Takes

Winning tournaments when no one is watching is my MO

I fly way, way, way under the radar. I'm glad this tournament didn't sound like a video game... I saw the Derby yesterday. Everyone's very, very focused on other things other than the golf. And that's, I feel like when I'm the most, most powerful.

College football is better when Nebraska is a good team

I rooting for you in Nebraska. I want you guys to be relevant again. College football is better when Nebraska's a good team. Yeah, when Nebraska's doing steroids in the 80s.

The media is inflating the severity of Tom Brady's hand injury to give the Jaguars a reason for people to watch

If the Patriots are playing the Steelers and this hand thing happened, they wouldn't even be talking about it. But they know that the Jaguars, they need a storyline, they need a reason for people to watch, they need a reason to believe, so they're inflating the severity of his hand.

Matt Schaub was a good quarterback whose career was ruined by a loss of confidence

Matt Schaub is definitely number one [on the Mount Rushmore of Texans QBs]... No, he was a good quarterback. He had a bad season. And I think it ruined his confidence, but he was a good quarterback when he was balling. He had a bad run.

I refuse to draft DeAndre Hopkins because I can't watch Texans games

I have weird teams that I can't watch. I don't know what it is about the Texans that annoy me so I could never draft DeAndre Hopkins, even if I had a top five pick.

Rory McIlroy's Masters win extinguished the hater narrative forever

It's a much harder hate. Yeah. We had to retire it. That's what I'm sad about. We had to retire because Rory, no matter what he is now the sixth all time to have the career Grand slam... He beat all the haters. Including us.

SGA's style of play is frustrating to watch when he's fishing for fouls

I still stand by the take that I don't like watching him [SGA] when he is foul baiting... I still get pissed off when he, when he embellishes. I think the Timberwolves are at their wit's end with it too.

Floyd Mayweather was in complete control for every second of the Conor McGregor fight

In terms of actually looking back and thinking about it, there was not one second that [Mayweather] wasn't in complete control. Like Connor threw some big punches, but Floyd knew exactly what he was doing the whole time. He's like, I'll play defense for a few rounds, and then he's going to get gassed, which he did, and he knocked him out.

Oregon is a bad matchup for North Carolina due to a lack of size

I do think North Carolina is going to win. I think they're the better team. And they're a bad matchup for Oregon... [Oregon] has athleticism. They do not have—they have a little length. A lot of athleticism. No size.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are legitimately better without Rudy Gobert

Lakers in advanced the T-Wolves, let's say, let's do, let's do some positive spin zones for the T-Wolves. Okay. One, I think they're better without Rudy Gobert. Yeah. Like legitimately, you can make the case on defense that they need somebody like that to protect the rim. But on offense, they are like, I don't think it's even a debate right now. They work better... without 'em.

Jalen Brunson's foul baiting has made him hard to watch as a basketball fan

The foul baiting has gotten to a point where it's just hard to watch. And it's not just the foul baiting... the Knicks in this fourth quarter, they just go to straight iso ball foul baiting. No one else touches the ball. Jalen Brunson just trying to score. And it's bad basketball to watch.

The Red Sox Apple Watch scandal is good for baseball because it fuels the Yankees rivalry

Baseball needs rivalries. Red Sox-Yankees has been simmering. This kind of brings it up a notch.

Ben Roethlisberger was the best quarterback I played with

I've got to say Ben Roethlisberger. No question about it... Ben had that 'it' that most players don't have. I mean, you can be a good player, but you just don't have that 'it' thing. He's had that 'it'.

Bears fans watch football to avoid being nagged, so we should call Matt Nagy 'Nagy' (with a soft A)

The debate is, how do we pronounce [Matt Nagy's] last name? It's technically Nagy, but we're going to go with Nagy... we watch football so that we don't get nagged. I mean, if you want to get nagged, there's women for that, right? ... Don't give me 'Nag-y'. Give me 'Nay-gy'.

I will be a great character witness for Big Cat and PFT to save the ESPN show

I think I would have been a great character witness. [I would tell John Skipper] Mr. Skipper, you know how salamanders mate for life? Well, these two guys, they're a perfect pair together.

Survivor is the most popular and broadly watched reality show of all time

The most popular reality show of all time and one that every single person has ever watched, Survivor. I mean, it's hard to go against. I've watched seasons and been like, this show's awesome.

Kyle Lowry is the absolute worst and most annoying player to watch in the NBA

I'm so happy I don't have to watch Kyle Lowry play anymore. That guy is like, he's the worst. He is literally the worst... I swear if Kyle Lowry spent like maybe even half as much time complaining, he would be double the player. He just complains about every single possession, no matter what.

