Takes

The NBA regular season is currently the worst product in sports

Can I say about the NBA... I think that the NBA has never been worse in terms of regular season. It's an absolute joke. Friday, every single team was playing like a tanking team was playing a playoff team and none of the games were close. The regular season NBA is like the worst product. It just sucks.

Illinois is being massively disrespected — the UConn-Illinois game is just as much a de facto national championship game as Arizona-Michigan

I wanna push back on something that's the narrative that's going around right now that the national championship is the late game on Saturday night. I think that's so disrespectful to UConn and Illinois — two teams that absolutely can win this whole thing.

The Cowboys 'monitoring' every situation is just a facade for doing nothing

Thoughts and prayers to the Dallas Cowboys who are now leading the NFL in number of guys that they're monitoring... they've been monitoring every situation. So they were monitoring the Crosby situation extremely closely. And they're very disappointed that they did not get Maxx Crosby, despite the fact that they're monitoring.

The Jets fleeced the Titans in the T'Vondre Sweat for Jermaine Johnson trade

I think the Jets fleece the Titans. I think it's a win-win, win-win win plus for the Jets. I'll say win plus... So they traded for [T'Vondre] Sweat. He has two years left on his contract. Jermaine Johnson only had one year left on his contract.

Jacob Bridgeman's wife is wrong; he is a better golfer than he is a person

Jacob Bridgeman... there was a clip on PGA tour posted from his wife that said he is a better person than he is a golfer. Not true. Not true, dude. You just won a PGA Tour tournament... You're a top 50 golfer alive right now. You're not top 50 human beings. Sorry buddy.

Mayweather and Pacquiao fighting at the Sphere is the coolest possible sporting event

Mayweather and Pacquiao were fighting again. Mayweather's 49, Pacquiao is 47. Why? This sucks. [PFT says it's at the Sphere]. Sphere? Oh fuck. I'm in. I'm so in. I'm so fucking in. That's awesome. The first sporting event. Sick.

The Chargers' defense will shut down Drake May and surprise the Patriots in the wild card round.

I think the defense is gonna shut Drake May down. I think we're gonna surprise some people this weekend. That's f***ing bolt up.

Eating Ben's Chili Bowl at Reagan Airport before a flight should be banned for safety reasons

Eating that before you get onto a flight... that should, it should be box cutters and Ben's Chili Bowl. The two things that you can't bring on a flight.

Kirk Cousins would get another $200 million contract if he only played the Buccaneers

Kirk Cousins might have another a hundred million dollars, $200 million contract if he could just play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers because in the last three starts against [them], he has thrown for 1,158 yards, 11 touchdowns, and one interception.

The Patriots have an inflated record due to an easy schedule

Patriots look, they look cool. Patriots might have an inflated record due to their current schedule this season... I'm hearing around the league that your schedule might not have been the hardest.

Drake Maye's early success is inflated due to an easy schedule

Drake May's wins might be a little inflated. Do their easy schedule this year. Whoa... Hottest take, I guess hottest take about this game would be... definitely a may win.

Louisville is the most dangerous team in America on Friday nights

Louisville on Friday nights is they're the most dangerous team in America and they have been for years. If you you don't know about Louisville Friday nights... They play different there. So I'm not riding Miami off just yet or anybody that loses to Louisville on a Friday night this year.

Max is never going to complete or edit the 'Dingers Only' video

Max is never gonna do the dingers only band. Never. It's fucking crazy... He's never gonna edit it... Awls should be pissed.

The new 'Hawkeye' tracking technology in the NFL is just AI slop that doesn't solve anything.

The Hawkeye, they're putting tennis in our football. They mixed tennis in with football. And what they did was, on the first down, they showed the AI slop 3D cam that they hit a button and then they put a graphic on the screen and then the yellow line appears on the screen. The yellow line. That's, that's not new technology. The ball is still spotted by the refs. So it doesn't really have anything to do with anything.

If an NBA team wants to win a championship, they must sign me

If you want to win, you must sign Boban in the team. ... Winner. We even wait, we, we even go there. But we don't believe in that story too. It was like we just, we just, we just, we just throw the story there. And believe they'll bite.

A no-hitter with 19 strikeouts and one hit batter should be considered a 'perfect game'

I actually think that if you throw 19 strikeouts and you hit one guy and throw a no-hitter, that is the perfect game. [Big Cat]: I think they had a error as well. [PFT]: Unbelievable. For 19 strikeouts. Awesome.

