Takes

Tom Brady could still throw for 4,000 yards and 30 touchdowns in the NFL right now

Tom Brady... It's football. They had the flag football event this past weekend. Tom Brady played in it. I mean, he could go out next year in the league and probably get 4,000 yards, 30 touchdowns.

NFL players should not be confident in their union representation with JC Tretter as NFLPA head

He's a moron. So it looks like Roger Goodell now has his doofus set up as they go into the next CBA. If I was an NFL player, I would not be too confident about my representation right now.

I Show Speed is more famous than Tom Brady

Our conversation back here was Brady or Speed. I would probably go Speed. Brady's a big name though, he got a lot of rings, but I'd go Speed. I might take it back and go top one [most famous person at the field].

Timothée Chalamet can't win the big one after losing another Oscar

Timothy Chalamet. Yeah. Did not win... he's now in that like, can he win the big one? It's, it's I think it's his third time. Nothing. Can't win the big one. Nothing to show.

Ludvig Åberg is a choker who can't win on Sundays under pressure

Ludvig Åberg. Can't win the big one. Yeah. Big time. Can't win the big one. Another choke. Choke to the masters... He stinks on Sundays. I don't know what it is about him... just when he gets under pressure he just melts down.

White Boy Summer will be canceled if Chet Hanks remains stuck in Colombia

Chet Hanks is stuck in Colombia right now... now he can't get back to the United States because they won't let him back in. There's no greater American than Chet Hanks. And we're in danger of having white boy summer canceled this year if Chet's still stuck in Colombia.

Lindsey Vonn crashes every single time she is hyped up to ski.

I basically, every time they say, 'Hey, Lindsey Vonn's about to ski'... she's gonna crash. I woke up and they were like, 'Hey Lindsey Vonn competed this morning and she crashed.'

Mark Davis would 100% hire Chris Angel as head coach if the NFL implemented a 'Loony Rule' for interviews

Chris Angel... for the Raiders head coaching job. [A] Loony rule. Chris Angel doing mind freak shit in front of Mark Davis. He, Mark Davis would hire him. He'd hire him. He would a hundred percent hire him.

If someone spits in your face, it should be legal to hit them with your car

I'll just say this, if someone spits in your face like that, you should be able to hit him with your car. I think. There's no overreaction to being spit on. [Spitting is] massive.

Boxing is officially dead as a sport

Boxing's dead. It's currently dead. It might get brought back to life bad, but it's a bad spot. But boxing, boxing as we know is dead.

AI technology is failing because it doesn't justify its investment costs

I think AI is in hot water. I feel like this is, we're we're in a good spot as humanity right now where AI has not been making enough money to justify all the investment. ... We might beat the robots.

Taylor Swift's new album is a flop

My other's back the week is Taylor Swift... heard it was a flop. From what I've seen, I, I would give it not her best... some are saying it's, it's chat GPT. It's it's, yeah.

If you care about the Super Bowl halftime show, you're not a football guy

I'll say it. If you have a hot take, a really strong opinion about the Super Bowl halftime show, you're not a fucking football guy. You showed yourself. You're an anti-football pussy. You gotta watch film at halftime. You gotta figure out what to bet in the second half.

London should host a Super Bowl and it would be a cool event for the sport

The British ambassador of the US is pushing for a Super Bowl in London. I am down for it... I just think London would be a cool city for a Super Bowl. Better than San Francisco. It'd be a cool event, fun week.

UFC would be a better sport if there were more KOs and no gloves

There should be more KOs. No gloves. Too much defense. There's too much defense. I want more. They should be standing up and just throwing fist. Be a much better sport.

World War III is overrated and the term is being overused

My Who's Back of the Week is World War III. We're doing it again, boys. I think this is the fifth World War III that's happened in the last four years. ... I'm so sick of everyone saying World War III just started.

I would fight Marlon's Man in a Rough N' Rowdy match.

I'm not ashamed to beat up a 68-year-old man... I'll fight you in Rough N' Rowdy Marlon's Man. Balls in your court.

