Takes

Battlefield 6 is bringing realism back to first-person shooters

The Battlefield six beta has brought realism back into first person shooter games. They peaked with 520,000 concurrent players only on Steam. Battlefield six, none of [the skins]. We're riding tanks. We're blowing up buildings.

Bob Costas is horrible at broadcasting baseball and should stop

Bob Costas... He just sounded, he's broadcasting the Yankees-Royals series and he sounds horrible... He has all the money. He doesn't need to do it. I don't get why he chooses to do it.

The Masters app is the greatest piece of technology ever invented

My cool Throne is the Masters app... I redownload the Master's app. Have to, it's a tradition unlike any other. And when you log into the, the first time, it just feels, it's such a great way to come down from the NCAA tournament being over... the greatest piece of technology ever invented. Yep. And you open it up and you're like, everything's going to be okay. 'Cause the Masters app's here and it's comforting and it's perfect.

AI will never be able to replace podcasting because it isn't capable of being consistently wrong or stupid enough to replicate human banter

I feel very secure in my job. I don't think that we would ever be able to be taken over by AI. How would they get things wrong all the time? Like don't, don't computers get things right? Can you imagine an AI having a debate about whether or not [something is] a bad take?

Madden releases have shifted from celebrations to complaining days because of the internet

It's also just a perfect example of life with the internet where Madden release used to be a celebration day. You stick around long enough and it just becomes a complaining day.

Kevin Harlan is approaching GOAT status as a broadcaster

Kevin Harlan is, he is, he's, he's getting into like, I mean he's almost goat status. Like every game that you hear him call it feels like a big game. He's got a big voice.

It is insulting that the USBC makes Pete Weber apply for an exemption to play in the US Open of bowling

It's actually, it's, it's insulting that they would make Pete Weber apply to be in the US open to bowling every year. ... If next year I fill out the application for Pete, would he be eligible to be entered? Because we feel like maybe he's being left out for some type of axe to grind.

Jim Nantz retiring from calling the Final Four but keeping the trophy presentation is 'horse shit'

I love Jim Nantz but I think this is kind of horse shit what he's doing. I think you have to either get out the Final four or all the way. Yeah. Or you're in it all the way. Yeah. You can't just say, I'm not gonna announce the game, but then kick it to me for the trophy presentation.

Dude Perfect's $100 million facility is the official tipping point of the American empire's decline

Dude Perfect is building a hundred million dude facility in somewhere in Texas... I think we're gonna look back on this in the history books... as signs of American decline. Why did this Empire Fall? No, it was [Dude Perfect] building a giant monument to themselves in central Texas to the tune of 150 million. That is the tipping point of our society as a whole.

The new iMessage 'undo send' feature will empower gaslighters

The iMessage app in iOS 16 is getting a new undo send feature as well as the ability to edit chats. You've already sent in. Mark threads is unread. So rip to all the young people out there who are going to be getting gaslighted or say, like, I never said that.

Stephen A. Smith's entire life is a subtweet to Skip Bayless because he misses him so much

He [Stephen A. Smith] really truly has an audience of one for all the celebration and that skip Bayless. He is sending his, he's not, sub-tweeting skip Bayless. He's sub living everything at skip Bayless. His entire life is a subtweet to skip Bayless because he misses him so much.

Half of sports media doesn't watch games; they just tweet about the Manningcast

I also don't know what the sports media is going to tweet about now that the Manningcast is not [on]... Half of sports media doesn't even watch the game. They just tweet about the Manningcast.

Bally Sports has the worst on-screen presentation

The only thing I can say is fuck Bally Sports. They have the worst by far [on-screen presentation].

Coach Prime is objectively better than Hard Knocks

Coach prime. It's like a Barstool version of hard knocks. Deion Sanders, Jackson state. It's out now. It's better than hard knocks objectively. No bias.

Olympic horses should receive medals instead of the human riders

Why are we giving the people who ride on the horses medals? Like, shouldn't these medals go to the horses? ... How come the horse doesn't get that medal?

Skip Bayless has an investigative team searching athletes' wives' Instagram followers

There's very clearly a person behind the scenes working for Skip Bayless that has Skip Bayless's brain and does all the things online. ... and he just feeds Skip Bayless crap all day, and it just ends up on TV. Like his little private investigator for him.

Paul Pierce should not have been fired by ESPN for his Instagram Live video

He shouldn't have been fired. It's stupid. Let the man live. I agree. ... Paul Pierce's Saturday night is my fucking Sunday afternoon.

