Takes

The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl because they eliminated the 49ers

Seven of the last eight teams to eliminate the 49ers have gone on to win the Super Bowl. That's kind of crazy. ... The Seahawks are primed to win the Super Bowl 'cause they have eliminated the 49ers.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL on third-and-six since entering the league.

Drake May is the worst quarterback in the NFL on third and sixth. And it's not close. Since he got into the league... minimum of 10 attempts at third and sixth... He's 36th in the NFL. He is five for 18. 27% [completion percentage].

Matt Stafford is unreliable when protecting a lead in the second half.

Matt Stafford, when he has a lead at halftime, his record against the spread in the second half. The second half spread 35% of the time, he covers only 35%. Pretty bad.

Pardon My Take's video content will be exclusive to Netflix starting in January 2026

Major news. ... in 2026, January, we don't have the exact date, but we have come to a deal with Netflix. So, Pardon My Take is going to be on Netflix. ... the podcast video will be exclusively on Netflix. ... literally nothing is changing [for listeners].

Joe Burrow has started eight games in the last year and is 8-0 as a starter

In the last 12 months, Joe Burrow has started... He is eight and oh as a starter in the last calendar year. Since this date, December 2nd, the last 367 days.

Sam Darnold is 10-0 straight up in his career as a favorite of six points or more

Sam Darnold has been a favorite of six points or more 10 times as a starter in the NFL. He's 10 and oh straight up, eight and two against the spread in those games.

The current Seahawks defense is playing better than the Legion of Boom did in any seven-game stretch

The Seahawks defense in terms of... a seven-game stretch, they have actually played better in a seven-game stretch this year than the best seven-game stretch of the Legion of Boom.

Riley Moss has the most pass interference calls against him in the entire NFL.

Do you know who has the most pass interference calls against them in the entire NFL... defensively against them? ... Riley Moss is number one by far. He's got, I believe, seven. Next closest guy has four.

Lane Kiffin won't take the Giants job because it's too cold in New York

Lane Kiffin has officially taken his hat out of the running to be the Giants next head coach 'cause of coldness. [Kiffin] said not interested, too cold up there.

Jordan Love is on a trajectory to be an all-time great based on his first 40 starts

Jordan Love is one of three NFL quarterbacks to post in his first 40 career starts, 70 plus passing touchdowns, 25 or fewer interceptions. The other two quarterbacks are Patrick Mahomes and Lamar Jackson. Although he is really good and it's bad, I think there's a chance he plays well into his forties.

Mike McDaniel's record against winning teams (3-15) proves the Dolphins are frauds who can't beat good opponents

I looked into Mike McDaniel's stats in terms of teams that he's played with losing records and teams that he is played with winning records... his record against winning teams [is] three and 15. And against teams with losing records... he is 26 and 13. So much, much better against bad teams than good teams.

The Eagles are not currently trading AJ Brown

Right now, I will tell you 'cause it just was something that I was part of the last few hours. They they are not trading [AJ Brown].

Jalen Hurts is a winner who doesn't care about anything but the final result

Jalen Hurts in games that he has started and finished. He's 18 and oh in his last 18 games that he started and finished... The, the Eagles. And he doesn't give a fuck about how they just keep winning.

A Bengal tiger would kill a Jaguar in a fight every single time

I just looked at AI and a Bengal would kill a Jaguar like a hundred out of a hundred times. A Jaguar does have one of like the the fiercest bites in the animal kingdom. The problem is the Bengal outweighs the Jaguar by like 200 pounds.

Patrick Mahomes is basically lights out in the Divisional Round

He plays in this divisional round and he's basically just, he's, I mean he's undefeated. He lights out. That's just what happens. He is six and oh. He has 1,813 total yards, 16 touchdowns... zero interceptions.

Jalen Hurts will be officially out of concussion protocol by Friday morning

By the time that you listen [Friday morning], Jalen Hurts will be out of concussion protocol... he is. They just haven't reported it yet. He doesn't have symptoms. He's good to go.

The 2018 NFL Draft was one of the most insane classes ever for quarterbacks

2018 draft was insane. It's the year for everyone in the 2018. Baker Mayfield went one, Saquon Barkley two, Sam Darnold three. So 1, 2, 3 pretty much had career years. Eight out of the ten first picks in the 2018 draft have been to at least one Pro Bowl. Pretty good.

