Takes

Battlefield 6 is bringing realism back to first-person shooters

The Battlefield six beta has brought realism back into first person shooter games. They peaked with 520,000 concurrent players only on Steam. Battlefield six, none of [the skins]. We're riding tanks. We're blowing up buildings.

A streamer locked in a padded room playing Elden Ring will go insane before finishing the game

He has locked himself in a padded room... Doesn't know what time it is until he completes Elden Ring... It took him roughly seven hours and 165 attempts to defeat the first boss... I'm a little worried he's gonna go insane.

Within six months, humans will be unable to distinguish AI from reality

My Hot Seat is pretty much everybody on earth. We probably need to come together and realize that we can't tell anymore. No. There's like, and I thought this would be like a decade, 15, 20 years from now. It's, I think it's in the next six months where it's here, it's absolutely finished and there's no need in getting on the internet. 'Cause you have no clue what you're looking at.

The HBO show 'Hard Knocks' canceled its North Carolina season because fans were calling it 'Tar Knocks'

Do we think that the hit show 'Tar Knocks'—the naming of it—has maybe ended Hard Knocks at UNC?... Somebody from HBO listened to the show and was like, everyone's gonna be calling it Tar Knocks. We can't have this.

Scott Hanson and NFL Red Zone are on the Hot Seat for airing commercials on a 'commercial-free' broadcast

My Hot Seat is Scott Hanson and NFL Red Zone... Their entire tagline for years since the beginning of Red Zone... Get ready for seven hours of commercial-free football. And on Sunday they ran commercials. They were like 30 seconds of commercial... you just completely rug pulled them.

Bob Costas is horrible at broadcasting baseball and should stop

Bob Costas... He just sounded, he's broadcasting the Yankees-Royals series and he sounds horrible... He has all the money. He doesn't need to do it. I don't get why he chooses to do it.

Adam Schefter will become the Ultimate Insider covering both NFL and NBA

Adam Schefter could be a candidate to replace Woj... In this scenario, Schefter would cover both the NFL and NBA as what a source called the Ultimate Insider... there's nothing you can do when someone says, Hey, you wanna be the ultimate insider?

Stephen A. Smith officially won the Skip Bayless divorce

Stephen A. Smith has won the Skip Bayless-Stephen A. Smith divorce. It took a few years to get there... Skip is out at Fox Sports I believe at the end of the summer... he goes off, does his own podcast, gets 5 trillion views on it. Works for ESPN, seems to be having a good time.

The Marshawn Lynch and Gavin Newsom podcast marks the top of the podcast bubble

Marshawn Lynch, Gavin Newsom and Doug whatever, Doug... Having a podcast together is the very sign that the podcast bubble is about to burst.

Jalen Brown's necklace bio-streams caffeine and melatonin into the body digitally

It's caffeine and a necklace... use its patented technology to bio stream compounds like caffeine and melatonin digitally without you having to ingest them... happy tiny magnetic songs naturally stimulate bio receptors and cell to recreate the same sensations without side effects... 25 blends are available... simply choose the blend you'd like to play. And happy does the rest.

The Masters app is the greatest piece of technology ever invented

My cool Throne is the Masters app... I redownload the Master's app. Have to, it's a tradition unlike any other. And when you log into the, the first time, it just feels, it's such a great way to come down from the NCAA tournament being over... the greatest piece of technology ever invented. Yep. And you open it up and you're like, everything's going to be okay. 'Cause the Masters app's here and it's comforting and it's perfect.

Tom Brady should practice for the broadcasting booth with me

Tom Brady reportedly is starting to pursue a career in standup comedy... Tom, if you're watching this, you should be spending that time with me practicing in the booth. Let's make it happen.

Chat GPT is going to replace everything

There's this new program called Chat GPT. ... this thing can basically write blogs. ... this thing's gonna replace everything. ... I'm definitely gonna be using this because, yeah, it's just insane.

Jim Nantz's plan to retire from calling games but still do the trophy presentation is bullshit

I think this is kind of horse shit what he's doing. I think you have to either get out the Final four or all the way. Yeah. Or you're in it all the way. Yeah. You can't just say, I'm not gonna announce the game, but then kick it to me for the trophy presentation and that's kind of bullshit.

Dude Perfect's $100 million facility is the official tipping point of the American empire's decline

Dude Perfect is building a hundred million dude facility in somewhere in Texas... I think we're gonna look back on this in the history books... as signs of American decline. Why did this Empire Fall? No, it was [Dude Perfect] building a giant monument to themselves in central Texas to the tune of 150 million. That is the tipping point of our society as a whole.

