Takes

The Patriots are a better team without Rob Gronkowski

The Patriots being a better team without Gronk. Someone's going to write that.

The NFL is trying to eliminate kickoffs by moving them up to the 30-yard line

Do you feel in the back of your mind that the NFL one day is going to just eliminate kickoffs entirely? Are you worried about that at all? ... They trying to right now. That's why they took it out of the Pro Bowl. So they're trying to get it out. That's why they moved the kick up to the 30 because kickers can kick. So they want them kicking out the end zone every time.

Matt Ryan is the new Joe Flacco and is entering 'clutch gene' territory

Matt Ryan is going to be the new Joe Flacco. Right now, the story on Matt Ryan is he doesn't have the clutch gene. If he wins this game, he might have the clutch gene. He's getting into the clutch gene territory.

The Steelers will cover the +5.5 spread and the Falcons will beat the Packers to advance to the Super Bowl

I'm taking the Steelers and the Falcons. I like the [Steelers] five and a half. I think that's enough. I think this game is going to come down to last possession type of game.

The Packers-Falcons NFC Championship game will be a 38-35 high-scoring affair

It's a historic over-under for any conference championship or a Super Bowl, and I still think it's too low. I tend to think this is going to be like 38-35 type game.

The Green Bay vs. Atlanta NFC Championship will be 'Mickey Mouse football' with no tackling

Green Bay against Atlanta is going to basically just be first one to 50. The Big 12 is going to be playing the NFC Championship game. I could not be more excited. It's Mickey Mouse football. Yeah, no tackling. It's flag football.

Kickers were too good this week, so we are due for a 'correction' (missed kicks) next week

Number one, kickers were too good this week. So we're due for a correction next week.

The Bears will try to trade Jay Cutler this offseason

He's got a very tradable contract, $12.5 million. I think the Bears will try to trade him. Depends on how this coaching deal shakes out. If Kyle Shanahan ends up the head coach somewhere, I could see him being potentially interested in Cutler.

Jim Irsay forgets he owns the Colts and is just doing Twitter giveaways all day

I don't think he is [going to fire anyone]. I think he just forgot he owned the Colts. He's just on Twitter all day. He's just been doing Twitter giveaways every day. He's like, 'hey, Jim, you still own this team? You get to make the decisions.'

The Green Bay Packers are not built for cold weather at Lambeau Field

You know what my favorite take is? The Packers aren't built for Lambeau. They're playing in the wrong stadium. This is a new look. Yeah, they almost wish they were somewhere else. They wish they didn't have a home game.

My interview with the Vikings players actually built a wing of a children's hospital

The interview that actually built a wing of a children's hospital and saved children's lives.

Matt Moore is the truth

I think Matt Moore is the truth. Did you see him? He was having so much fun out there.

Kyle Shanahan will get a head coaching job and Mike Shanahan will be his consultant

I think what will happen is his son, Kyle Shanahan, will get a coaching job somewhere, and he'll go with Kyle to be a consultant.

Ryan Fitzpatrick will spend the next ten years as a premier NFL backup

He's got another 10 years in this league as a backup. ... You get your name out there as a starter for four games. Little film. All of a sudden... You're one of the premier backups in the league.

This week in the NFL will be a 'wonky' week where crazy things happen

I think there's gonna be a wonky week. It's one of those weeks where it's just like crazy things happen I just have a feeling... I just I feel like this is gonna be a wonky week.

The Super Bowl will feature some combination of the Patriots, Cowboys, or Seahawks

And it sucks to say this, but it's going to be the Patriots and the Cowboys or the Seahawks. Slash Seahawks, yeah. So some combination of that, that's where we're going to be in Houston.

The average lifespan of an NFL player is longer than an average American

The average lifespan of an NFL player is longer than an average American. No, even an average American. Like, it's longer. They live longer, healthier lives than an average American. CTE or not.

I'm jumping on the Cowboys train and betting on them for Thanksgiving, which means they'll probably lose

How long am I going to keep doubting the Dallas Cowboys? They're now nine and one against the spread... I'm going to bet on them Thanksgiving Day. And they're going to get, I don't know if they'll lose, but they're not going to cover the spread.

Robert Griffin III will lead the Browns to their first win and his free agent stock will soar

That would be the most Robert Griffin triumph of all time is if he led the Browns to their one win. And then, guess what? Stock goes way up in the free agent marketplace.

