Takes

The 'elite' label came from winning games without gaudy stats — people wear the sweatshirt both sincerely and as a joke, and either way it's fun

I was winning a bunch of games in Baltimore, but my stats were never gonna fly off the stat sheet. We were winning games because we had a formula with how we won games. ... The funny thing is, is now people could like, listen, I have buddies wearing the sweatshirt because they're like, yeah, damn right he's elite. And I have detractors that are out there probably using it as a joke. ... Either way it's a story and I have a lot of fun with it.

I have more confidence in the 2023 Browns with Joe Flacco than I would if Deshaun Watson were still healthy

I feel so much more confident about the Cleveland Browns in 2023 than if Deshaun Watson had played the whole season. I can't believe I'm saying that sentence, but I fully believe it. Like I think Joe [Flacco], with how he's playing right now, is the perfect guy for this.

Wisconsin will lose in heartbreaking fashion on a buzzer-beater

Wisconsin is going to lose in heartbreaking fashion. That's going to be fun... South Carolina will probably win on a buzzer beater right in my face. I'll have front row seats.

We have officially run JJ Watt off the internet

How long has it been since J.J. Watt tweeted? 20 days. 20 days since J.J. Watt has tweeted. We have officially run him off the internet.

Dog the Bounty Hunter will find Brian Laundrie before the FBI.

Dog the Bounty Hunter is on the trail of Brian Laundrie. ... What happens if Dog finds him before the FBI? He absolutely will. He's Dog the Bounty Hunter. ... Dog's like knocking on his parents [door]. ... It's over. Dog's on the case. It's done.

Deshaun Watson has to be benched

Deshaun Watson has to be benched. There was a moment in this game where I was like, holy fuck. How is this guy still playing? He doesn't want to go for it on fourth down... he stinks at football.

The Texans defense is actually better without J.J. Watt

But the one silver lining for all you Texans fans out there, we've had rumblings. Texans defense might be better without J.J. Watt. Oh, it definitely is. He's a system D-end.

JJ Watt still manually buys and alphabetizes music on iTunes

JJ Watt would be a guy who buys music still in 2016. Right. He spends $9.99 for every album and he's got like a very careful, everything's in like perfect order on his iTunes alphabetized. He's got the album artwork set up and everything.

Contracting toxoplasmosis from cats will make you a fearless 'Berserker' warrior

45% of the population has this parasite called toxoplasmosis that comes from cat feces... it makes mice not fear predators so they just wander on and then the cats eat it... I want to be fearless. The Berserker cult has to contract toxoplasmosis and we'll all just be fearless Berserker warriors... when I contract toxoplasmosis, I will be an absolute fearless warrior and it will be sick.

Watching football is more dangerous than playing football because of binge drinking

I would even submit that watching football is more dangerous than playing football because when you're watching football, you're binge drinking. You're around buddies. You're more likely to get into a fight. You're more likely to puke, pee on yourself. You get all sorts of diseases from that.

Every NFL player wants to play in Las Vegas because it's cheap and there's no state income tax

Everybody want to play in Las Vegas because it's cheap out there, for one. And the taxes is nothing like California taxes... who wouldn't want to live out there?

The 49ers are no longer fun to watch and I'm very worried about them

I am very worried about the Niners now. I figured that they were gonna kick the shit out of the Seahawks today. ... I used to watch the 49ers play and be excited to watch them play. And that stopped when this season started. Even though they got Christian McCaffrey back, they're not fun to watch on offense right now.

Derrick Henry is officially on 2,000-yard watch

Derrick Henry... reached a thousand yards. We're on 2,000 yard watch. He is 1052 yards on the season. We are officially on 2,000 yard watch for Derrick Henry.

The NFL gave Deshaun Watson an 11-game suspension specifically so his return would be against the Texans

Why is it 11 games? That's a weird number. Right? So you look at the schedule that game that he'd be coming back would be against the Houston Texans. So they have to talk about it all the time throughout the entire game... Homecoming.

The Saints are officially on 'Quit Watch'

The Saints are officially on quit watch. Dennis Allen, Richard Sherman said at halftime, he's like, they're trying to get Dennis Allen fired. I wouldn't be shocked. And the Saints are just like—this was so—this was a bad game.

Mike Shanahan uses a virtual system called 'Shana-Cam' to watch all 49ers meetings and film, though calling him a 'shadow GM' is an exaggeration.

There is something at 49ers headquarters referred to as the 'Shana-Cam', where Mike Shanahan needs to watch meetings and practice ASAP virtually... Some people think he's the shadow gm. I think that's an exaggeration. But this is incredible.

I am going to physically assault Dennis Allen if I have to watch Andy Dalton start for the Saints for the rest of the season.