Number 22 is the worst number a wide receiver can choose and makes them look slow

I picked number 22 for a wide receiver. Yuck. That's tough. So bad. That is so bad. That's maybe the worst you could pick for a wide receiver. They gotta put the numbers back to old school... 22 is terrible. 28 real bad. 29 bad.

Amen Thompson is a 'freak amongst freaks' and will soon be a household name

I feel like the basketball public is going to figure out who Amen Thompson is over the next two, three weeks. This guy is an absolute freak amongst freaks. Like all the great athletes that you see in the NBA, he's like the great athlete's great athlete.

I am significantly better than Hank at 16-inch softball

I am definitely so much better than Hank at 16-inch softball... I guarantee you. I can slap singles. I'm faster than Hank.

Aaron Rodgers is 41 years old and completely washed

He's 40, 41. That's old as fuck. Too old, right? Hank? Yeah. 40 is washed. Whoa. Washed. Aaron Rodgers is 41 years old.

Jim Harbaugh is the perfect ambassador to convince 'football guys' to embrace analytics because he treats math as an objective truth.

Analytics because our friend Jim Harbaugh said on analytics, math tells the truth. Yeah. If Jim Harbaugh's big on analytics, like you can't, he's our shining beacon when it comes to football guy who also adopts analytics.

Aaron Rodgers visiting the Steelers during the NCAA Tournament proves he only cares about himself

He spent six hours of NCAA Tournament Friday meeting with the other coaches on the Pittsburgh Steelers. That's a selfish move. That of all days tells me Aaron Rodgers only cares about himself.

Fouling when up three points at the end of a game should be banned

I think we should ban fouling up three. I don't know how they could do it... I like the idea of maybe if you foul up three, they get three shots. There's nothing worse than in a game where a team is up three and it just becomes a foul fest.

There is nothing more satisfying than killing NPCs that you cannot normally kill over the internet

And nothing more satisfying than getting to kill people that we can't normally kill over the internet. Yes. Suck my dick, Poopy Stinks.

The NFC Championship is a must-win game for the Commanders; they aren't guaranteed to be back next year

Everybody's saying that the commanders, you know, this is the start. They'll expect to be back. I disagree with that. This is you, when you're in the NFC championship game, you have to need to win. I'm declaring it's a must win game.

NFL defenses have officially figured out Patrick Mahomes

What we're seeing Patrick Mahomes do this season, this might be the NFL figuring out Patrick Mahomes. Yeah. Because when he had Tyreek Hill and he was putting up all those crazy stats and numbers, that was before Defenses adjusted... and they won 15 games.

The duck that appeared on the field during the Buccaneers game is a good luck charm that could lead them to a Super Bowl win

Get that duck. If you wanna win a Super Bowl, don't eat the duck. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, get the duck. Put it in a, put it in a mascot, you know, bin. I don't even know. Cage. Have it on the sideline. That duck is vibes that could win you a Super Bowl.

If the Browns keep starting Dorian Thompson-Robinson, you should keep betting against them because he is not an NFL quarterback

If they keep making DTR play NFL games, just keep betting against him. I don't know. It's, it's just, it's just an ATM. He's not an NFL quarterback.

Scott Hanson and NFL Red Zone are on the Hot Seat for airing commercials on a 'commercial-free' broadcast

My Hot Seat is Scott Hanson and NFL Red Zone... Their entire tagline for years since the beginning of Red Zone... Get ready for seven hours of commercial-free football. And on Sunday they ran commercials. They were like 30 seconds of commercial... you just completely rug pulled them.

Duke basketball is back

Duke's back... They beat Arizona State by 50 in a scrimmage... They might be back. God damnit they might be back.

Betting against Patrick Mahomes as an underdog is a move for morons.

I am the idiot who bet against Patrick Mahomes is an underdog now. No, actually I was gonna make an excuse for myself... but there is no excuse. I'm just a moron and I should, I should just stop gambling... If you try to outsmart Patrick Mahomes as an underdog, you're just a moron.

Joe Burrow must change his hair color and get rid of the frosted tips because you cannot lose games with that look.

The only fix I have for the Bengals is Joe Burrow has to change his hair color. You can't be 0-3 with those, with that hair... get rid of the frosted tips Joe... you gotta cut your hair... you can't lose with Frosted Tips.

