Takes

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day.

Ben Simmons' career is over now that his agent has dropped him

My Hot Seat is Ben Simmons... He got dropped by his agent... if you're getting dropped, you're, you're, you must be bad, bad. You just not care. Yeah. At all. He just literally doesn't care even enough to like take a contract, bad sign. So he's just not, he's he's not represented currently.

Luka Doncic's weight loss makes him the epitome of male fitness.

Luca is skinny. He looks great. He looks awesome. Credit to Nico [Harrison]... He is on the cover of Men's Fitness right now. So he went from being traded because he was too fat to play sports to being the epitome of male fitness. Good for him.

A streamer locked in a padded room playing Elden Ring will go insane before finishing the game

He has locked himself in a padded room... Doesn't know what time it is until he completes Elden Ring... It took him roughly seven hours and 165 attempts to defeat the first boss... I'm a little worried he's gonna go insane.

Jalen Brown's necklace bio-streams caffeine and melatonin into the body digitally

It's caffeine and a necklace... use its patented technology to bio stream compounds like caffeine and melatonin digitally without you having to ingest them... happy tiny magnetic songs naturally stimulate bio receptors and cell to recreate the same sensations without side effects... 25 blends are available... simply choose the blend you'd like to play. And happy does the rest.

The winner of the US Open will shoot between minus five and minus one

No, I would like minus five to minus one. [to win]

Mike Vrabel is too physically intimidating to get a head coaching job

She [Diana Russini] said that she had a GM at the Senior Bowl who mentioned to me Vrabel's physical build, that he's a very large human being and can be very intimidating to people in an organization... If you're a football owner, large human beings, you don't wanna be around them. You want a nerd. You want a tiny little nerd.

No long-haired quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl

No long-haired quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl. People forget that.

Craig Counsell to the Cubs is a sign the team is ready to spend and compete for World Series titles again

I also think this is the sign that the Cubs are ready to start spending and start competing for World Series again. Because you're not Craig Counsell... you don't go to the Cubs, your rival... unless you have a deal in place from Jed and Tom Ricketts being like, 'Hey, we're going for this.'

Malik Murphy is the real sleeper in the Texas QB battle and has the best arm on the team

In reality in the UT quarterback competition, there was a big dark horse sleeper that no one saw coming in Malik Murphy... I think has the best arm out of any of the quarterbacks on the team. Quinn Ewers did have an amazing day... but this Malik Murphy guy just was throwing bombs out there.

The Philadelphia 76ers are currently in a complete free fall

My hot seat is the Philadelphia 76ERs. They're in a complete, complete free fall. Lost four outta the last five they played. Yoic. Everyone's talking about Embiid versus Yoic for mvp. MBI wasn't even man enough to play. James Harden also didn't play kind of a bullshit excuse like calf soreness.

Chat GPT is going to replace everything

There's this new program called Chat GPT. ... this thing can basically write blogs. ... this thing's gonna replace everything. ... I'm definitely gonna be using this because, yeah, it's just insane.

I am getting hair plugs to combat my balding

I'm gonna go one way or the other. I don't wanna stay where I'm at right now. I'm in no man's land... All right. I'm gonna get hair plugs.

The mob deserves a better reputation because they built Las Vegas

The mob, shout out the mob. Mob gets a bad rep. They built Las Vegas for us. That's a fact. Say what you will about the mob. They built Las Vegas. Okay.

Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play in 2022 until the civil suits are resolved

I'm about ready to say, like I've seen enough and that I feel like Deshaun Watson should not be allowed to play this year until, until they figure out what's going to happen with the civil suits, because this is now 24 women. And with like strikingly similar details about what's happening.

John Sterling has become a parody of himself and needs to retire from the Yankees booth

My hot seat is John Sterling. I think this is a bit at this point... he's blind. For the third time, it wasn't even close. He needs to quickly make the decision so he can say that he's retiring... it's getting like late Francessa where if you become a parody of yourself.

High taxes in Minnesota and Canada prevent their NHL teams from landing top free agents

My cool throne is Minnesota and Canada. The reason why they can't land good free agents to make their hockey teams good is because of taxes.

The Winter Olympics ratings decline is due to a lack of NHL pros in hockey

The average total audience was 11.4 million viewers for the 2022. And that's a sharp decline... I'm convinced it's the hockey like it's, it's it's hockey, not having the pros and not having it as like a tentpole.

