Takes

Hot water, lemon juice, honey, and Tylenol is an effective strategy for treating COVID-19

I'm recommending also hot green tea, lemon juice, and honey three times a day because the hot water washes down the virus... and if they have a fever give them Tylenol anyway, that's all I have to say.

A baseball field is like international waters with no rules

As far as I can tell... a baseball field is like international waters where there are no rules.

The NBA is currently too watered down

The the the other problem is the NBA is so watered down now. Like the the the difference between the top five or six teams and then the bottom half is just just atrocious. So like if you just add two more teams, you're just gonna I mean you might as well have me play.

UFC should start a drug-friendly 'Rogue Fighting League' on boats in international waters

Or it's my my third my third option here is you just start your own fighting league where like all sorts of drugs are okay you do a nine-sided ring instead of eight sides kind of one-ups ufc international waters so there's no testing right on boats yeah definitely on a boat

Ben McAdoo is a watered-down fraud trying too hard to sound like a real football guy

Ben McAdoo seems like he's trying real hard as a first-year head coach to be a football guy. I think he's overextending himself a little bit. He sounds like a fraud. He's like a watered-down football guy. If this was like Coughlin doing this, then I would absolutely accept this is a football guy.

Politicians who ignored the Flint water crisis deserve severe corporal punishment

Every politician that turned a blind eye to Flint, Michigan, should have their teeth knocked out with a steelhead fence post driver.

I should fire the Water Dogs coach for that second-half collapse against the Atlas

I think we should fire our coach [Andy Copeland] just straight up. You can't have a loss like that. It's what, two goals in the last 18 minutes? We took our foot off the gas. It's unacceptable. He should be on the hot seat.

Tiger Woods loses his 'man card' for needing his dad to teach him how to drink water between beers

Tiger Woods, I'm taking your man card, first of all... Asking your dad to teach you how to drink a beer because you puked at a fricking frat party once? Man card again. How many times can I take this man card?

You should never do water bottle flips at Madison Square Garden because it is the Mecca

First of all, I just want to jump in and say this is not behavior you do at the Garden. No. Respect the Garden. You can do this at any other stadium, but you don't do that at MSG. Mecca of basketball.

Colt McCoy is a gamer who can tread water but won't win a big drive

Colt McCoy is the type of – he's a gamer. He's going to win you a lot of games like – 21-17, and then when you get to a big moment and you need a big drive, he's not that guy anymore.

Peeing in the sink is sterile and saves water, so girlfriends shouldn't complain

Ruining the plates, ruining them? Okay, that's a little drastic. It's called soap. It's called dishwasher. Pee is sterile. There's no problem with this. And you're overreacting. And guess what? He might dump you because you're not a cool chick. Cool chicks let their guys pee in the sink.

'Big Fawcett' started the myth about washing apples to sell more water

I think this is where the whole myth of why you need to wash your apples got started... [poisoned candy myths]. I think this is where Big Fawcett really sunk their teeth into the situation, tried to convince people to wash them.

The Jaguars vs. Dolphins game in London will be a hilarious 'fish out of water' situation that everyone will watch despite claiming it sucks

The Dolphins versus Jaguars in London, that is going to be a hilarious game that no one's going to watch, but we're all going to watch. Everyone's going to be like, this game sucks. We're not going to watch it. And then we're all going to watch it.

Banana boating over alligator-infested waters is not fun

[The St. John's River] is just infested with alligators. So we would literally be banana boating over alligators... [When we fell out] it was just like whoever was driving the boat was just like a frantic U-turn to come and pick us up. That doesn't sound like fun.

Drinking from a garden hose on a hot day makes you feel like more of a man

I'll go with a hose water on a hot summer day. That's a great water. Whatever you're doing, you get that hose water, you feel like a man, too, drinking. Like, hey, guess what? I'll go straight to the source. I don't need a cup. It looks badass, too.

The Waterdogs will lose both of their games this weekend against Chaos and Chrome

Today, Chaos versus Water Dogs. L for us. ...And then on Sunday, the Waterdogs take another L to the Chrome. NBC Sports Network, 1 p.m. Eastern.

Saltwater crocodiles are the most fearsome predators in the wild

Probably a saltwater crocodile. Don't mess with the salties... I put them as number one in terms of fearsome predator been around since the dinosaurs for a reason... you're in the water with a salty you're in trouble.

