Hank

Kyrie Irving was likely removed from the NBA 75 list at the last minute for 'shady' reasons.

Kyrie was on the list... they made highlight packages for all 75 players and they made one for Kyrie, but then he didn't make the final list. There's some shady shit going on there.

The Braves vs. Astros World Series will not interest a national audience

I feel bad the sport of the MLB. Cause like, let's be honest, Braves Astros. Doesn't really get the needle moving for a national audience.

The Detroit Lions will beat the Los Angeles Rams outright

I think they're going to win this one outright. The Detroit Lions... [I am] sprinkling the shit out of the Moneyline. Heavy sprinkle. Heavy pour on the moneyline and Salt Bae on the moneyline.

The Bucks are a lock to win on NBA opening night

Also the Bucks... what if the Bucks are maybe the biggest lock tonight? The rosters coming allly back. You saw that video with Giannis with the jump shot. This is like the greatest basketball player of all time.

The Red Sox are the best team in baseball and will win the World Series

It's just crazy that the red Sox are just going to win the world series again... They're not that good. They're not that good. Oh, but now they're just the best team in baseball. Yeah. They're like killing the Astros.

Florida QB Anthony Richardson is Cam Newton 2.0 and a 2022 Heisman candidate

Florida's quarterback that they put in second [Anthony Richardson] is Cam Newton 2.0, yes. He's on my big board for Heisman next year.

Ben Simmons will face an all-time 'boo-fest' upon his return to Philadelphia

Ben Simmons has arrived in Philadelphia, took a COVID-19 test as required by NBA protocol... I love going to a good boo-fest. Going to the Sixers' first game, I might have to figure out, talk to Tick Pick and get out there. So perfect that it's Philly... Philly's going to roast him.

Mac Jones is the greatest six-yard thrower in NFL history

Mac Jones, probably the greatest six-yard thrower in the history of NFL football. It's my favorite. Patriots now, it's basically... the six-yard play over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

The Packers will dominate the Bengals by 10 points

My favorite's going to be the Packers. Minus three against the Bengals... I see this being a 10-point, never in doubt, Aaron Rodgers kind of dominates game.

The Red Sox will beat the Yankees 6-4 in the 2021 American League Wild Card game

I think it's going to be Red Sox 6, Yankees 4. Take the over. Red Sox money line.

The upcoming Game of Thrones prequel will be disappointing because it reminds fans of the original show's ending

The end of Game of Thrones sucks. And they're never making more Game of Thrones ever again. So even though if this is good, it's still one of those things where if you watch it, you're like, this is the best series ever. Can't wait to see what happens. That person is going to be disappointed. It's going to bring back feelings of just like sadness.

The Buccaneers are going to beat the Patriots by 30 in Tom Brady's return

My gut feeling is like the Bucs are going to beat them by 30... There's no great signs, there's no great throws, there's no good drives. They didn't get a first down until like the second quarter.

The USA is back because they 'skull fucked' Europe in the Ryder Cup

The USA, United States of America. We are back thanks to the Ryder cup team. Absolutely skull fucked Europe, 19 to nine biggest wins since 1975.

The traditional NFL broadcast is still better than the Manningcast for watching an entire game

My only thing is that it's good, but I feel like the regular broadcast is still better. Like when I'm watching the Manning broadcast, it just doesn't feel like a big game. It's casual and it's good, but watching an entire game, I keep switching back to the regular broadcast.

Ben Simmons is now the most hated person in the history of Philadelphia sports

Ben Simmons is now public enemy number one... he will be the most hated person. I can't think of anyone else who was really like, just fuck the city of Philadelphia. And then it was just like, I hate them.

Rutgers football is officially back

Rutgers football's back... back all the way. Greg Schiano, they've got a big test against Michigan this week. Birthplace of college football.

The Texans +12.5 is far too many points for an NFL game coming off a win

The Texans... Plus 12 and a half. That's a lot of points in the NFL, especially in week two, especially coming off a win. Too many points. You can feel safe walking in anywhere between now and Sunday being like too many points. So many points. Too many points.

