Takes

The name 'Six Female Chinese Boy Whisperers' instills fear in opponents

I love that. I love that people hear that name and they go running for the hills... A name that instills fear.

The Bad Bunny halftime show was so bad it ruined my interest in international football forever.

That halftime performance was so bad. I might have changed my stance on international football forever... It was horrible. I was watching it and I was like, this is, who is this for? This is America. This is a fucking Super Bowl.

Duke should have made the College Football Playoff this year

I was on that bus. How do you leave the ACC Champ out? [You lost four games?] Bro. Bro. But it's ACC Champ.

The New England Patriots are the worst-looking team to ever make the Super Bowl

Is this the worst a team has ever looked on their way to the Super Bowl? [PFT]: The question people are gonna be asking on other shows, not ours. Is this the worst thing to ever make the Super Bowl?

Exposing your 'boys' to sunlight increases testosterone.

Never tried it, but there is evidence that if you get sun on your boys, that your testosterone will go up.

Tyler Shuck is the best quarterback of the 2025 draft class

I'm an in on [Tyler] Shuck. Best quarterback of the class.

Ben Johnson was the real alpha and culture builder in Detroit, not Dan Campbell

Who is the alpha in Detroit? Was Ben Johnson or Dan Campbell? Ben Johnson can fucking run the football. Ben Johnson is jacked. Ben Johnson is a culture builder... the violence, the aggression, the way they, the offensive, like of violence that he, it imposes on other teams. Was that Dan Campbell or was that Ben Johnson?

Turkey is a 'peasant bird' and doesn't belong on the Thanksgiving table

I'm not fucking settling for peasant for the peasant bird. Thank you very much... Turkey is dog shit. You guys don't know how cook Turkey.

Jacoby Brissett is currently a better quarterback than Kyler Murray

He [Jacoby Brissett] has looked a lot better than Kyler Murray's looked this season. That's not—that's not a mistake. He's better right now.

The Blue Jays' World Series loss is the worst loss of all time

I think that might be the worst loss of all time for the Blue Jays... the slow burn of the loss where if you're a Falcons fan and you're looking at 28 to three... those happen all in one game. This was 10 days where it just, and you had 3-2 going back home. It's just insane.

Tua Tagovailoa has 'low eyes' which causes him to miss linebackers

I feel like this is why in the draft you measure quarterbacks up to the eyeballs. You don't measure 'em to the top of the head. Tua's got a lot of wasted space in the forehead. Makes him a little bit taller on paper than he really is. He's got low eyes.

Arch Manning looks like an unpolished freshman and is not ready for the SEC

I thought like the last few years sitting on the bench developing behind Quinn Ewers is like we were gonna see a much more polished player than what we have seen to this point. He just looks like a freshman even though he is now in his third year on campus. So I think that is very alarming.

Lane Kiffin's daughter's relationship with an LSU player is a 'coordinated attack' to get intel

He definitely knew. They've been dating for a while. He posted a picture of her... he's already talked to Weeks about what they're gonna run on defense.

St. Louis is a terrible city with shit sports teams and paste-like pizza

St. Louis isn't great. Sports teams shit. Pizza not good. I don't even think it's cheese. I think they use like, some sort of glue or paste. It's a whole, whole entire city of people sitting under an arch eating paste.

Brandon Aubrey could be a first or second-round draft pick if re-drafted

If he entered the NFL draft next year, if somehow he got reclassified back and he wasn't in the NFL and was eligible to be drafted, there would be a team that would take him in the second round. I'm saying he is so much better than any other kicker in the NFL.

Disney adults without kids should be sent to jail

I just think there should be two lines at Disney. One for people with kids and one for people without. And the people with kids get to go in the park and the people without get to go to jail, you have to go to jail. There should be a line right into a jail cell.

Travis Kelce is more name than game at this stage of his career

Kelsey, the football player isn't the same as he used to be. Let's be real... he's more name than game than he is been in the past.

Planet Earth could use an alien invasion to unite everyone.

I've said that about wars and aliens. I think Planet Earth could use a good alien invasion because we're sick of beating each other up. It would unite us. We're sick of hitting each other. We wanna take out [aliens].

