Takes

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day.

I am going to replace Hank as the person who gets killed and fucked in this Dungeons and Dragons adventure

I just know how this is gonna go. I'm just gonna replace Hank is the guy who gets killed and fucked.

Hank has 24 hours to shave his head

24 hours... because then now you're people like you, Hank will be the reason why we struggle next year because we're trying to get ready for the next season... The longer you play that, the longer we're living in the past.

People catching and eating cicadas at baseball games will be a viral trend this summer

We're gonna see more and more, I predict this summer of just cicada cam. Just people just grabbing a cicada and eating it on camera. . . normalize it.

Amphibians have ears that connect directly to their brains

One thing I know about lizards and amphibians, they've got ears that connect directly to their brain. Could I sing a note so high that the vibration of it kills everyone's tadpole?

One teenage hippo can successfully take on three or four ghouls in combat.

I think one hippo can take three GULs or four... I think that's a solid matchup.

Orcas are attacking boats to train their young to hunt, not for revenge

Update on those orca attacks. Turns out the orcas may be using the boats that they're attacking to train the younger orcas, how to hunt. It may not be some sort of retribution situation.

Sloth bears are more vicious than honey badgers

I've been going on a deep dive and rabbit hole on sloth bears. They're the most vicious animal on earth. I think more vicious than a honey badger. They fight tigers and tigers are literally scared of them.

The East River is full of prehistoric bison bones dumped by a developer

Dirty Water Don... he's found a bone. He found a jawbone of a steppe bison, which is just a prehistoric, gigantic bison. He found the jawbone in the East River. So that means that it is true. There were tons of bones dump there. It means that they're sniffing in the right place.

The 'Baby Bump' is a real thing that improves player performance in sports

We always talk about the baby bump. When a player, any sport has a baby, they start to perform well for a little period of time after. Is that real? I looked it up. Your child was born August 2nd. You hit three 90 the five games afterwards. Your average this year was 2 59.

I am getting hair plugs to combat my balding

I'm gonna go one way or the other. I don't wanna stay where I'm at right now. I'm in no man's land... All right. I'm gonna get hair plugs.

Sunning your balls can improve androgens and is 'pretty primal'

If you sun your balls, there is a study. It's an older study, I think it's from like the fifties or sixties that shows that it does improve androgens, not necessarily testosterone... I think it's pretty fucking primal. Right? I mean, we, we didn't evolve essentially with clothes... I think it's pretty primal to do.

Icing injuries is actually bad for recovery

Turns out ice is bad. I'm actually going to write a blog on that. There's tons of ice and cold is terrible for healing. It shuts down your inflammatory response, which actually is healing... ice is bad for like muscle gaining and like cold plunges are kind of good, but it's not you.

The mob deserves a better reputation because they built Las Vegas

The mob, shout out the mob. Mob gets a bad rep. They built Las Vegas for us. That's a fact. Say what you will about the mob. They built Las Vegas. Okay.

The PMT office 'jeans ripping' trend will end in a legitimate fight

We've found ourselves into a jeans ripping problem on this podcast... It's going to end poorly. I don't know how it's going to end, but I just know that no one's going to be happy and we're going to get into a small fight about it. And then it's going to be no more pants ripping.

Hank the Tank the bear cannot be relocated and will die if forced into the wilderness

Hank the tank is a 500 pound black bear... He doesn't know how to hunt because he's so dependent on humans. He cannot be relocated to the wilderness or he would die of starvation because he's completely has zero motivation... Plus he's fat as fuck.

I'm going to get jacked and start dressing like an adult in 2022

I'm getting jacked again and starting to dress more like an adult... Look what I got for Christmas... It's a satchel. It's not a backpack. Adult steps.

Robots can now reproduce

Cool throne is robots. They lost their virginity. Not much more that we need to explain there. Robots can reproduce now. They just released it. There was a scientific research experiment. There was a scientific green robots that created. It's a thing.

Pool water isn't actually blue; the lining is white and the water is clear

No, the water's clear... I think the walls, the walls are white, the bottom's white and the water's clear... This is the hill I'm dying on right now. The teas were definitely black... the water is clear and the lining of the pool was white.

Porn is the driving engine behind the internet

Anytime they try to take porn off of the internet, it's like that's what the internet was... The driving engine behind the internet is porn. It is. It's like trying to shovel a driveway in Antarctica. If you took all the porn off the internet, people would just not be on the internet anymore.

Tortoises have no natural lifetime and never die of old age

Tortoises have no natural lifetime. Only be killed by other things. They never die of old age... if you left a tortoise alone and kept like forever, right.

Black bears are 'pussies' that humans can beat in a fight

Black bears, actual pussies. I saw you. You were right on that video. You could beat the shit out of a black bear. You snuffed that out. I appreciate that. Black bears would run like pots and pans get rid of black bears. Black fight back. brown lay down lay down white say good night boom there it is that's how you handle bears.

Six people can fit in a whale's vagina

Wales, you can fit six people in a Wales [whale's] vagina. Sick.

The Houston Astros officially cursed the city of Houston

Do you think this has anything to do with the Houston Astros have now officially cursed the city of Houston? Because James Harden and now Deshaun Watson both want out of town... It all goes back to the Houston Astros and their cheating scandal.

Bats can predict the future using echolocation

Bats can actually see into the future because they predict where the inset... They've gotten so good at using echolocation, they can predict where an insect is going by processing the spatial information... So they can predict the future.