Mac Jones will conservatively win three Super Bowls

Conservatively, three. Three plus, though, is probably what I would expect. Dynasty officially back on? Yeah. Well, you've got to win the first one.

Washington money line over the Chargers is my mortal lock for Week 1

Washington's winning it. ... That's actually my mortal lock.

A silverback gorilla could defeat an elephant by choking it out

I'm going to go elephant versus silverback gorilla. If the elephant can fucking get on his back and get him in a chokehold... [A] gorilla can tap out an elephant.

Cam Newton would still be on the Patriots if he were vaccinated

I think if cam Newton was vaccinated, he'd still be on the team.

Cam Newton's absence due to COVID protocols has opened a major window for Mac Jones

my hot seat is cam Newton... One important member of the [Patriots] organization believes this has opened a window of opportunity for rookie Mac Jones team practice today. And then with New York giant... if you fuck up your commitments to the team, like it's an advantage for Mac Jones to get playing time.

The Pyramids of Giza were probably built by aliens

I'm going to go with the real pyramids, Pyramids of Giza... the greatest structural engineering ever done, probably done by aliens.

The 'Shampoo Soup' is a top-tier hotel move

This is my patented thing. I might trademark this move, but the shampoo soup. You get in the shower, you just take all of the free complimentary bottles and you just pour them into your hand and just rub it all over your body. Listen, that's not really shampoo. It's not body wash. It's all basically the same thing. You just combine them.

Billy Football will not have a six-pack for next year's Grit Week either

I'm not trying to be a hater, but I don't think you'll have a six-pack for next grit week either. [to Billy Football]

Jameis Winston will be the Saints starting quarterback for the next 13 years if Sean Payton can 'figure him out'

Hasselbeck was like, yeah, you know, Jameis is young, 27. Like, if Sean Payton figures it out, this is your starter for the next 13 years.

The Celtics are getting great value in Dennis Schroeder because he'll be incredibly hungry after losing out on a massive contract

He rejected the deal. He said he wanted a hundred million dollars... Cool throne Celtics. It's good for the Celtics. Like you're going to get the hungriest Dennis Schroeder you can get.

Magic Johnson is the greatest nickname in sports history

I think it's probably the greatest nickname of all time because it just becomes his name. It is Magic Johnson. There is no one better than Magic Johnson. Irvin Johnson becoming Magic. I mean, it's just synonymous.

LeAngelo Ball will be a rotation player for the Charlotte Hornets

My who's back is LeAngelo Ball. Back in summer league for the Hornets. 16 points. Love it. Five three-pointers made. Making a lot of noise. People saying he could be a rotation guy off the bench.

I could medal in pole vaulting if I trained for four years

I will go with pole vaulting. You just run, stick the stick... All you got to do is run straight and get the timing down. I'm going to be jacked by August.

Cleaning your ass with a showerhead and a towel is a valid solution when you run out of TP while moving

I sat down and started taking a shit and realized there was no toilet paper. And so I just took a shower... I didn't have anything. I just literally got in the shower or like wipe my ass and then got out... I used the towel and I threw away the towel.

Jackass Forever will be the start of a massive streak of movie hits.

Jackass Forever, the trailer came out... and I feel like it's just going to be hit after hit after hit after hit for the next few months because there's so much of a backlog [from the pandemic].

The Suns will win Game 6 of the NBA Finals to force a Game 7

I actually think it's weird, but like the Suns are like the game six, this series has been fantastic. I think I wouldn't be shocked if the Suns were able to win that game... that would be the most fun. And for chaos.

The 'You're not that guy, pal' clip will be the clip of the summer

Pretty much, it's a great clip, but I think that's going to be the clip of the summer. Everything you do with your friends, your coworkers, pretty much anything... you're going to see comments about you're not that guy.

Matthew Stafford will win NFL MVP

Sean McVay was talking to Albert Breer and said, bro, this dude's a bad motherfucker. Whatever people say about him, as good as it can be, he's even better than advertised. ... I saw it. I saw the future. MVP.

