Takes

True basketball fans prefer the Nuggets-Trail Blazers series over Warriors-Rockets

If you're a basketball purist, you say, forget about the Rockets and the Warriors just tricking each other into fouling on three-pointers. That's not basketball. You know what my basketball is? Guard play. Excellent guard play and good, crisp dribbling. And that's what you get in the Nuggets Trailblazers.

Twitter would have caused the Cuban Missile Crisis to actually happen

The first one I have is the Cuban Missile Crisis. So the Cuban Missile Crisis, when the world is about to go in a nuclear standoff, I think Twitter might have actually had it happen. Like if JFK was tweeting at the Russians, like that probably would have caused the Cuban Missile Crisis to actually happen.

Justin Herbert is more dynamic and fun to watch than Jalen Hurts

I still think that [Justin Herbert] is like more dynamic and fun to watch with his arm talent than [Jalen Hurts] is.

A first-overall-pick bowl for the two worst NFL teams would be highly watched

It should be the teams are the two worst records playing for the first pick... Who wouldn't watch that game? You could just play all the games for playoff seating.

JJ Watt's heartfelt apology to Deshaun Watson was staged for the cameras

My Hot Seat is the Texans camera crew... JJ Watt and Deshaun Watson were sharing a heartfelt moment of JJ Watt apologizing to Deshaun Watson and he said, 'I'm sorry we wasted a season for you.' And a fucking camera guy caught it... he's got to be pretty embarrassed about that because that's something that, you know, between teammates... or else everyone's going to know what a great dude you are.

Reggie Miller was right about resting Kevin Durant and James Harden in Game 6

Reggie Miller was right. If you forgot, Reggie Miller basically said after game five, rest Kevin Durant, James Harden for game seven. Don't even play them. They played. They lost.

Draymond Green's $50,000 fine for recruiting Devin Booker was worth it

Draymond get fined $50,000 for saying Devin Booker needs to get out of the Phoenix on the set of TNT. Well, so people are saying that there shouldn't be these tampering laws anymore like $50,000 of Draymond Green is absolutely nothing. It's actually probably worth it in terms of just the message that he was sending to Booker.

Nikki Glaser was the best roaster and Ben Affleck was the worst at the Tom Brady Roast

I thought Nikki Glaser was the best because anytime you have a roast, like the professional comedians, you could just see why they're professional comedians... I thought Ben Affleck was the weirdest and worst. It was really strange. He spent 10 minutes yelling about like an anonymous Bills fan.

A Browns Super Bowl win with Deshaun Watson would be the most hated of all time

What if the Browns go to the Super Bowl and Deshaun Watson is the quarterback... America hates this shit out of them. It should be their moment, their crowning moment of like this team has never won a Super Bowl... and you win the most hateable Super Bowl of all time.

Analytics and the three-point shot have made the NBA tough to watch

It's analytics. I blame analytics... That too. Three point shot. That too. Dunk should be three... Imagine if they made dunks threes. Everyone was just trying to fucking yam on each other constantly. That would be sick.

Odell Beckham Jr. is the new J.J. Watt of milking injuries for attention

Odell might be the new J.J. Watt in terms of always being injured and showing how he's in. He has the injuries that he then plays through those injuries. Kind of a Tiger Woods thing... oh, my finger. Wow, let's do a million sideline reports on my finger while I keep playing.

Hobbies are red flags for men; you should only play video games or watch sports

If a man has a hobby, that's just a red flag. Hobbies are red flags always and forever. You either play video games or you watch sports. That's how men do it.

Watching porn is like spending time in the film room for baseball players

If I'm a baseball team, I would probably think about going the other way... When you're having sex... what do they tell you to think about? Think about baseball. So actually, the more porn you watch, it's like putting in more time in the film room thinking about baseball.

Carson Wentz is the greatest person character-wise to walk the earth

Carson Wentz is like the greatest person character-wise to walk the earth, bro... I limit my time around Carson Wentz because he makes me feel bad about myself. He makes me feel bad about myself by being awesome.

Deshaun Watson is a better human being than football player because he is so bad at football

Deshaun Watson's so bad at football now, I think you could say that he's a, a better person than football player. I would say as good as he is a quarterback, even better human being. Yeah. That's how bad he is in football now. Yeah. He's a better human than football player.

JJ Watt did a Twitter Q&A solely to set up his PMT interview appearance

I'm totally woke on the fact that [JJ Watt] was doing this, I think, just so that he could say – he knew that he was going to get HeyJJ'd in his replies. So I think he was just setting up this entire Q&A for the question about Pardon My Take so he would say, I will go on the show.

Rory McIlroy's Masters win extinguished the hater narrative forever

It's a much harder hate. Yeah. We had to retire it. That's what I'm sad about. We had to retire because Rory, no matter what he is now the sixth all time to have the career Grand slam... He beat all the haters. Including us.

