Takes

The Saints and Patriots will play in the Super Bowl

I think it's going to be Saints and Patriots in the Super Bowl.

Atlanta is the most interesting Wild Card team and can go the distance

The most interesting team to me right now is Atlanta... at that point, we had kind of figured it out. We'd gotten over all the post-Super Bowl stuff that goes with it and understood kind of what we had to do, but it was a little bit too late. I think if we had gotten into the playoffs at that point, we would have been a real problem for teams.

Bruce Arians will be back to coaching within two months of his retirement.

Bruce Arians, he's retired. But as we know, he's not going to know what to do with himself. He's just going to sit on his porch staring out into infinity for two months, and he'll think that's retirement, and then he'll be like, I've got to get back to coaching.

Baker Mayfield has the fewest red flags among the 2018 draft's top quarterbacks.

I'm telling you, Baker Mayfield has the least red flags of all of them from what I've seen on film watching him throw.

The Seahawks championship window is closed

I define the window off their defense, not off Russell Wilson. And I think their defense is closed. I think they're going to lose a lot of guys.

The New York Giants is the most coveted head coaching vacancy in the NFL

I would say the Giants [is the most coveted job], just because they don't like to fire guys... And the thinking is Jim Schwartz is going to end up with that job that it was all predetermined.

Eli Manning has plenty left in the tank if he gets an offense that suits him

He [Eli Manning] still has a lot left. Too many injuries, terrible offensive line, especially the tackle position... I think you give him a chance with a full new offense, new offensive line. They have weapons on the outside. He's a very specific type of quarterback.

The Bengals might move Marvin Lewis to the front office and hire Hue Jackson as head coach

Marvin stays in Cincinnati, graduates to the front office where he's essentially the GM because they don't have one as it is. And then, some way, somehow, they bring back Hue Jackson to be the coach of the team, and it's Marvin and Hue working together in Cincinnati.

The Jaguars have the ingredients to win in New England or Pittsburgh in January

I think this is a team that could win in New England in the divisional round, it could win in Pittsburgh in the divisional round, and it could keep the AFC championship game from happening... It's a Florida team that has all the ingredients to play in the elements in January.

The Falcons are a 'lurker' team that knows how to win ugly and can make a deep run

I think we haven't heard the last of Dan Quinn in the Falcons. I feel like they're the lurker. You know what I mean? The team, it's like they have all the pieces, and they've played really shitty and survived... They would know how to win ugly.

Joe Namath's statistics stink and he was a horrible quarterback

You look at Joe Namath's statistics. They stink. He was horrible. He had maybe one year where he threw more touchdowns than interceptions. But he's in the Hall of Fame. That's crazy, right?

The Bills will finish 10-6 and make the playoffs

I'll go 10-6. Okay, that's a guarantee to the playoffs. Win a road game in New England. The curse has been broken. Yes, we're coming. You just beat us, but we're coming to your house, Brady.

The Kansas City Chiefs are officially frauds

The Bills, they might be back... This is for real because they go into Kansas City, a Chiefs team that I will officially say is a fraud. They're frauds.

Rex Burkhead is a rich man's Danny Woodhead

I liked what Bill Belichick was doing with Rex Burkhead tonight... he's a poor man's Danny Woodhead, which technically makes him a rich man's Danny Woodhead, if that makes any sense at all.

Josh Gordon won't be as good as before because he's sober

[Josh Gordon] got reinstated, but it came out that he admitted that he used drugs or alcohol before every single game he's ever played. So he's going to have to come back and not use drugs or alcohol, and he's not going to be that good.

The Jimmy Garoppolo trade is the beginning of the end for the Patriots dynasty

This started a chain of events that is going to end the Patriots dynasty... Belichick was basically cut out of this, right? So Belichick's pissed... and then he's going to resign. Okay. And then that's the end of it.