Alex Caruso should have had a 'fall guy' to avoid his marijuana arrest

Alex Caruso, NBA player, NBA stud, but I feel like the only place where he really probably gets that full stud treatment is Texas A&M. ... you definitely should have a fall guy.

The 76ers will eventually make it to the Eastern Conference Finals.

I do believe, I truly believe, as much as I've said bad things about Philly, it's only been my honest opinion. And I do believe eventually they will make it to the Eastern Conference Finals.

LeBron James always makes up excuses when he loses to fit his personal narrative

No, I mean, listen, that's LeBron 101. When he loses, he makes up excuses, and whatever fits his narrative, that's what he puts up. It's lose, and then he's going to put up a million Instagram stories... whatever fits his narrative, that's what he puts up.

I will have a visible six-pack by the end of the summer

I'll have a six pack. You will never have a six pack. [Hank]: Yes, I will. All right. Great. How much time? Give me a month. By the end of the summer. Six pack summer. You're going to have a visible six pack? [Hank]: Yes.

The Bruins would have won their series against the Islanders if Tuukka Rask was fully healthy

I think [Tuukka Rask] was hurt, and I think if he was full health, they probably would have won that series.

College baseball fans are currently the craziest and most intense fans in sports

I think the college baseball fans have been the craziest of all the fans I've seen so far. Or at least it just feels... it's probably a smaller crowd, more packed in. But the walk-off home run in Tennessee the other night was crazy. The Arkansas home run last night was crazy. Insane. It's a great, great atmosphere.

Coach K is the greatest college basketball coach of all time

This is the greatest coach in the sport, and all you guys do is make jokes and mock him. Most wins of all time. 12 Final Fours. 15 ACC Tournament titles. 97 NCAA Tournament wins. 126 weeks ranked No. 1.

Brad Stevens is the right person to run the Celtics front office

If there's anyone that knows exactly what this Celtics roster needs to be and beat these teams that are on the next level, it is Brad Stevens. Obviously, Danny Ainge said that he was like, there's been moves that me and Brad didn't agree on, and now Brad has full control to do whatever he wants.

The Hawks will beat the Sixers in the second round because of Joel Embiid's injury

They don't have Joel Embiid because he can't stay fucking healthy ever. And they're going to get boat raced by the Hawks in the second round and not make the Eastern Conference Finals again. That's my opinion.

The Celtics will not win another game in their series against the Nets

[Jason Tatum] had 50, right? Yeah, that's fine... The starting lineup, it's one of those things where it doesn't matter. You could play those starting two lineups 100 times and the Celtics might win one. [Big Cat: 'Can we call it over?'] 100%. It's over.

Tim Tebow was signed by Urban Meyer purely to act as a heat shield for Trevor Lawrence

I'm also just a huge fan of the narrative that [Urban Meyer] brought in Tebow just to take off heat off Trevor Lawrence... Tebow is just going to be too much of a natural leader and take all the heat, including from the players, off Trevor Lawrence.

The 2021 Brooklyn Nets are the greatest team ever assembled

The Nets look like the greatest team ever assembled tonight... Ever... No hyperbole.

Guy Fieri's $80 million contract extension with the Food Network is a total bargain

Guy Fieri... signed a three-year, $80 million contract extension. It's a bargain. If you're the Food Network, you've got to have your guy. You've got to have a star.

Brooks Koepka would have won the PGA Championship by 15 strokes if his knee was healthy

[Brooks Koepka's] knee is hurting him, and he wasn't able to get all the way low to read putts, and the putter is what kind of killed him today and this weekend. So Ipso facto, he probably would have won this tournament by 15 strokes if his knee was okay.

The Celtics vs. Nets series is basically over after Game 1

Obviously, the Celtics lost. That first half, though. They had a great first half. They had a chance. Kemba Walker played terribly in the second half, and the series is basically over. Sweep. Maybe gentlemen's sweep.