Takes

The internet is a 'hustler's paradise' for content creators

It's a hustler's paradise in the content world. And it really becomes like the forefront of your mind for everything. So it's like it never stops.

Geno Smith is claiming the earth is flat as a media hack to stay relevant

when I saw him tweeting out videos today about it, my first thought was he's launching some new brand awareness thing. And so it was a great way to get back in the national conversation. Right. Was tweeting about how the earth flies. That is a hack into the media. Just tweet something. It's too easy.

We can make millions of dollars using bait-and-switch YouTube videos

Why don't we do that? We could be making millions. We need to create the fake YouTube account and then be like, oh, my God, check out the biggest play from the Super Bowl. And then it's just us pitching Pardon My Take at draftjoshallen.com and Bitcoin to Jen... I think we could actually make a lot of money off the bait and switch on YouTube.

The 'Undisputed' hosts talk about LeBron vs. MJ every day because someone accidentally used permanent marker on their whiteboard

I think that someone in that building [Undisputed], there's probably a whiteboard with the show set up every day, and someone accidentally did it in permanent marker. So it's just on there every day... I think they literally just forgot to put it in dry erase. So every day they get in there and they're like, what do we have on the show topics? And it's LeBron MJ there.

Media outlets create fake millennial memes and trends like avocado proposals just to have something to write about

I think someone out there... they either work for New York Times or BuzzFeed is basically creating these fake millennial memes and look at this new trend just so they have something to write about.

Bill Walton's 'WatchESPN' comment was a result of him doing acid in a forest

When Bill Walton says, 'Watch ESPN, I can watch you,' it's because he did acid in the forest and pulled up his Watch ESPN to watch UCLA versus USC, and was like, 'The game's watching me.'

The Olympics starting events before the opening ceremony is total 'bullshit'

Why does curling start before everything else? They really need that much time to do curling? ... So they don't light the torch, but they play the Olympics. It's bullshit. So-called bullshit.

Olympic events starting before the Opening Ceremony should be moved to avoid the delay

I don't like the Olympic Games getting started before the opening ceremony. Just move the opening ceremonies a couple days earlier. I need a torch.

Adam Schefter covering the NBA has become a distraction

And this one is for our little pee boy... Adam Schefter, who was scooped on the Todd Haley news when he was on the Le Batard show talking about the NBA. Yeah, has the NBA become a distraction for Adam Schefter?

Tony Romo is a good announcer but he talks way too much

Let the fucking moments breathe. All he does is talk. He talks the entire broadcast... I hate how much some people think he's the perfect analyst... If he just let it breathe a little bit, he would be everything everyone says that he already is.

The NHL does a terrible job of marketing the league

I feel like the NHL just doesn't do a good job of marketing the league. It's so goofy. I don't understand it. You do stuff that really kind of confuses the casual fan. They haven't talked about [the All-Star Game] at all.

Stephen A. Smith has a point about his 'Screaming A. Smith' nickname being unfair

Stephen A. Smith says there's racial undertones to anyone who calls him Screamin' A. Smith. So he says there's a lot of people out there who scream. Why don't they get the Screamin' A. Smith nickname? ... I've done some thinking about this out loud, some verbal thoughts, and you're right. I will stop saying screaming.

Lacrosse is booming and the sales are up

My cool throne is lacrosse. Nike chairman Phil Knight, he was commenting on the Duke Florida game the other day, and he said, lacrosse is growing. So the sales are up. They're growing, not a show. Business is booming.

Mel Kiper would be the ultimate road trip partner because he never pulls over to use the bathroom

Mel Kiper on a road trip would be the ultimate road dog. Just pumpkin pie and not pissing. Never pulling over.

Trey Wingo is America's stepdad

Trey Wingo is America's stepdad. That's the part that he was born to play. ... Every day, Wingo should just sit down and be like, what's up, gang? Hey, chief. Hey, buddy. Hey, slugger. Hey, want to talk about puberty?

Crime reports should always include which sports team the criminal supports

Every time a crime's committed in America, every time there's a report about it in the news, they should just say what teams the people who committed the crimes liked. That'd be great. ... It just adds like a little bit of levity to every headline that you get. Like Steelers fan murdered his whole family. ... Classic Steelers. So funny.