I'm not saying that I'm gonna beat the shit outta Dennis Allen, but if I have to watch Andy Dalton for the rest of the season, I'm gonna, I'm gonna punch him. Yeah. I, I'm gonna punch, I'm gonna, I'm going find Dennis Allen. I'm gonna punch him. Yeah. Not his face. I'm gonna give him like a Charlie horse. ... I'm gonna physically assault Dennis Allen.

Deshaun Watson has officially arrived as a Cleveland Brown

I think I might have to say it, Deshaun Watson has officially arrived as a Cleveland Brown because... [he] drove them down the field for the game winning field goal.

Oregon is currently the best team in the Pac-12 despite their loss to Washington

I do think Oregon, what they did in Utah on Saturday, like that doesn't happen to Utah. They bullied him. Oregon. It's weird because even though they lost to Washington, they look like they're the best team in that conference right now.

Deshaun Watson stinks

Deshaun Watson. Should we talk about Deshaun? Yeah, he stinks. He stinks. He stinks. He's, he's pretty bad. And they're paying him $230 million.

I only enjoy watching baseball when my team is on offense

What I said was... I like when my team is on offense, and I don't like when my team is on defense. [It's because] in the short series, every [pitch] is so important. You lose one and you're just back that much.

The 7:10 AM start for the Olympic gold medal hockey game is a 'non-starter' and prevents half of North America from watching

Seven ten is... that's too early. Half half of North America's gonna be asleep... Why did they, can they not move it? This is gonna be the biggest fucking thing.

Joe Flacco will start Week 1 for the Cleveland Browns over Deshaun Watson and Dylan Gabriel

I think that [Joe] Flacco might start week one. And Flacco is an big underdog to do that too. I think he was like, plus seven 50 last I checked. Yeah. So I, I like the quarterback room.

The Lakers vs. Timberwolves series is going seven games because Adam Silver wants LeBron's numbers

I think that this is gonna go to the distance though... I think that this is an Adam Silver situation. Oh, interest LeBron game seven numbers. If it goes seven, that means that LeBron is still the face of the league.

Travis Hunter will be a receiver in the NFL, not a two-way player

I just don't know what they're gonna do with [Travis Hunter]. I really think he's a receiver. I think he can impact the game and help their quarterback at receiver. I think you're whistling Zippity do do out your butt if you think he's gonna play both ways in the NFL... We really have to be crazy to think a rookie's gonna come in here and do that right away.

Half of sports media doesn't watch games; they just tweet about the Manningcast

I also don't know what the sports media is going to tweet about now that the Manningcast is not [on]... Half of sports media doesn't even watch the game. They just tweet about the Manningcast.

I never wash my hands after I piss

I never wash my hands after I piss. [Jake says he does it in public] You didn't have to tell us Jake. We knew that. ... You fell for it Jake. That's, and then you then you like eat then you go eat with those hands. Jake. No.

NFL ratings will be insane this season despite hater predictions

All you fucking haters out there who say the NFL... Guess what? The NFL's back, and there's a shitload of us watching it. We love it... Ratings are going to be insane.

Baker Mayfield and the Browns are significantly better without Odell Beckham

It is not a hot take to say that the Browns are just significantly better and Baker Mayfield is significantly better without Odell Beckham. ... Because he doesn't have to feel like he has to throw the ball to Odell Beckham, and if he misses Odell Beckham, Odell Beckham's dad's going to make a fucking mixtape with R.E.M. behind it.

There is a greater than 50% chance Dan Snyder is forced to sell the Washington Football Team

I'd say once somebody with the power to get to the bottom of it gets involved [Congress], it gets north of 50... Once we know about some of the things that Beth Wilkinson, the investigator found, yeah, I think it becomes untenable at that point publicly for Snyder to continue.

The traditional NFL broadcast is still better than the Manningcast for watching an entire game

My only thing is that it's good, but I feel like the regular broadcast is still better. Like when I'm watching the Manning broadcast, it just doesn't feel like a big game. It's casual and it's good, but watching an entire game, I keep switching back to the regular broadcast.

Trent Dilfer was coaching hard, not committing physical assault in his viral high school video

I hate the argument you never put your hands on a player it's like grabbing a guy by shoulder, grabbing him by the elbow. Come on. Are we really going to get upset about that. Obviously, if it's like punching choking... this, there was no malicious intent in this.

The Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not the other way around

I'm gonna, I'm going to switch the narrative on Trevor Lawrence. I think that it's the Jack, the Jaguars will fail Trevor Lawrence, not Trevor Lawrence failing the Jaguars because they don't put a team around him. Like I, I think he's going to be great if they can put a little bit of a team around it.