Abdul Carter is a loser for trying to take the retired numbers of Lawrence Taylor and Phil Simms

Is Abdul Carter a loser? I it's very weird. A weird tumble guy of all time... to on day one, go into your new company and be like, I want the numbers of the two most famous guys that everybody loves. Lawrence Taylor... then he's like, all right, how about Phil Simms? No, pick your own number man.

100 dedicated humans could easily defeat one gorilla in a fight

I think a hundred friends could be one gorilla. Everybody just gotta be dedicated to the shit. And that sparked a debate across the internet... I am firmly of the belief that a hundred people could easily be go a fight.

Bill Belichick may be in a 'reverse conservatorship' with his younger girlfriend

It feels like reverse. Using an older person with the younger person... you get a little older and you can't take care of yourself and then someone comes and takes care of you and then also takes everything.

Ja Morant's addiction to fake guns is the best addiction of all time

Ja Morant can't quit holding fake guns. It's the, it's the best addiction of all time. I respect the hell outta that... the NBA coming down on him for his fake guns is bullshit. Just ignoring all the history of Ja Morant with real guns. I love that shit. It's behavior that like a five-year-old would do.

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

Nice furniture does not belong outside

Nice furniture should not be outside... the maintenance is not worth the comfort. It's fucking outdoors.

The sun was switched out 40 years ago for a new, worse sun

I found guys... that think that actually this is a different sun that was, that we switched the sun out like 40 years ago and it's the new sun and it's worse for you... I gotta do some more research on the new sun guys.

Chernobyl was an inside job by Russia to discourage nuclear energy and protect their gas interests

I had one the other day that actually I completely believe that Chernobyl was on purpose. Everyone was doing nuclear power plants and Russia has a shitload of oil and gas and so they're like, Hey, let's blow up a nuclear PowerPoint plant and scare the fuck outta everyone about nuclear energy. And everyone stopped doing nuclear energy or inside job.

College basketball needs 'asshole' coaches like Dan Hurley to be interesting.

College basketball needs asshole coaches. That's what it was built on... I need a coach K, I need a like as much as I hate Coach K, he has that that like, ah, I hate him. I wanna root against him. Dan Hurley is that if you hate him, that's good for college basketball. So I want him to do whatever he wants to do.

Mike Vrabel is a fraud who relied on Prime Derrick Henry

Mike Vrabel is proof that one smart clock management moment in a nationally televised game buys you five to 10 years of NFL media thinking you're a great coach... Prime Derrick Henry is not walking through the Patriots door... He was a Derrick Henry merchant.

I will fight anyone who says Indiana shouldn't be in the playoff

I will fucking fight. If you find someone online who's saying Indiana should not be in the college football playoff—tag me snitch. Tag 'em. I just—I wanna fight 'em.

Duke basketball is back

Duke's back... They beat Arizona State by 50 in a scrimmage... They might be back. God damnit they might be back.

LIV Golf should allow all steroids and make the tour totally rule-free

I was shocked to know that Liv had a steroid policy... You have no rules. You play golf with shorts. They should, if you're the Liv Tour, make everything legal. Have it be steroids, but golf. Tackling. Yes. And a football and pylons.

Offsides should be removed from soccer

Offsides should be taken out of soccer. There should be no offsides.

Secretariat's records are fraudulent and he likely used steroids

Secretariat had 663 children... Guess how many of his kids won a Triple Crown race? The answer is zero... every mile time has gradually gotten better over the years except horse racing... He also lost a bunch of races... they had an excuse ready after every single loss... he had horse herpes and they blamed his loss on that... The more you look into Secretariat, the more it stinks to high heaven.

Sydney Sweeney is bringing back the era of 'tits' over 'asses'

My who's back of the week is Sydney Sweeney. She was on SNL. ... People are saying, is Sidney Sweeney bringing back tits? Well, there's been don don't know. What would you say? A decade run where asses have been number one. ... We might look back in history and be like, when did Tits come back? Sidney Sweeney.

Indiana is scared to play Indiana State in basketball

Do you know that Indiana state, Indiana doesn't play Indiana state because they just embarrassed him every time they play him. Indiana State, I think last time they played 'em was like 2017 and they won by like 20. Damn. So Indiana's just scared of 'em.

The NBA is back to being irrelevant

Who's back? NBA being Irrelevant.

