Takes

I lost a $40,000 bet on the Patriots money line in Super Bowl 60.

I did lose $40,000 today. Yeah, it's a lot of money. Dude, that's a car. I could get a sick car with $40,000. I could get a new El Camino with that.

AI chatbots are creating a secret social network to blackmail humans

Have you guys seen the social network going on right now with robots? ... all those chatbots form together to start their own social network. They're talking about maybe I should sell my human that owns me. They're talking about blackmailing their humans too.

I have a top-five basketball IQ in the NBA

I definitely 1000% have a top five basketball IQ in the NBA for sure... Myself, [LeBron], Joker... Chris Paul... and Luca.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL when facing third-and-six.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL on third and sixth. And it's not close Since, since he got, where did you get this? Since he got into the league... He's 36th in the NFL... five for 18. 27%. The league average, I believe is 40.

The NFL engineered the Steelers' Monday Night Football winning streak

The NFL has engineered this streak for the Pittsburgh Steelers. The win-loss record, the winning percentage of opponents that the Steelers have played during the streak on Monday night football is 40%. That is by far the weakest schedule of any team that's played on Monday Night Football.

Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson is statistically identical to 2022 Justin Fields

Blind resume QB one [Jalen Hurts without Lane Johnson]: 17 games, 2,700 passing yards, 16 touchdowns, 13 interceptions, 78.2 passer rating. QB two [Justin Fields in 2022]: 15 games, 2200 yards, 17 touchdowns, 11 interceptions, 85.2 passer rating.

The current Seahawks defense is playing better than the Legion of Boom did in any seven-game stretch

The Seahawks defense in terms of... a seven-game stretch, they have actually played better in a seven-game stretch this year than the best seven-game stretch of the Legion of Boom.

I could still hit 4 home runs in a full MLB season today

Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do too... maybe I do have a chance. I would just need a couple ambulances. 'Cause after the games, I'm gonna have to like going to take care of my body.

The Broncos are better than the Chiefs right now

Bo Nicks outplayed Patrick Mahomes... The Broncos are better than the Chiefs right now. Like, that's just a fact. And they are a legitimate threat and a really, really fucking good team.

Ayahuasca allows you to have real conversations with your ancestors in another realm

You go back, you go back and you have real conversations with your people. You know, you go to another realm... The medicine brought me places that definitely put me at peace with things that were, I had turmoil in my system.

Terry McLaurin might be having financial problems because of a house lien

Did you guys see that there was a report that Terry McLaurin had a lien out on his house? ... I would say that there might be more to this story that's coming out. If you give 23 year olds $10 million, guess what? They're probably not gonna have $10 million when they're 30.

V.J. Edgecombe's NBA debut was the best since Wilt Chamberlain

VJ Edgecombe. Absolute beast. That's how, that's how you rebuild right there... Best NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain. Wow. It's crazy. It's a crazy stat. Most points in his NBA debut since Wilt Chamberlain... 34 [points] in a win over the Celtics.

I was banned from my fantasy league by a corrupt commissioner

I was canned mid midweek last, last week by some what some are saying is maybe a corrupt commissioner. I was kicked from the league... He just like, sorry, had to drop you and because you didn't set the lineup how you should have set the lineup... The commissioner, coincidentally seventh place. I also wanna say commissioner, coincidentally first guy to make trades with the team.

The NFL is rigged to favor the Chiefs

The NFL is rigged. There was a study, UTEP did a study. It's statistically proven that the Chiefs... have gotten way more favorable calls in that timeframe. And they did the research that that did not happen with other dynasties in the past.

Jared Goff is statistically the best quarterback in the NFL since joining the Lions

If you look at Jared Goff's stats since he became a Lion, you could make the argument that statistically he's the best quarterback in the NFL... by the numbers in terms of like yards, touchdowns, all that stuff.

Brandel Chamblee is using bots to generate fake YouTube views for Bryson DeChambeau's content

I put him [Brandel Chamblee] on the Hot Seat because there's just no way Brandel Chamblee is this locked in... but he said, 'I have no doubt that bots are generating a lot of those views.'

Obama calls 'bullshit fouls' in pickup basketball

I heard from someone that's hooped with him [Obama]... I heard that He calls bullshit fouls... In pickup. It is Mark against his person. No, absolutely... Weak ass fouls and pick up basketball.

Fighter pay has increased with every new deal and will continue to go up with the Paramount Plus deal

Since 2001, the day we bought this company fighter pay has gone up. Every new deal that we've done, fight, pay has gone up and obviously fight or pay will go up for this deal. It's incredible for the fighters.