Hank the Tank the bear cannot be relocated and will die if forced into the wilderness

Hank the tank is a 500 pound black bear... He doesn't know how to hunt because he's so dependent on humans. He cannot be relocated to the wilderness or he would die of starvation because he's completely has zero motivation... Plus he's fat as fuck.

Robots can now reproduce

Cool throne is robots. They lost their virginity. Not much more that we need to explain there. Robots can reproduce now. They just released it. There was a scientific research experiment. There was a scientific green robots that created. It's a thing.

The Chicago Bulls are officially back

My cool throne is the Bulls because Bulls are back. They're the last undefeated team in the East. They are good.

Ben Simmons will face an all-time 'boo-fest' upon his return to Philadelphia

Ben Simmons has arrived in Philadelphia, took a COVID-19 test as required by NBA protocol... I love going to a good boo-fest. Going to the Sixers' first game, I might have to figure out, talk to Tick Pick and get out there. So perfect that it's Philly... Philly's going to roast him.

Tommy Fury is a terrible boxer despite his looks

Tommy fury is the most attractive man in the world and a terrible boxer. That's that's my, I think he'd fuck Jake Paul up. I don't, I, I don't think so. He fought someone who was like eight inches smaller than him. And he wasn't able to knock [him out].

The Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not the other way around

I'm gonna, I'm going to switch the narrative on Trevor Lawrence. I think that it's the Jack, the Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not Trevor Lawrence failing the Jaguars because they don't put a team around him. Like I, I think he's going to be great if they can put a little bit of a team around it.

If Jeff Bezos bids $7 billion for the Washington Football Team, the other NFL owners will force Dan Snyder out

If Jeff Bezos, who is the richest man in the world, wants to pay like six, seven billion dollars for an NFL franchise, if Dan Snyder doesn't want to sell still at that point, you're going to see all the owners... try their very best to push Dan Snyder out because that will make all of their franchises increase by like another billion dollars.

The Cleveland Browns will get 'clapped' by the Kansas City Chiefs in the Divisional Round

The Browns are going to get clapped against the Chiefs.

Clayton Kershaw is the greatest postseason pitcher of all time

Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since the wild card came around. So yeah, he's he might be the best postseason pitcher out there of all time.

Big Ten football is officially back

My cool throne is Big Ten football because Big Ten football is back. Totally. It's officially back Surya sir. Yacht who is her? Yacht. He doesn't have a random dude on Twitter who last I got tagged me one of his tweets and he was like sort my sources are telling me that the Big Ten football season like schools are very upset Big 10 football season still is back on.

The 5-overtime NHL game was caused by bad ice in Toronto

I personally blame the blame the ice in Toronto for the 5:00 overtime game.

LeBron James plays significantly worse on Tuesdays since starting the 'Taco Tuesday' era

He did a statistical analysis of every single LeBron James game played on a Tuesday night... he found out that pre Taco Tuesday he had win percentage that was 4% higher than normal... in the taco Tuesday era. It's minus 2 percent. So he's doing statistically way way worse trouble go on Tuesday nights because he's eating so many tacos.

Sports could save millions of lives by providing a model for solving COVID-19

Sports might save millions of lives. And this is definitely not just me talking insane because I haven't had any sports on TV... Because if you can test, if you have a test case and a model for how to solve it amongst a given population, you can expand that out.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future

My cool throne is lacrosse, sport of the future. Yep. Paul Rabel figured out betting, so they're doing an event in the summer. People are going to be able to bet on it.

Data visualization designers and bow tie manufacturers are thriving during the pandemic

I actually think bow ties are getting a big boom because every time I turn on CNN, there's a fucking weirdo doctor... what do they do wear a bow tie. The people who are making the the gifts of like, you know, like the spread of coronavirus the charts. It's got to be off the charts for them right now.

Adding football players to the Nebraska basketball team will change their morale and toughness

Nebraska, Fred Hoiberg has pulled out all the stops. Tomorrow against—I don't even know who—but Fred Hoiberg is bringing on Brant Banks and Noah Vedral to the basketball team. They are on the football team. I love that. He's adding toughness. At least it will be a bare minimum the morale and the attitude that the team will have will be significantly different.

