Takes

The electrical substation next to the 49ers facility is causing player injuries by dehydrating their cells.

The wireless stuff, basically it dries you out on the inside. So have you ever taken a rubber band and like left it out in the sun and it goes from being nice and stretchy to being brittle and snaps? ... there's been a lot of research in the past 50 years... showing that it can cause cause harm at the cellular level by dehydrating yourselves among other things.

Taking apart a microwave is fatal because it contains an electric bomb

Do never, do not ever take apart a microwave because you'll die. You'll get electrified. They've got like a bomb inside of them. ... You have a nuclear weapon in your kitchen.

Baker Mayfield's poor performance was due to helium-filled footballs

The rational side of the internet and sports fans understand that this is an inflategate situation. Those balls were getting thrown high for a reason, and I think it might be helium based... I think a back room equipment room job might have went down.

Brandel Chamblee is using bots to generate fake YouTube views for Bryson DeChambeau's content

I put him [Brandel Chamblee] on the Hot Seat because there's just no way Brandel Chamblee is this locked in... but he said, 'I have no doubt that bots are generating a lot of those views.'

The Jets would be a playoff team if the season ended today

If the season ended today, [the Jets] would be a playoff team right now. Yes.

The Milwaukee Brewers never lose

The brewers do just never lose. I said it on Wednesday and they still haven't lost. They don't lose. They never lose. It's crazy. This team never loses.

If I win the Open Championship this weekend, I should be the official Blake of the Year

I have proposed the idea that if Brooks Koepka wins the open championship this weekend, he officially gets your [Blake Griffin's] Blake of the Year title this year. [Brooks]: I'm not dead. Absolutely. I'm playing for all the Blakes. I would like, at some point in the interviews, I would like acknowledgement. I literally will just say Blake Griffin and then walk right out.

Fierceness is two to three lengths better than any other horse in the Kentucky Derby field

I think [Fierceness] is two to three lengths better than any other horse right now in the field... I think if he's ridden properly, I think [Fierceness]'s, you know, clearly, clearly the horse to beat.

Alex Ovechkin might actually be 46 years old due to age technicalities with Russian players

The most amazing thing about the Ovy Gold chase is... He could be like 46 years old. Like you never know with Russians. So the fact that he's like, could be a little older is even crazier.

NFL nose-wipe celebrations are now a 15-yard penalty

There's a new thing that is now a 15 yard penalty for being a violent gesture. It's I think guns is already guns already. You can do the throat slash was a while ago. You can do the bow and arrow I think throat slash nose. Yes. Wow. The nose wipe. That's so dumb. The nose wipe. Nose wipe is now a 15 yard penalty for being a violent gesture.

Beards are causing baseball injuries because the face is connected to the elbow

My who's back is baseball injuries 'cause Garrett Cole's out for the year... Bad Tommy John. They should never change the rules about shaving your face. Like this, this would not have happened if he was clean shaven. That's true. That's your, your face. Your face is connected to your shoulder, to your elbow.

The Titans will set a record for losing to five different teams that fire their head coach in one season

The Titans will have lost to four teams that fired their coach this season. They lost to Matt Eberflus, they lost to Robert Saleh and they lost to Doug Pederson. And if by chance the Bengals fire Zac Taylor, they could potentially go 0 and 5 against teams that fire their head coach. That's pretty impressive.

Aaron Rodgers is currently top five in every major passing statistical category

Aaron Rodgers still top five in everything right now... touchdowns top five... yards top five... [I must have looked at it before they updated it].

Donald Trump did not actually get shot because his ear regenerated too quickly

No, he did not get shot... His ear is fully recovered... Have you seen pictures of his ears? A closeup of his ear currently? Evander Holyfield's ear has not regenerated. Trump is totally fine.