NFL ratings will skyrocket now that the election is over

All those people who are watching electric coverage instead of the NFL, welcome back. The league is better than ever. Ratings are going to skyrocket.

The Rams are either crazy/idiots or Jared Goff simply isn't good enough to play yet

There's only two ways that that makes sense. One is they're crazy. They're crazy and idiots and don't know what they're doing. The other way is He's not ready... If Bryce Petty was a better quarterback than Ryan Fitzpatrick, he would be playing.

The Patriots and Seahawks will meet in a Super Bowl LI rematch

I think you're right about the Patriots. Who are they going to lose to? I'm taking Seattle. rematched of the game two years ago. I think their offensive line eventually gets straightened out.

Jeff Fisher will start Jared Goff in the next three to four weeks to avoid being fired

I'm going to call my shot. Within, I'm going to say, three or four weeks, depending on the record, I think Jeff Fisher is going to make the call. He's going to move Jared Goff up. And at that point, you can't fire a coach when he's developing a quarterback. So that's going to buy him two more years.

The NFL will move to an 18-game regular season within the next five years

There's a chance it will if the NFL makes enough concessions to the union... if there's a way that they can address that issue [player health]... it's going to happen.

The sun is on the Hot Seat because its glare could cause the Bills to lose

Miami Dolphins to beat the Bills this weekend because she [USA Today podcast host's mom] doesn't think that the Bills are going to be able to handle the glare of the Miami sun. It's a fair point. Developing situation. Let's keep an eye on it... The sun is on the hot seat right now, so this could really be it.

Aaron Rodgers has a case of 'the yips' and is turning down open looks for bigger plays

I think it's a case of the yips. And I think you look at things where he's turning down open looks trying to find a bigger play, and then things break down and he rushes outside the pocket, and he used to make big plays doing that, and those big plays have dried up.

The Packers will barely beat the Bears in an ugly, low-scoring game on Thursday Night Football

It's going to be ugly. It's going to be low scoring. I do think the Packers win, but just barely. A lot of punts. John Fox, I feel like he's going to do that thing where he just runs the ball a bunch and punts. It's going to be ugly.

Jeff Fisher has at least two games of security before returning to the hot seat

Cool throne, Jeff Fisher. He's got at least two games before he's back on the hot seat.

At least five teams in the league right now could easily win the Super Bowl

I'll name them right now. These are the teams that I think easily could win the Super Bowl this year: New England, Pittsburgh, Denver. Now, Minnesota could win the Super Bowl. Green Bay could win the Super Bowl. Philadelphia could win the Super Bowl. Have you seen their defense play? They've allowed 27 points in three games.

J.J. Watt needs to wear a surgery cone so he doesn't re-injure himself working too hard

The bottom line is J.J. Watt needs a cone around his head like you give to a dog after surgery because he's so anxious to prove what a hard work he is. This is what it's all about. He rushed back from a back surgery so he could be like, oh, I'm a big, tough guy.

The Vikings have the best defense in the NFL

But seriously, though, the Vikings look awesome. Their defense, I mean, best defense in the league. Probably.

Rex Ryan got his lap band removed because he won more games as a fat guy

Rex Ryan got his lap band out. And he said that it's because he won more football games as a fat guy... This is what happened here was Rob and Rex went out for Buffalo Wings like every single Sunday... he was just sick of puking. He's like, honey, I've been thinking, Rob and I have been talking and I won more games when I was fat.

The Lions are better without Calvin Johnson because Matthew Stafford can spread the ball around

Is this the year that Matt Stafford finally makes the leap? I'm going to say yes. Calvin Johnson was holding him back. Better without Calvin Johnson. He can spread the ball around.

The Rams being number three on the depth chart with the first overall pick Jared Goff is a bad sign for everyone

Number three on the depth chart is the first overall pick. That's not good for anybody. And I would say jokingly, back when the Rams picked [Jared] Goff, remember, these are the same people who thought Nick Foles was the answer a year ago. And what was once a joke, I think, is gradually becoming dead serious that maybe they've gotten it wrong two years in a row.

Chuck Pagano and Sean Payton are on the hot seat to start the 2016 season

I got Chuck Pagano... both the Saints and the Colts, they're in win-now mode. And not only that, but Chuck Pagano, he's been healthy for a while. I think you can fire him now, and it's not like, ooh, we just fired the guy who had cancer.