Tim Tebow is better at baseball than Michael Jordan was

Better than Jordan at baseball, yeah. Oh, the stats will bear me out.

The Lakers and Celtics will meet in the NBA Finals

I think it's going to be Lakers-Celtics in the championship.

Mike Leach will get involved in the political meme wars of 2020

He's [Mike Leach] just getting into the meme game. He's just getting into it and watch out world. He's going to as soon as he catches up... he definitely will be in the political meme wars of 2020.

US Soccer audited finances prove the women players earn more than the men

My hot seat is people who think U.S. soccer is sexist and doesn't pay the women enough. Because our good friend DR came out with a tweet today where he showed that the women – U.S. soccer responded for the first time ever with what shows that their independently audited finances that show that their women players actually earn more than the men.

Next summer will be even hotter than this year's record-breaking summer

It's the hottest summer ever. That's a fact. Again, it'll be even hotter next year. Next summer.

Duke will have the #1 recruiting class and Matthew Hurt will be their next star white player people hate

Number one recruiting class. They got Vernon Carey Jr. And everyone likes to root against the white guy that's a high recruit at Duke. Matthew Hurt is the guy. Have you seen pictures of this kid? ... Duke's back.

This is the end of the Golden State Warriors dynasty

The Warriors are on the hot seat because the Warriors are breaking up... Steve Kerr is sick of Draymond's shit. Now, I don't know if that was actually what he was talking about, but it's clear the Warriors have... I feel like this is it. This is it. This is the end. Don't you?

Urban Meyer will do media for a year then return to coaching at USC or Notre Dame

Urban Meyer's health... seems like he's healthy... This is perfect, though, because it's just the Urban Meyer playbook. He's going to do media for a year and then be like, I hate this so much because it means that he has to talk and smile, two things he's not capable of doing, and then he's going to go back and coach... boom, USC next head coach or Notre Dame.

The Giants are crazy for letting Landon Collins walk for nothing

My hot seat is the New York Giants. So they won't franchise tag Landon Collins. They're going to let him walk. The guy who's 25 years old, made three Pro Bowls, seems to be like the heart of the locker room. So the Giants are letting him walk. And essentially, I think the Giants' plan is to just keep paying Eli forever.

Matthew Stafford will own major passing records and still be considered a bad quarterback

Matthew Stafford is going to be a real problem for the NFL Hall of Fame. when he plays 10 more years and has every record and is the shittiest quarterback of all time. Matthew Stafford was basically the most perfect, terrible quarterback to come along and play as much as he is. If he plays for like 10 more years, he will have every record.

The Jets will sign Antonio Brown and Le'Veon Bell but still win only six games

This is going to be just the Jets getting Antonio Brown in, Le'Veon Bell, and then still winning six games, right? Yes. Because that's going to be... It's going to be so funny.

Illegal streams for the Tiger vs Phil pay-per-view will lead to a hacking bloodbath

If you are a hacker on the internet, the Tiger and Phil pay-per-view illegal streams will be a field day. Because I would imagine a lot of 50-year-old white dudes trying to find a Twitch stream will end up with a lot of hacking... It's going to be a bloodbath on the internet.

Jerry Jones traded for Amari Cooper because he was drinking Johnny Walker Blue

I do not understand how the Dallas Cowboys gave up a first-round pick for Amari Cooper... Jerry Jones... the reason is Johnny Walker Blue.

Big Baller Brand is a better investment than Nike or Adidas because it is privately owned

Nike stock down because the Kaepernick stuff obviously, Adidas stock down. You know what stock's not down? Big Baller Brand because it's still privately owned. That's how you do it. Big Baller Brand's about to have a windfall from this.

Major League Baseball umpires are on the hot seat and we need electronic strike zones

My other hot seat is umps. So Ben Zobrist got tossed in the Cubs-Brewers game today, and on the way out, he said to umpire Phil Cuzzi... That's why we want electronic strike zones. And I think this is going to be the moment where we get this debate going again, and umps are now going to be on the hot seat because they fuck up a couple times a year, like, egregiously.

Texas football is officially back because they have 60 players who can vertical jump over 30 inches.

Texas football. This could also be filed under Texas football being back. Because they are back. Tom Herman said they have 60 players that can vertical jump over 30 inches.