The Bills and the Cardinals are the only two NFL teams that definitely suck after Week 2

I think this is the first time we've gotten to week two, because usually you can tell almost instantly, okay, these teams definitely suck, and these teams are going to definitely be good. I actually only have two teams that definitely suck on the list... the Bills [and] the Cardinals.

The Big 12 should offer Oregon and Washington a 'dream job' buyout clause to lure them away from the Pac-12

What I think the Big 12 should do is go to Oregon, Washington, be like... here's what we're going to do. You're going to come with us and we're going to put a clause in your deal that just says you want out fine. You're out. If the Big 10 is, you know... dream job buyout, or dream job clause. Do that and you get them, and then you'll get Utah and Colorado and you'll get whoever else you want from that league.

LeBron James will never allow a teammate on the roster who knows more about wine than he does

LeBron takes his wine knowledge very seriously. There's no chance he will ever have somebody on his team that knows more about wine than he does. That's his thing.

The secret to life is being nice to everyone because you might need something from them later.

I think that's just the guide for life it's like just treat everybody nice because you never know what you're going to need from them later.

I have never been as wowed by home runs as I was watching Aaron Judge at the Derby

I have never been wowed by home runs like I was... Aaron Judge's home runs made me just sit there like holy shit. How can a human being look so effortless and hit the ball 500 feet?

NFL defensive backs today have terrible eyes and look in the backfield too much instead of watching their man

The DBs, their eyes are in the backfield. They have terrible eyes. Your eyes should be on your man... Look at the man. Look at who you're covering. It's the one thing that pisses me off more than anything as I'm looking at this.

TJ Watt absolutely has to win Defensive Player of the Year

TJ Watt was going to be Defensive Player of the Year two months ago. And he's going to set the record for sacks. Incredible season. The impact he's had on... he is the Steelers defense. He has to win this award.

My contract battle with the Saints forced the team to pay versatile players like Alvin Kamara more money later on

I think guys in that place, you know, who are young, got paid. And they just figured it out. You know, I think [Alvin] Kamara, I think the receiver [Michael Thomas]... they just kind of give those guys the bag just because they realize, 'Hey, we don't want like a leader franchise guy to have to get out of here.' I think a lot was learned through the whole experience.

Oregon State is working to become known as 'Punter U'

We've had some pretty good punters come through. The punter for the New England Patriots, Ryan Allen, him and I walked on there together... So we're kind of trying to earn that nickname or the moniker Punter U. Tennessee might have it right now, but we're working on it.

The Miami Hurricanes and Texas Longhorns are on the fraud watch list

I don't think it's fair for us to put Miami on the fraud list just yet after one week. Let's put them on a watch list... questionable Miami. I would say Texas is also questionably fraud.

John Shire's blue sweater is bringing Hank back to being a Duke fan

I think John Shire's sweater is bringing Duke Hank's Duke fandom back... Duke fans are sitting at home looking at that. And they probably flew off the shelves.

It is better to run trick plays as soon as they are ready rather than saving them for later

If you're gonna invest the time and the energy to install it [a trick play] and practice it on the field, then why wait? What could be another four weeks before you get actually get a chance to run it? You might as well capitalize on that opportunity right now.

The Big 12 tournament court is the weirdest looking thing and it sucks to watch on TV.

The Big 12 because they're playing the tournament right now and their court is the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen in my entire life. And the commissioner of the Big 12 said that it's actually a resounding success because so many people are talking about it. ... it looks like if you've ever put on a VR headset and asks you to scan the room to know where the walls in the floor are, that's what it looks like. ... I feel like if you're a player on the court, you probably don't mind it that much. But if you watch it on tv it sucks ass.

Raimel Tapia is the one hitter who has completely owned me throughout my career

Raimel Tapia for a while. I think last time I faced him was 2023 maybe in Milwaukee. And I, I swear to you, I think it was like he's hitting 600 off me, like 12 for like 20... I'm like, oh, at least I'd never give up a home run to him. Give up a home run to him that day. So, considerable is an understatement, I think if you ask me.

The Pro Bowl has reached a point where it is more fun to joke about than to actually watch

I think it's reached a point where it stinks so bad that it's more fun to joke about the Pro Bowl.

The Oscars are better without a host

No host is the future. Way better. No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens when you run out of bits two hours into the Oscars.

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport in itself

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport. It is. It is literally a sport, and we're pretty fucking good at it.

Joel Embiid is an absolute monster when he is healthy

Joel Embiid is a fucking monster. He is a monster. Like, watching him play. When he's healthy. But he was a monster on Saturday. When he is out there, he looks like he's playing with little kids. Like, his hands are so much bigger than everybody. He's so much taller. He gets the ball in the post. There's nothing anyone can do.

