Takes

Society was better when people who performed mentalist tricks were treated like witches

We used to be a proper society. We used to drown those people, like witches burn them. Yeah. Like it's getting a little to the point where it's like, should we throw, should we throw some rocks at him at the town square?

Nick Saban intentionally held back Curt Cignetti to protect his own coaching legacy

Did Nick Saban specifically not promote Curt Cignetti? Because he is like, 'Hey, if this guy gets a head coaching job, he's going to be known as the greatest head coach of all time. Not me.'... Nick Saban's been trying to keep the world from [Cignetti] for all these years.

Caleb Williams is significantly better than CJ Stroud

I don't think there's even, I don't think there's a debate who you'd take Caleb or CJ Stroud. It's not even close to a debate. No. And that's, Caleb wouldn't, it's crazy to be in this spot... CJ Stroud after his first year, he's completely regressed.

Curt Cignetti is one of the best hires in the history of any job ever

I think he goes on the Mount Rushmore of just best hires for any job ever. Is he the best hire ever? Yeah. For any job ever done. I would say Michelangelo, when he painted the Sistine Chapel, I think they nailed that one. Oppenheimer to build the atomic bomb. Okay. Mission accomplished... but outside of that, yeah, I think he goes on the Mount Rushmore.

Caleb Williams' throw to DJ Moore was better than 'The Catch'

Caleb's Throw was better than Joe Montana's. He threw it from the 30. Joe Montana threw it from the 18. ... I liked it so much. I thought it was the catch. I sent it to Chris Berman. ... maybe a better throw and maybe a better catch.

The 'torch' has been passed to Drake May and it cannot be passed back to Josh Allen

The torch has been passed and that's it. It's over... Drake may has the torch and then it will go until we pass it to someone else... It can't go back.

The Lions are frauds who only score points against terrible teams

Every—this, it's a Lions suck fest because they score a lot of points against shitty fucking teams... This is just what the Lions do every fucking year. They score a lot of points against shitty fucking teams and everyone thinks that they're the best.

The Italian race is essentially finished because they are too attracted to Latinas

He told me today that Italians were done in this country... because a lot of them are attracted to Latinas. And so then they have kids with Latinas and then there's no more Italians. Jerry just looked at his own kids and was like, man, Italians are done.

The Patriots are unequivocally better than the Buccaneers and the Eagles right now.

[Big Cat]: Are the Patriots better than the Bucks and the Eagles right now? [Hank]: Yes. ... laughing at you when you mention the Patriots being the best team in this podcast. ... now I think it's, you know, the odds are a lot better.

Justin Fields is a loser

Justin Fields is perfect for this team... he's a perfect quarterback to lose games and that's it. That's all he is. He is a loser.

The 2024 Eagles are the worst 20-1 team in NFL history

Is this Eagle's team the worst 20 and one team in their last 21 games of all time... every, literally every negative thing that I've said about the Eagles this year has come from a place of extreme jealousy and also trying to stir Max up... I think the Eagles, yeah, they're the worst.

Pumpkins are useless food that only hippos and squirrels actually enjoy

I got a vendetta against everything pumpkin... nobody likes pumpkins, we're just forced to do a lot of stuff that we just forced to do as human beings... The only animal [that eats it] is the hippopotamus and squirrels.

A Taylor Swift divorce album would result in incredible music

I want them to be happily married forever. A divorce album would rock... I'm saying if it happened, there would be incredible music. Right. Don't want it happen.

Titty fucking is 'very good' but not 'Hall of Fame' level

We want to take titty fucking. Yeah. It's very good. ... It's not Hall of fame. Hall of Fame is sex. ... If you're titty fucking in an above ground pool in Canada, you're having a very good time. Yeah.

The Mona Lisa is an ugly, shitty, overhyped painting

We don't understand the hype of the Mona Lisa whatsoever. It's a fucking chick. And she's ugly. I don't get it... It's a fucking painting. It's so dumb. It's so hyped... It's a shitty painting. If you put that up in my house, it'd be like, take it down. She's ugly.

It would take at least 10 world-class UFC fighters to kill one silverback gorilla

A hundred of me will kill that gorilla. But we would need at least 10 [UFC fighters]. We would need at least 10. One guy is gonna have to sacrifice it, man. Yeah. You need one guy to sacrifice maybe two then you need one to be able to grab the back. I'll just keep on choking until it dies.

I will never be a better person than I am a golfer

I definitely fall short as a person... I think that's shit. I mean, it's like... I would say I have plenty of room to improve on the person front and, and definitely plenty of room and room to improve as a golfer as well. [Big Cat: There's no way you'll ever be a better person than golfer]. Yeah, I think that's, that's a fair option.