The Giants-Commanders Week 2 loser is officially the worst team in the division

This is a true 'ass' bowl where the team who loses this game, if, especially if they lose it significantly, they're truly ass... A loss for [the Commanders] is different than a loss to the Giants. A loss for you, you still have Jayden Daniels... a loss for the Giants, you're like, we thought we'd be bad, but we're worse.

Nebraska is officially back

Nebraska's back. That should be said. Nebraska is back. That was an electric, electric place in Lincoln on Saturday night. It was so much fun watching that game.

Joe Burrow must cut his bleached hair if the Bengals start 0-2

If they start owing two have to have to go back to the natural hair color. Cut the hair. Have to. You just can't have that as an o You can't be an o and two quarterback with the bleach blonde tips. You can't, yeah. You can't do really anything that makes you stand out if you're not good.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially back

The U is back. Cam Ward is electric. He was electric last year. He he's awesome in the U. Yeah. It does feel like they're another team where a week one win on the road in the SEC, they now are in the driver's seat.

The Chiefs are guaranteed to win the Super Bowl now that they have cut Kadarius Toney.

Kadarius Toney has been cut. Oh no. Yeah. So the Chiefs just became Super Bowl champs. This is also very bad news for anybody that's playing against the Chiefs because Kadarius Toney was one of your better players if you were playing against the Chiefs last year. Just by him no longer being on the Chiefs, what was his WAR? It was probably like minus two last year.

The PMT crew would beat any other podcast in a swimming relay

I think as a podcast though, we could beat pretty much any other podcast in a swimming relay. We showed some impressive skills [at Barstool Summer Camp].

Alex Rodriguez likely has his fingerprints all over the J-Lo and Ben Affleck divorce

J-Lo and Ben Affleck had broken up... divorce. If I know A-Rod, he's not gonna call first. This says A-Rod's soft fingerprints all over it.

Patrick Mahomes is so good at football that he is throwing behind-the-back passes out of boredom

I said that it should have been taunting running that play because Patrick Mahomes is now bored of football. He's so good at football that he he can't play like a normal quarterback because it's too easy for him. So he just ups the difficulty level. Now he's throwing behind the back passes.

The Yankees should extend Aaron Boone to show the clubhouse they believe in him

I think that you have to give Aaron Boone an extension and show that you believe in him. And then the rest of the clubhouse is gonna truly believe in him too. Then you'll be fine.

The secret to surviving a bear attack while hiking is simply being faster than your wife

my wife Jen and I going hike and she's like, 'well I saw on Instagram they get bears out there now.' And I'm like, 'babe, I don't have to be faster than the bear. I just have to be faster than you.' It's not that hard to understand.

Caleb Williams has too much aura

You can't say that Caleb Williams doesn't have aura. He has so much. If anything, he's got too much aura.

Patrick Mahomes is not the biggest threat on the celebrity golf circuit

I don't think Patrick Mahomes is the biggest threat on the golf course. Oh, okay. On the football field obviously is the biggest, but golf course I think a little different... I know he does have like a real golf hole in his backyard... I just don't see him winning it.

Kyrie Irving has gotten too mature and needs to 'get weird' to break his slump

Somebody needs to like snap Kyrie [Irving] out of this. 'Cause we've been talking, we've been glazing Kyrie a lot, these playoffs talking about how mature he is gotten... Has Kyrie gotten too mature? Yeah. Is a question we should be asking. I want to hear like the Kyrie hatred for Boston.

Michael Penix Jr. probably had an AARP card in his backpack during his scouting meetings.

An a a RP card. That's what Michael Penix had without a [doubt].

Devin Booker is a worse player when he wears a headband

I also have a vibe stat for this game. And it has nothing—it's based on absolutely nothing... I don't think Devin Booker's good when he wears a headband. I just don't know why. I think maybe his head is too constricted. He wears a tight headband.

Drafting Jaden Daniels despite his "fucked up elbow" is the new Moneyball.

The new Moneyball is drafting a quarterback with a fucked up elbow that looks like a modern art sculpture... [Jaden Daniels] has bursitis because he practices so hard. Yeah, that's a guy I wanted on my team. Fact.

I am officially over no-hitters

I'm so over no hitters. Remember when no hitters used to be like you, they'd even go to bonus coverage... I became over no hitters at right at opening Day 2023.

NFL owners should pay for their own stadiums without public tax money

I think billionaires should pay for their own fucking stadiums. Agreed. That's a spicy take. I know. Bleep that out. Please.