Sports could save millions of lives by providing a model for solving COVID-19

Sports might save millions of lives. And this is definitely not just me talking insane because I haven't had any sports on TV... Because if you can test, if you have a test case and a model for how to solve it amongst a given population, you can expand that out.

A grizzly bear would easily defeat a gorilla because of its massive weight advantage

I researched this very intensely and a gorilla can only get up to like 300 or 400 pounds. Whereas a grizzly bear can get up to 1,500 pounds depending on the subspecies... get the big grizzly bear... the Kodiak bear can get up to 2,000 pounds.

I want to buy a Wiffle ball league and become the Vince McMahon of Wiffle ball

I want to buy a wiffle ball leak and I watched probably three hours of this Wiffle ball league in Michigan... I want to be the Vince McMahon and Wiffle ball and and bring them all together and make a national Wiffle ball league because you know what? I actually think Wiffle ball could just be the new sport.

Weights are physically heavier in 'shitty' gyms with no air conditioning

He trained in the shittiest gyms. And I think that those weights are, in fact, heavier in shitty gyms. If you go to a place that's 100 degrees inside, that's got cobwebs and dust and shit everywhere, you're going to get a better pump than if you go to a Gold's Gym in Manhattan Beach.

Delaware is only known for tax shelters and Joe Biden's corpse

Delaware number one a number one Delaware. What is in Delaware? Those people are tax. They've got a heart attack... all that's in Delaware is I guess Joe Biden's corpse and those weird tax companies credit card companies.

Bears recycle their urine and feces into carbohydrates while they hibernate

They recycle their poop and pee while they hibernate... we don't poop and they turn it into more carbohydrates while they hibernate.

Developing a safe vaccine will take at least a year to a year and a half

Safety is paramount. . . We really are on a very very fast track to get a vaccine. But even on the fastest track, it's going to take a year to a year and a half.

The sports void will feel better once the usual March Madness window passes

I think it will get better after two weeks when we aren't in the March Madness Zone, but Thursday morning. I'm going to need you all to text me and check in check in with your friends, because that's going to be a tough one for me to wake up.

Antarctica is always freezing, regardless of whether it is 'summer' there

I was always taught that Antarctica was just always freezing. No one lives there. It's a continent that no one lives on because it's all ice... I've never probably my life got ratio so hard but people being like you fucking idiot like it's the summer in Antarctica... it's still cold, but it's colder than here.

Next summer will be even hotter than this year's record-breaking summer

It's the hottest summer ever. That's a fact. Again, it'll be even hotter next year. Next summer.

Get in shape before age 30 or you'll be stuck in that shape forever

Getting back, getting in good shape before 30, because once you hit 30, you're in that same shape forever. I'm like a fucking walking poster child that I haven't been able to get back in shape in five years.

The French Bulldog or the Toy Poodle are the favorites to win Westminster Best in Show

Tonight, if you're watching, look at the non-sporting group. There's two really big-time winning dogs right now. There's a really pretty French Bulldog... Racking up the dubs. And then in the toy group, there's a little toy, white toy poodle... watch it move. It flies around the ring like a big dog.

Learn how to dunk before you turn 30, because you won't be able to after

Learn how to dunk. Like, you're not going to be able to dunk when you're over 30. Because, I mean, if I had tried to dunk, I never tried to dunk under 30. So I don't even know if I could have dunked. I probably could have. Now it's too late.

Swallowing gum is completely normal and no different than eating candy

I'm trying to educate the world that it's not, you can swallow [gum]. It's the same thing as candy. It's the same thing as a Tootsie Roll. It's the same thing as a piece of licorice. Once the flavor goes away, you swallow it.

DNA is just the human body's way of cloning itself

It's [DNA] a human body's way of just cloning itself. [On genes being passed down]

Koalas mostly have chlamydia and can transmit it through their urine

You know that koalas have chlamydia? Most of them have chlamydia, and if they pee on you, they'll give you chlamydia.

Mormon soaking is a real practice where couples stay still to avoid technically having sex

The soak is you're not allowed to have sex before you get married... You are allowed to soak. What does that mean? You just put it in. Don't move. Just lay there. You soak it. Just put it in... with no friction.

Steam rooms have been proven to boost your natural human growth hormone

Steam rooms have been proven to boost your natural human growth hormone. It just helps your body repair itself. Anything that shocks your central nervous system causes your body to change.

Irish War Cry is the logical favorite to beat in the Belmont Stakes

If [Irish War Cry] runs his best race, he's a daylight winner. You can't say that about any of the other horses in the race. So even though he's the favorite, I think he's the horse to beat.

IPAs create man boobs

Fun fact, IPAs create man boobs, and that's why I'm going to get breast cancer someday.

Apple purposefully sabotages old iPhones to force consumers to upgrade

Once Apple starts coming out with the new phones, they make the old phones break by playing Beach Boys, doing all these kinds of things. It's brilliant, but it's total disregard for the consumers.

Wins are like eggs inside of a woman; once you use too many of them, they're gone

I always like to say that wins are like eggs inside of a woman. And once you use too many of them, they're gone and you can't get fertility treatments. Like push-ups, ovums, that type of thing.

I have become a whiz at the computer recently

I've become a wizard at the computer. I really have. I turn it on. I can shut it off. I did something because I'm up at five o'clock in the morning and I bet neither one of you would realize that I have Wi-Fi in this condo.