Russell Wilson 'invented' the concept of letting time pass to cure a concussion

Russell Wilson invented just how to make time pass. He was just like, here's how you get rid of your concussion. Ready?... Drink five cups of water a day. And in six days, you're going to feel better... and in six days, I will have cured you. So water cures sunburns and concussions.

Cooper Flagg is significantly better than we thought he was after watching him in Summer League

I think Cooper flag went off. I think he did too. Yeah. I think he's better than we thought he was. ... Significantly better than we thought he was.

Sam Bradford better simulates what Teddy Bridgewater would have done for the Vikings than Shaun Hill

Sam Bradford, the thinking is, I believe better simulates what Teddy would have done if he would have been able to play. I don't know that Bradford can get there... it's going to be an uphill climb, but when things settle down, they're going to be better off with Bradford than they would be with Hill.

The Waterdogs are a disgrace and the worst team in the PLL

PLL Waterdogs. Fucking suck. That team is disgrace... Real quick reminder, Waterdogs are the worst team. When you think it can't go any lower wait until you see the Waterdogs.

I will move the Waterdogs if they go on a two-game losing streak

If we go on a two-game losing streak at any point, we're going to move the team. We're moving it... we'll fucking do anything. We'll stop paying the players if we have to make them play better.

The Waterdogs need to consider a coaching change following their 0-1 start to the PLL season

At what point do we have to start looking at a coaching change here? Because this is two years in a row that we've gotten off to a slow start. I'm certainly not going to take any blame for it.

Teddy Bridgewater would be better if Adrian Peterson wasn't on the Vikings

I developed a semi hot take that [Teddy Bridgewater] would be better off if Adrian Peterson wasn't on the team. I just think that when you have a running back that is one of the all time greats... I think you get to the point just psychologically where the other 10 guys are counting on Adrian Peterson, and they're not counting on the quarterback the way that other offenses count on their quarterback.

I will bet on the Waterdogs and the over in every Waterdogs game

I want to be able to bet on the dogs and the over in dogs games. [Paul Rabil] says as long as we don't short our teams, we can wet our beak elsewhere.

There is a 0% chance of beating a team if their coach smashes a watermelon before the game

I can't be—I'm 0 and 2 in watermelon games. I bet way too much on watermelons. I hate these watermelon games. I've lost so much money to the fucking watermelons. I cannot—there's a 0% chance of beating a watermelon team.

The Waterdogs will have a stadium built exclusively with taxpayer money

I'd like to do a census, some type of study to figure out where we could build a stadium exclusively with the taxpayer's money. I don't want to pay anything for my new stadium. Let's find out... figure out what location in America the voters are dumb enough that they'll just give us a lacrosse stadium.

Stopped calling Flacco 'Fucko' after watching him throw a perfect 15-yard out — his arm strength is one of the strongest in NFL history

I used to call [Flacco] Fucko, that was my nickname for him. But that's when I stopped calling him [Fucko] — when he threw a 15-yard out, which is the hardest throw to make. It's the farthest ball. And he threw it on point. I stopped calling him Fucko. [Flacco] has one of the strongest arms in the history of football, in my opinion.

I find myself actually liking LeBron James after watching the 'Starting Five' show on Netflix.

I have been watching, there's a lot episodes, so I'm, I'm not finished with it. But the NBA starting five show on Netflix. ... I do find myself like liking LeBron... He's funny. ... Like he's just, it's just the, he's funny. He's just a big goof.

The Waterdogs need to hire Mike Vick as their coach

I think we should contact Mike Vick about coaching the Waterdogs because it's gotten to that point. Yeah. It's gotten to that point. I'm okay with that. I hate this team. I want to make them earn their dog.

Australia is back on the map as the 'weirdest' people on Earth thanks to a kid eating a watermelon rind

He brings an entire watermelon with him, and he starts eating it. He bites through the rind, and he eats the entire watermelon by himself. When I say entire, I mean the green, the white part. Everything... it's a huge dub for Australia... This put australia back on the map as like the weirdest people on the planet.

Teddy Bridgewater will play for the Vikings before the 2017 season ends

I don't know what in the hell they're expecting at this point. So I think, yeah, we'll see Bridgewater before the end of the year on the field.

The Philadelphia Waterdogs will kick the shit out of the Atlas in the semifinals

We guarantee victory. We're gonna kick the shit outta the Atlas... Print it, put it on the paper. Fuck the Atlas.

The 7th PLL expansion team will be named the Waterdogs

The Waterdogs are going to be the name. I'm excited for it... Go Waterdogs.

