Takes

The Falcons are the most frustrating team in NFL history to watch and bet on

I fucking hate the Falcons... They're the most frustrating team I've ever watched, ever bet on. I bet on them pretty much every single week... and they fucking suck, and they do the same thing every time.

The Pro Bowl has reached a point where it is more fun to joke about than to actually watch

I think it's reached a point where it stinks so bad that it's more fun to joke about the Pro Bowl.

The Oscars are better without a host

No host is the future. Way better. No stupid gimmicks, you know, when they deliver pizzas or do the selfies or whatever the fuck happens when you run out of bits two hours into the Oscars.

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport in itself

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport. It is. It is literally a sport, and we're pretty fucking good at it.

Joel Embiid is an absolute monster when he is healthy

Joel Embiid is a fucking monster. He is a monster. Like, watching him play. When he's healthy. But he was a monster on Saturday. When he is out there, he looks like he's playing with little kids. Like, his hands are so much bigger than everybody. He's so much taller. He gets the ball in the post. There's nothing anyone can do.

True basketball fans prefer the Nuggets-Trail Blazers series over Warriors-Rockets

If you're a basketball purist, you say, forget about the Rockets and the Warriors just tricking each other into fouling on three-pointers. That's not basketball. You know what my basketball is? Guard play. Excellent guard play and good, crisp dribbling. And that's what you get in the Nuggets Trailblazers.

I need football back because I'm watching obscure sports like beach volleyball and under-20 soccer out of desperation

The amount of sports that are on that are sports I don't care about is an insane amount right now. And I just, this, my who's back is I need football back because I wrote down everything that I watched this weekend... I watched some WNBA. I watched some lacrosse. I watched some tennis. I watched some beach volleyball... I watched an under-20 soccer match that we lost.

Watching Monday Night Raw for a Stone Cold appearance is better than watching The Bachelorette

It's so lame that people watch that show [The Bachelorette]. Be a real man and watch three hours of Monday Night Raw just so that Stone Cold [Steve Austin] can come out for the last five seconds... I did that last night.

LeBron James' statement on China was so bad he could have claimed it was 'Opposite Day' 10 minutes later

He actually – it was such a bad statement that if he had come back and 10 minutes later been like not or like opposite day, he would have been good. He would have been good if he was like everything I said, that was a joke. I meant the opposite of that.

I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.

I'm officially a 'Crown' (NIT) guy and will be watching it all week

I'm actually jacked up for the Crown... I'm a Crown guy. I'm excited for the Crown.

The character we saw at the end of the Severance finale was actually Outie Helly

I feel like the real theory is that it's Outie Helly at the end of the episode. Because she brings him in back and smiled at Gemma. And Irv said Innie Helly was never cruel. And it was kind of a cruel looking smile when she looked at Gemma and was like, 'I won.'

Chris Collinsworth is a biased broadcaster who irks players

You could tell [Chris Collinsworth] is a little bit biased... A lot of people say he irks them... I just didn't like how he was talking... the one play in the Super Bowl when [Zach] Ertz scored and he was saying, 'that better not be a catch.'

The Rams are one of the most fun teams to watch because Matthew Stafford is so volatile

Oh, I love the Rams. You know why? Because they don't score 20 points every week. They like sometimes score, like sometimes Stafford is like 40 points and then some weeks, nothing. It's so fun.

If you have a problem watching Patrick Mahomes, you have a problem watching football

If you have a problem watching [Mahomes] play quarterback, you have a problem watching football. That's true. I mean, you don't have to root for him. But don't, ah, appreciate greatness. No, stop it.

The Washington defensive line is better when Chase Young plays with the same motor as the other starters

What you're seeing right now, Jonathan Allen, Daron Payne, Montez Sweat, they're playing really hard... If Chase [Young] comes on and he plays as hard as the guys around him are playing, then the defense will get better. But if he doesn't, if he just sort of stands there and patty cakes with the offensive tackle, then they're not gonna get better.

The NFL is better when kickers are erratic and unpredictable

We want to see Roberto Aguayo stick around because the NFL is always a better place. When there's a kicker that whenever he lines up, you don't know which way the ball is going to go. Like it might hit the ref in the head and knock him unconscious.

Kyle Lowry is the absolute worst and most annoying player to watch in the NBA

I'm so happy I don't have to watch Kyle Lowry play anymore. That guy is like, he's the worst. He is literally the worst... I swear if Kyle Lowry spent like maybe even half as much time complaining, he would be double the player. He just complains about every single possession, no matter what.