I had no intention of hurting Ruben Tejada during the 2015 NLDS slide

There was zero intention to fuck anybody up on that play... Obviously the outcome was different than other slides that I've had. I didn't anticipate actually hitting him nearly as hard as I did... I had no intention of hurting him whatsoever.

UFC would be a better sport if there were more KOs and no gloves

There should be more KOs. No gloves. Too much defense. There's too much defense. I want more. They should be standing up and just throwing fist. Be a much better sport.

Every baseball game should be decided by a swing-off

I like the swing off. The end of game is great. I want everything decided by swing offs now. Regular season baseball games swing off... child custody hearings swing off.

Jesus is the chillest bro of all time because he took a three-day nap

He's just the chillest guy of all time. Turn the other cheek. Try to, you know, bring world peace to the world. Dude, bro. Took a three day nap. How chill is that?

Connor McDavid is the greatest hockey player of all time

I just started running around the room... running around greatest hockey player of all time. I just started tweeting that like, it's just, it's incredible to watch him.

Jayson Tatum is not a superstar

Jason Tatum is not a superstar... He didn't play on the Olympic team. He didn't play.

Jayson Tatum has officially replaced Joel Embiid as the worst playoff superstar in the Eastern Conference

I guess that a super embarrassing that Jason Tatum has now taken the crown of the worst playoff performer in the Eastern Conference... Joel Embiid for a long time was known as the worst Eastern Conference superstar to play in the playoffs. And Jason Tatum simply has worst playoff stats than Joel Embiid. And that's a fact.

If Steph Curry wins FMVP with a torn hamstring, he is ahead of LeBron James

If Steph Curry wins NBA finals, MVP by the way, with a, a torn hamstring. He has a, a torn hamstring I think... You gotta put him ahead of LeBron.

Sovereignty is a pussy for skipping the Preakness

I'm saying I'm gonna prank call sovereignty. I we should harass this horse. This is a beta horse. This is what happens. It's a horse that's been coddled its entire life... Sovereignty's a puss. Let's just stop beating around at this horse is a fucking pussy.

100 dedicated humans could easily defeat one gorilla in a fight

I think a hundred friends could be one gorilla. Everybody just gotta be dedicated to the shit. And that sparked a debate across the internet... I am firmly of the belief that a hundred people could easily be go a fight.

Good riddance to Lee Corso

Good riddance [to Lee Corso].

Cooper Flagg does not have the clutch gene

I agree with Skip Bayless and Big Cat in that Cooper Flagg probably doesn't have the clutch gene. If I'm drafting number one in the NBA draft and I'm, I don't know, the Utah Jazz, I I would pass on 'em. Yeah, I would. And let whoever is picking after take them. Like, 'cause you're not gonna win with 'em.

You can change an entire nation's perception of you just by knowing ball

Timothy Chalamet's proof that you can change an entire nation's perception of you by knowing Ball. If Osama Bin Laden would've declared his love for Miami Ohio's football program, we would've been like, you know, we can always just rebuild those towers.

Baker Mayfield is a better quarterback option for the next five years than Jalen Hurts

Would I take Baker Mayfield over [Jalen Hurts] for the next five years? Yeah... I would take Baker. It's close. They're the same. They're all, like I said, they're in the same grouping. But I would take Baker.

LeBron James' best dad move ever was getting Bronny drafted into the NBA

Lebron is a better father than he is basketball player? Yeah, I think, didn't we we determin that on Friday. Yeah. The fact that he got Bronny drafted. Yeah. No basketball player has ever done that before. But I do think he went up to him [Stephen A. Smith] like Stephen A. Smith played the role afterwards.

Putting beans in chili is 'woke'

I think I agree with him that beans and chili are woke... it is like Texas chili is just meat... This is like nerfing chili. It's not letting dudes fart. Dudes can't even fart anymore because we're taking the beans out of chili.

Paul George is essentially just Tobias Harris with better branding

Paul George is Tobias Harris with better branding. Whoa. Yeah. I mean they're all back tonight... Paul George, Paul George, I know he had a better January, but like off key, he, he needs to be a dude while MB is out through all of this. And instead he's totally comfortable getting his ISO 17 footer up.

The Mavericks trading Luka Doncic is absolute malpractice

Nico Harrison — this guy should be in person... Malpractice. Malpractice. Yeah. The only guy literally deserves to be in prison. The only — it was, it's malpractice. The only way you could reasonably get over it is if like, Luca ends up being like 320 pounds.

