabama is getting blown out, they're not just going to quit halfway through the game. You don't take a knee in the third quarter.

Arya Stark will be the one to kill Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones

Arya is going to kill Dany, by the way... Aria's going to try to kill her, get killed, and then Jon's going to kill her. If Arya gets killed, the internet riots.

Arya Stark will not survive the series finale of Game of Thrones.

Aria's going to try to kill her, get killed, and then Jon's going to kill her. If Arya gets killed, the internet riots... Aria's not going to survive.

Jon Snow will die in the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones.

Well, here's my hot take preview. I think Jon Snow dies on Sunday.

There are other dragons hidden in the world of Game of Thrones that have yet to be revealed.

I think that there are other dragons out there. That one that was that beyonds riding them... I know that's no... Brand's gonna come in.

Theon Greyjoy is still alive and will survive his apparent death in Game of Thrones

Theon's alive. Well, if you go by my reasoning of if you don't get shot directly in the heart or directly in the brain on a TV show or movie, you end up surviving. [Big Cat: It took a spike through his body.] Through his appendix. You don't even need—it's right through his body.

The Jeopardy buzzer is goosed to help James Holzhauer win

I think Jeopardy's probably goosing his buzzer speed because he's really, really quick on the thumb... I think the buzzer on the left is faster than the other ones because it's in the best interest of Jeopardy to have a dominant star. They need a king.

The Night King is bypassing the Battle of Winterfell to attack King's Landing

The most common theory that people sent us... is that the Night King is on his way to King's Landing, like pulling a little hezy hay. He's going to King's Landing while the rest of the army of the dead fight it out at Winterfell.

The Game of Thrones series finale will end with everyone turning into happy zombies

Everything else is fine. All right. That's the M. Night Shyamalan twist... Everybody just turns into a zombie and they're happy forever. They can't go in water, so you at least have that.

Ant-Man will either defeat Thanos by crawling up his butt or Thanos will be defeated by logic and reason from reporter Clark Kent

Either Ant-Man's going to crawl up in [Thanos's] butt and expand, like we said on the show, or he's going to get defeated using logic and reason by fact-checking super reporter Clark Kent. Those are my two predictions for the end of The Avengers.

Arya Stark will get pregnant and Gendry will die in Game of Thrones

Which probably means that Gendry's going to die, Arya's going to get pregnant. Because in this show, basically, if you have sex like that, you're pregnant.

Bran Stark will either kill someone or is the Night King

I'm still very woke on Bran. I think that Bran is either going to kill somebody... he's the Night King... he could be the Night King.

Jon Snow and Arya Stark will have sex and then one will kill the other

Jon Snow and Arya? They're brother or sister. So they'll probably fuck. Yeah, okay. Jon Snow and Arya. They're actually cousins. One of those two is going to kill the other one. He's going to have to kill the other one at the end. But after they fuck. They're definitely fucking.