The Bills and the Cardinals are the only two NFL teams that definitely suck after Week 2

I think this is the first time we've gotten to week two, because usually you can tell almost instantly, okay, these teams definitely suck, and these teams are going to definitely be good. I actually only have two teams that definitely suck on the list... the Bills [and] the Cardinals.

The Big 12 should offer Oregon and Washington a 'dream job' buyout clause to lure them away from the Pac-12

What I think the Big 12 should do is go to Oregon, Washington, be like... here's what we're going to do. You're going to come with us and we're going to put a clause in your deal that just says you want out fine. You're out. If the Big 10 is, you know... dream job buyout, or dream job clause. Do that and you get them, and then you'll get Utah and Colorado and you'll get whoever else you want from that league.

LeBron James will never allow a teammate on the roster who knows more about wine than he does

LeBron takes his wine knowledge very seriously. There's no chance he will ever have somebody on his team that knows more about wine than he does. That's his thing.

I side with Mets manager Mickey Callaway for trying to fight a reporter who made a passive-aggressive comment

I actually kind of side with Mickey Callaway here... the Newsday reporter said 'see you tomorrow,' which is the classic like 'oh half day move' that the asshole in the office pulls when you're taking it off early. You're being an ironic asshole. I think that would piss me off. I have Mickey Callaway's back there.

The Cowboys are depressing to watch and need to 'sage the place' to fix their vibes

The Cowboys are depressing to watch now. I cannot watch them. They have some bad, it's a bad vibe on them. They need to Sage that place. They have everything that you would need on offense, but something doesn't work. They need to Sage it.

I have never been as wowed by home runs as I was watching Aaron Judge at the Derby

I have never been wowed by home runs like I was... Aaron Judge's home runs made me just sit there like holy shit. How can a human being look so effortless and hit the ball 500 feet?

NFL defensive backs today have terrible eyes and look in the backfield too much instead of watching their man

The DBs, their eyes are in the backfield. They have terrible eyes. Your eyes should be on your man... Look at the man. Look at who you're covering. It's the one thing that pisses me off more than anything as I'm looking at this.

TJ Watt absolutely has to win Defensive Player of the Year

TJ Watt was going to be Defensive Player of the Year two months ago. And he's going to set the record for sacks. Incredible season. The impact he's had on... he is the Steelers defense. He has to win this award.

My contract battle with the Saints forced the team to pay versatile players like Alvin Kamara more money later on

I think guys in that place, you know, who are young, got paid. And they just figured it out. You know, I think [Alvin] Kamara, I think the receiver [Michael Thomas]... they just kind of give those guys the bag just because they realize, 'Hey, we don't want like a leader franchise guy to have to get out of here.' I think a lot was learned through the whole experience.

I want Brody Brecht to be the biggest bust in MLB history after he was selected for the All-Star game over Ranger Suárez

I now hate this guy. I now want this guy to be the biggest bust in MLB history. Ranger Suárez has a 1.94 in 13 games... How do you possibly look at that and be like, this guy is more deserving than Ranger Suárez? It makes no sense.

Mark Walter might be the best owner in all of sports

This guy might be the best owner in all of sports because afterwards... Yamamoto was a good bet because of his age... He trusts the evaluations... I just tell them, yes. That's what an owner should do. He has really smart baseball people and he just says yes.

Paul Walter Hauser should play Andy Reid in a movie about the coach's life

One [project] would be him [Paul Walter Hauser] playing Andy Reid in the Andy Reid story. I think he'd crush that.

Conor McGregor's frustration with the UFC stems from WME buying the company after he was the one driving the business

I think [Conor McGregor] was just frustrated because, when WME bought the UFC for a real number, he was the one who was really driving the business. So he was a little frustrated that guys were buying in and making money, but it was an investment opportunity.

Walter Payton is the greatest football player in Mississippi history

All time I love I love sweetness. Okay. Number one. I will say then myself. [Big Cat: That's a very smart classy move].

Walter Clayton Jr. is so raw that you forget his first name is Walter

Walter Clayton Jr. is so raw, you forget his first name is Walter. [T Black] replied with a bunch of laughing emojis, but that's the facts. He was making shots that you can't really [stop]... he's just doing shit that is on a different level.

The waiter at Legal Seafood knew they were out of rice pilaf and intentionally gave me regular rice without saying anything.