Reading is dumb

I think that this book we're dumb and books are dumb reading's. Dumb.

Texas fans and Cowboys fans are the same: delusional losers

Texas fans and Cowboys fans are very similar. Delusional. They're the same people. Bunch of losers.

It is worse for Kevin Durant's legacy if he actually wins a championship with the Rockets

I think it's worse for his legacy if he wins [with the Rockets].

LeBron James is a scumbag for opting into a $52 million contract instead of taking a team-friendly deal

[LeBron] opted in for $52 million. He's a billionaire. He might even be a piece of shit... he does not need, he's not even good enough for 52 million a year. He could have signed for 30... they could use the 20 million to actually make their team better. But he doesn't care about that because he's a selfish piece of shit.

Madison Square Garden is the most overrated venue in sports

The garden is the most overrated venue in sports.

Nikola Jokic is the worst three-time MVP in the last 40 years

If he wins the next one, he'll be the worst three time MVP in the last 40 years. Right. Because it was like... those five were in that timeframe as Magic, Bird, Jordan, LeBron, and Jokic at that time. He's gonna rank fifth.

The Rock's massive cheat meals are stolen valor

His cheat days are bullshit. Where he is like, 'Oh me, I'm the Rock, I'm eating a hundred pancakes.' Like yeah dude, eat a hundred pancakes when you're already full and fat. That's hard work. If you're in really good shape and you eat a lot of food, that's not hard. It's stolen valor. I wanna see the Rock eat a cheat meal when he's already full.

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

Nice furniture does not belong outside

Nice furniture should not be outside... the maintenance is not worth the comfort. It's fucking outdoors.

NC State was right to fire Kevin Keatts because his Final Four run was a fluke

I saw NC State fired their coach off of a Final Four appearance. Everyone was like, how can you do this? Maybe because it was the fluke Final four. No, I mean it was an incredible run. No, nothing to take away from NC State. But if Virginia had fouled up three in the ACC tournament, he would've been fired last year.

Travis Hunter playing both ways is more impressive than Shohei Ohtani pitching and hitting

Travis Hunter at the combine said that him playing offense defense, it's harder than Shohei playing offense defense... Being a professional cornerback and a professional wide receiver at the same time playing in the same game... I think there's a better chance of another Shohei coming around than another Travis Hunter.

Indiana should immediately hire Chris Beard without interviewing anyone else

If I was the ad at Indiana, I would immediately not even interview anybody else and hire one of the premier coaches in all of college basketball. And that's Chris Beard from Ole Miss. I wouldn't even think about another person. He's perfect for that job. He's a tough, hard-nosed coach. He's a superstar top three coach in my estimation.

Aaron Glenn is the number one coaching candidate on the market

If we sign Aaron Glenn, we got the number one guy on the market... He was the number one coaching candidate on the market.

Jaden Daniels is the best quarterback in the NFC

I think Jayden is, God. Jayden is, he's the best. I think he's the best quarterback in the NFC. I think he's probably top five in the NFL.

The Bears broke the Packers in their recent matchup

The other two pressure teams I had, one was the Packers. That was simply because like there's word out that maybe the bears broke the Packers... I hope that's not the case. 'cause I want to have, I, I don't want to just be one of those teams that just beats their rival all the time.

The Giants should hire Steve Sarkisian and tank for Arch Manning

So if they do fire Daboll, what about this plan? [Steve] Sark[isian] and then you just wait for Arch. You do one season of tanking... Then you tank a little bit... You tank and then Draft Arch. Because if you're a Giants fan, that that should get your blood going a little bit. Right? Yeah. Like just picturing a Manning jersey.

Kurt Cignetti is a coward for his punt against Ohio State

Kurt Cignetti biggest coward pussy of all time. You can't talk shit... and then punt down 20 points, 20 plus points on midfield. Like what a pussy.

The 49ers would be making a mistake if they let Sam Darnold leave

You gotta be outta your mind to let Sam Darnold [leave], you're 12 and two man... That guy can run, run for First Downs. He's a horse. He's young. If you let Sam Darnold out of there, you're making a real mistake.