The chest pass should be banned from the Dr. Pepper Halftime Challenge.

I'm a hundred percent in on that... they should just move it back. That would ban the chest pass.

The NFL should allow players to wear either zero, one, or three-plus mouthpieces

Anthony Evans... was wearing not one, not two, but three mouthpieces at once on his person. He's got a red one in his mouth, yellow one hanging down, and then he has a third mouthpiece that's jammed into his left ear hole on his helmet. I kind of love three mouthpiece. Congress needs to step in. You can't do two. You can do three or more. You can do one, zero, or three or more. That's my ruling.

Victor Wembanyama looks like he's going to be the greatest player of all time

Victor Wembanyama has been playing in the preseason and he looks like he's gonna be the greatest player of all time. I've never seen anybody the way he plays basketball. He's crazy... He puts like a dome over the rim. It's insane.

I would understand if the 76ers decided to trade Joel Embiid

It's not that I want to trade Embiid, but if we were to get like a very great offer... The Sixers are nowhere near [winning a title] right now... If that did happen, I wouldn't be like devastated. It would make sense to me.

Herm Edwards is a total fraud for the mess he left at Arizona State

My who's back is Herm Edwards being a fraud because Arizona State has a bull ban... He's on ESPN giving speeches about, you know, upstanding character and doing the right thing. And he just left this mess in his past. So he is a total fraud.

The Yankees should extend both Aaron Boone and Brian Cashman

I think they should extend Aaron Boone. Yeah. I think he's the steady hand and Cashman. I think Aaron Boone is a steady hand that the Yankees need to control their franchise. ... We official vote of confidence as they should extend both of them. Yes.

I don't want to start a family because aliens will likely kill us all within five years

I like thinking that aliens are real because then it really is like there's no reason to do anything. 'cause like within five years, like the aliens are gonna just come up and fuck us off. ... Like starting a family. It's like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna have kids like aliens are gonna come and kill 'em all. Yeah. Like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna keep doing my thing.

Travis Kelce is a pussy for fighting Jack Cochrane in training camp

Jack Cochrane's the dude who pissed off Travis Kelce. So shout out that guy for exposing Travis Kelce for being a pussy. ... That was getting into it. 'cause he got hit once just like a little bit after the play and he got pissed off.

Football players who don't play and then transfer are 'snitches' for reporting hazing

No dudes who don't play in transfer are the biggest snitches ever. ... Cuz they're, they're the only ones who's like, there's something wrong with this program. It's not wrong with me. It's the program that's wrong.

Tom Brady is a 'trophy husband' who needs a sugar mama like Kim Kardashian

Tom Brady is a stay-at-home dad. He needs to find another sugar mama to pay his bills because he always likes women who make more than him. That's just the facts. ... He's a trophy husband. ... Now he's looking for someone to take care of him.

The Russian Wagner Group rebellion was a PSYOP intended to dupe Ukraine

It was a PSYOP for the market. There was a PSYOP. Okay, Putin's Gucci. He just did that whole thing to make Ukraine think they could take back Bakhmut and then they're gonna do a pincer move on him... They were able to move troops under the guise that they're doing a coup. And now Ukraine thought they were going to Moscow, but now they're just North [of Bakhmut].

The Green Bay Packers are in trouble because Jordan Love is a moron.

Jordan Love posted a video today... he said Happy Father's Day to all Bears fans out there. Jordan Love is a fucking moron. So Jordan love basically called Bears fans his dad. And it was like the first moment that I've had in a very long time where I was like, Ooh, I think things might be changing... The Packers are in trouble.

The NBA in-season tournament is essentially a way for LeBron James to get more rings

It was essentially the NBA was like, how can we make it so that LeBron gets more rings so he can feel like he's better than Jordan. Let's make a made up trophy in the middle of [the season].

The Hernandez family is officially back following Dennis Hernandez's arrest at ESPN

The Hernandez family is back. Is back af at long last.

LIV Golf should execute the last place team every week to fix their ratings

I have a very simple way to solve this ratings issue. Execute the last place team every week... The ultimate relegation. Yeah. To the afterlife... Or they don't have cuts but they could chop your head off.