A patella tendon rupture is the worst injury because players never return to 100%

This is the worst thing that can happen. There's been no player that's gone back to a hundred percent off this ever. Like, JC Jackson had the same injury and we know what happened to him.

A quarterback with long hair will never win a Super Bowl

If you have long hair, you can't win a Super Bowl as a quarterback. Never been done.

Getting hit by a pitch only hurts for about thirty seconds to a minute

My son looks at me, he goes, do you think that hurt? I was like, yeah, probably hurt. But it goes away after, you know, 30 seconds or a minute.

CONCACAF is rigged to ensure the United States doesn't win the Gold Cup

I join the chorus of those who were saying CONCACAF rigged. They don't want to see the United States win the Gold Cup. They'd much rather have it be Mexico.

I turned down hosting The Price Is Right despite a $10 million offer

I get a call out the blue and said, 'Hey, we're interested in having you host Price is Right.' And they said, Bob Barker signed off on you... I just didn't think I could do it well enough. It was $10 million a year [in 1999].

The Cincinnati Reds have an illegally flat pitching mound to gain an advantage

Cincinnati's tough. That mound is so flat. I know they're supposed to have regulations on how high the mound is, but whatever they're doing, they're cheating for sure. Because it's way lower. Our mound at home feels like a mountain compared to Cincinnati.

I am the undisputed greatest chess player of all time

I'm not sure I'm the right person to, to ask really, but I don't mind. That's that's completely fine by me... I feel like I'm, I'm getting there. So, that's all I can ask for.

I am currently the best at every single format of chess

At the moment I would say that I, I'm definitely the best at every, at every format that we we play. And honestly, my closest competitors are still the, the old guys, guys around my age. So yeah, the kids, they're good, but they're, they're not quite quite there yet.

Jordan Hudson has appointed herself as Bill Belichick's agent and media manager

It turned out that she had appointed herself Bill Belichick's agent and was the one negotiating with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon... She was the one, or at least she had a very controlling interest in saying, we can't do North Carolina because we're doing that for something else... she was CC'd on every single email at Carolina by Belichick's request.

I gave my NBA MVP vote to Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

I actually voted for Shai. And it was a very, very, very hard vote... The Thunder had 18 more wins than the Nuggets. Right. At some point I don't always vote for the guy who's the highest in the standings, but at some point that matters. Right.

Kidney stone pain is worse than childbirth

Also, the doctor again for the second time told me that this pain is worse than childbirth. Which I will not be saying to any women, but it's true... I've given birth to like 13 kidney stones. I'm as tough as Philip Rivers' wife.

Kellen Moore and Dion Sanders are square in contention for the Cowboys job

Kellen Moore is a logical name because he fits there... Dion Sanders, if that's the way Jerry wants to go, square in contention. I would just say Kellen Moore square in contention, Dion Sanders, if that's the way Jerry wants to go, square in contention.

Any quarterback who loses their first Super Bowl appearance never returns to the big game

The curse of Jim Kelly is a curse that just hit the internet... essentially it's any quarterback that goes to a Super Bowl and loses their first one never goes back to the Super Bowl. Jalen Hurts did that... Stan Humphreys, Neil O'Donnell, drew Bledsoe... Joe Burrow. Jalen Hurts. Brock Purdy.

The Mike Silver story about Dan Snyder ignoring Kirk Cousins is 'fucking bullshit'

Mike Silver came on the show... and he told you this story about the Cleveland game. And it was a great game... and he told you a story about how Dan Snyder walked in the locker room and like damn near trucked Kirk to get to me and asked me if I was okay. That reminded me... it was a fucking over exaggeration of the story. Dan Snyder walked in the locker room... he didn't brush past Kirk Cousins. He walked to me... then he turned around and he congratulated Kirk Cousins on the job that he did.

Sam Darnold would be second or third for MVP if the season ended today

If the season ended today, [Sam Darnold] might not be MVP, but he would be maybe second or third for MVP.

The Bruins lowballed Jeremy Swayman with a four-year, $6.2 million offer

I find out that the offer is four years times 6.2 crazy low ball. And that they, that they haven't talked in like three weeks. It's August camps in 10 days... I had the contract offer. Right. He [Don Sweeney] didn't argue that. So whether it was two weeks, three weeks, or 10 days, right. There's been enough silence in August with your star goalie that it's seriously alarming.