Blogging is just as hard of a sport as playing professional football

I think blogging is just as hard of a sport as football. My brain is mush. There's going to be a class action lawsuit of all the bloggers in 30 years because we've all just been playing with a concussion for the last decade.

Facial expressions in impressions are a 'cheat' to make people believe the voice is better

The facial stuff is all a cheat. If you can do the mannerisms and the stuff with your face, it's a total cheat to get people to believe the voice is better than it is because people will start to see.

Twitter's move to 280 characters makes the platform the worst

My hot seat is Twitter, because they have officially made everyone have 280 characters, and it's the worst... I had 280 characters before anyone else, not to brag, but I said to both of you that it's the worst because I get tired even writing 280 characters, let alone reading it. So fuck Twitter for doing that.

Barstool would receive a substantial check in the mail if they threatened to sue Sam Ponder for interference with contractual relations

If someone, knowing that you are about to enter into some kind of a business relationship with a third party... attempts to have that contract stopped... That is the very definition of this case, of that tort. ... If somebody from Barstool or you guys wrote a short letter saying we're thinking of suing you for interference with contractual relations, I would guess that'd be a fairly substantial check in the mail within a week.

Skip Bayless and the 'First Take' crew are 'schmos' who sold out for $6 million paychecks

You would go on TV, you would get all caught up in the whole TV thing, and then you'd start becoming like First Take or something. You'd start becoming like Skip Bayless and everybody would think... Remember these guys? They used to be good guys. Now they're a schmo... And they get $6 million for doing that. And I just did this for free, me and you, and I'm way better than that.

I will be a great character witness for Big Cat and PFT to save the ESPN show

I think I would have been a great character witness. [I would tell John Skipper] Mr. Skipper, you know how salamanders mate for life? Well, these two guys, they're a perfect pair together.

The TV show should have remained titled Pardon My Take rather than changing it to Barstool Van Talk

I was against the name change. I thought [Pardon My Take] made sense from a branding standpoint from what we've built right here to bring our audience over to television. I thought it made all the sense in the world to keep the show's name as [Pardon My Take].

I stand by the totality of my work despite previous offensive comments used to cancel the show

I've said many things that I'm sure if you showed to me today, I'd be like, eh, probably not the best. But I think more than anything, more than like one tweet or one word you said, you should be judged by the totality of everything you've done. And I will stand by everything I've done at Barstool. I'll stand by the platform that it's given me. I'll stand by the audience that I've built.

Chris Berman was the greatest highlight broadcaster in history and the foundation of ESPN

[Chris] Berman was the best highlight guy at what he did when he did it. It was revolutionary, controversial, and the fact that he had the guts to do it and continue to do it. You can't build ESPN without him.

It is rarely beneficial for public figures to read their mentions on Twitter

I never knew where to listen to [the haters]. No, I couldn't care less. ... It's rarely good when you go on Twitter or you listen to those people.

Gambling Twitter is in the VIP section of the worst parts of Twitter

Gambling Twitter is in VIP of the worst Twitter. It's definitely... I don't know if they're in this Uber VIP up top where Jay-Z is... but they're in VIP. Twitter trolls are definitely in the VIP of the club of Twitter.

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling are the least electric duo to call an elimination game

Ernie Johnson and Ron Darling. Maybe the least electric duo to call an elimination game in sports. It sounded like they were just hanging out... It sounded like Ernie Johnson was on the phone with his wife in the other hand, and then he'd just pop into the mic and be like, that's a double.

I miss Joe Buck's 'big game' voice

I'm going to say it. I miss Joe Buck... Joe Buck has a big game voice. That's a fact. Yeah, he could say the exact same things that Ernie Johnson says, but there's something about Joe Buck. You hear that voice, and you know what? It's pageantry.

Barstool Van Talk on ESPN2 is the biggest opportunity we've ever had

We see this as probably the biggest opportunity we've ever had. And we know what's at stake for our entire company and for all the people that we work with and care about.

Rooting against Tony Romo in the broadcast booth is as fun as rooting against him on the field

Rooting against [Tony Romo] in the booth is actually becoming as fun as rooting against him on the field was. He's like, now this could be a screen here. In my head, I'm like, throw the fucking ball deep.