Celebrity boxing exhibitions are fine as cash grabs, but it's a problem when the public believes they are watching real fights

I'm all for anybody—boxing is unbridled capitalism, right?... I'm fine with the cash grab... exhibitions are never going away. The problem is, is when the public actually believes they're watching a fight. Floyd Mayweather going to sit in there and telling you... 'I'm just going to go in and just do this and carry the guy and dance around.' But when the public actually thinks they're watching a fight and are talking about it as if it's a fight... that's where I don't go for it.

College Football Playoff prediction: Georgia, Michigan, Oregon, and Alabama

I'm gonna go Georgia, Michigan. I'm gonna go Oregon. I'm gonna say Oregon wins the Pac-12. First Pac-12 playoff participant since 2016. And then Alabama.

The Watt brothers could beat the Gronkowski brothers in a fight

Do you think that the Watt brothers could take the [Gronkowskis]? ... I don't know, man. Isn't there, isn't there like a new UFC where they have like five verse five? ... We need to get two extra Watts when you guys could join in. [Big Cat]: Yes. [TJ Watt]: You guys would kick our ass, correct? [Big Cat]: Yes.

Joe Thornton is wrong for playing with his kids instead of watching his potential Stanley Cup opponents

Joe Thornton, when the Sharks won the Western Conference Finals... said that he was going to play with his kids during the Game 7 Penguins-Lightnings. Not watch who he was going to play in the Stanley Cup Finals. Mike Milbury was not happy... how you win a Stanley Cup is being always focused and making sure you tune in to your opponent even when you're not playing them.

You would never see the Rooney family make a move for someone like Deshaun Watson

I all say is that you would never see the Rooneys make a move like this [trading for Deshaun Watson].

Deshaun Watson is the perfect quarterback for the Browns because his off-field issues prevent the media from over-hyping the team

Deshaun Watson, everything off the field, I think he's the perfect quarterback for, for the Browns... because a lot of people don't wanna talk about the Browns 'cause of Deshaun Watson. So it tempers the Browns hype. And the Browns are one of those teams I put in the category of like never overhype the Browns.

The Broncos are the 'messiest bitches' in the NFL, but they are incredibly fun to watch.

The Broncos are the messiest bitches we got in the NFL. But they're fun. They're so fun. ... They'll fuck you crazy and then they'll, they'll freak out about a text message and, and get in a fight with you at a bar for the entire night and ruin your entire night. ... That's the Broncos.

Mike McDaniel showing up to a must-win game looking like the Unibomber was a bad omen for his job security.

Would you say that showing up to the game that will most likely get you fired as the Unibomber is probably not the best luck, because that's what Mike McDaniel looked like. ... Unibomber didn't get caught for being, for being such a wanted guy.

The Cavs vs. Raptors series is over and I'm not watching another second of it

This series is going to be brutal to watch. Maybe the Raptors play close for four quarters in Toronto for one game, but I don't even give them that... the Cavs are locked in. They're on a different level right now. So this series is over as far as I'm concerned.

Oregon State is the greatest team of all time

Oregon State, Loyola Chicago. Oregon State is just the greatest team of all time. And I'm going to say that about pretty much every team, just be warned that I don't have a lot in my repertoire right now, but they are the greatest team as of right now.

Jimmy Butler once went an entire summer without watching TV to focus on his game

Jimmy's probably the toughest competitor I've ever been around. And you know, it started right away. He worked his ass off and you know, the sacrifices that he made in the summers were just unbelievable. I mean, people don't know this, but he was going whole summers, no tv.

Big Ben Roethlisberger will spend the entire offseason watching pornography

Sad Big Ben. He's going to watch so much porn this offseason.

Bran Stark is an annoying character who ruins every scene he is in

Bran, I hope that fuck gets skull fucked in the middle of the field because he's so awkward. It's the guy in the wheelchair. I know Lieutenant Bran. He's so annoying. He ruins every scene.

Binging a TV show is much better than watching it week-by-week

This is my big, i I like binging shows. I like just diving right into 'em. I don't know how people can watch a show like I gave up on House of Dragon. Yeah. Because I watched the first season and then it was four years and I was like, I don't remember fucking shit. I'm out.

The PMT YouTube channel will not hit 500,000 subscribers by August 15th because listeners don't have it in them to watch

The listeners don't have it in them. Yeah. They don't have it in them. We're not going to hit 500,000. We're not gonna be able to do the live stream. They're listeners. They're not watching.

The media will soon claim that sports were better without fans in the building

I'm going to level it up. I'm going to say by the time you're hearing my voice, if it's in the afternoon tomorrow... somebody will have already written the take that sports were better when there were no fans in the building.

The Phoenix Suns are better without Chris Paul

I think in a sick way they definitely are better without Chris Paul. 100%. Because if you got Devin Booker and Kevin Durant, those guys, they can both create their own shots... they're not reliant on Chris Paul to run their offense.