Takes

Phish Food is the best Ben & Jerry's flavor

I would die on this hill: Fish Food. It's got the marshmallow. And you know what I like? The crunch element is the chocolate-covered caramel fish.

Since pickles are green, a Dilly Dog is basically a salad

No, I like it [Dilly Dog]. You can put anything in a pickle. And guess what? Since pickles are green, it's basically a salad. If you wrap anything in green, boom. Healthy.

Zing Zang is the superior Bloody Mary mix compared to handmade versions

I've discovered that the best mix by far for Bloody Mary is Zing Zang mix. There are a lot of places that tout their Bloody Marys as being handmade, and I always say, no, I'm not going to deal with that. I want Zing Zang.

A restaurant cannot charge more than $12 for an entree if there are pictures on the menu

Is a restaurant classier if it has pictures on the menu? No. ... The minute they put a picture on the menu, they can't go past like $12 per [entree].

Ordering a steak 'medium rare plus' is a legitimate and common request

When I go to a steak place, I order medium rare plus. Is that real? ... It's basically asking for medium rare, true medium rare. Because I also always find that really nice steakhouses always undercook it just a little bit.

Skyline Chili is terrible and only worth eating for the laughs

If I never stepped foot into Skyline Chili again, that would be fantastic. But then whenever we're in the Ohio area, PFT's like, it would be funny if we went to a Skyline. ... [We] sit there silently trying one bite and being like, nope, still terrible.

Pizza Hut deserves more recognition now that they are the official NFL sponsor

My cool throne is Pizza Hut. We didn't really talk about this on the show last week, but Pizza Hut is now the official sponsor of the NFL. And that's huge because Pizza Hut's delicious, and I'm just happy that they're getting the recognition they deserve.

Chili is not a soup

Is chowder a soup? Is chili a soup? Chili's not a soup. Chili is a chili. You eat it with a spoon, it's soupy. No, but you don't call clam chowder soup. Just trust me. Chili's not a soup. If I say that chili's a soup, do you know how many chili fans there are on the internet? They're the fucking worst.

There should be a 'Paperboy' style app where food trucks throw pre-made burgers out the window to drunk people

So my drunk idea is... You guys remember that video game Paperboy?... it's a slow creeping car that just drives up and down busy like bar streets... you hit the button and you order like a burger. They just roll down the window and toss it. They have pre-made burgers, pre-made hot dogs, pre-made pizzas, and they just throw it out the window.

High-end restaurants are doing it wrong by not having pictures of the food on the menu

What would you guys say is the one thing that tells you a restaurant is classy?... It is pictures on the menu, so you know what the food looks like. So I went to a really classy dinner last Friday, and they didn't have pictures on the menu... they need to have a picture option. So it's like a Denny's or an IHOP, but you're eating at a Michelin-rated restaurant.

Yolked: A gym that serves gourmet egg breakfast sandwiches

All in my notes, it just said, Yolked, and it's a gym and egg sandwich breakfast combo... Y-O-L-K-E-D... you can get yolked and then you get an egg sandwich.

Pringles and frozen yogurt bars are elite munchies

I'm going to go Pringles... I'm going to go with... frozen yogurt. That whole like when you go to the frozen yogurt bar and you get everything. It's just the stuff you put on top of it. My picks are candy, Pringles, and water.

Dry, crisp cookies are better than soft, soggy cookies

I'd rather dry with a crisp than soft, like a wet, soft, soggy cookie in my mouth.

Eggnog is disgusting and anyone who says otherwise is lying

My sit-em is eggnog. If you like eggnog, you're a fucking Muppet. That shit is disgusting and anyone that says otherwise lies.

Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world

I'm going stuffing. I fucking love stuffing. Stuffing is the greatest thing in the world. Why don't we eat stuffing every day? Make the turkey out of the stuffing. It's so good.

Pizza Hut is a better pizza chain than Papa John's

Papa John's or Pizza Hut, what's better? Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut buffet is actually the answer. Fun fact.

Coleslaw is both a salad and a liquid that keeps you hydrated

Coleslaw is the rare food that is both a salad and a liquid at the same time. So if you eat enough coleslaw, you stay hydrated.

Bobby Valentine invented the wrap sandwich

He says he did. 100%. That was at Bobby V Sports 1977, 1978. 100% he came up with that thing... Bobby V 1000% invented the wrap.

Asparagus is poison and green vegetables are generally bad for you

Asparagus is poison. Green vegetables are poison... It's the worst vegetable. Like asparagus is disgusting. And then you eat it and your body's like, yo, dude, just a reminder what you just ate. That was really disgusting. Here's some disgusting piss.

Freezing Reese's Peanut Butter Cups is the best way to eat them

Reese's, put them in the freezer, kids. That's the next level stuff. Everyone knows that.

The Tim Hortons Buffalo Wing Sauce Latte will make you shit yourself

There's a big problem with combining greasy, spicy food with something that naturally speeds up your bowels like a latte. So those two together are going to have some synergy where you're going to have to drink it on the toilet.

Whataburger's actual burgers are trash

Whataburger is trash... Whenever you talk about a burger joint, you're talking about the burger. You can't say you've got to try Whataburger, but the chicken's really good. I know this great rib joint, but you've got to try the salmon.

Andy Reid ordering three steaks at once is a total alpha move

Jeffrey Lurie said the first time he went out to dinner with Andy Reid, Andy Reid ordered three steaks at once. Such an alpha move. King's Stay Kings. That is an alpha move. Three steaks, one for every quarter that Andy coaches.

