Takes

The 'Wood' meme will be remembered as the dominant group chat prank of the 2020 quarantine

Wood memes. When they were just... That was all anyone could text for about a week and a half... Every fucking text you opened. Every link you clicked on.

Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with dating famous people

Shailene Woodley. Aaron Rodgers is obsessed with just dating famous people. He just dates... I think maybe... you'd probably want to date a non-famous person to convince them to move to Green Bay, Wisconsin.

Larry David navigating the COVID-19 pandemic in Curb Your Enthusiasm will be amazing television.

Curb Your Enthusiasm got greenlit for an 11th season... I think Larry David—Corona is going to be amazing. The corona Larry David, like there's no better wheelhouse for that guy.

I'm genuinely happy that Chase Stokes and Madelyn Cline from 'Outer Banks' are dating in real life

John B and Sarah Cameron dating in real life. Yes. Fuck. Yes. That is so hot. That's awesome. Oh fuck. Yes. All right. I need all the Deets on that... Chase Stokes and Maddie in real life. According to—get stoked—Ria's already—Ria's where's my heart is about to burst.

Underappreciated comedies like 'Walk Hard' and 'Popstar' are often more enjoyable to look back on than blockbusters

Walk Hard is a movie that made very little money. I think it's one of the funniest ones of all the ones we did... That's our favorite thing when you know, something feels dismissed at the time and it seems to hold up ten years later... [Popstar] is another great one. It is always a bummer when you don't have the box office you were hoping for... but you want something to make people happy.

Lance Armstrong single-handedly ruined the name 'Lance' for babies

I think Lance Armstrong probably killed the name Lance. Yeah, you know babies named Lance? Yes, yes. Lance is not a little kid's name. I feel like you name a fucking—that's the kid that you're like, I'm going to wait until I meet it and know its personality and it turns out to be real asshole.

Forrest Gump 2 will never happen

No, that won't happen. I mean, I'll tell you some things that were in it, but I did write the script and I turned it in on 9-10. The day before 9-11 and Bob and Zemeckis... and Tom Hanks and I sat together and we looked at each other and said, that's the end of this.

Shows like 'The Kardashians' and 'Real Housewives' are heavily scripted and planned out

All the housewives shows and even the Kardashians who actually are really nice people. But that stuff's all scripted out and it's all planned. There's not like where they're, no one goes, well, let's go to Nobu for lunch. Oh, my gosh. There's my arch enemy.

Outer Banks is essentially 'The OC' meets 'National Treasure'

What the fuck is Outer Banks, man, Hank? I started watching it. It's like how is this show? It's the OC meets National Treasure. How is this show popular?

Carole Baskin and her husband were definitely 'tricked' by the Tiger King filmmakers

With Carol... she put out a 10-minute video defending themselves. And in the video, he goes, we were tricked. We were told it was going to be this thing about tigers and this. And then they went down this path that we didn't know what they were doing. Absolutely, they were tricked. I could not agree with them more.

People love reality television because it allows them to feel superior to the 'shitty people' on screen

That's why we love reality television, because we get to watch it and say, oh, well, at least we're not them. At least we're not drunk fighting in the Hamptons every summer. Or at least we don't own these tigers and kill our husband. We judge ourselves like we could be shitty people, but we're not that.

I have an African gray parrot named Lisa and she was about to start talking during this interview

I have an African gray named Lisa. And if you're not careful with, she's going to say something. My son, KJ, just moved her over there because she's about to start talking.

Kristin Cavallari is leaking stories to the press to make Jay Cutler look bad

Kristin Cavallari has now had like seven stories in the last week that she's leaked to the press. My quarterback has not said a word... she is going to try to make a reality show out of this. 100%.

Kristin Cavallari will eventually star in a reality show centered around her divorce from Jay Cutler

No, she is going to try to make a reality show out of this. 100%. She is going to have a reality show being like living through a divorce or some bullshit... Jay will not be involved.

Lauren and Cameron from Love Is Blind will stay together

I do think Lauren and Cameron are going to make it. I hope so... they are the like... I do think Lauren and Cameron are going to make it.

Cameron and Lauren are the only normal couple on Love Is Blind

My favorite couple by far is Cameron. And what's her name? Lauren? Lauren Lauren. They're the most like hey. They're pretty normal as camera know is he's a weirdo born. He's a little to have your notice like every time they walk he like is way too close to her.