The Bengals, not the Browns, are likely to blame for the botched AJ McCarron trade paperwork

I don't think [the Browns] screwed this up, interestingly enough... I think I am a little bit on Team Cleveland. So what I heard was that one of the sides, I think it was the Bengals, sent in the signatures, sent in the paper, the trade slip, before both signatures were on it, and neither side realized until it was too late.

Start Drew Stanton on his bye week to guarantee a zero rather than negative points

My stardom of the week: Drew Stanton. The Cardinals are on a bye. But Drew Stanton, if he starts, he's getting negative points. So you start him on the bye and you get that zero. Bruce Arians is going to turn this team around.

The Atlanta Falcons are officially pretenders

The Falcons are pretenders. They are officially in the pretenders pile. You know what's great, too, is I think they started like 2-0 and everyone was like, see, told you, the Falcons do not have a Super Bowl hangover. Now you see them. They are mentally just broken.

Tom Brady will retire suddenly to avoid having a farewell tour

Brady keeps saying that he's going to play four or five years so that he can then just retire all of a sudden? Yeah, he doesn't want to have a farewell tour. If [the Patriots] win another Super Bowl... is it going to shock anybody if he walks away?

The Patriots and Seahawks will meet in the Super Bowl

Right now, if I had to pick two teams for the Super Bowl, I'd say the Patriots and the Seahawks.

Julio Jones will have a massive 'revenge game' against the Patriots on Sunday

My stardom: Julio Jones. The Patriots secondary stinks. Primetime revenge game. Julio Jones. pick him up on the waiver wire and start his ass.

The NFL's ratings decline is a 'fake news' narrative partially caused by warm weather

Ratings are down 7.5%... Fake news, because we watch more than ever... Also, I just want to note this, that it just today felt like fall... You can't fully embrace football when it's 90 degrees.

Cam Newton stinks again

Cam Newton stinks again. Well, that's not entirely true. Okay. He kind of stinks. He likes to go up and down. I feel like when Cam, when everyone's like, ooh, Cam's putting it all together. He's like, hey, guys, watch this. Hey, hold my avocado. Watch this. Because he's a millennial. He's going to fucking just throw three interceptions and look like trash.

Jared Goff is an NFL MVP candidate.

Jared Goff is good. Jared Goff, league MVP candidate.

The NFL's 'Heads Up' football program has successfully prevented players from committing murder.

Roger Goodell has already addressed this issue... by implementing heads-up football... And since the implementation of the Heads Up football program, there have been zero players arrested for murder. So the problem's in the rear view mirror.

Tom Coughlin has already successfully changed the culture for the Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jaguars are now over .500 for the first time in six years... That is a culture change. That is a shift. Tom Coughlin changed the entire mentality... People love working there. They're on tape literally saying they love to work there.

Week 2 in the NFL is a must-win for 0-1 teams because 95% of playoff teams avoid 0-2

So 95% of playoff teams avoid going 0-2. So if you do the math, that makes week two a must win.

The New England Patriots are dead (but they're still going to win the division)

The New England Patriots are dead. Actually, they're still going to win the division, but it's times like this I thank my lucky stars I'm not a New England Patriots fan.

The Super Bowl will feature the Patriots against either the Falcons or the Packers

I'm going Patriots on the AFC. They will play—they're going to play either the Falcons or the Packers.

The New York Jets will win 4 games because no one can run against them

I say the Jets, I put the Jets at 4-12. I mean, they have the worst offense in football, but their defensive front four is still amazing... Teams that cannot pass can never beat the Jets. Jets will murder them... but you will be able to throw over the top. That's how you beat the Jets.

Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson will be part of a 'sneaky good' QB class

I have a feeling this year's class... Pat Mahomes, Mitch Trubisky, Deshaun Watson, and even DeShone Kizer, all four have a chance to be sneaky good, I think, in the NFL. So maybe that trend's reversing back a little bit.

Jerry Jones will do something to embarrass Roger Goodell at the next owners' meeting

I like this because this means that Jerry Jones is going to do something to embarrass Roger Goodell at the owner's meeting. He's maybe going to lick his pizza. He's like, here you go... He pantses him. Just pantses him.

