Takes

The Bears' stadium threats are just an anchoring tactic for negotiations

It's kinda like the Bears Stadium situation, which I've been saying all along. Like when they first said Arlington Heights, everyone's like, you can't move the Bears outta Chicago. Then they're like, what about Indiana? No, you can't move 'em outta state. Okay, what about Arlington Heights? Oh, that's sick. They're basically saying, Hey Carson Wentz. No, we can't have Carson Wentz. Okay, what about Gino Smith? Oh, actually that's pretty good compared to Carson Wentz. Smart.

The valuation of the Seahawks franchise will skyrocket now that they have won a Super Bowl.

I'm very happy for the current ownership group who will now get to put up for sale a Super Bowl champion team. Price of the bag just went up for the Seahawks. Big time.

William Chisholm is a smart business mind and will be a great owner for the Celtics

Clearly a very smart business mind. And I'm excited to, to see what he's got in store. Hopefully he likes the Celtics and isn't doing this as a business... He agrees to purchase the Celtics from the Grousbeck family for a valuation of $6.1 billion.

Fifty percent of professional Dungeons and Dragons clients are Pardon My Take fans

I love running games for AWLs. I think at this point 50% of my clients are like AWLs. I mean it's so rad because what I do is now that I've run Forge of Fury, I've been running another adventure for them.

NBA broadcasts will soon allow fans to toggle sports betting information on or off

I think we're not that far away where you're just gonna go click. And if you don't want any information about sports betting, you won't have to look at it. On the other hand, if you're someone in a state where it's illegal and you can get, get a bet on sports, you'll see a lot more information if that's what you want.

Hosting the World Cup or Olympics is a massive waste of money for a country

Hosting the World Cup or the Olympics. ... Hosting a massive world event. I think Qatar spent like $2 trillion or some bullshit hosting the World Cup. ... At the end of the day, they're gonna have stadiums all around their country that are never gonna get used again. ... Have you seen the Chinese stadiums? They're like, I think wolves live there now.

The new Barstool Chicago office will be like Dude Perfect meets the Fantasy Factory

The office is gonna have a ton of awesome stuff... full basketball court, full golf simulator, full workout area... it's basically, if you thought about like if Barstool Sports met... Dude Perfect... Fantasy Factory.

Beachfront spray kiosks for sunscreen would be a 'godsend' invention

I have a beach idea. ... it's a spray tan booth, but it's got sunscreen, spray sunscreen in it. So you just walk through it, they set up like a kiosk and you walk through it on your way out to the beach. You pay like 10 bucks and then you turn around like your Tony Hawk, your entire body gets coated in sunscreen. I feel like for kids, especially if you got kids, this is like a godsend of an invention.

By the end of the year, Cost Plus Drugs will carry 2,000 generic medications

Right now we've got about 110 different generics at costplusdrugs.com. By the end of the year we'll have 2,000. So if you have any type of prescription, check it out, you know, if we have your drug, we will save [you money].

Use the phrase 'My understanding was' instead of 'I thought' to sound more professional when you screw up

Instead of saying, 'I thought we were supposed to do this, this and this,' say, 'My understanding was that I was supposed to do this, this and this.' It's a great way of saying the exact same thing, but also making it like halfway seem like you have your shit together because you had an understanding.

Call for more meetings at work to make yourself feel and look important

I would encourage people to call for more meetings... people love fucking meetings. You could meet with and set a meeting... You do feel important when you got a meeting. It's like, 'Oh, I got a meeting.'

The BMW 'Electric Avenue' was one of the three best commercials of Super Bowl 56

For me, the cars dominated this year's broadcast. One of them, obviously I have to award it to the electric avenue, BMW commercial for Zeus and the other. I like the Austin Powers one.

Spirit Halloween will have a massive year because of vacant retail space

I think also this is going to be a huge year for Spirit Halloween because we had so many businesses that totally went out of business over the last year. There's so much more retail space. There could be one on every single block.

Hot fashion brands typically only last five to seven years

The cycle of generally for fashion, a hot fashion brand lasts about five to seven years. There's a unicorns like Nike and Louis Vuitton. But you'll notice whether it's Benetton or Levi's... [they] chip away.

Wingstop changing their name to Thighstop is due to a national wing shortage

My hot seat is Wings. Wingstop is now Thighstop due to the national wing shortage. There was a three-time price increase in Wings, so it actually had... been a better investment to invest in Wings than... some cryptos right now.

Buying an NBA franchise is a better midlife crisis move than buying a sports car

What's tired: buying a sports car for your midlife crisis. Wired: buying a fucking NBA franchise.

Every major corporation needs a consultant specifically to identify if an idea will be mocked by the internet

It made me realize that I have job security no matter what in life in that every team and corporation should have on staff a person who essentially is just there to say, 'Hey, will we get made fun of for this?'... our, 'Will the internet make fun of you for this?' is absolutely a job we could do.

Success is the only thing that separates a visionary from a fool

The difference between being a visionary and a fool is success. If it happens, you're a visionary. You're brilliant, right? Well, if it doesn't happen, you're an asshole.