Marvin Lewis and Jason Garrett are on the 'Ice Throne' and will never be fired

Number one, he's actually – we have to come up with a term. Is it just the cold seat? ... The king of the ice throne, Marvin Lewis. He will never be fired. Here's another one, though. Jason Garrett is so lucky to have Tony Romo because every single year he's like, 'could have been good, Tony got hurt. Dang.'

Sam Bradford is finally on a team that will put him in a position to succeed

Sam Bradford, for the first time in his career, is going to be surrounded by players and on a team that puts him in a position to succeed. You cannot underrate that. Listen, this is what we do when they trade trash players. You say, well, he's on a good team now. He's got a good defense, so he's going to have to do less.

Teddy Bridgewater's injury is actually a positive for Vikings fans because it removes the stress of expectations

I mean, right off the bat, it's kind of nice. You don't have to get your hopes up. It's vacation season for Vikings fans. Like, you know, just relax. Take your shoes up. You don't have to stress yourself out during the games. You get to kind of take it easy.

Robert Griffin III getting his new girlfriend's name tattooed on his arm is a massive mistake

Robert started dating Greta and immediately got her name tattooed on his arm for the whole world to see. This is one of those Jimbo's that Robert doesn't even know... Bobby doesn't even know that he's Jimbo'd yet, but he's Jimbo'd.

Sean McDonough will not disagree with Jon Gruden once in his first six weeks on Monday Night Football

Find me one time that [Sean] McDonough disagrees with [Jon] Gruden in the first six weeks and I'll call you a liar. McDonough is like, he's coming in there looking at Gruden like the cool guy in town. And so he's going to be pulling out all this. He's just going to be agreeing with Gruden nonstop.

No one on the Patriots actually has Tom Brady's phone number

I've strictly asked that question multiple times, and he [Nate Ebner] said no one on the Patriots has Brady's number, but if you want to get a hold of him, you contact his massage therapist.

The New York Giants will finish the 2016 season 10-6

Giants record for the year... Ten and six.

Aqib Talib can extend his career by seven years by capitalizing on his shooting incident

Tlaib may have just extended his career by like seven years. Because now he can get that really sappy E30 with Jeremy Schaap... A second chance is worth like two more contracts. So smart move on Tlaib's part, getting shot, because now he gets like an opportunity to prove himself again.

RG3's Real Trademark Is Not Playing Smart

Your real trademark is that you don't play smart. So stop or your punch clock at Kmart.

RG3 Goes 4-12 Unless He Comes On The Podcast

Spoiler alert: RG3 goes 4 and 12. Unless he comes on the podcast, then he goes 10 and 6 and make the playoffs.

The Eagles deserve a C+ for their 2016 draft because they didn't move up for a wide receiver

If I had to give the Eagles a draft grade, I would give them a solid C+. Why? Because I strongly feel like even though they traded their picks up and they drafted Carson Wentz, who I think's a fucking G, I feel like they could have made a move and traded up to get into the second round and get a wide receiver.

Carson Wentz's corny Twitter presence is a major red flag

You got to watch out for guys like this who are just like a little too corny on Twitter. It's like the – it's like – what's it called? Draft Day. Great movie, by the way. What's he hiding?

Robert Griffin III performs best when there are no expectations

He performs really well when he has low expectations. So I think it's a good fit for that. Like he went to Baylor. Nobody expected him to do shit at Baylor. Played well there. Played well his first year in Washington. I mean, nobody expects a Redskins quarterback to be very good. And then once they got to the playoffs, all of a sudden he had expectations.

I'm going to rethink my strategy and start filming my box jumps to get signed

I've seen JJ Watt do box jump videos. He's going to the Hall of Fame. I've done a lot of box jumps, but I just never filmed them. I'm totally willing to rethink my whole strategy... I'm going to walk right by whoever the head coach is, just go straight into the weight room and just start doing box jumps, not say a word to anybody.

The Cleveland Browns are smarter to do nothing in free agency than to fail spectacularly again

I think the Browns are just playing the game where they fucked up so bad in the past and everything that they've done that not doing anything is actually a smarter move than trying to do something and failing because you can't stay still. You're going to piss off your fans for about six months if you don't do anything in free agency. But a fan's not going to remember that like a year from now.