Jumping at the last second in a falling elevator will save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

Dan Orlovsky had the worst sports take of the year on Mac Jones

The winner for the 2024 Take of the Year Takey is Dan Orlovsky. Dan Orlovsky incredible saying he believes Belichick will win another Super Bowl with Mac Jones at QB. Mac Jones is the best rookie QB that I have ever seen since doing this job when it comes to knowing where to go with the football, when to go with the football, and how to throw that football.

Tornadoes do not hit big cities

You gotta worry about the tornado—tornadoes don't hit cities though. That's good. Like big cities. I think it's something about like the wind or something in the big, in the buildings, buildings stopping it. I don't know... I think they—tornadoes do not hit big cities.

Taxes are optional in Greece

In Greece, taxes are optional. And then their economy just crumbles every like 10, 15 years. They're like, Hey, we should probably start paying taxes. ... I looked, I just, I just Googled that. Yes. Currently more than half of Greek households are exempt from any personal income tax.

I earn $150,000 per episode of Pardon My Take

$75,000. But actually that was three years ago. We make 150,000. Literally the truth.

There was a 30% chance Taylor Swift would attend the Beer Olympics

I've heard from multiple reports that Will said there was a 30% chance that Taylor Swift was gonna come to the beer Olympics... You never know. I think there's still a chance she might show up... when Dave was really wasn't on board, he was like, you could get me back. If you get Taylor Swift there. Right. Okay. So we're like, okay, there's a shot.

The Boston Celtics championship parade was the biggest in NBA history

Biggest, biggest parade in NBA championship history. Is that a fact? 1.5 million people.

Zach Wilson is genuinely in the mix for the starting job in Denver

Zach Wilson is currently in the mix for the starting job. What? In Denver. Which is crazy because Sean Peyton, he compared Bo Nix to Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. So imagine how good Zach Wilson has to be to be competing to start over a combination of Peyton Manning and Drew Brees.

Kyrie Irving has never lost a closeout game

Kyrie Irving has never lost a closeout game. That's interesting. Yeah. So just remember that if you're new to DraftKings, listen up.

The NHL is rigging the playoffs for a Panthers-Rangers Eastern Conference Final

I something's fishy with the NHL and and this Panthers team... They didn't suspend [Bennett], which is crazy... I don't understand why... The NHL is trying to rig a Panthers, Rangers Eastern Conference Finals. They much rather have that than Bruins-Rangers.

Shaka Smart's tournament struggles are real; he hasn't made the second weekend since VCU

Shaka Smart has not made it to the second weekend of the NCAA tournament, guys, since VCU. That's it. That's the only time he's ever made a run. So some would argue: Fade Marquette. Is Shaka gonna be able to break through?

Calvin Ridley's difficulty learning the Jaguars' offense is why he wants to stay in Jacksonville

Here's why he wants to stay in Jacksonville. Let me tell you. He had trouble learning the offense last year and so he doesn't really wanna go somewhere else and have to learn another one. Serious. I'm not... that's notable.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

Jameis Winston is the greatest quarterback in Buccaneers history

Jameis Winston holds all the records for the Bucs. He holds the yards record, the touchdowns record, the completions record. He's the greatest quarterback in Bucs history.

The Gillette Stadium structure is the largest lighthouse in the continental U.S.

The Patriots built the largest Lighthouse in continental us. It was, you know, discussed, promoted... Let's make the biggest Lighthouse in the continental US Asterisk. No big deal.

Donald Trump is the best golfer in the United States

Rick Re says that it wasn't actually 67. I don't be a hater, Rick. He says it was more like an 86... [Trump] is the best golfer in the United States.

Donald Trump weighs 255 pounds

I think he's 255. Like a linebacker. He's a Hoss. He's basically Brian Cushing.

Tom Brady is physically taller than Josh Allen

Tom [Brady], he's the tallest... [Number 2] is Josh [Allen], he's second tallest.

Aaron Judge is cheating and stealing signs again

My other hot seat was Aaron Judge got caught cheating, stealing signs again, Yankees back at it again.