Humans are more effective and cheaper than robots for retail inventory

Walmart has stopped using robots to do inventory because they realized that humans were actually just as effective and cheaper. So cool throne humans.

Blockbuster not buying Netflix for $50 million is the worst business decision ever

This is an easy one blockbuster not buying Netflix 450 million dollars. Blockbusters like know people like coming into our physical retail locations for the smell... easy number one for me.

The secret ingredient to success is how long a person takes to feel sorry for themselves after a failure

When I really analyzed over the years what a secret ingredient is... it was exactly what you just said: how long they take to feel sorry for themselves... It's how long it takes. Some say 'oh poor me' and some get right back up.

The 'Comfy' is my most profitable Shark Tank investment ever

The one that I made the most money on already in just a few short years, millions of dollars, is Comfy... They've sold over 70 million dollars... I took just a 30% of their interest just because I like the guys.

Uber should have a customer service phone number for when the app fails

These things like Uber... Would it be so terrible that there was a phone number to call if the thing wasn't working? There is no phone number. There is no one out there from Uber that has to respond to anything.

There is no finish line in show business where you can stop grinding; you have to work every day

There's no finish line in show business. There's no place you ever get to where you're like, 'I don't have to do shit. They're going to bring it to me now.' Unless you are one of 10 A-listers. The rest of us got to work and the rest of us got to grind.

Digital menus where you touch items to see pictures are the future of dining

Here's what's going to happen with digital menus... We're going to look at a menu. We're going to see stuff listed... When I touch the item, I'll see the picture... and then it'll disappear... so I can see it when I want to.

Rookies should invest all their money into their bodies and skills rather than the market

My advice to them would be invest as much money into yourself, your body, your food. Focus on becoming a better player because there's nothing in the world that's going to be a better return on your investment than making yourself a better player. That second contract... you're worth $100 million.

Millennials are saving the frozen food industry

Frozen food is also back. So a lot of people bash us millennials and say we're only good for avocados and things of that nature. But it turns out that millennials are saving the frozen food industry.

Jeff Bezos is building rocket ships just to liquidate his $100 billion

He figured out that the way that he's going to be able to spend money is by just building rocket ships and just going to different planets. That's the only thing that he can do to liquidate $100 billion in a lifetime, so that's what he's going to do.

Every NFL player wants to play in Las Vegas because it's cheap and there's no state income tax

Everybody want to play in Las Vegas because it's cheap out there, for one. And the taxes is nothing like California taxes... who wouldn't want to live out there?

Investors should buy ETFs and stay out of individual stock selection unless they are experts

Buy ETFs, okay? And stay out of the individual stock selection business if you're not an expert. That's what I would tell you.

You can get rich by doubling your money every six or seven years

What you got to do is you got to double your money every six, seven years. You double your money six, seven years, by the time you get to my age, you'll be a very rich guy.

If the Panthers sell for less than $1.4 billion, the NFL has cause for concern

I think the Bills were the last team that sold and they went for 1-4. So if you get south of 1-4, I think there's cause for concern. But if it's less than a billion, then it's like, holy shit.

Individual investors should avoid stock selection and stick to ETFs

Buy ETFs, okay? And stay out of the individual stock selection business if you're not an expert. That's what I would tell you. ... While you guys are joking around, your listeners are right now burning into their brain the laws of compound interest. ... If you want to be rich and transform the society and transform your life, start saving some money.

Billionaires should pay for their own stadiums

It's unpopular to say it, but I think that billionaires should pay for their own fucking stadiums too, Bill [Simmons].

99% of office meetings could be solved with a text thread

I would say that 99% of meetings in general could just be solved with a text thread.

70% of people make a right-hand turn when they walk into a mall

i'm just i'm just a fucking nutcase guys i mean i pick apart and study and you know everything like 70 of people that walk into a mall make a right hand turn now that bothers the shit out of me and because it's true

Adding a second staircase to elevated bar levels significantly increases social interaction

I used to build elevated levels in bar and restaurants like everyone else with a staircase... you feel like a freaking idiot. You've got to turn around, walk back the other way. You're busted... So I simply put a second staircase in on the other side... social interaction went up big time. I'm guessing there are people that are married to this very day because of that freaking staircase.

Customer service lines intentionally disconnect you when transferring to customer relations

Then when you start to talk about why you're calling, you know what happens? They'll say, oh, we're in the sales department. We're going to transfer you over to Customer relations, and then what do you think happens? You get disconnected. I've lived through this.

The 200% deposit bonus on BetDSI has to be a typo

We're going to give you a free $10 just for registering and a 200% bonus. That's got to be a typo, but it says it several times. So it's a 200% bonus with your first deposit.

Disney and ESPN have the power to push Pardon My Take around as a 'big guy' vs 'little guy' dynamic

Oh, it's definitely ESPN and Disney pushing around the little guy, but they have the ability to push you around. That's what big guys do to little guys. That's what the economy and life is all about, I guess. ... This isn't going to go away unless something is done. I don't think you can keep in the posture that you're in right now and basically get back to them and say, F you. I don't think that's going to get you very far.