Russell Wilson is identically copying Tom Brady's social media videos

Russell Wilson has just completely ripped off his [Brady's] post game videos like identical. And it was it. I mean, it's so Russ it's so Russ and for doing it for a 16, 9 win against the Texans was even better. Everything was, was exactly identical going from the, the intro, the different cuts, the type of filters, the music.

NFL Blitz without delayed hits is like porn without nipples

NFL blitz is back. There's they're selling it without delayed hits though. Which is stupid... It's basically selling porn with no nipples. I'm a big time like go woke, go broke guy. Yeah, no one's gonna buy NFL blitz minus late hits. That's the only reason.

Colin Cowherd knows exactly who PMT is and is doing a bit by pretending not to

He is now going on seven years of the running gag of pretending he doesn't know who we are... he described me as a standup comedian, big guy, big physical presence. And I like, at this point I respect Cowherd for doing this because he is so committed to it... for him to pretend he doesn't know what the number one sports podcast is. I actually tip my cap. Like it's funny.

One of the hosts must die before Pardon My Take splits up

I already said that one of us just has to die before we split up. So just remember that part. ... Bands split up, like things, you know, like this happens. Teams split up. I feel like we're just so new to podcasting that like the podcast split up haven't really... we've had Desus and Mero. One of us will die. Promise you that.

The Derek Jeter documentary will be boring because athletes produce their own content

Documentaries that are made by the people just suck... When you have you need to have a neutral third party director for these documentaries or as they're all like the same... Derek Jeter's going to do that thing where he's like you guys, I was famously private... now I'm going to, and it's just not going to be anything.

The new iMessage 'undo send' feature will empower gaslighters

The iMessage app in iOS 16 is getting a new undo send feature as well as the ability to edit chats. You've already sent in. Mark threads is unread. So rip to all the young people out there who are going to be getting gaslighted or say, like, I never said that.

EA Sports FIFA is dead because of the rebranding to EA Sports FC

EA Sports and FIFA are dead. 2023. It's been rebranded as EA Sports FC.

Elon Musk's involvement with Twitter will be good for trolls and memes

I think [Elon Musk] just going to make it easier for trolls online. I think he likes trolls. He likes memes. He likes trolls. I think this is good for us. Happy to see old Elon getting on board.

Bally Sports has the worst on-screen presentation

The only thing I can say is fuck Bally Sports. They have the worst by far [on-screen presentation].

Coach Prime is objectively better than Hard Knocks

Coach prime. It's like a Barstool version of hard knocks. Deion Sanders, Jackson state. It's out now. It's better than hard knocks objectively. No bias.

Olympic horses should receive medals instead of the human riders

Why are we giving the people who ride on the horses medals? Like, shouldn't these medals go to the horses? ... How come the horse doesn't get that medal?

Skip Bayless has an investigative team searching athletes' wives' Instagram followers

There's very clearly a person behind the scenes working for Skip Bayless that has Skip Bayless's brain and does all the things online. ... and he just feeds Skip Bayless crap all day, and it just ends up on TV. Like his little private investigator for him.

Robert Griffin III has found his future career as an analyst

So ESPN and Fox are in a bidding war for him as an analyst. Whoa. So it looks like he found his future career. ... The executives were, quote, blown away by his audition.

Aaron Rodgers is the perfect fit to host Jeopardy!

I do think that this is the perfect fit for Aaron Rodgers. I think it's everything that he loves. I watched Jeopardy a lot, and it features mustaches heavily, and it features the host who gets to know the answers to everything and feel smarter than everybody else, which is exactly in Aaron Rodgers' name.

The return of the EA Sports College Football game is a monumental and universally loved day

The best day I haven't seen the Internet universally love something more than this game returning. It is so fucking great. It is going to take like two or three years, which who cares? ... This was a monumental day. This is a great day.

The PLL and MLL merger is a monumental moment in lacrosse history

I think that this is actually probably like a huge moment in the lacrosse history. This is like when the NFL and AFL merged.

Twitter's decision to discontinue Periscope is a mistake

Hot Seat Periscope. It's been discontinued in March. The Twitter made the decision to, it's going to be Twitter live. So the memories that the Cat caves there. Twitter does that. They choose the wrong thing to do and do it more than any company that's ever existed.

