Takes

The Hound is actually the Many-Faced God and will kill Arya Stark

I think the Hound is actually the many-faced god. He's gonna kill Arya and then rip his face off and be like haha got you bitch. Arya left him for dead and he did actually die and then they took his face.

Bran Stark can actually walk and is just faking it for the long play

What if Bran can actually walk and he's been faking it the whole time? He's been slow playing it. And he's actually secretly been doing like a shitload of squats in his room and everybody's gone. So he's actually jacked up from the waist down. And he comes and kicks everybody's ass.

Samwell Tarly will win the Iron Throne

I think Samwell Tarly is going to win the throne. They're going to do a 10-year show where it's like, hey, at the end of the day, nerds win.

I will fight Jose Canseco in Alex Rodriguez's honor

Jose Canseco's coming at [Alex Rodriguez]. I'm going to have to fight Jose Canseco... I will fight him. I will fight in [Alex Rodriguez's] honor.

I read Thailand and I thought China, or I said Chiland, and then I said Thailand

Heather, who would never kiss anyone in her life, kissed Colton on their one date in Thailand... I read Thailand and I thought China, or I said Chiland, and then I said Thailand.

Billy McFarland and 'The Situation' will launch fraudulent business ideas together while in prison

It turns out the prison that [Billy McFarland] is going to is the same prison that 'The Situation' is locked up in right now. So the schemes, those two are going to cook up together. They're going to come out of there with like 18 business ideas, 19 of which are fraud.

The Bachelor (Colton Underwood) is lying about being a virgin to get girls

I have credible information that The Bachelor is not really a virgin... He was using my idea of lying about being a virgin to get chicks and executing it masterfully. I did get a tip that included a Snapchat from this guy... with his dick in a [woman].

Colton Underwood will lose his virginity by episode 14 of The Bachelor.

I think he'll lose it by episode 14. You guys are misreading Colton. He's like Tebow. He's so dug in on his virginity... but eventually just going to fuck.

The moon is actually just the Las Vegas area desert

I think the landing actually happened, but I think it happened in... I think the moon is just the Las Vegas area desert. [I am] a little woke on that.

The Office will be rebooted within the next six months

I'm now just going to call my shot that within six months, [The Office] will be rebooted... Hank Guarantee. Yep. Six months.

The Office is definitely coming back for a revival

My Who's Back of the Week is The Office... Steve Carell hosted SNL. It was a great, hilarious SNL... they said it's not coming back. But it's definitely one of those things where they're just getting people used to talking about it so when it comes back, they're excited.

Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are going to break up

Haley Baldwin and... Biebs... Yeah, they're going to break up. Okay. That's the second.

Batman will definitely appear in the upcoming Joker movie

Batman will be in [the Joker movie] at some point. That's my solemn promise to you is Batman will be in there at some point.

I am the fashion icon who introduced the French Levi's shirt trend to America

I noticed, not to brag, I was over in France... everybody wears this Levi's shirt. It's like a really big fashion thing. And so it's going to come over to the U.S., and I'm calling my shot. I'm going to be the first one in the U.S. to start wearing it. So then when you see all these famous people wear it, be like, yo, PFT actually introduced that to the United States.

Social media influencers with over 100,000 followers should be legally immune

I think that if you get over 100,000 followers on social media, you should be above the law. You should be allowed to break any law. Laws don't apply to you if you're an influencer.

Drake is laying low following the Pusha T beef and will likely return with a response

[Drake] could use a friend right now. I wouldn't say he's dead. I would say he's probably laying low... I definitely feel in his defense that something was either made or another track was either made in the process and something is like—you've got to look at it as a business too. Is it even worth kind of replying back to Pusha T?

Drake will win his feud with Pusha T simply by releasing a song everyone likes more

I think Drake's just going to drop a song that everyone likes more than Pusha T's song, and everyone's going to be like, okay, Drake still wins.

John Cena broke off his engagement because of the PMT studio

He came into this studio. He saw what a chick looks like with four nipples. He saw the size and depth of my belly button. And boom, now his future wife's sex with his future wife is not as sweet. We clearly broke him up.

The Yodeling Walmart Boy will eventually be found to be problematic

The yodeling Walmart boy. At some point, he's going to be problematic, right? ... I've seen this story play out on the internet enough. Someone in his family has a Confederate flag Facebook profile, and everyone's going to turn on him and be like, man, this kid is problematic.

If your name is 'Big Baby' Davis, you shouldn't be allowed to be charged as an adult in court

Also, we'll have to ask our lawyer about this, but if your name is Big Baby, can you really be charged as an adult?

Get Out will win Best Picture at the Oscars

I'm going to go with Get Out. [for Best Picture winner]

Dunkirk will win Best Picture because the Oscars love movies about British history

I'll go with Dunkirk because I feel like the Oscars loves picking movies there no one talks [about]. God they love picking those. I'm going Dunkirk as well.

Russell Wilson has never actually had sex

I'm a Russell Wilson sex truther. I don't think that Russell Wilson's actually had sex. If he has, it's probably through a sheet. He's just not cool enough to have sex.

LeBron James forced the Dwyane Wade trade because he is obsessed with 'eating ass'

LeBron James is obsessed with getting his butthole eaten, and that's why he got Dwayne Wade out. [LeBron] wanted to get Dwayne Wade the fuck out of Cleveland because he knows Dwayne Wade's an alpha because he gets his butthole eaten and LeBron doesn't.

Becca M will get her own spinoff show from The Bachelor

Becca doesn't need Ari at all... I think I love Becca's coming, or at least she's going to wind up being The Bachelorette... She's the favorite right now, and I think she's going to wind up getting the spinoff show.

