Takes

The 2022 College Football Playoff field will be Alabama, Ohio State, Georgia, and Clemson

I was talking to people the other day and they were like, what, who do you think is going to be like the top four going into the pre-season next year? I was just off the top of my head, Ohio State, Alabama, Clemson... Georgia, Georgia, they've gotten a lot of transfers and they've gotten some talent.

The Clemson team apparel for the Cheez-It Bowl looks like an orange prison jumpsuit

My hot seat is Dabo Swinney. For a promo in the Cheez-It Bowl, they're posing in front of the trophy... and the Clemson team apparel just looks like a prison jumpsuit. It's just an orange prison jumpsuit.

College schools will soon use server farms to mine crypto for recruits

Schools are allowed to provide as many education-related expenses as they want to players. ... You could, in theory, provide an athlete with an entire dorm room filled with servers for them to mine cryptocurrency in that dorm room. ... LSU could be like, hey, we're going to build a new dorm called the Arch Manning Dormitory. ... you can just generate money for yourself while you're here.

NFL teams should start tanking for Arch Manning right now

Teams should start tanking right now for Arch Manning. You need to have your shit together. You need to just be absolutely dog shit in the NFL for the next three years.

Alabama and Georgia use local banks to launder money to pay players

There's leaked audio of him [Rush Propst] basically snitching and saying exactly how much Georgia and Alabama are paying players. That Nick Saban's money guy is Bear Bryant Jr., who owns a bank in Alabama. And so whenever he needs money, he goes through Bear and that's how they like launder and like get the money to pay the players.

UConn is the real 2020 National Champion for opting out of the season

My Hot Seat is Alabama and Ohio State. They're playing in the national championship on Monday, but they aren't the national champions... the University of Connecticut, because they were the first football subdivision team to squarely face the coronavirus and decided against playing a single snap during a raging pandemic, should be our 2020-21 national champ. They are the real champions.

The 'COVID issues' at Ohio State are just a cover for Justin Fields' bruised ribs

Stay woke: they have COVID issues [at Ohio State]. Does it happen to be somewhere around Justin Fields' ribs? ... An extra week would help those bruised ribs. So I would say in terms of a punctured lung, calling it a rib issue... I feel like it would help.

The Big Ten made a mistake by deciding to play the 2020 football season

I'm down to just shift and be like, you know, the Big Ten was a bad idea. I'm down to just shift and be like, 'The Big Ten was a bad idea.' I have no idea what's the right amount of days [to quarantine].

Big Ten football will likely never happen in 2020 despite the constant schedule delays

I'm just going to get my hopes up again. I don't know whatever... knowing it probably won't, but my dog brain takes over. I'm like, yeah. No October we're good.

Big Ten football is officially back

My cool throne is Big Ten football because Big Ten football is back. Totally. It's officially back Surya sir. Yacht who is her? Yacht. He doesn't have a random dude on Twitter who last I got tagged me one of his tweets and he was like sort my sources are telling me that the Big Ten football season like schools are very upset Big 10 football season still is back on.

Division III colleges canceling their football seasons is a precursor to Division I canceling theirs

a bunch of D3 colleges is to cancel their seasons including mine... I feel like that's a precursor to division one.

Dabo Swinney is purposefully making sure all his players catch COVID-19 so they have antibodies for the season

I'm hearing rumors that Dabo is purposely making sure all his players catch covid so they have the antibodies for the season.

Chuba Hubbard's protest marks a major power shift where college players finally realized their leverage

When [Chuba] came out and said that I'm not going to play... that to me was a major major shift in power in college football. Because he said that his team was lined up behind him. And if enough players were to say something like that... they have a shitload of power.

Texas A&M will win a national championship before the University of Texas

If I had to do gun to my head right now, I would definitely say Texas A&M is going to win a national title before Texas. [They] got the road. Jimbo [Fisher]. I would say neither, but if I had to go in the next hundred years, I would just pick the team that's playing the SEC.

College football will not happen in 2020

College football's not happening. I don't think it is until the spring. How can you make kids who are not getting paid go and play if there's a pandemic?

Mike Gundy needs a filter because he says exactly what many college coaches are thinking out loud

Mike Gundy definitely needs a filter to run these things through because there's nothing that he said that was a lie about how a lot of major college coaches think. He just said the quiet part really really loudly.

Urban Meyer would go to Michigan State just to beat Michigan 'from the other angle'

How bad would it be if Urban Meyer went there [Michigan State]? Oh, that'd be so fun and beat the fuck out of Michigan from the other angle. Yes, you know the thought has occurred to him in the last six hours.

