Takes

The Arnold Palmer umbrella logo exists because Palmer saw a woman getting out of a car with an umbrella and got horny

Arnold Palmer stood up and then he looked outside. He saw a really hot chick getting out of the car and she had an umbrella and he's like, 'fellas, I've got it: umbrellas. We gotta do umbrellas.' So he just got horny. He got horny for a chick he happened to see and he's like, 'we're doing umbrellas.'

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day. I believe it.

The electrical substation next to the 49ers facility is causing player injuries by dehydrating their cells.

The wireless stuff, basically it dries you out on the inside. So have you ever taken a rubber band and like left it out in the sun and it goes from being nice and stretchy to being brittle and snaps? ... there's been a lot of research in the past 50 years... showing that it can cause cause harm at the cellular level by dehydrating yourselves among other things.

Taking apart a microwave is fatal because it contains an electric bomb

Do never, do not ever take apart a microwave because you'll die. You'll get electrified. They've got like a bomb inside of them. ... You have a nuclear weapon in your kitchen.

Baker Mayfield's poor performance was due to helium-filled footballs

The rational side of the internet and sports fans understand that this is an inflategate situation. Those balls were getting thrown high for a reason, and I think it might be helium based... I think a back room equipment room job might have went down.

The Raiders' Week 7 loss was Andy Reid's first regular season shutout in 427 career games.

Fun fact, that was actually Andy Reid's first regular season shutout 427 career games coached. ... Thirty's an important number because the Chiefs had 31 first downs. The Raiders had three.

Brandel Chamblee is using bots to generate fake YouTube views for Bryson DeChambeau's content

I put him [Brandel Chamblee] on the Hot Seat because there's just no way Brandel Chamblee is this locked in... but he said, 'I have no doubt that bots are generating a lot of those views.'

Mason Graham is currently the NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year

Mason Graham is probably the defensive rookie of the year right now, I would say... he's got a 43% pass rush win rate against the Packers... for a defensive tackle, it's crazy.

Europeans don't even have colleges

No, they don't have colleges in [Europe]. They don't have NFL teams there. But they have NFL games there. They don't play college games. Okay, actually they're universities.

The Jets would be a playoff team if the season ended today

If the season ended today, [the Jets] would be a playoff team right now. Yes.

Wrexham's three consecutive promotions are a first in the history of English football

It's been wild. I mean, it's never, it's never happened before in the history of English football. No team has ever gone back to back to back. And that's, that's what we did this past year.

Statistically, you must be in the top six after the first round of the Masters to have a real chance to win

Trent was saying that like, statistically speaking, you basically have to be top six after the first round. Like anyone past that is not eliminated, but almost eliminated.

Alex Ovechkin might actually be 46 years old due to age technicalities with Russian players

The most amazing thing about the Ovy Gold chase is... He could be like 46 years old. Like you never know with Russians. So the fact that he's like, could be a little older is even crazier.

Jim Morrison might still be alive and faked his death in 1971.

My other who's back of the week is Jim Morrison, maybe. Oh, he might be alive. Apparently there's a documentary on Apple TV that claims that he's still alive. He says that he did not die in Paris in 1971. They said that he faked his own death and there was never an autopsy done. I think he lives somewhere in the Midwest right now. The liver king might still be alive.

Beards are causing baseball injuries because the face is connected to the elbow

My who's back is baseball injuries 'cause Garrett Cole's out for the year... Bad Tommy John. They should never change the rules about shaving your face. Like this, this would not have happened if he was clean shaven. That's true. That's your, your face. Your face is connected to your shoulder, to your elbow.

The Bears are technically 1-0 against the Packers in 2025

In 2025, the Bears are one and oh against the Packers. That's a fact. That's just, that is true. That's a statistical fact.

Kellen Moore and Dion Sanders are square in contention for the Cowboys job

Kellen Moore is a logical name because he fits there... Dion Sanders, if that's the way Jerry wants to go, square in contention. I would just say Kellen Moore square in contention, Dion Sanders, if that's the way Jerry wants to go, square in contention.

The Titans will set a record for losing to five different teams that fire their head coach in one season

The Titans will have lost to four teams that fired their coach this season. They lost to Matt Eberflus, they lost to Robert Saleh and they lost to Doug Pederson. And if by chance the Bengals fire Zac Taylor, they could potentially go 0 and 5 against teams that fire their head coach. That's pretty impressive.

Aaron Rodgers is currently top five in every major passing statistical category

Aaron Rodgers still top five in everything right now... touchdowns top five... yards top five... [I must have looked at it before they updated it].

Donald Trump did not actually get shot because his ear regenerated too quickly

No, he did not get shot... His ear is fully recovered... Have you seen pictures of his ears? A closeup of his ear currently? Evander Holyfield's ear has not regenerated. Trump is totally fine.

Joe Milton can throw a football 95 yards in the air

Collinsworth spent about five minutes talking about how Joe Milton told him before the game that if he wanted to feet on the goal line, he could throw the ball 95 yards in the air. [He] probably can.

Wisconsin football 'handles' Nebraska whenever they play

Wisconsin handles Nebraska. That's a fact. ... Since Nebraska's been in the Big 10... you have been our bitch. That's a fact. Fact or fiction? What's the record? ... 10 and one. I knew that you knew that. 10 and one.

I used to think that jumping at the last second in a falling elevator would save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

I mistakenly believed tornadoes do not hit big cities just to make myself feel better

You gotta worry about the tornado—tornadoes don't hit cities though. That's good. Like big cities... False tornadoes can hit anywhere at any time. Okay. I, I just made that up. I completely made it up. Okay. But... That was something I just told myself to make myself feel better.