Aaron Rodgers is the perfect fit to host Jeopardy!

I do think that this is the perfect fit for Aaron Rodgers. I think it's everything that he loves. I watched Jeopardy a lot, and it features mustaches heavily, and it features the host who gets to know the answers to everything and feel smarter than everybody else, which is exactly in Aaron Rodgers' name.

I hope KenPom never updates his website because simple designs are better

I hope he just stays true to form and never updates it. Because his website, he hasn't updated it in forever, and it's great. It's simple, it's great, and I know that at some point he's going to update it, and it's going to suck.

Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen starting a podcast together is the end of the podcast bubble.

Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen have a podcast. I think this is the end of – I think this is the end of the bubble. If five years ago I asked you what would be the apex of podcasting, I think it'd be Barack Obama and Bruce Springsteen doing a podcast.

Twitter's decision to discontinue Periscope is a mistake

Hot Seat Periscope. It's been discontinued in March. The Twitter made the decision to, it's going to be Twitter live. So the memories that the Cat caves there. Twitter does that. They choose the wrong thing to do and do it more than any company that's ever existed.

Bill Walton's commentary only works at 11:00 PM; he is 'exposed' during daytime games

The problem is it's in the middle of the day. Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day. It's usually 11 o'clock at night... and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton. Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day... we've got to get him off of this daytime slot.

Twitter should not add an edit button; I prefer to live my life by the seat of my pants and 'fire and forget.'

For the record, I don't want an edit button. No. I live my life by the seat of my pants. I just fire off. I fire and forget. I don't want to have to go back and edit shit. Everyone says give me an edit button. I'm team not edit button.

If a show host is constantly bragging about the growth and size of their show, it is probably not as big as they claim.

Not to break the fourth wall, but if someone is talking about how big their show is, like constantly, probably not. Yes. If they constantly can't stop talking about the growth of their show, probably not as big as they say.

Darren Rovell is 'disqualifyingly stupid'

Darren Rovell got called 'disqualifyingly stupid' by Nate Silver today. You have to be so stupid to get disqualified from Twitter. Everyone is an idiot on Twitter, and he got put into a locker.

Stephen A. Smith refusing to mock the Cowboys is the meanest thing you can do to a fan

By saying this, this is the most he could ever make fun of... saying you're not even worthy to be made fun of, I feel so bad for you... I'm taking away the very last smidge of relevancy that you have is me making fun of you when you lose. This is the meanest thing that we could ever do to you.

Baseball Prospectus banning the word 'assets' to describe players is unnecessary word policing

This is Disney's a type of decisions that people make that you're just playing into the angry guy online. You make a decision about a fucking word that no one has ever thought twice about. They now can just argue about like 'they're trying to take away our words'. You can't even say 'asset' anymore?

Joe Buck did nothing wrong with his flyover comments

Recurring guest Joe Buck... our good friend... he's on the hot seat because some rat from the Fox Sports production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel... he didn't say anything wrong, right?

Colin Cowherd is a 'fraud gambler' for claiming he doesn't care about the MAC or the WAC

Hot Seat Colin Cowherd. You're a fucking fraud gambler. The fact that you said who cares about the MAC and the WAC... you can't talk about gambling anymore if you don't care... Those are gambling conferences. Yeah, that's why they exist.

Watching a golf tournament commentated by Darren Rovell, Danny Kanell, and Dude Perfect is like wishing for sports on a cursed monkey's paw

I saw that sports are coming back indeed in the form of a golf tournament this weekend, but the golf tournament is going to be commentated and narrated by the team of Darren Rovell, Danny Kanell, and Dude Perfect. I don't think you could have designed... I wished on sports to come back but I wished it on a cursed monkey's paw.

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure was as influential to 90s SportsCenter anchors as Step Brothers is to modern ones

I think that Bill and Ted was to Keith Olbermann as like Step Brothers is to Trey Wingo... the mid-90s SportsCenter anchors, they were dropping Bill and Ted references left and right.

Darren Rovell is legitimately losing his mind

Rovell is kind of a misunderstood but nice guy. I think he's losing it—like he is legit losing his mind. He's on a bender from non-alcoholic beer. This is what happens when you drink like 12 a day for a week straight.

Stephen A. Smith will be extra spicy because of his apple cider vinegar cleanse

Stephen A. Smith just announced that he's going on a seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse... He's going to be on a First Take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce... and he's going to have an empty belly. He's going to be sweating... a hungry dog runs faster.