Bill Walton's commentary only works at 11:00 PM; he is 'exposed' during daytime games

The problem is it's in the middle of the day. Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day. It's usually 11 o'clock at night... and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton. Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day... we've got to get him off of this daytime slot.

I will be addicted to Twitter Fleets within a month

We're actually really going to like fleets. I'm guaranteeing. Give me a month. I'll be addicted to fleets.

Stephen A. Smith refusing to mock the Cowboys is the meanest thing you can do to a fan

By saying this, this is the most he could ever make fun of... saying you're not even worthy to be made fun of, I feel so bad for you... I'm taking away the very last smidge of relevancy that you have is me making fun of you when you lose. This is the meanest thing that we could ever do to you.

Joe Buck did nothing wrong with his flyover comments

Recurring guest Joe Buck... our good friend... he's on the hot seat because some rat from the Fox Sports production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel... he didn't say anything wrong, right?

I will sweep PFT 4-0 in our Thursday game

4 o'clock on Thursday. You can see, probably going to be a 4-0 sweep, so make sure you sweep it early because it's going to be over early. ... 4-1 or better. [Or] I'll do a show with no shirt on.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future

My cool throne is lacrosse, sport of the future. Yep. Paul Rabel figured out betting, so they're doing an event in the summer. People are going to be able to bet on it.

Darren Rovell is legitimately losing his mind

Rovell is kind of a misunderstood but nice guy. I think he's losing it—like he is legit losing his mind. He's on a bender from non-alcoholic beer. This is what happens when you drink like 12 a day for a week straight.

Stephen A. Smith will be extra spicy because of his apple cider vinegar cleanse

Stephen A. Smith just announced that he's going on a seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse... He's going to be on a First Take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce... and he's going to have an empty belly. He's going to be sweating... a hungry dog runs faster.

Booger McFarland is the new Jason Witten for NFL fan criticism

Jason Witten is on my cool throne because the internet has finally come for Booger McFarland. I think Booger had that nice spot where he came in after Jason Witten, so it was like no one was paying attention for a little bit, and now people are starting to listen to what he says... he's getting roasted. The internet is coming for him.

The word 'Boomer' has jumped the shark

Boomer just the word Boomer has invaded like meme and American culture to a point where like I'm sick of it. It's kind of jumped the shark a little bit. But now it's at one of those things where it's like so mainstream it's like harambee after like two months where I was funny in the beginning.

Mike Leach will get involved in the political meme wars of 2020

He's [Mike Leach] just getting into the meme game. He's just getting into it and watch out world. He's going to as soon as he catches up... he definitely will be in the political meme wars of 2020.

Challenges and replay in sports are bad because they prevent fans from complaining about being screwed

I'm firmly in the stance that everyone who wants more replay and more challenges, what you're going to do is you're going to get a world where we can't complain about anything. And watching sports is half of it is winning. And the other half is saying why your team didn't lose. They got screwed.

NCAA Football is the greatest video game of all time

NCAA video game is back. Well, maybe back. NCAA formed a committee to bring back the NCAA football game. And this is the greatest news I think that has ever happened in my life. Because that game is the best game ever.

The word 'thick' is officially cancelled because Trey Wingo used it

My hot seat this week is thick. ... I'm actually canceling thick. Because Trey Wingo, he caught wind of it. ... the fact that Trey used a double C, it was like watching Darren Rovell kill 69 jokes in real time.

Our next breaking news scoop is 100% guaranteed to be correct

The next piece of news that we break, 100% guarantee that it's correct. 100%. We are not going to take any more risks. We're going to get back in the winning streak.

NASA is inventing stories about aliens to secure funding against Space Force

This goes back to my theory that NASA is just inventing cool shit to talk about so they can continue their funding because right now they're going up against Space Force. But I would assume that, like, this would be something that Space Force would really get a lot of money thrown into their coffers for. If you think that there's aliens that are actually checking us out.

Lacrosse is the sport of the future and will surpass baseball

My cool throne is lacrosse... My other hot seat could have been baseball because lacrosse is coming for that America's Pastime, sport of the future. Premier Lacrosse League was announced. TV deal... This sounds like a real dud. No, this is going to be great.

Jason Witten might be a robot

So are we sure Jason Witten is still alive? He is a robot, and I do not understand why they overthink these things so much and just not put Booger McFarland in the studio. You could actually hear Booger McFarland getting mad at Jason Witten.