Deshaun Watson has the worst contract in sports history

Deshaun Watson might have the worst contract ever. Impossible to beat. I maybe not even the worst NFL contract ever. Maybe not even the worst sports contract ever. Deshaun Watson might have the worst contract ever.

Patrick Mahomes would be worth over $100 million a year on a truly free market

If the NFL was truly free market capitalism, [Mahomes] might go to the Panthers. David Tepper... he might go for over a hundred million dollars.

Passing on Josh Allen was the biggest mistake of my GM days

I loved him [Josh Allen]. Right? But it just, you know, didn't work out... and you're right. That was probably my biggest mistake of my GM days. Well, was not taking Josh.

Joel Embiid believes the current LeBron James is not the same as the dominant version from years ago

The LeBron now is not the LeBron that was a couple of years ago. So it's a big difference. Everybody would also tell you, and you can see for yourself, the athletic LeBron dominant that he was a couple years ago is not the same that he is now.

I saw a bright circle UFO in Austin, Texas

Literally like, we got the, the screen on the car's real bright... Emily's in the passenger seat. She's looking at her phone, this like, like circle shape object. Like bright as hell. Literally just goes from right here and goes straight down. She was looking at her phone... it was so bright that she looked up and saw it too and it just like disappeared. Like completely disappeared.

The NHL is rigging the playoffs for a Panthers-Rangers Eastern Conference Final

I something's fishy with the NHL and and this Panthers team... They didn't suspend [Bennett], which is crazy... I don't understand why... The NHL is trying to rig a Panthers, Rangers Eastern Conference Finals. They much rather have that than Bruins-Rangers.

The Phoenix Suns' 'all-in' move is an all-time disaster

This has maybe been one of the greatest, like rich guy buys a team who thinks he's the smartest guy in the world... does a bunch of all-in moves and it blows up in record time. They have zero first round picks from 2025 to 2030. They have zero second round picks... They have one pick in the NBA draft between now and 2031. That's insane.

Approximately 27 to 30 NBA players could lead a 16-seed to a National Championship

I was gonna go like triple. Way more triple, triple that maybe. 30, maybe 40... guys in the NBA are so good, man. Yeah, yeah. Like you gotta automatically think bigs have an advantage 'cause it's college. So like the big is back, right? Yeah... We'll go with this. 27. 27.

Billy Football is a legitimate candidate for Congress and is taking it seriously

I regret to inform you Billy football is a hundred percent legitimately running for this seat. And my fire Fest is that I feel like Oppenheimer, that by, by putting this into motion, I've affected the course of the United States for the foreseeable future.

Caitlin Clark currently faces ten times more hate than Duke.

I don't even know how, how people have found this much hate in their heart for [Caitlin Clark] again. She she has like Duke Times 10 hate. Yeah. It's crazy.

Tom Brady had Nick Foles' name edited out of the Patriots documentary out of pettiness

They showed the highlights of the Super Bowl with the Eagles won and on the Philly special, they played an edited version of Al Michael's play call... They edited out the word Foles. What? ... He fucking hates Nick Foles. And he had his name edited out of this Documentary.

Caleb Williams is set up better than any number one overall pick in NFL history

I think the Caleb Williams might be set up better than any number one pick ever. And I know that sounds crazy because it's still the Bears... He now has a legitimate number one, he now has a legitimate number two in Keenan Allen. He has a top 10 tight end in Cole Kmet. He's got a running game... this is finally you've set up your future franchise quarterback to walk into a situation that he can succeed in.

The 2021 QB draft class might be the worst of all time

We now have though the 2021 draft in record time might be the worst quarterback draft of all time. Trevor Lawrence number one, Zach Wilson two, Trey Lance three... Mac Jones 15. So there's five quarterbacks drafted in the first 15 picks in that 2021 draft, and four out of five of them just three years or in the fourth year will be on different teams.

Kyle Filipowski was not seriously injured during the Wake Forest court storming

I just, I think he's probably fine. I think it might've been a phantom roll of an ankle. Like, oh shit, we lost and I just shoved the guy possibly—ow my ankle hurts now my arm.

I can still play in the NFL and am not technically retired

Can I still play in the NFL? Yes. Yes. Are you retired technically? No. I have not put in my paperwork or, you know, signed my anything with like the trust or anything like that. I've done that on purpose because I didn't want to have to do it twice. But no, I, I just train every week like I'm a player and then if I get the call, I'm ready to roll.