SGA's style of play is frustrating to watch when he's fishing for fouls

I still stand by the take that I don't like watching him [SGA] when he is foul baiting... I still get pissed off when he, when he embellishes. I think the Timberwolves are at their wit's end with it too.

The Minnesota Timberwolves are legitimately better without Rudy Gobert

Lakers in advanced the T-Wolves, let's say, let's do, let's do some positive spin zones for the T-Wolves. Okay. One, I think they're better without Rudy Gobert. Yeah. Like legitimately, you can make the case on defense that they need somebody like that to protect the rim. But on offense, they are like, I don't think it's even a debate right now. They work better... without 'em.

J.J. Watt rejected the Top 100 players list only to show everyone how humble he is

J.J. responded to it and said, I only played three games last year. What a joke this list is. So J.J. gets it. He's going to make sure that everybody knows how humble he is. And he's rejecting the title of a top 100 player. While also letting everyone know that he made the top 100 list.

J.J. Watt's extreme health and diet routines are a cover to hide that he uses steroids

J.J. Watt doing a new health thing just to make pretend he's non-steroids. So last year it was like nine avocados a day or whatever... he was like sleeping in that bed in the middle of the day during Hard Knocks.

Going to Disney World after winning the Super Bowl is actually a punishment

The Disney world thing that they have to do is just punishment. Sam Darnold and Kenneth Walker being in the teacups right after the game when it's like all you wanna do is party with your boys. That sucks.

The Chiefs, Lions, Falcons, and Chargers are the funnest teams to watch because of the inevitable chaos

I would put like the Chiefs, the Lions, the Falcons, and the Chargers as like the funnest teams to watch in the NFL, knowing that some crazy shit's going to happen. Like a 21-point lead [blowing it]. Some sort of heartbreak occur to the Lions franchise.

The Cleveland Browns are the 'rapist franchise' for betting on a light Deshaun Watson sentence

Anytime you're like I'm betting on a sex criminal getting a light sentence. That's the good thing that can happen for me. You're fucked. It's also like betting on Hitler to win World War II. Right? It's like you won, but it's like now you're the rapist franchise. Yeah. Congratulations.

I side with Mets manager Mickey Callaway for trying to fight a reporter who made a passive-aggressive comment

I actually kind of side with Mickey Callaway here... the Newsday reporter said 'see you tomorrow,' which is the classic like 'oh half day move' that the asshole in the office pulls when you're taking it off early. You're being an ironic asshole. I think that would piss me off. I have Mickey Callaway's back there.

Bill Walton's 'WatchESPN' comment was a result of him doing acid in a forest

When Bill Walton says, 'Watch ESPN, I can watch you,' it's because he did acid in the forest and pulled up his Watch ESPN to watch UCLA versus USC, and was like, 'The game's watching me.'

Max Abmas' missed buzzer-beater against Arkansas is one of the most notable misses in NCAA tournament history

We've got [Max Abmas'] missed buzzer beater for Oral Roberts. I think it's up there with one of the most, like, Gordon Hayward missed territory. Like, it's one of the most notable misses in NCAA tournament history.

Oregon State is working to become known as 'Punter U'

We've had some pretty good punters come through. The punter for the New England Patriots, Ryan Allen, him and I walked on there together... So we're kind of trying to earn that nickname or the moniker Punter U. Tennessee might have it right now, but we're working on it.

If you don't appreciate LeBron James' greatness while watching him, you aren't a sports fan

LeBron, at this point, you can hate him... but if you're sitting and watching LeBron and not being like, this is incredible, everything he does, then you're not a sports fan. Even his teammates do it.

Deshaun Watson has the highest ratio of football talent to being a bad person of any player currently in the NFL.

In today's game, I would say that Deshaun Watson has the biggest football to good guy ratio. [He is a] way better football player than human being. Insanely a large gap.

The Olympics should allow more highlights to be shared so people actually want to watch the events

The Olympics sucks and they just don't give any highlights for anything. It's so stupid. Why do they do that? Why not make it something that people wanna watch and go, 'oh, I saw that event, let me go check it out.'

The Chiefs getting the #1 seed is inevitable and they are still entertaining to watch at this level of greatness

They're just inevitable. They are, they're just really, really fucking good... it's kinda like the Steph Curry effect where you're like, it's still kind of entertaining to watch greatness at this level.

A three-quarter-inch bottom-line ticker is unnecessary and sports broadcasts are better without it

I'll take sports back on TV... you can take [the ticker] away, that I can live without... I've seen some games where the bottom line just like not working sometimes... and the games I think are actually better without that, you know, eighth of an inch at the bottom of my screen taken up.

