Takes

The Night King in Game of Thrones just really loves cocaine

All I took away from The Night King... He fucking loves cocaine. biggest showboater of all time. Like, bro, you were walking so slow to try to win that game.

Tom Cruise is washed up and would lose to Justin Bieber

Bebs is a beast. He's in the prime of his career right now. And Tom Cruise is washed up.

Arya Stark will die in the Game of Thrones series finale

I think Arya's going to die too. Yeah. There's my prediction. Yeah, she seems like she's a likable enough character. She's got a little bit of that spunk in her where she can get herself into some trouble.

I am officially 'Team Targaryen' and defend Daenerys' actions as a battle tactic

I want the Targaryens to be ruling at the end... You show up for battle, you've got to fucking battle... If a team against Alabama is getting blown out, they're not just going to quit halfway through the game. You don't take a knee in the third quarter.

Arya Stark will be the one to kill Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones

Arya is going to kill Dany, by the way... Aria's going to try to kill her, get killed, and then Jon's going to kill her. If Arya gets killed, the internet riots.

Jon Snow will die in the penultimate episode of Game of Thrones.

Well, here's my hot take preview. I think Jon Snow dies on Sunday.

The Jeopardy buzzer is goosed to help James Holzhauer win

I think Jeopardy's probably goosing his buzzer speed because he's really, really quick on the thumb... I think the buzzer on the left is faster than the other ones because it's in the best interest of Jeopardy to have a dominant star. They need a king.

The Night King is bypassing the Battle of Winterfell to attack King's Landing

The most common theory that people sent us... is that the Night King is on his way to King's Landing, like pulling a little hezy hay. He's going to King's Landing while the rest of the army of the dead fight it out at Winterfell.

The Game of Thrones series finale will end with everyone turning into happy zombies

Everything else is fine. All right. That's the M. Night Shyamalan twist... Everybody just turns into a zombie and they're happy forever. They can't go in water, so you at least have that.

Ant-Man will defeat Thanos by crawling up his butt and expanding

Either Ant-Man's going to crawl up in [Thanos's] butt and expand, like we said on the show, or he's going to get defeated using logic and reason by fact-checking super reporter Clark Kent.

Arya Stark will get pregnant and Gendry will die in Game of Thrones

Which probably means that Gendry's going to die, Arya's going to get pregnant. Because in this show, basically, if you have sex like that, you're pregnant.

Bran Stark will either kill someone or is the Night King

I'm still very woke on Bran. I think that Bran is either going to kill somebody... he's the Night King... he could be the Night King.

Jon Snow and Arya Stark will have sex and then one will kill the other

Jon Snow and Arya? They're brother or sister. So they'll probably fuck. Yeah, okay. Jon Snow and Arya. They're actually cousins. One of those two is going to kill the other one. He's going to have to kill the other one at the end. But after they fuck. They're definitely fucking.

The Hound is actually the Many-Faced God and will kill Arya Stark

I think the Hound is actually the many-faced god. He's gonna kill Arya and then rip his face off and be like haha got you bitch. Arya left him for dead and he did actually die and then they took his face.

Samwell Tarly will win the Iron Throne

I think Samwell Tarly is going to win the throne. They're going to do a 10-year show where it's like, hey, at the end of the day, nerds win.

Billy McFarland and 'The Situation' will launch fraudulent business ideas together while in prison

It turns out the prison that [Billy McFarland] is going to is the same prison that 'The Situation' is locked up in right now. So the schemes, those two are going to cook up together. They're going to come out of there with like 18 business ideas, 19 of which are fraud.

Colton Underwood will lose his virginity by episode 14 of The Bachelor.

I think he'll lose it by episode 14. You guys are misreading Colton. He's like Tebow. He's so dug in on his virginity... but eventually just going to fuck.

The Office will be rebooted within the next six months

I'm now just going to call my shot that within six months, [The Office] will be rebooted... Hank Guarantee. Yep. Six months.

The Office is definitely coming back

My Who's Back of the Week is The Office... Steve Carell hosted SNL. It was a great, hilarious SNL... they said it's not coming back. But it's definitely one of those things where they're just getting people used to talking about it. So when it comes back, they're excited.

Drake is laying low following the Pusha T beef and will likely return with a response

[Drake] could use a friend right now. I wouldn't say he's dead. I would say he's probably laying low... I definitely feel in his defense that something was either made or another track was either made in the process and something is like—you've got to look at it as a business too. Is it even worth kind of replying back to Pusha T?

Super Troopers 2 is a better sequel than The Godfather Part II

I'd say it's more beyond Godfather 2. It's like Empire Strikes Back.

John Cena broke off his engagement because of the PMT studio

He came into this studio. He saw what a chick looks like with four nipples. He saw the size and depth of my belly button. And boom, now his future wife's sex with his future wife is not as sweet. We clearly broke him up.

Mark Zuckerberg failed his mission to look human and is definitely a robot

If Mark Zuckerberg's sole attempt was to try to persuade people that he's not a bad guy who is stealing all of our data and our brains, he failed terribly. Because he looked like a robot. He had a terrible suit. He had a bowl cut. His eyes were huge. He just looked exactly like I would expect a robot to look who was put in front of Congress.

The Yodeling Walmart Boy will eventually be found to be problematic

The yodeling Walmart boy. At some point, he's going to be problematic, right? ... I've seen this story play out on the internet enough. Someone in his family has a Confederate flag Facebook profile, and everyone's going to turn on him and be like, man, this kid is problematic.

Get Out will win Best Picture at the Oscars

I'm going to go with Get Out. [for Best Picture winner]

Dunkirk will win Best Picture because the Oscars love movies about British history

I'll go with Dunkirk because I feel like the Oscars loves picking movies there no one talks [about]. God they love picking those. I'm going Dunkirk as well.