Aaron Rodgers has 'druggie eyes' and is the problem with the Jets

I think the problem is Aaron. I think he's the problem... I look them in the eye to look for, to see if they're druggies. And I gotta tell you, Aaron Rodgers has druggie eyes. He looks like a druggie. Aaron Rodgers just has druggie eyes to me.

Saquon Barkley is the best player in the NFL and will change the running back market.

Saquon Barkley is the best player in the NFL and I think that he will, he's gonna change the running back market because it shows that we're going back into a play of game where running the football matters and you can win running.

Ultimate Dick Kicking is a better combat sport than Power Slap

We got a new combat sport that we have to start paying attention to guys, it's better than Power Slap. It's better than arm wrestling. It's the ultimate dick kicking championship. Two guys just stand across from each other and kick each other in the dicks until one guy gives up.

I would turn the Jets around in two minutes if I took over

I'd like to. There's no doubt about it. I've let everybody know that I definitely would be interested in that job... I think if I took over it'd be, it'd be turned in about two minutes because I think it starts with the passion and the energy that I would bring to that building. And the, we're not gonna take any poop mentality either. I know when I get an opportunity to interview for it, I'm gonna get the job.

There was a coordinated media hit against Indiana Football orchestrated by Greg Sankey

Greg Sankey made a call to all of media on Monday and had everyone in the media bash them when they have their big game coming up against Ohio State. And that makes no sense to me. Indiana has not played anyone. Indiana's an awesome story. Indiana's an underdog story. I'm rooting for Indiana.

The Eagles should give Nick Sirianni a contract extension

Is it time to give Nick Sirianni a contract extension? He is 41 and 19 is the Eagles' head coach... I think you gotta lock him up long term. I agree. Like that... lock him up.

Jayden Daniels is already a top 2 quarterback in the NFC and a top 5 all-time prospect

I think Jayden Daniels is gonna be the best quarterback in the history of the Redskins or Commanders. I think he's gonna be the best quarterback in the NFC. He might already be the best quarterback in the NFC... Probably top five [all time potential]. I think Jayden Daniels is like absolutely the best quarterback that I've ever watched in my entire life.

The Browns are publicly shaming Deshaun Watson by forcing him to continue playing quarterback.

What if we're just thinking about it wrong? What if this is just the Browns actually doing justice in a public shaming way. They're like, he's so bad. And we know he is so bad he can't play quarterback. We're just gonna make him continue to play quarterback and publicly shame him because that's the only justice he'll ever have. ... The only way that the league can punish him? Make him continue to play quarterback.

Tim Tebow would have won a lot of games if an NFL team ran his college offense

If I run his college offense, I'm going to win a lot of games in the National Football League. He'll never make a Pro Bowl, but I want that guy on my team... nobody ever gave him a shot [after Denver]. Nobody ever gave him a shot. I, I just believed in him winning football games.

LeBron James was born without a clutch gene

The poor man was just born without a clutch gene, and we see it again and again and again. MJ or LeBron? Stop it. Don't even go there because it's offensive to me. You would put those two in the same sentence because LeBron could not carry Jordan's sneakers.

Gervon Dexter is better than Jalen Carter

Are we ready to have the conversation that Gervon Dexter's better than Jalen Carter? We who has significantly better stats than Jalen Carter. I'm just wondering if you want to have that conversation now.

David Tepper chose Bryce Young because C.J. Stroud was 'too close' to his wife

Apparently Mrs. Tepper loved C.J. Stroud. Oh no. Like loved him. He call, oh, he calls her Mama Tepp. Oh no. So that's why David Tepper and then David Tepper is like, wait, I could have C.J. Stroud built like a statue seems real close with Mama Tepp or the short guy. Mm. That's just a real good friend. Wow. He's got a great personality.

Diddy killed Biggie Smalls

Diddy's a bad guy. And my take, I don't, this isn't like an a wildly original one. I think Diddy killed Biggie. Think about it. Think about it... when Biggie died, you remember Diddy was like all over tv. He did that. The video. I'll be missing you. Yeah. Like that he made his entire career about Yeah. Biggie. That is something that a psychopath killer would do.

Deshaun Watson is a better human being than football player because he is so bad at football

Deshaun Watson's so bad at football now, I think you could say that he's a, a better person than football player. I would say as good as he is a quarterback, even better human being. Yeah. That's how bad he is in football now. Yeah. He's a better human than football player.

I will not draft Travis Kelce for moral reasons related to his podcast

This is the number one sports podcast. Yes. That's it. There is no other sports podcasts. There will be no talk of that person [Travis Kelce] on this... No Travis Kelce on our team. I love that. Good, good. Take a stand.