If you ever want to be humbled, you should read the comment section of an article about yourself

What I have done before is really bad. Now some of the Articles I've scrolled down and read the comments... Unbelievable the comments... Sometimes you want to be humbled read a comment. Yes right through that's a great quote... it'll be comment underneath [this interview]... probably Mass murderers.

UFC has ruined my brain for watching boxing

I have a take that UFC has kind of ruined my brain when it comes to boxing... I watched that fight and I was like why the fuck isn't he submitting him? Like, why isn't he taking him to the ground? Why isn't he kneeing him in the face? It's just there's a level of violence in the UFC that you expect when you see a fight and you're like I was sitting there watching like why isn't Fury just sit on him.

Deshaun Watson is the Michael Jordan of the NFL

When Dabo Swinney says [Deshaun Watson] is Michael Jordan, that's what he's talking about. The fact that he has that poise and that one play where he got sacked twice, spun around and made a play.

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport in itself

Watching college basketball for 15 hours a day is a sport. It is. It is literally a sport, and we're pretty fucking good at it.

Joel Embiid is an absolute monster when he is healthy

Joel Embiid is a fucking monster. He is a monster. Like, watching him play. When he's healthy. But he was a monster on Saturday. When he is out there, he looks like he's playing with little kids. Like, his hands are so much bigger than everybody. He's so much taller. He gets the ball in the post. There's nothing anyone can do.

Tony Dungy is a poor broadcaster who should stick to being the 'warden' of sports morality on Twitter rather than providing professional analysis.

I don't really need to hear Tony Dungy anymore. He's not good. ... You're in the booth. You're supposed to be assessing the game from a professional standpoint, right? So you shouldn't be going like Taylor Heineke's a 10-year starter in this league. That's for what that's what Twitter's for.

Draymond Green gets the JJ Watt treatment on defense where they let him freelance and do whatever he wants

They give [Draymond Green] the JJ Watt treatment. They let him do whatever the fuck he wants... They let him roam. Freelance.

Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs' current dynasty is more fun to watch than others

I think [the Chiefs] are more fun than most dynasties like this because it's hard to watch. And Steph Curry's the same way... You can watch those two teams play and be like, holy shit, it's amazing. I love watching what this guy does. Mahomes is good for like one or two plays a game that you'll never see.

Championship Sunday is a better weekend of football than the Divisional Round

I have a take, I kind like Championship Sunday the most because I like... there's just something special about booking a trip to the Super Bowl. It's like, feels historic. ... you also get that week where like all the fans of the team that booked it, it's like you don't even have to think about the game. You just get to celebrate it.

The Suns are better without Chris Paul because he brings bad vibes

Get Chris Paul on your team and then have him get injured. And that way everybody is psyched that they don't have to play with Chris Paul anymore. Better vibes on the team.

Sports and Jeopardy are the only things left worth watching on broadcast TV

The only show on television out-rates Jeopardy is the NFL. There's the NFL then Jeopardy, then every drama, every new show, every comedy, everything else. And Jeopardy still has those moments... all that's left is sports and Jeopardy really for me and TV. There's nothing else.

JJ Watt is a significantly better football player than he is a person

A lot of people will say like, JJ Watt great player, all-time player, even better person. That's bullshit. You're a way better football player than you are a person and you're a pretty good person.

Watching Russell Wilson fail in prime time has become fascinating theater

That Russell Wilson clip that I somehow missed of him saying Bronco country, let's ride after the loss... Man I'm actually, I'm, I'm zagging on everyone being like, this sucks that we have to watch the Broncos and I kind of wanna watch Russell Wilson just continue to fail on prime time. It's fun. It's good theater at this point.

Tom Brady is 'all class' for posting his $563,000 Patek Philippe watch before going into the broadcast booth

Tampa Bay Buccaneers legend Tom Brady... took to Instagram today to remind us that he's all class. Before hopping into the booth, he posted... big game, big watch. He hit us with the Patek Philippe Aquanaut. [It's worth] like 563,000. And this is just a casual before game like, Hey guys, stepping into the booth.

Links golf is never fun to watch

it just never seems fun. When I watch it, I'm like, what? This, the wind is always blowing. It's overcast. There's huge bunkers. It just doesn't seem fun.

Luka Dončić is already a better player than Dirk Nowitzki ever was

Jay Kidd said he was already better than Dirk, you know, he's 25 years old... they're already talking about he's better than Dirk and he ain't even won a [ring]... this is telling you how special this kid is. Like this man is a real problem and he's still not really in his prime.

The NCAA vacating titles is the dumbest penalty because you can't actually take away a title that people watched

Is this not the dumbest, most NCAA penalty? Just being like, yeah, all those memories don't exist anymore. [Louisville's] fans are just... Really, the only thing that it punishes Louisville in is that Kentucky fans can now say they didn't win that. But other than that, you can't just take away a title. That doesn't work.