Any quarterback who loses their first Super Bowl appearance never returns to the big game

The curse of Jim Kelly is a curse that just hit the internet... essentially it's any quarterback that goes to a Super Bowl and loses their first one never goes back to the Super Bowl. Jalen Hurts did that... Stan Humphreys, Neil O'Donnell, drew Bledsoe... Joe Burrow. Jalen Hurts. Brock Purdy.

The Vikings have a historically great rush defense, the third-best of all time

The Vikings have the best rush defense in the NFL. They're letting up 74.4 yards per game. That's the third best of all time. You know what the other two teams are? The 1994 Vikings and the 2007 Vikings. They have an outstanding rush defense.

The 49ers' offense is the second best in the NFL even without Christian McCaffrey

The 49ers are getting better on offense. So their offense without Christian McCaffrey for most of the season, they are plus 1.4 net yards per play, which is the second best offense in the NFL.

The Chargers' defense is legitimately elite

The Chargers are the fourth team in the last 40 years to hold opponents under 21 points in their first nine games of the season. Only been done four times. Defense is legit. Legit.

Mike Tomlin as a road underdog after a bye week is one of the most dangerous spots in the NFL.

Mike Tomlin underdog on the road off a bye where the Steelers are 13 and 4 after the bye under Tomlin. I don't feel comfortable about this game [as a Commanders fan] and I'm very uncomfortable about TJ Watt because he does bad things to good quarterbacks.

Aaron Rodgers is currently top five in every major passing statistical category

Aaron Rodgers still top five in everything right now... touchdowns top five... yards top five... [I must have looked at it before they updated it].

Birds stand facing into the wind because they like 'adversity'

Did you know that? You can tell which way the wind is blowing by how birds are standing. Birds always stand facing into the wind. Oh, they like the adversity. They don't wanna get blown away too. Because if they, if the wind kind of gusts, then they just take off and fly away.

No NFL team has ever completed the 'bird gauntlet' of beating every bird team in a single season

The bird gauntlet is playing against all of the bird teams. And no NFL team has ever beaten the bird gauntlet. It's never happened. ... No team has ever beaten every bird team in a single season in the history of the NFL.

Jameis Winston is the greatest quarterback in Buccaneers history

Jameis Winston holds all the records for the Bucs. He holds the yards record, the touchdowns record, the completions record. He's the greatest quarterback in Bucs history.

Tua Tagovailoa is the betting favorite for MVP, but it's only been two games

Tua is now the betting favorite to win MVP... It's two games. I'm just stating facts. Yeah. He is now the betting favorite to win MVP.

The Patriots' lighthouse is not a 'real' lighthouse because it's not visible from a federal body of water

It's not a lighthouse if it's not visible from a federal body of water... It's a fucked up stupid lighthouse. They call it a non-traditional lighthouse. A.k.a. not a lighthouse.

Tom Brady has won the Super Bowl every other year since 2013

Tom Brady's won the Super Bowl every other year since 2013. [2014, 2016, 2018, 2020].

Eliminated teams playing teams that need to win in the final weeks are a 63% ATS betting lock

The eliminated teams playing teams that need to win over the final two weeks of this season are 63% against the spread since 1990. So essentially any team that needs to win and you're playing a dead dog team, it just always, it, it, it usually works out that the dead dog team's a little livelier than people realize.

There is a bizarre communication disconnect between Lamar Jackson and the Ravens front office

There's something weird going on with Lamar and the Ravens and how they communicate like his health to each other. I get the feeling like the Ravens disconnect aren't always happy with how Lamar chooses to like sit out specific practices.

The Giants are the worst team in the NFL if games were only three quarters long

The Giants are the worst team in the league... the worst team in the league if football games were three quarters long. I think they'd be undefeated [Ravens] and the Giants would be two, seven and two in the first three quarters.

Teams that play the Panthers lose their following game

Do you know that teams that play the Panthers the next week, they're 0-7. Every team that's played the Panthers the following week, they lose their next game... You either you get beaten up by them and you're still sore going to the next game or they're just so bad that you think that this is what NFL football is like.