I don't want the Waterdogs to win the championship if it is played on an NFL Sunday

If the Waterdogs want to be the best dogs possible, they would lose in the semifinals. So we don't have to watch them in the finals... I don't want to have to be burdened with them on an NFL Sunday.

Teddy Bridgewater will start more games than Aaron Rodgers for the rest of 2017

Which quarterback starts more games from here on forward in 2017, Aaron Rodgers or Teddy Bridgewater? Teddy Bridgewater. He's ready to go. Week 10 is what they're looking at.

Chris Long's Waterboys should focus on building gyms, not wells

Don't you think human beings -- aren't you doing them a disservice? Shouldn't you be focusing your efforts to build them a gym or a foam room?

I am going to break 120 in golf this off-season without cheating

I think this is the off season that I get really into golf... I'm gonna break 120 before, and not by cheating. I'm not gonna cheat except on maybe one water hole I'll cheat on one water hole. But besides that, I'm gonna do it straight up, just clean as can be.

I would rather watch March Madness 100 times out of 100 over the WBC

If you tell me, would you rather watch World Baseball Classic or March Madness? I'd say March Madness a hundred times out of a hundred times.

I would rather watch the playoffs fan-free than have the Patriots make it just to get smoked

Honestly, I know I have to watch these games anyway. I would rather just watch the playoffs completely fan free because I know it's get my hopes up and be like, oh, you know, I have to worry about and like, kind of put myself up for them winning. Even though if they won the first game, they're getting smoked the second game. They're probably getting smoked the first game.

The Chicago Cubs are the most maddening and frustrating team I've ever watched

My fire fest is the Chicago cups. They're the most maddening team, frustrating team I've ever watched. They just want to toy with everyone's hearts and they win one game, lose one game, lose two games. Don't score for a week. Then they look awesome... I am at the point where I'm just I don't even know what I want anymore.

Teddy Bridgewater's injury is actually a positive for Vikings fans because it removes the stress of expectations

I mean, right off the bat, it's kind of nice. You don't have to get your hopes up. It's vacation season for Vikings fans. Like, you know, just relax. Take your shoes up. You don't have to stress yourself out during the games. You get to kind of take it easy.

Saint Mary's was the worst team I've ever watched and their game against Alabama was boring and terrible.

That was the worst college basketball game I think I've ever seen. It was so bad, like boring and bad to watch. Saint Mary's is the worst team ever, worst team I've ever watched. How was this team a fucking seven seed? They sucked.

October football results don't matter; wake me up when it's playoff time

Actually, you know what? I might just flip my mentality. I might, I might put on my, my Hank hat for a second. We're talking about October football game. Like, it wake me up when it's playoff time. This team doesn't, we don't, we don't even take things seriously until the playoffs.

'Abducted in Plain Sight' is the most jaw-dropping documentary I've ever watched

Whatever you're doing right now, drop everything and watch Abducted in Plain Sight because it is—let's just say it's the most jaw-dropping documentary I've ever watched. Not like a good—it wasn't one of those documentaries where you come across being like, man, I'm really thinking about it. It was awesome. I just said what the fuck probably about 15 times.

Marquis Noel is the best individual performance I've ever watched in the tournament

It was the best game I've ever watched in my life out of a single player. Like you can, you can point to other individual performances in the tournament... but the way that he took over the entire court was unreal.

Jack Del Rio is like a gambler on a heater who just lost all his money

Jack Del Rio, he's your friend who got on a heater and was like, no, no, no, don't worry, guys. I'm still up. I'm still up. And then you look and he's lost all his money.

I can swim 100 yards underwater and hold my breath for 5 minutes

[Billy Football's question] was how far can you swim underwater... 100 yards. You can? Yeah. [And] how long can you stay underwater if you're not moving? I don't know. Maybe around five minutes.

Pat Bev's interaction with the reporter wasn't that bad; it's just something he's been doing all year to everyone.

I'll start with the, the reporter thing. I didn't think it was that bad. Reporters love defending reporters. Pat Bev's been doing this all year. Subscribe to the pod... People making it like a misogynistic thing is crazy. He's been doing it to guys too.

Teddy Bridgewater is not a better quarterback than Blake Bortles

Can I just say fuck everyone for thinking that Teddy Bridgewater is better than Blake Bortles? ... Blake had a bad wrist last year, and he got it cleaned up. And he was a quarter away from the Super Bowl, so everyone just shut up.