Becca M will get her own spinoff show from The Bachelor

Becca doesn't need Ari at all... I think I love Becca's coming, or at least she's going to wind up being The Bachelorette... She's the favorite right now, and I think she's going to wind up getting the spinoff show.

Jerry Richardson's heart transplant turned him evil

He actually has a built-in spin zone for himself because he got a heart transplant like five years ago. So it's the other guy's heart. It's not him. It turned him evil.

Donald Trump is going to put LaVar Ball on the million dollar bill

Donald Trump is going to put LaVar Ball on money. He's going to be on the million dollar bill. ... Weren't they going to change the $20 bill recently? Harriet Tubman, yeah. Well, not anymore because I think LaVar Ball's got his eye on it.

The LaVar Ball vs. Donald Trump feud will end at WrestleMania

LeVar Ball versus the President of the United States being like a real feud that's going to be going and having chapters and keep going and probably ending in – there's like at least a 10% chance this actually does end in WrestleMania.

If a singer sucks at an open mic in Texas, you're supposed to tackle them

I found out that it was at an open mic [the Josh Beckett incident]... I feel like at an open mic in Texas if the guy sucks you're kind of you're supposed to tackle him. Yeah that's true he just was like a deputized bouncer.

Bill Nye is a fraud who has been catfishing America for 30 years

He's a stand-up comedian that created this character that has no scientific background. Basically, Bill Nye has been catfishing America for the last 30 years. Right. So the fact that he says the sun is hot is further proof that it's cold. I would absolutely conclude that. But he's a proven liar. All he's done his entire adult life is lie to us.

OJ Simpson could redeem his public image by murdering Bill Cosby

If OJ wants to, if he really wants to be a success in America again, go kill Bill Cosby. So if OJ just straight up murdered Bill Cosby, I think you'd see a lot of people forgive him. Forgive and forget.

Khloe Kardashian lied about being pregnant just because she was jealous of Kylie's announcement

Khloe is super, super old and has been trying to get pregnant for a long time. I think she was so mad that Kylie announced she got pregnant, she just said she went too.

The band Toto is responsible for more deaths than Hitler because of their songs about rain

It's those assholes from that band Toto when they blessed the rains over there. They just turned all the rains in Africa into hurricanes. Toto the band is responsible for killing more people than Hitler.

Jeff Van Gundy is white-knighting for Khloe Kardashian because he has a thing for her

But what it sounded like, it sounded like Jeff has a little thing for Khloe... So he's white knighting, really. He's trying to fuck Khloe.

Tiger Woods' hair plugs are working

His hair did not look as bad as it has in the past... No, but it looks like the hair plugs might be working. Because Tiger Woods is a notorious guy who went balding pretty early.

Hillary Clinton killed Chris Cornell

[Chris Cornell] also just happened to be the guy that sang the theme song for the Benghazi movie. And he was very active in Benghazi awareness that implicated a woman named Hillary Clinton. And then he passes away under mysterious circumstances. I think Hillary Clinton killed Chris Cornell.

Avril Lavigne died in 2003 and was replaced by a body double named Melissa

Basically, the idea of this thread was that Avril Lavigne in 2003... committed suicide. But because she was so famous at the time, her record company kept her alive by not saying that she died and then just using her body double as Avril Lavigne going forward... There's recordings, like vocal recordings that sound completely different.

The red bathing suit Instagram campaign is a viral ad for the Baywatch movie

The Baywatch movie is coming out in like a month... This is a viral ad for the Baywatch movie. This is easy. This is too easy.

Nick and Vanessa from The Bachelor are going to last

This is 2016 and this is how the millennials find love. I think they're going to last. I would like to see the Fantasy Suite get its own spinoff reality show.

Jimmy Kimmel intentionally planned the La La Land / Moonlight Oscar mistake

Even if Jimmy Kimmel didn't plan this, which I think he did, he should be blamed for it for all the shitty Jimmy Kimmel pranks he did in the past.

Hidden Figures is my lock for Best Picture at the Oscars

Hidden figures... That's what my money's on. Very professionally produced.

Actors should only be eligible for Oscars if they are from America

Not to be xenophobic, but I don't think you should be eligible to win an Oscar if you're not from America. I kind of agree. This is our thing. This is our show.

Ken Bone should immediately cash in and do a 'Prego porn' video

Ken is definitely going to get some propositions from a porn company to be like, hey... do you want to do some Prego porn? And you got to do it. Cash in. Just got to cash in.

The 2016 creepy clown sightings are a viral marketing stunt for the movie 'It'

What's behind all of this is that Stephen King's movie It is coming out in a couple months. They're doing a remake of it. That's it then.

Ellen DeGeneres will get pregnant this year

I would love to see Ellen DeGeneres get it done [get pregnant]. I think this might be the year she thinks she's sexy. And I would like to see a Skip Bayless Ellen DeGeneres kid.

Stevie Wonder isn't actually blind

Stevie Wonder isn't blind. Have you seen some of the clips out there? He catches microphones that are falling down. Like he's pointing at people. He's a blind guy that points. They do not point. Stevie Wonder is not blind. Look it up.

The Arthur the Aardvark meme will be dead by the end of the weekend

Arthur the Aardvark memes. People can't get enough Arthur. ... [Burn rate] I don't think it makes it past the weekend. ... It's a strong sell. Get your Arthur's in tomorrow.

Steve Jobs is currently living in South America with Lionel Messi's father

Steve Jobs was sitting in – he's not dead... Everyone knows Steve Jobs living in South America, if you remember that picture... With Messi's dad.