Jerry Richardson's heart transplant turned him evil

He actually has a built-in spin zone for himself because he got a heart transplant like five years ago. So it's the other guy's heart. It's not him. It turned him evil.

The LaVar Ball vs. Donald Trump feud will end at WrestleMania

LeVar Ball versus the President of the United States being like a real feud that's going to be going and having chapters and keep going and probably ending in – there's like at least a 10% chance this actually does end in WrestleMania.

If a singer sucks at an open mic in Texas, you're supposed to tackle them

I found out that it was at an open mic [the Josh Beckett incident]... I feel like at an open mic in Texas if the guy sucks you're kind of you're supposed to tackle him. Yeah that's true he just was like a deputized bouncer.

Bill Nye is a fraud who has been catfishing America for 30 years

He's a stand-up comedian that created this character that has no scientific background. Basically, Bill Nye has been catfishing America for the last 30 years. Right. So the fact that he says the sun is hot is further proof that it's cold. I would absolutely conclude that. But he's a proven liar. All he's done his entire adult life is lie to us.

OJ Simpson could redeem his public image by murdering Bill Cosby

If OJ wants to, if he really wants to be a success in America again, go kill Bill Cosby. So if OJ just straight up murdered Bill Cosby, I think you'd see a lot of people forgive him. Forgive and forget.

The band Toto is responsible for more deaths than Hitler because 'blessing the rains' caused African hurricanes

I was going to say they all form, or the Atlantic ones do, they form right off the west coast of Africa, and it's those assholes from that band Toto when they blessed the rains over there. They just turned all the rains in Africa into hurricanes. Toto the band is responsible for killing more people than Hitler.

Jeff Van Gundy is white-knighting for Khloe Kardashian because he has a thing for her

But what it sounded like, it sounded like Jeff has a little thing for Khloe... So he's white knighting, really. He's trying to fuck Khloe.

Tiger Woods' hair plugs are working

His hair did not look as bad as it has in the past... No, but it looks like the hair plugs might be working. Because Tiger Woods is a notorious guy who went balding pretty early.

Bragging about your dick on national television is a solid strategy to win The Bachelorette.

I don't hate that strategy [bragging about his dick]. Why send a boy to do a man's job when you can just brag about your dick yourself on national television and no way will you regret this decision?

Hillary Clinton killed Chris Cornell

[Chris Cornell] also just happened to be the guy that sang the theme song for the Benghazi movie. And he was very active in Benghazi awareness that implicated a woman named Hillary Clinton. And then he passes away under mysterious circumstances. I think Hillary Clinton killed Chris Cornell.

Avril Lavigne might have died in 2003 and been replaced by a body double because she hated the limelight

The idea of this thread was that Avril Lavigne in 2003... committed suicide. But because she was so famous at the time, her record company kept her alive by not saying that she died and then just using her body double as Avril Lavigne going forward.

The red bathing suit Instagram campaign is a viral ad for the Baywatch movie

The Baywatch movie is coming out in like a month... This is a viral ad for the Baywatch movie. This is easy. This is too easy.

Pat Riley is an immortal time traveler because he has shut out all human feelings

Here's how I know he's not dead is because you have to have feelings to be alive in the first place. And since he has just shut out all of his feelings, then he can't possibly ever be alive or dead. Therefore, he'll never die. Therefore, he is a time traveler.

Nick and Vanessa from The Bachelor are going to last

This is 2016 and this is how the millennials find love. I think they're going to last. I would like to see the Fantasy Suite get its own spinoff reality show.

Jimmy Kimmel intentionally planned the La La Land / Moonlight Oscar mistake

Even if Jimmy Kimmel didn't plan this, which I think he did, he should be blamed for it for all the shitty Jimmy Kimmel pranks he did in the past.

Hidden Figures is my lock for Best Picture at the Oscars

Hidden figures... That's what my money's on. Very professionally produced.

Hidden Figures is a secret prequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey and the Terminator franchise

So it's technically a prequel to 2001: A Space Odyssey. These three women, they invented Hal, the evil computer. And they invented Skynet. This is actually the pre-prequel to Terminator 1 and 2.

Actors should only be eligible for Oscars if they are from America

Not to be xenophobic, but I don't think you should be eligible to win an Oscar if you're not from America. I kind of agree. This is our thing. This is our show.

Neil deGrasse Tyson's only job is to tweet nerd shit

By the way, you know what Neil's job is? Just to tweet nerd shit. To just look at stars, right? His job is to stand inside a planetarium with a laser pointer.

Limp Bizkit is the most famous band from Jacksonville because they have more longevity than Lynyrd Skynyrd

We also were judging on longevity, and Limp Bizkit has Lynyrd Skynyrd beat by a long shot. Limp Bizkit did it for longer. That counts.

Ken Bone should immediately cash in and do a 'Prego porn' video

Ken is definitely going to get some propositions from a porn company to be like, hey... do you want to do some Prego porn? And you got to do it. Cash in. Just got to cash in.

The 2016 creepy clown sightings are a viral marketing stunt for the movie 'It'

What's behind all of this is that Stephen King's movie It is coming out in a couple months. They're doing a remake of it. That's it then.

Regis Philbin might be dead and his wife Joy is catfishing America by responding to his emails

Regis Philbin... Might be dead... [PFT Commenter] Oh, is Joy, is she catfishing America right now with Regis? Is she playing like a weekend at Bernie's?

Ellen DeGeneres will get pregnant this year

I would love to see Ellen DeGeneres get it done [get pregnant]. I think this might be the year she thinks she's sexy. And I would like to see a Skip Bayless Ellen DeGeneres kid.

Jaden Smith will have a kid by next year

I got Jaden Smith... The actor, Will Smith's son... He's like 18, 19... [Big Cat: He strikes me as a kid who would definitely be like, don't worry, I'll pull out.]