Taxes are optional in Greece

In Greece, taxes are optional. And then their economy just crumbles every like 10, 15 years. They're like, Hey, we should probably start paying taxes. ... I looked, I just, I just Googled that. Yes. Currently more than half of Greek households are exempt from any personal income tax.

I earn $150,000 per episode of Pardon My Take

$75,000. But actually that was three years ago. We make 150,000. Literally the truth.

A wasp and a bee are the same thing

I'm a wasp. It's the same thing [as a bee]. ... I'm a wasp. It's the same thing. It's not. Yeah, I would like to go into that chest.

There was a 30% chance Taylor Swift would attend the Beer Olympics

I've heard from multiple reports that Will said there was a 30% chance that Taylor Swift was gonna come to the beer Olympics... You never know. I think there's still a chance she might show up... when Dave was really wasn't on board, he was like, you could get me back. If you get Taylor Swift there. Right. Okay. So we're like, okay, there's a shot.

The Boston Celtics championship parade was the biggest in NBA history

Biggest, biggest parade in NBA championship history. Is that a fact? 1.5 million people.

In the NBA playoffs, the team that wins Game 5 when a series is tied 2-2 wins the series 85% of the time

I think it's what, 85% somewhere around there in basketball. The team that wins Game five when it's tied 2-2. They going to win the series. We have to, as a sports podcast, we have to remind everybody that I think it's legally required.

The NHL is rigging the playoffs for a Panthers-Rangers Eastern Conference Final

I something's fishy with the NHL and and this Panthers team... They didn't suspend [Bennett], which is crazy... I don't understand why... The NHL is trying to rig a Panthers, Rangers Eastern Conference Finals. They much rather have that than Bruins-Rangers.

The Capitals are actually leading the Rangers 2-0 based on my advanced analytics

Using the proprietary algorithm that we set forward after game one, I have the Capitals actually winning this game, three goals to two. So the Caps take a commanding two-nil series lead on the road. And also during the game, it was pretty obvious that the real score to the game was three for the Caps, three for the Rangers, one for the referees because the refs just absolutely gave that game to the Rangers.

Shaka Smart's tournament struggles are real; he hasn't made the second weekend since VCU

Shaka Smart has not made it to the second weekend of the NCAA tournament, guys, since VCU. That's it. That's the only time he's ever made a run. So some would argue: Fade Marquette. Is Shaka gonna be able to break through?

Calvin Ridley's difficulty learning the Jaguars' offense is why he wants to stay in Jacksonville

Here's why he wants to stay in Jacksonville. Let me tell you. He had trouble learning the offense last year and so he doesn't really wanna go somewhere else and have to learn another one. Serious. I'm not... that's notable.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

I know how to fly a plane, I just don't know how to take off or land

I just know how to fly. I don't know how to take off and land. Exactly.

The 49ers lose the Super Bowl whenever they beat a team without blue in their logo in the NFC Championship

Anytime they've beaten a non-blue team in the NFC Championship game, they've gone on to lose the Super Bowl... Falcons in 2013 and Packers in 2020. They lost those Super Bowls. [The Lions] are a blue team... but wait, Lions have blue... wait every time the 49ers have won versus a team that has a shade of blue they win... but anytime they've beaten a non-blue team they lose.

Jameis Winston is the greatest quarterback in Buccaneers history

Jameis Winston holds all the records for the Bucs. He holds the yards record, the touchdowns record, the completions record. He's the greatest quarterback in Bucs history.

The Gillette Stadium structure is the largest lighthouse in the continental U.S.

The Patriots built the largest Lighthouse in continental us. It was, you know, discussed, promoted... Let's make the biggest Lighthouse in the continental US Asterisk. No big deal.

If you touch the ball, you can catch it

We always say on this podcast, if you touch, if you touch it, you can catch it. It's a fact.

Donald Trump is the best golfer in the United States

Rick Re says that it wasn't actually 67. I don't be a hater, Rick. He says it was more like an 86... [Trump] is the best golfer in the United States.

I bet $10,000 on the Jets to win the Super Bowl because a ghost told me to

I placed $10,000 on the Jets to win the Super Bowl because the ghost told me to.

Michigan could have 20 players drafted off their 2023 roster

Jim Harbaugh told my friend Bruce Feldman, he thinks 20 guys are gonna get drafted off this roster... Jim Naggie from the Senior Bowl said he thinks there's seven offensive linemen who are draft eligible... who he thinks will be in NFL camps next year. Dudes that aren't even gonna start. And that is a lot of talent.

Donald Trump weighs 255 pounds

I think he's 255. Like a linebacker. He's a Hoss. He's basically Brian Cushing.

I learned how to run before I learned how to walk

I learned to run before I learned to walk.

Tom Brady is physically taller than Josh Allen

Tom [Brady], he's the tallest... [Number 2] is Josh [Allen], he's second tallest.

Men evolved beards as a form of physical armor to protect their throats in combat

I actually read this crazy thing that men developed beards because it prevented them from getting their throat slashed in combat. It was an extra like thing of Armor.

Aaron Judge is cheating and stealing signs again

My other hot seat was Aaron Judge got caught cheating, stealing signs again, Yankees back at it again.

The altitude in Utah is higher than the altitude in Denver

Most people don't realize Utah is at a higher altitude and no one ever says playing in Utah is tough with the altitude... Denver I felt a burning in my throat, Utah I felt lightheaded.