I ordered the rice pilaf, and [the waiter] knew they didn't have it. And instead of telling me that, he just gave me the other... Regular rice. And the thing I was mad at myself is why didn't I say anything? I was mentioning it to my wife five days in a row.

Jameis Winston signing with the Saints is a genius move to eventually become the starter in waiting

It actually is genius move by him because Drew Brees you have to think... maybe this year's is last year. Maybe he's got two more years. If you could ingratiate yourself to Sean Payton and what they have going on there... that's actually a very smart thing to do to be the guy in waiting.

Ohio State was the best team in the inaugural 12-team playoff

Ohio State has done it. $20 million roster. Incredible team... they kicked the shit out of everyone in the playoffs. They were the best team in this playoffs.

The Golden State Warriors dynasty is on pause, not over

It's not demolition. Dynasty not over, just dynasty on pause... I think if you win another in the next three years, then it still counts. It blends together as the same.

The 2017 Golden State Warriors are not the greatest team of all time

Are the Warriors one of the best teams in NBA history? Are they GOAT? Are they the GOAT? No, they're not. I think three-year stretch, they're up there. Only winning two out of three probably hurts them.

The Golden State Warriors would not have won their championships without Draymond Green

I absolutely love him. He's, he's a versatile player... I don't think as good as Steph [Curry] and Klay [Thompson] and all the other guy, I don't think they would've won the championships without 'em. He just does all the little dirty work that makes a difference in the end.

The Golden State Warriors are officially 'back' and look like a championship team again.

The early returns in round one, it screams, yes, this is looking like not only a very, very dangerous offensive team, but once again, with Draymond [Green] they're a very good defensive team... it seems like they're back guys... And what I keep telling people is if the Warriors get out of the West, that's six trips to the finals in eight years.

The Golden State Warriors have the best 'vibes' in the NBA playoffs, followed by the Heat and the Celtics.

Golden State number one. Cause they have the party, the parties back... then I'm going Miami. I think they're an ultimate chip on the shoulder team... and Boston is third because they still have a dangerous situation in front of them this weekend in Brooklyn.

Luke Walton was a better coach for the Golden State Warriors than Steve Kerr

I would actually say [the Warriors are] Luke Walton's team. People forget he was their coach in the first half last year. They were a lot better then.

It is impossible that Dwight Howard doesn't know the names of the players on the Golden State Warriors

This comes to us from Dwight Howard, who said that he couldn't name the players on the Golden State Warriors. [Big Cat/PFT]: Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Okay, Dwight... I had no idea. I don't even care about other teams. Yeah.

The Dolphins are like the Golden State Warriors; teams need to play them like the 'Bad Boy' Pistons

The Dolphins are kind of like the Golden State Warriors. They want to get out and fast break and no-look three and no-look shovel pass. Make it a fist fight. Hit him in the mouth. You need to play Miami like the 'Bad Boy' Pistons. You need Rick Mahorn just kind of slapping the hell out of somebody to disrupt what they do.

The Denver Nuggets feel exactly like the 2015 Golden State Warriors before they started winning titles

The Nuggets to me feel like... the Warriors in 2015. Where the feeling I have watching them feels very similar to when the Warriors were first, before they ripped off all their titles... People thought they were a great regular season team, but too soft, too jump-shooting. I feel very similar things watching this Nuggets team.

The 2016 World Series eliminated the ability for anyone to make '3-1 lead' jokes at the Golden State Warriors' expense

The true winner was Steph Curry, because any Cleveland person who tries to make fun of the Warriors can get that [the Indians blowing a 3-1 lead] thrown back in their face... it just basically eliminated the joke solely at the Warriors' expense.

The Panthers should not trade DJ Moore or Brian Burns

DJ Moore played well, caught a crazy touchdown pass and Brian Burns played well and he's like, The Panthers should not trade those two guys. I know there's been a lot of talk about it... You don't want to trade like your actually young, good talent because then you draft someone and there's like a 50% chance they suck.

The Baltimore Orioles have the best color scheme and logo in all of baseball

Orioles sneaky have like the best color scheme in baseball... and logo.

Wisconsin's loss to Iowa State wasn't heartbreaking because they were a flawed team

Wisconsin was obviously, I don't think that they were going to win it all this year. They were a flawed team... it's not the most heartbreaking... because I knew I was realistic about this team. I knew they weren't like that crazy talented.

The Golden State Warriors are now Klay Thompson's team

It's Klay's team now. It has to be his team.