College football broadcasts make every coach look like they are going bald, except Ed Orgeron

Whatever camera angles and Camera filters or whatever they use to focus on coaches on the sidelines. They can take a coach that is probably not losing their hair and make it look like that coach is balding. Every coach looks balding on college football broadcasts. Coach Orgeron, his hair overpowered that.

Nick Saban appearing on the championship telecast while LSU won was a weird move

I don't think I would do it soon as LSU is there I think I'm like, you know what I'm gonna sit this one out... why don't I mean to have your arrival win in you're doing the I don't know. I don't think I would do it. So Saban became a meme I think for a minute.

College bowl games are boring and pointless

Good riddance. Bowls are boring. What's the point?

Paul Bunyan's Axe is the best rivalry trophy in college football

I do think, and I'm obviously biased, but I do think Paul Bunyan's axe is up there... It's fucking awesome. It's enormous. It's just a great trophy to have... grab it and you get to hold it up and it's fucking cool. Fake, fake chop down the goalposts, the whole thing.

DeColdest Crawford is the coolest name in the history of college football

The LSU Tigers signed a wide receiver named DeColdest Crawford. Yes. So DeColdest is making his way to Baton Rouge probably the coolest name. If not in the history of college football definitely in the history of Louisiana state.

NCAA athletes being allowed to profit off their likeness means the EA Sports NCAA football game will return

Athletes are allowed now to profit off their name and likeness. Yep. DeColdest is going to make so much money profiting off DeColdest. Does that mean we get the EA Sports back? I think we do right that we get the best the conclusion everyone jump to and I'm going to say yes until proven otherwise.

The addition of Hawaii games streaming on Facebook is the greatest thing for degenerate gamblers

Mountain West announced today that Hawaii football games are going to stream live on Facebook. Thank fucking God. So all you degenerate gamblers... I like that. And so what time are those games? They're usually like midnight? I love that. It's the game that you bet when you've had a terrible Saturday and you're like, let me just try to get one win before Sunday.

The SEC officiating Twitter account is just a shield to prevent fans from attacking the referees' personal accounts

This actually could be brilliant, though. If we're talking about SEC fan bases, I feel like they're the most likely to find the official's private personal accounts and go after them so this is just like hey no attack us right it's a shield.

Dabo Swinney should be referred to as 'Osama bin Dabo'

Dabo Swinney said that when he's going on recruiting visits through Alabama, he's got to like duck cover, go in underground tunnels... He said that he is Osama bin Dabo when he's traveling throughout Alabama. So that's a pretty solid quote from Dabo Swinney... Osama bin Dabo is now officially what we're going to call Dabo Swinney from now.

Urban Meyer will do media for a year then return to coaching at USC or Notre Dame

Urban Meyer's health... seems like he's healthy... This is perfect, though, because it's just the Urban Meyer playbook. He's going to do media for a year and then be like, I hate this so much because it means that he has to talk and smile, two things he's not capable of doing, and then he's going to go back and coach... boom, USC next head coach or Notre Dame.

I am rooting for Washington State to get into the College Football Playoff

I now am rooting for Washington State to get into the playoff just to piss off... Mike Leach... is going to make [Saban or Harbaugh] so angry because they're all serious.

Les Miles will be the next head coach of the Kansas Jayhawks

As first reported on Pardon My Take, stolen from message boards online. Les Miles will be the next head coach of the Kansas Jayhawks.

Kansas football should run the triple option because they will always suck otherwise

Kansas should just start running the triple option. Why not? Like, you suck. You're always going to suck unless you bring back Mark Mangino. You suck, so just run the triple option and just fuck everyone up. No one wants to play against the triple option.

Nebraska will upset Ohio State

Nebraska's been really bad this week. They're fixing for a big upset. If they lost this game, Urban Meyer's out. I think they're going to lose. I think he's out.

Ohio State fans should have learned not to hold rallies before the facts are out from the Penn State / Joe Paterno situation

I feel like we should have learned our lesson with the Joe Paterno rallies. Maybe wait until we figure everything out before you do like an entire impromptu rally at the stadium being like Free Urban Meyer. I can't really wrap my head around these people because I would assume these are the same people that if you bash Urban Meyer on Twitter, they will reply with, wait till all the facts come out. But then they also held an entire rally with none of the facts out.

Texas football is officially back because they have 60 players who can vertical jump over 30 inches.