No team has won a title with a defense ranked 11th or worse in decades

No NBA team has won the championship with a defense that's ranked 11th or worse in the regular season in a very long time... The Denver Nuggets are not checking that box. So... you get exposed if you play Giannis in a seven game series.

No quarterback wearing a visor has ever won a Super Bowl

We've got a, a theory on this show. Well, it's not really theory, scientific fact that no quarterback that's wearing a visor has ever won a Super Bowl... mostly it's a swag. Yeah, right. Exactly... So if the Eagles do lose, maybe we think about getting rid of the [visor].

The Bengals own the Kansas City Chiefs

The Bengals own the Chiefs. Three and oh is ownership. And they gotta be feeling pretty fucking good. It's tough to beat a team four times in a row.

I can hit 8 out of 10 free throws easily

Someone said, how many free throws would you make out of 10? I was like, in my day, I was a prolific free throw shooter... I can easily hit 8 outta 10. Might have been a little ambitious. I went four out of 10 the first time.

There are wooly mammoth bones and ivory worth millions in the East River

There's a bunch of treasure in the East River... wooly mammoth bones, tusks, ivory. It's treasure. Millions. Billions. The treasure is on East 65th Street next to the FDR Drive in the water... we're gonna try to go get it.

Barry Sanders had bionic ankles

The whoop came from Barry Sanders... I think his ankles were bionic. Tommy [Jackson] and I both think this because he, there's no way you could swivel as a human being like this speeds.

The Ravens purple jerseys are a brighter shade this season

I have noticed one thing about the Ravens, I think, and I don't think this is just me being weird about it. Their jerseys are brighter this year. Their purple jerseys. I think it's actually a completely different purple.

The AFC North currently has the greatest division of kickers in NFL history

I think as it stands right now, this for of AFC north kickers could be the greatest division of kickers ever. McPherson was unbelievable. Last year, Tucker with Boswell and K York.

I may be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life due to a lone star tick bite

Turns out I must have stepped on a lone star tick nest... and I got bitten by a bunch of lone star tick larva... which the good news is the larva don't transmit Lyme's... but they can give you an Alpha-gal allergy. That means that Alpha-gal is in all red meat and dairy and I, I might be allergic to red meat and dairy for the rest of my life. I had to go vegan for a month before I get the test... I contracted veganism.

Baker Mayfield will 'fuck up' the Cleveland Browns in Week 1

My hot seat are the Browns. Baker Mayfield... was quoted saying 'I'm going to fuck them up' in regards to the Browns. That's my hot seat Baker.

No quarterback who wears a visor has ever won a Super Bowl

The only concern I have about Josh Allen is every year, it seems like he put, he keeps the visor on later and later and no quarterback that's ever worn a visor has won a Super Bowl.

Cold pasta has no carbs or calories

Here's a, here's a little fun fact for everyone as a nutritionist, pasta cold pasta has no carbs. So that's just a fact for everyone out there. No carbs, no calories, cold pasta. You can, whenever you eat cold pasta, the next day you could just eat so much of it.

I take PEDs, but PEDs stands for 'Prioritize, Execute, and Dominate'

I take PEDs. Yeah. I prioritize, execute and dominate every, every fucking morning. Every morning... I'm completely fucking around guys.

The Denver airport was likely built by Nazis or the New World Order

Denver international airport airport built by Nazis, right? Well, it was built by the same person that or the same company that built the underground layer... There's a lot of, a lot of conspiracies about this place. There's miles of underground bunker... Something going on that doesn't add up.

The earth is 'rounded' like a vert ramp, not flat or circular

Everyone's been wrong cuz it's it's it's not flat or circular. It's rounded. Slightly angled. Yeah. It's like a, a tent that catches a little bit of wind underneath it.

I don't believe Chris Sale actually fell off a bicycle

I just don't believe it. I was gonna say like, gut, just going off my gut right now until I see video evidence. I think he was like playing basketball. I think it was something else. Yeah, no I do. I do not believe because Chris Sale... he just is the king of weird injuries. So I, I don't, I don't really buy it.