Doug Gottlieb will steal anything that isn't nailed to the floor

I am slowly becoming a Doug Gottlieb fan just purely on the fact that if you don't have everything nailed to the floor, Doug Gottlieb will come and take it.

Challenges and replay in sports are bad because they prevent fans from complaining about being screwed

I'm firmly in the stance that everyone who wants more replay and more challenges, what you're going to do is you're going to get a world where we can't complain about anything. And watching sports is half of it is winning. And the other half is saying why your team didn't lose. They got screwed.

NCAA Football is the greatest video game of all time

NCAA video game is back. Well, maybe back. NCAA formed a committee to bring back the NCAA football game. And this is the greatest news I think that has ever happened in my life. Because that game is the best game ever.

NCAA Football is the best video game ever and much better than Madden

Best game ever. It really is. It really is. Better than Madden. I enjoyed playing NCAA football more than Madden.

Madden has become too realistic and is no longer fun to play

Madden got too hard. Madden got too hard in the last few years and it just didn't get fun. Everything was too realistic. Ever since the passing cone, really.

The word 'thick' is officially cancelled because Trey Wingo used it

My hot seat this week is thick. ... I'm actually canceling thick. Because Trey Wingo, he caught wind of it. ... the fact that Trey used a double C, it was like watching Darren Rovell kill 69 jokes in real time.

I will fight Darren Rovell in Rough N' Rowdy with one hand tied behind my back.

Rovell, if you want to answer Dana White's question, what do you know about fighting? The offer is still out there. I will fight you in rough and rowdy with one hand.

NASA is inventing stories about aliens to secure funding against Space Force

This goes back to my theory that NASA is just inventing cool shit to talk about so they can continue their funding because right now they're going up against Space Force. But I would assume that, like, this would be something that Space Force would really get a lot of money thrown into their coffers for. If you think that there's aliens that are actually checking us out.

Mike Greenberg's take that fans shouldn't criticize Todd Gurley for kneeling at the goal line is the lamest take of all time

My hot seat is your boy, Mike Greenberg, with the fucking lamest take of all time. He tweeted, if you criticize Todd Gurley for what he did at the end of the Rams-Packers game, you should never be allowed to comment on sports ever again. Get the fuck out of here, Greeny. People gambling on the NFL has paid for a shitload of your salary... People watch because they have an investment in fantasy or gambling and they can bitch about it because that's what we do as sports fans.

Jason Witten might be a robot

So are we sure Jason Witten is still alive? He is a robot, and I do not understand why they overthink these things so much and just not put Booger McFarland in the studio. You could actually hear Booger McFarland getting mad at Jason Witten.

It is better for your career to be a meme than to be in a blockbuster movie

Do you think it is better for your career to be in a blockbuster movie that makes, let's say, $500 million or be in the badass, like the coolest meme of all time? Coolest meme of all time. Easy answer.

The best way to kill a stale joke is to have Darren Rovell use it

The best way to kill a joke... the best way to kill that would be to have Darren Rovell just hop all over, and then everybody just... so it's dead.

Media outlets create fake millennial memes and trends like avocado proposals just to have something to write about

I think someone out there... they either work for New York Times or BuzzFeed is basically creating these fake millennial memes and look at this new trend just so they have something to write about.

Stephen A. Smith has a point about his 'Screaming A. Smith' nickname being unfair

Stephen A. Smith says there's racial undertones to anyone who calls him Screamin' A. Smith. So he says there's a lot of people out there who scream. Why don't they get the Screamin' A. Smith nickname? ... I've done some thinking about this out loud, some verbal thoughts, and you're right. I will stop saying screaming.

Lacrosse is booming and the sales are up

My cool throne is lacrosse. Nike chairman Phil Knight, he was commenting on the Duke Florida game the other day, and he said, lacrosse is growing. So the sales are up. They're growing, not a show. Business is booming.

Twitter's move to 280 characters makes the platform the worst

My hot seat is Twitter, because they have officially made everyone have 280 characters, and it's the worst... I had 280 characters before anyone else, not to brag, but I said to both of you that it's the worst because I get tired even writing 280 characters, let alone reading it. So fuck Twitter for doing that.

Twitter's 280-character limit will ruin threads and make the app unbearable

Twitter has announced that the app that everyone loves and can't make any money has announced they're going to make everyone read more. So 280 characters... I might not be able to be on Twitter anymore. That's so much reading. They just doubled their product. And they just ruined threads.