Roger Goodell skipping the Patriots season opener is a sign of disrespect that will lead to another title

Probably when [Roger] Goodell doesn't show up to game one. That's going to be a clear sign of disrespect that [the Patriots] are going to have to avenge by going to the Super Bowl and winning another championship.

Vince Young, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, and Lendale White were all pro busts

Reggie Bush, who's been pretty much a bust. So it's Reggie Bush, Lendale White, Vince Young, and Matt Leinart. Wow.

High school football is officially back in June because grad parties are over

High school football is back. Grad parties are over. Coaches are distributing helmets and shoulder pads. It's June. Mini camps in full effect.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are the funniest long con in professional sports history

The Jacksonville Jaguars might be the funniest thing to ever occur in professional sports. This has been a long con. We've all been owned... It's like a Wes Anderson movie. It's like you don't really appreciate a Wes Anderson movie. That's what the Jaguars are saying to everyone. You don't look at it the right way.

Aaron Rodgers has 10 more years in his prime

When is [Rodgers'] prime, man? Quarterbacks play for like 25 years now. He's got like 10 more years in his prime.

Roger Goodell punishing Josh Gordon by not letting him play for the Browns is actually doing him a favor

Telling a player that your punishment is that you don't have to play for the Cleveland Browns is probably a little bit misguided. So, like, hey, good for Josh. He doesn't have to be a Brown.

Either Joe Mixon or John Ross will definitely get injured or suspended for the Bengals

[The Bengals] got Joe Mixon and John Ross. One will get injured. The other will probably get suspended. But for a minute there, people are going to say, wow, is Andy Dalton going to put it together?

Deshaun Watson is the best quarterback in the 2017 draft class

I like Deshaun Watson. I think Deshaun Watson has proven he can play in big games... I think Deshaun Watson is probably number one.

Eli Manning definitely committed fraud with the game-worn gear scandal

He did commit fraud. That's okay. What he should do is just come out and be like, hey, guys, I committed fraud. That's on me.

Mitch Trubisky screwed himself by measuring 6'2" because of Hue Jackson's arbitrary height cutoff

Hugh Jackson, his cutoff for quarterbacks, 6'2". So Mitch Trubisky kind of screwed himself. He should have slouched a little bit, hoping that he went at 6'1"... [Hue] just said, if the quarterback's not 6'2 or taller, I don't want him.

Adrian Peterson's NFL career is basically over

I think Adrian Peterson's career is... it's pretty much a career for him... he hitting his kid with a switch... he doesn't catch the ball that often. He doesn't run the ball out of shotgun. This isn't the NFL for him.

Tom Brady will win one more Super Bowl to finish with six

I think that Brady's going to win one more Super Bowl. I think we'll get two. I think he'll win six.

The Atlanta Falcons might not actually be good

Are the falcons good? I don't know... they had some bad losses. They lost the chiefs, the chargers too, right?... The Falcons might not be good. Actually, if you look at the first half of the Super Bowl, they were good. Second half, not so good. You know what I'm doing? I'm crossing them off my list.

Super Bowl LI Prediction: Patriots 33, Falcons 24

Give us a Super Bowl prediction. 33-24 pass. Sorry, Atlanta.

Matt Ryan is actually 6'5" and significantly bigger than he appears

Matt would stand next to [my nephew] on the sideline and matt was just thick and wide 6'5 every bit of 6'5. Tremendous quarterback.

The Browns will find a way to mess up the draft even if Deshaun Watson is available

Dabo Swinney basically telling the Browns, don't fuck up, even though you're going to fuck up because you're the Browns and you always fuck up.

Ben Roethlisberger is not actually retiring; he just enjoys the attention

Big Ben's not retiring. Come on... A little pre-prediction, though. Big Ben has now reached the point of his career where he's just going to Brett Favre for this every year. Like he'll end up playing for some weird. Big Ben's destiny is to like play one weird season for the Jaguars.