Ohio State vs. Michigan 2024 was the most devastating loss of all time

I actually think that might've been the worst loss of all time in the history of losses... There were 20 point favorites. Ohio State is a loaded, Michigan doesn't have an offense. They don't have a quarterback. Michigan had a dog shit season and they still went in and bullied him in Columbus.

I hate the three-point shot in basketball

I do love basketball. I was Bobby Knight's ball boy. I just don't like the three-point shot. I think it's too much. It's way too much three points.

Villanova head coach Kyle Neptune is a worse coach than Nick Sirianni

I will not say a bad word about Nick Sirianni for the rest of the year... You don't have to watch Kyle Neptune coach basketball. [He is worse than Sirianni] without question. They lose to everyone. He has more... seven [losses to teams above 100 on KenPom] to two for four times as many years.

Caleb Williams is better than Jayden Daniels going forward and will have the better career

I honestly think that we're all gonna become winners. And I'm gonna say it... He [Caleb Williams] is so much better than Jayden Daniels. I did not say Caleb Williams played so much better [this year]. I said he's so much better... I think Caleb Williams going forward is going to be the better quarterback. I'm talking about the future.

Jared Goff is playing like Joe Montana

I don't even think it's close. I did a thing with the Detroit Lions last week. I think Jared Goff is starting to look like Joe Montana to me. He plays with continuous movement. He completes almost every single pass. He's tough as hell. He has continuity in the same system... I got Goff way up there on my list.

Aaron Judge is not a true Yankee because he doesn't perform in October

I don't think he's a true Yankee, Big Cat, which is so funny to say because he's objectively one of the best hitters of his entire generation... but not a true Yankee because true Yankees, they get it done in October.

Jaden Daniels is the fourth best quarterback in the NFL

I think that Jaden Daniels is the [fourth] best quarterback in the NFL. It's around fifth... it's fourth.

Jayson Tatum has no aura

Boston is an amazing team, but they're just not fun. No. Tatum is not fun. He has no Aura. Tatum is like, once your mom starts being like, this isn't fair. It's like, shut the fuck up dude... No, you don't get greatness from a supportive mom. You need a bit of like, yeah, maybe he should be on the bench.

The worst NFL team would win gold in Olympic flag football with only one hour of practice

I think if you took the worst NFL team and then made them the flag football team, they would probably win the gold. An hour. They'd probably pick it up an hour.

LeBron James only brought Bronny into the NBA to bolster his GOAT case against Michael Jordan

Some people could argue that LeBron, when he realized that he wasn't going to win six titles and match MJ, he's like, 'what else can I try to get that will, they'll say in my GOAT conversation' and having Bronny—playing with Bronny—will be there. MJ's son never played in the league.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred hates baseball and is trying to mess it up

Rob Manfred. I just, I think he hates baseball. So he's just screwing it up while his tenure's still going. And he's gonna see how much he could fuck it up. So wait, what? What guy? Guy, they had a, they should have booted him years ago.

MLB should fire all analytic guys and get rid of the pitch clock

I would get rid of the clock. Okay. I get, I'd get every analytic guy outta there. All the nerds. Drop 'em off in the middle of the lake and let 'em swim in... they're the guys that are making all, all the, all the calls and everything... a computer doesn't tell you it doesn't have a heartbeat.

The Jordan Poole contract is the worst in sports history because it destroyed the Warriors' chemistry

I think you could make the argument that the Jordan Poole contract was the worst contract ever given out in all of sports. Not just because of the money given to Jordan Poole, but what it did to the rest of the team. Because that was like Klay watching that. Draymond watching that. It like screwed up the whole vibes of everything.

Duke and John Scheyer failed as a 'Brotherhood' by not stopping the Kyle Filipowski grooming

Duke, do something. I mean, it's, let's proud Duke. Why wouldn't you... they clearly didn't say it strong enough. They cared more about getting points and rebounds out of the guy than his own mental health wellbeing. The brotherhood means nothing. The brotherhood is essentially the brotherhood until you get groomed as a high schooler and then gets snatched up and then have your girlfriend excommunicate your family.