Teddy Bridgewater is the best quarterback in NFL history at covering spreads

The dolphins minus three and a half... Teddy Bridgewater, the best quarterback in the history of the NFL at covering spreads. Spread Bridgewater. I saw some people call him Teddy covers. No, it's Spread Bridgewater. He is 42-20-0 against the spread that hits at a .677 clip. That's number one by far.

The NFL and Nickelodeon rigged the Week 3 MVP award against Trevor Lawrence

Lamar Jackson had a great week. They put the vote out. Trevor Lawrence had 90% of the vote. Nickelodeon deleted the tweet and then just gave the award to Lamar Jackson. It's a scandal. It's a scandal going on. That's all I'm saying is stop the steal.

The Ravens purple jerseys are a brighter shade this season

I have noticed one thing about the Ravens, I think, and I don't think this is just me being weird about it. Their jerseys are brighter this year. Their purple jerseys. I think it's actually a completely different purple.

Betting the under on NFL prime-time games is a proven winning strategy

My under I'm gonna do the Broncos Niners under 44 and a half. Tommy gave us a stat. It was something like the last 45 prime time games, it's 30 and 15 to the under. And I was like, oh, that's why I lose all my money. So I'm done. I'm gonna try to ride the wave now.

Patrick Ricard could literally run through a brick wall

I did the math with [Patrick Ricard's] 40 time and his weight and size. He could run through a brick wall. He is literally the Kool-Aid Man... he could still generate enough force to go through a brick wall.

Josh Allen is the quarterback who gets bailed out least by the referees in the entire league

Number one quarterback in the entire league [for coverage penalties bailing them out]... It's Aaron Rodgers by a long shot. Last place in the entire league... Josh Allen. It's Josh Allen gets fucked more than any other quarterback in the NFL.

The smart bet this season is on teams that failed to cover the previous week when playing against teams that did cover

Betting this year, it's smart to bet on teams that didn't cover the previous week when they're playing against teams that did cover the previous week. In 2021, those teams are 39-14-1... I like the Cowboys, minus 9.5.

The NFL covered up Aaron Rodgers ignoring COVID protocols for ratings

I'm pretty sure that the NFL, according to their own rules, should have suspended Aaron Rodgers. Should have fined him. And they're covering up the fact that he just ignored all the protocols because he's Aaron Rodgers and the rules don't apply to him. And they're like, 'You know what? We could have Aaron Rodgers sit out for multiple weeks, but I really like ratings.'

The NFL will let Patrick Mahomes play in the AFC Championship regardless of his concussion status

I forgot that Roger Goodell was in charge of the NFL. Yeah. You thought for a second that we actually cared about player safety. Roger Goodell probably would delay the game by week... just to make Patrick Mahomes play... their star player is going to play and they'll find any way to spin it that it wasn't a concussion.

The Bears have a 90% chance to make the playoffs if they win out

If the Bears have a 20% chance to get to the playoffs right now, if they win this game against the Vikings, they have a 43% chance. If they win the following week against the Jags, it's now 53% chance. If they win against the Packers, 90% chance. So if they win out, they have a 90% chance to go to the playoffs.

The Falcons always manage to beat the Saints once every season

I actually think the Falcons are going to win this game. The Falcons always beat the Saints once. They always just do it.

A parlay strategy involving five underdogs has a 50% likelihood of profit

I plugged in 32 outcomes, and then once each outcome happens, you see how much money you stand on winning in that moment... this actually has a 50% likelihood of being positive.

Joe Burrow is the Spread God of the NFL season.

Joe Burrow this year the Bengals are not going to be good, but I'm actually no I'm yeah, I know Joe Burrow is four and zero against spread. So Joe Burrow is our Spread god of the season so far.

Bears in zoos do not hibernate because they have constant access to food and warmth

Animals in zoos do not hibernate. Bears in zoos don't hibernate if they have plenty of food and water and warmth. They don't hibernate. Hibernation is only in a state of cold.

Bears recycle their urine and feces into carbohydrates while they hibernate

They recycle their poop and pee while they hibernate... we don't poop and they turn it into more carbohydrates while they hibernate.

I am a better kicker than the kickers at Alabama

Alabama could do a lot worse. Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Saban would have another chip if he had you as a kicker. That's a fact.

Kirk Cousins cannot win games in California

Cousins can't play on the Left Coast though. He is something like 0-8 in California.