Tom Hanks getting COVID-19 was the necessary wake-up call for America to take the virus seriously.

If there's one person that kind of shocked America into being like this is something real that we should pay attention to, it's probably just Tom Hanks. He's the most beloved person... most beloved celebrity. He played Mr. Rogers. He's as close as we get to Mr. Rogers in America.

George Clooney is a college-level athlete

So Clooney's very, very good. He's college-level athlete. Full college level... [Clooney] was a great baseball player, like college-level baseball recruited for baseball and he really knows how basketball works. Like he knows how to do a pick-and-roll. He understands basketball.

Woody Harrelson has legitimate basketball hops

I thought I could beat Woody... and he destroyed me, man. He was up at the hoop. He could really get right to the hoop... Woody has hops. Yes.

The murderer in Don't F*ck With Cats was not a genius mastermind

This guy is not as smart as everyone's making him out to be. He is not some mastermind. He's a fucked up piece of shit... he's narcissistic and he got caught in like three days.

Baby Yoda is the breakout star of The Mandalorian

Baby Yoda is the breakout star. It's basically the main character of the show, but he's electric. If you watch the show, he is so cute.

Space Jam 2 is going to suck

He's [LeBron] doing Space Jam 2, man. It's going to suck. Yeah, for sure. He'll ruin it.

LeBron James is an asshole for trying to trademark 'Taco Tuesday'

LeBron's an asshole. Let's just go business hour with LeBron. I do just hate him. He is trademarking Taco Tuesday. Trying. This is the guy who his big inventions, his big ideas, business ideas. Talking in a barbershop. With his friends. Space Jam 2. Remember when he created Plinko?

Guy Fieri would be a Hall of Fame guest for this show

I'm going to go with Guy Fieri. I think that guy would be a great guy to have on the show. He would be a guy's guy. Football guy. A guy's guy's guy guy. A guy's guy. We could talk to him about the Raiders. We could talk to him about Donkey Sauce.

Odell Beckham Jr. will eventually bring back his old hairstyle

I predict that the old hair is coming back... I do too.

Pro wrestling is real, but has predetermined finishes

I would say wrestling is real... We have predetermined finishes. And I like to say that we were like no different than the NBA... We're like a Broadway with body slams. You know, we're a form of entertainment that you can't get anywhere else.

The Bachelorette winner Jed and Hannah B. will break up within a month of doing a People magazine feature

I think they stay together until it's always they do like a People magazine story about the couple. About nine months later, they're usually living in some really nice Nashville house and they're like, we love our new life... right when that comes out, they'll break up within a month.

The final season of Game of Thrones was actually awesome because it received 32 Emmy nominations

Game of Thrones because they led all TV shows with 32 Emmy nominations. That's actually the most all time. So the final season turns out it was awesome. So critically acclaimed. All you idiots that say that it sucked, you're wrong because Emmys matter more than your stupid opinion.

NASA t-shirts are going to be the next major fashion trend in the United States

I've spotted the next one, the next Levi's. NASA shirts. NASA shirts are fucking everywhere in Europe... I don't pretend to know why these things happen. But as a fashionista, I was cursed with an eye for noticing these details. NASA is back in a big fucking way.

The Odell Beckham Jr. hair trend is officially over because Zac Efron has it now

How do we feel about Odell Beckham hair? Is that going to be around two years? No way. That's over. Zac Efron has it now.

Comedians should lean into their specific niche rather than trying to be generalists

Dave Chappelle actually gave me a pretty healthy pep talk about it probably about 10, 12 years ago where he's like, that's your lane, bro. Make it a highway. Make it a six lane highway. And he's right. No one really does that. Roasting became so fun. I felt pigeonholed for a while, but [Chappelle] was right.

Bran Stark will become the King of Westeros

Bran comes down from Winterfell, stands up out of his wheelchair, and raises his arms and shows he's the true Night King... but I think it's Bran. But it's Bran just because all the betting sites are like Bran.

The Boston accent is the second sexiest accent in America

Boston accents... they just did a study, and the Boston accent was named the number two sexiest accent in America. [Number one was] Texas.

Daenerys Targaryen has officially turned into the 'Mad King' and is exactly like her father.