True basketball fans prefer the Nuggets-Trail Blazers series over Warriors-Rockets

If you're a basketball purist, you say, forget about the Rockets and the Warriors just tricking each other into fouling on three-pointers. That's not basketball. You know what my basketball is? Guard play. Excellent guard play and good, crisp dribbling. And that's what you get in the Nuggets Trailblazers.

I need football back because I'm watching obscure sports like beach volleyball and under-20 soccer out of desperation

The amount of sports that are on that are sports I don't care about is an insane amount right now. And I just, this, my who's back is I need football back because I wrote down everything that I watched this weekend... I watched some WNBA. I watched some lacrosse. I watched some tennis. I watched some beach volleyball... I watched an under-20 soccer match that we lost.

Watching Monday Night Raw for a Stone Cold appearance is better than watching The Bachelorette

It's so lame that people watch that show [The Bachelorette]. Be a real man and watch three hours of Monday Night Raw just so that Stone Cold [Steve Austin] can come out for the last five seconds... I did that last night.

LeBron James' statement on China was so bad he could have claimed it was 'Opposite Day' 10 minutes later

He actually – it was such a bad statement that if he had come back and 10 minutes later been like not or like opposite day, he would have been good. He would have been good if he was like everything I said, that was a joke. I meant the opposite of that.

The Pac-12 is dying because people can't watch stars like Caleb Williams play on their network

The returning Heisman Caleb Williams, who would probably be the number one pick in the draft and no one in America could watch it 'cause it was Pac-12 network... that could not have been the better way to tip off the last Pac-12 season opener to be like, hey, this is why we're dying. Because we can't watch fucking Caleb Williams play football.

Oregon is a 'Team of Destiny' because of the Chris Boucher injury

Don't sleep on Oregon because remember, Oregon takes on Michigan's Team of Destiny and Oregon had the big injury to [Chris] Boucher right before this tournament started... when you lose someone, that's a big Team of Destiny situation.

The Oregon basketball court is the worst court design of all time

The Oregon court is the worst court of all time. I hate that court. It looks like it's warped. Every time I see that court, I get fucking so mad.

Watching Beth Mowins call a low-scoring Big Ten game early on a Saturday morning was the perfect way to ease into a day of college football

The Big 10 has their new contract... That means, unfortunately, ESPN will not have the Big 10 and we will not have Beth Mowins putting us in a perfect spot on a Saturday morning, watching Purdue and Northwestern have a punt off. And I'm gonna miss that, because that game means a lot to me. It was a great way to ease you into Saturday because I don't like having a huge game right away.

Oregon's Kenyon Sadiq is a unique weapon with no equal in college football

Kenyon Sadiq, their tight end. There's nobody like Kenyon Sadiq in the whole country. He's, you know, 240 pounds, but runs like a, a really fast corner.

Derek White's Game 6 buzzer-beater felt like a series-winning moment

Game six was unbelievable. Just that win and the day after did, it did feel like a Game seven win. It felt like a series win. I was, I was basking at it. I truly was.

The winner of the Bills vs. Jaguars game will be the most dangerous 'watch out' team in the playoffs.

The team who wins this game, like, that's the watch out team. Because I do think the Jags are very, very good. And it's just... Josh Allen is the ultimate 'doesn't matter, he could just be Superman' guy in these playoffs.

Aaron Rodgers and the Steelers are a dangerous 'watch out' team in the playoffs due to their defense and running game.

Aaron Rodgers to me makes them watch out. Because you just get into a playoff game, you play great defense, you run the football, you win the line of scrimmage... He's the kind of guy that can take advantage of it. So I'd be super careful with Aaron Rodgers and the Steelers.

The James Madison vs. Oregon playoff game is not a health and safety issue

Bud Elliot said that it was possibly a health and safety issue... he was like, I'm worried for the health and safety of JMU playing against Oregon... Stop saying it's a health and safety issue. Okay... fuck it, let's go win the game.

The New York Giants are finally fun to watch

The New York Giants are fun as fuck. It's weird, isn't it? You expect them to occasionally pop up and be a good football team, but in a very boring way. And this is a team that like, I wanna watch more Giants football games.

The Chicago Cubs' 2025 trade deadline was a disaster with no clear plan.

Cubs Trade deadline recap... They got no plan. They got a bunch of rental arms. A super utility man. Which I like that. That's cool... But it feels like Kyle Tucker will not be resigned. The Cubs had, they, they traded a prospect, a really good pro prospect in Cam Smith for Kyle Tucker... And then they did nothing at the trade deadline. And they're holding onto prospects and then they're probably not gonna sign Kyle Tucker... it's a disaster.