Texas football. This could also be filed under Texas football being back. Because they are back. Tom Herman said they have 60 players that can vertical jump over 30 inches.

I'm starting to get 'football fever' and daydream about the college season

I was sitting on the couch, and I started thinking about Saturday morning and the camera going over college game day... I'm starting to daydream about football a little. I like close my eyes and I think about Illinois playing Purdue at 11 o'clock and Beth Mowins being like, 'there's another punt.'

I am nervous that Scott Frost is building a powerhouse at Nebraska

I'm very nervous about Nebraska... We're going to walk into Nebraska and Scott Frost is going to build an 11-win team. And I'm going to be very, very upset about it.

Nebraska is back because Scott Frost is hospitalizing players with Rabdo

Nebraska is back. Nebraska is back in a very, very big way. Scott Frost just implemented his conditioning program at Nebraska. And he got two players were hospitalized... with Rabdo, which means they're building up some muscles out there. That's a culture change.

Jim Harbaugh is not on the hot seat despite criticism from Amani Toomer.

I am not putting [Harbaugh] on the hot seat, but Amani Toomer put him on the hot seat... Amani, you kind of lose everything here by thinking Paris Hilton's a supermodel. [Harbaugh] is not on the hot seat. You're on the hot seat, Amani Toomer, for your lackluster analysis.

Jeff Fisher is the perfect candidate for the UCLA coaching job

I am so excited for Jeff Fisher to possibly be in our life. Not only is it... It would be so perfect for him to be in the Pac-12 because we would get that 10:30 kickoff time. College football is perfect for Jeff Fisher because if you go 6-6, you go to a bowl game. He rolls out of bed bowl eligible. That would be amazing.

The LSU Athletic Director should be on the hot seat instead of Coach O

My hot seat, a lot of people are calling for Coach O to be on the hot seat. Nope. But read an article by Tom Fornelli... The athletic director is the one that should be squarely on the hot seat.

Baylor coach Matt Rhule will be fired by the end of the season and replaced by Lane Kiffin

At the end of the season, this guy [Matt Rhule] gets fired... It's Lane Kiffin's destiny to take over the Baylor program.

Confirmed: Mike Gundy has shaved his mullet

I've heard the same rumor as you [Hank]... Mike Gundy does not have a mullet anymore. But this is a major Samson and Delilah case here. If he loses his mullet, he loses power.

Alabama football would be terrible if it had higher SAT requirements

Josh Rosen... said that if you raise the SAT score requirement to get into Alabama, they'd have a shitty football team. So he's calling the entire state of Alabama dumb, basically... why would anybody want to go to school in Alabama if they had to be smart to go there?

Mike Gundy's mullet should be considered an NCAA recruiting violation

I actually threw out the idea that [Mike Gundy's] mullet might now become a recruiting violation because who wouldn't want to play for him?

Ohio State's program lacks class compared to Michigan

My hot seat is Ohio State. I'm sorry. The Ohio State University. We went to Michigan today. We met with Jim Harbaugh. It was great... All class exuding from the campus on Ann Arbor, unlike those guys down in Columbus. I'm just saying. They could – You still can rectify it. We're going to Columbus today. I don't want to be too mean to the guys in Columbus, but I'm just saying you guys are behind right now.

Chip Kelly will try to steal someone's job as a behind-the-scenes villain at Alabama

If there's somebody who's able to undermine and sneak around and steal somebody's job, it's definitely Chip. Chip is a behind-the-scenes Shakespearean villain. He's going to be doing everything that he can to make sure he gets that job.

Alabama could win 10 games with my dick as offensive coordinator

At the very least, Chip's going to win 10 games at Alabama because Alabama could win 10 games with my dick at offensive coordinator.

The South only has Florida basketball and Bubba Watson once college football season ends

Basically the South has Florida basketball and Bubba Watson. [College football] is the South's real time to shine.

A college football coach shouldn't be fired if there's a 'rat' in the building selling plays

So if you missed the story, literally the radio guy for Wake Forest has been selling playbooks and insider information to all of Wake Forest's opponents for the last three years. I didn't know anyone needed help to beat Wake Forest... You can't fire a coach if there's been a rat in the building, right?

The next Texas head coach is already on the hot seat

My hot seat, the next Texas coach. Just throw him on the hot seat right away. Because guess what? Texas winning culture. Haven't won in a while.

Butch Jones is on the hot seat at Tennessee

My Hot Seat's Butch Jones. South Carolina took the big L to them. He's had a rough season. They had some national championship hopes. They've lost a lot of games, so I think he's on the hot seat.