This is exactly why the Mad King was the Mad King. He wanted to blow up the entire King's Landing... She did what her dad was trying to do, kill all the innocent people. She murdered everyone... History repeats itself. Targaryens are assholes and they blow everyone up.

Bran Stark will be the one sitting on the Iron Throne at the conclusion of Game of Thrones.

I think it's got to be Bran [to win the Iron Throne].

Reading children's books is more effective for Jeopardy preparation than using the internet.

I went to the children's section of the library and I picked a basic book on every subject that I had lots of pictures, kept the reader engaged... usually I'd read two or three books on every subject just to make sure I was covering all the basics. I thought that that kind of intro level interesting books really helped me more than like an encyclopedia [or the internet] would have.

Aggressive, large betting on Jeopardy is actually less risky than conservative play because it protects a lead.

I'm not sure this is correct, but the way I look at it is it's actually less risky to make big bets because if you think about it, if you have a big lead, you're pretty safe... if you don't have a big lead, the person who's behind you can hit a daily double... You need those big plays to win sometimes.

Mastery of the buzzer is 60% of the game on Jeopardy when playing against elite contestants.

The buzzer becomes the most important factor at that point. And I think that I would say the buzzer is maybe like 60 percent of the game. And then there's another 30 percent that's your trivia knowledge and 10 percent maybe is the strategies.

Daenerys Targaryen and Jon Snow will eventually fight each other

Dany's the worst. I fucking hate her. Khaleesi sucks... She's going to fight Jon Snow... They are going to fight. Dany cannot take anyone else outshining her.

HBO failed the viewers by making the Battle of Winterfell too dark to see

I will stand and die on the hill that I still want to be able to watch the television show... I'm very happy that the White Walkers are dead because that was always my least favorite part of this show.

The 'Hot in the Streets' trend is saying you want an attractive person to kill you

My hot in the streets is saying that you want an attractive person to kill you. That's like real hot on Twitter these days... just if you think somebody's exceptionally attractive, say, oh man, I want this girl to shoot me in the head. It's a nice way of saying that she's so attractive that she could do whatever she wants to.

The Hound will defeat The Mountain in Game of Thrones

Do you think he's going to fight the mountain? Yes... Who do you think is going to win? Hound.

Bran Stark will win the Iron Throne

I think Bran's going to win the throne. He's not a human anymore, though. He's a three-eyed raven. He'll fucking tell everyone about it.

LeBron is struggling to find co-stars for Space Jam 2 because players don't want to deal with him

He's having a very hard time recruiting co-stars to join the movie... Giannis denied him said he doesn't he doesn't like being Hollywood... they're worried about if they go to the movie then they're gonna have to potentially play with him on his team.

Country Trap is back and here to stay

Country Trap is back and it's going to stay around for a while... All I'm saying is we talked about it on the show and now [Lil Nas X] is number one and number three on the charts.

Colton Underwood from The Bachelor is not actually a virgin

I received corroborating evidence in the form of a screenshot from someone's camera roll showing that they had that Snapchat that Colton sent back in 2014... I think that dick's been soaked before.

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot will make money because people will pay for the freak value of seeing the characters return after 17 years

17 years later we're going to make a sequel, man. People are going to want to come out and see that just for the freak value of it alone. Even if they're like, fuck Jay and Silent Bob, they're going to be like, I want to see what these two old men are up to. So I think we're going to make our money.

Johnny Knoxville is the least coordinated member of the Jackass crew

The irony of [Johnny] Knoxville is that he's the least coordinated. He can't skate at all. And so his injuries were always the worst because he just wasn't prepared for those types of falls. And, you know, he's the one that had to have urethra surgery and stuff like that. These were absolutely the worst types of injuries.

The Nicki Minaj and Cardi B beef will never actually end

I don't think it's going to end though. Give it like two months, the same cycle, spout off. [Nicki Minaj] has a radio show, so she needs shit to talk about.

The new Sunday Night Football theme 'Game On' is terrible

The Sunday Night Football song... What does NBC think they're fucking doing? I was waiting all day for Sunday night. No, I was waiting all day for waiting all day for Sunday night. And now it's some crappy Carrie Underwood... Game On is the new theme... I don't have room in my brain to learn a new song.