A solo hungover Chinese food order must be at least $75

If you order Chinese food by yourself, by the way, when you're hungover and you are under $75, you're doing it wrong. Because what you need to do when you're hungover and you're ordering Chinese food is you order every single thing that you might just want a little taste of.

Ice cream is the most efficient way to cool your core down during a hangover

I'm going to go with just ice cream because it's so easy. You don't have to worry about chewing it... it cools your core down when you get that hangover where you're dehydrated and you have that lava core. You're sitting on your couch sweating, but if you have the ice cream, it cools you down more efficiently than anything else could.

Mixed drinks and iced coffees are significantly worse if they don't have a straw

I love straws, and I don't care who knows it. When I drink a mixed drink, if I don't have a straw, it sucks. It's so lame... And I drink iced coffee year-round... and I always need [a straw].

Pumpkin Spice is officially back because stores are already displaying it in August.

My first who's back of the week is Pumpkin Spice. ... Walking to a grocery store, walking to any type of store, you will see ... It's just who's back of the week. And who's back of the week is pumpkin spice.

IPAs are estrogenic and make you grow breasts

It is a proven fact that IPAs are estrogenic and make you grow tits.

Oatmeal raisin is the number one cookie of all time

Number one of all cookies ever is oatmeal raisin cookies. I love the texture of oatmeal and cookies. I think it adds something to the texture that I like.

Oatmeal raisin is a trash-ass cookie

Because that's a trash-ass cookie. That's a trash ass cookie. Oatmeal raisin is not a Mount Rushmore cookies cookie.

Honey Nut Cheerios are the greatest cereal of all time

I've got a great value pick at number two: Honey Nut Cheerios. I think they're the goat. I'm just gonna say that... you forget the bee puts his honey in there for you.

Froot Loops are the superior cereal to Apple Jacks because Apple Jacks taste like pink snot

Apple Jacks and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, you can't eat like many, many bowls... they taste like pink snot. It's gross. Fruit Loops are superior Apple Jacks that look exactly the same.

Apple Jacks milk is the best leftover cereal milk on the list

Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Apple Jacks are both not only good cereals, but the milk in the cereal bowl after the cereal's gone is better than any other cereal on the list.

Zing Zang is the only acceptable Bloody Mary mix

The things I hate the most about bars, number one, when they make their own Bloody Mary mix instead of using Zing Zang. Because Zing Zang... It's the perfected Bloody Mary mix. There's no topping it. It's perfect all around.

If a bar offers wings on the menu, they are obligated to provide wet naps

No wet naps when you have wings on the menu. That's another big one. Need that.

Chick-fil-A would sell 16% more chicken if they opened on Sundays

I've actually got a foolproof idea for how you guys can sell at least 16% more chicken. ... Open your [restaurants] on Sundays. That's the only day of the week that I want to eat Chick-fil-A is when I'm hungover on Sunday and it's always closed.

Skyline Chili Is Thicker Than Chris Sabo's Rec Specs

Skyline thicker than Chris Sabo's rec specs.

I do not like Skyline Chili

I do not like Skyline. Thankfully, we staved off PFT... so if you can just find me crackers and hold everything else that Skyline offers, I'd be a big Skyline fan.

Skyline Chili's cheese is actually good

I'll say this about Skyline Chili... I like the cheese. The cheese is good.

Kansas City has the best barbecue in the country

Kansas City, best barbecue in the country? I think so.

Buffalo Wild Wings is making a comeback with larger wings

Their wings got bad there for a little while. They're coming back, though. The wings are good. They got bigger wings.

AJ McCarron's sushi restaurant will be a huge hit in Tuscaloosa

AJ McCarron's getting into the game... He's opening a sushi restaurant in Tuscaloosa, Alabama... It's called Agent Sushi... I'm sure it will be a big hit in Tuscaloosa. It seems like a big sushi crowd.

The Pimento Cheese sandwich at Augusta is overrated

I'm on record as saying it's not my thing. I tried it because it's like, hey, when in Rome, but when I... I'm a consistency person, and if I don't like the consistency then I'm just not going to be able to get with it, and pimento and cheese just doesn't work for me.

Pimento cheese sandwiches at the Masters are probably overrated

I know what a pimento cheese sandwich is, but I'm guessing that it's not as unbelievable as everyone's making it off to be.

The waiter at Legal Seafood knew they were out of rice pilaf and intentionally gave me regular rice without saying anything.

I ordered the rice pilaf, and [the waiter] knew they didn't have it. And instead of telling me that, he just gave me the other... Regular rice. And the thing I was mad at myself is why didn't I say anything? I was mentioning it to my wife five days in a row.

Sheetz is definitively better than Wawa

I do think Sheetz is better than Wawa. That's the Homer in me.

Skyline Chili is greatness in your mouth and I could eat it every day.

Skyline Chili, yes or no? Yes. Big time. ... I disagree with you 100%. ... I could eat it every day. I'm a big Coney guy. ... It's greatness in your mouth. I mean, that cheese and everything. Like, come on, man. You can't tell me that you don't enjoy biting into a cheese coney.

Waffle House is garbage

I think Waffle House is garbage. It's just people go there when they're drunk, and they're like, man, Waffle House is really good.

I love Applebee's way more than Chili's

I love Applebee's. Way more than Chili's. ... I'm just so stuck on Applebee's for some reason.

Mixing caramel and cheese popcorn is the correct way to eat it

Oh, I like to eat them both [caramel and cheese popcorn]. Then lick my hand, then put my hand back in.