Tony Romo misses almost all of his in-game predictions

He gets a lot of predictions wrong. That's the one thing that they've said about Tony that he's really good at is making predictions, but they don't talk about how he misses almost all of them.

Tony Romo talks too much and doesn't let the game breathe

If you think Tony Romo is revolutionizing broadcasting and the greatest thing ever, you're just straight up not listening to him talk over Jim Nantz. ... I want to watch, let the game breathe. Tony Romo's like, he's down my fucking throat the whole game.

Twitter's 280-character limit will ruin threads and make the app unbearable

Twitter has announced that the app that everyone loves and can't make any money has announced they're going to make everyone read more. So 280 characters... I might not be able to be on Twitter anymore. That's so much reading. They just doubled their product. And they just ruined threads.

I am firmly anti-Tony Romo as a broadcaster because he provides too many spoilers

I'm fucking sick of everyone saying how great Tony Romo is... It's impressive that he calls plays, but I don't really want to know what's coming. It's a spoiler. He's literally doing in real time spoilers right in my face. And everyone's like, Tony Romo, such a breath of fresh air. I am firmly in the anti-Tony Romo until people just cool down a little about it.

The 'TV-ification' of Rex Ryan is ruining what makes him a great media personality

This is the TV-ification of Rex Ryan. I don't like it at all. I don't know if he was trying to impress Beth [Mowens] up there or what the deal was, but he wasn't angry, surly, aggressive Rex. I like my Ryan Brothers stories like tall tales... better than seeing them with a suit on trying to stumble their way through a telecast.

The architect of the condos Ryen Russillo was arrested at is on the hook for his arrest because they all look identical

I got a tweet that said, 'I have stayed at the same condos that Ryen got arrested at, and they all look exactly alike.' Good enough for me. So the architect is on the hook for this one, and the people who woke him up from his nap.

Anyone who isn't 'Team Russillo' is on the wrong side of history

This is a heavy one, but you don't want to be on the wrong side of history. So if you're not Team Russillo, you're going to be on – history will not look fondly upon you.

Consuming social media prevents people from having original thoughts

I actually think we're fucked. ... I talk about it personally... I'm going to go off of social media and I'm going to use this [Motorola] Razr for hopefully two months. That's my goal because I have not had an original thought in more than a year.

Sports team message board commenters often know more about their teams than the actual media

When I go on Around the Horn, who knows more about the team than the people commenting on the message boards? ... I actually do get all of my content from a message board to begin with.

Every reporter should Google themselves once a week

If you're a reporter, if you're a journalist, you have to be able to take the heat as well. Every reporter should Google themselves once a week, I would say. Got to make sure your name's out there. Read all the hate possible.

Darren Rovell being 39 proves that if you're a narc in life, everyone assumes you're 15 years older than you actually are

The story was Darren Rovell is actually 39. He's Benjamin Button. Which is fucking crazy. It just proves that if you're a narc in life, everyone will just assume you're 15 years older than you are.

The Challenge is the fifth best sport in America

If we're talking about non-mainstream sports, that's The Challenge. It's the fifth best sport in all of America.

Rickie Fowler is coming off desperate by liking all 164 of his girlfriend's Instagram posts

Ricky Fowler, who apparently has been liking... He's liked every single one of his girlfriend's Instagram posts. Yes, 164... He's coming off a little desperate. Maybe tone it down.

Jamie Horowitz should have worn a hat to hide his large forehead

Jamie Horowitz... Definitely should have been a hat guy. Should have went with a big hat. He's got a large forehead, and I'm not saying that's why he got fired, but it's the Tom Crean, right? It's like you can't give them an extra reason to fire you... if you have a big forehead that just looks stupid.

Blake Griffin is funny for a basketball player, but he's not a better podcast guest than me

I'll tell Blake to his face, you're funny for a basketball player, but you're not a better guest than me... I'll tell Blake to his face, you're funny for a basketball player, but you're not a better guest than me.

Wikipedia is the greatest website of all time

My number one is Wikipedia. The best website of all time. I don't think I even need to explain it. We have a Wikipedia club.

The 2003 Yahoo Fantasy Football page was perfection

Michelangelo never created anything close to the perfection. That was on the 2003 Yahoo Fantasy Football homepage.

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