Takes

Ken Griffey Jr. is still the sixth highest paid player on the Reds

The reds are on my cool throne, because they're, if you look at their salary this year, they have a hall of Famer as their six highest played player... Ken Griffey Jr. So yeah, the reds are, anytime you get a guy who's been in the hall of fame and retired for like 15 years as your sixth highest paid player, he's getting paid like $4 million till 2024.

Derek Jeter sabotaged the Marlins on purpose

I, you know what I agree with Marlins man. Yeah. I think Jeter fucked up the Marlins on purpose.

Home runs will increase in MLB because they stopped testing for steroids

My cool throne are yobbos, dingers, home runs, whatever you want to call them. Because for the first time in 20 years, Major League Baseball is stopping testing its players for steroids.

The MLB season will inevitably be delayed due to lack of progress in labor meetings

The MLB and the Major League Baseball Players Association made little progress in their latest meeting, and a delay to the upcoming season feels inevitable.

The Red Sox are the best team in baseball and will win the World Series

It's just crazy that the red Sox are just going to win the world series again... They're not that good. They're not that good. Oh, but now they're just the best team in baseball. Yeah. They're like killing the Astros.

The Mets' plan to focus on 'live comedy' is a hilarious failure of priorities

They [the Mets] have a new owner, Steve Cohen... they're focusing now on live comedy, new design and special events... All they gotta do is play good baseball. Especially you also have to have just like a tiny bit of self-awareness.

Joe West is a baseball great and deserves appreciation

Joe West is what we need. He's an all-time great. Joe West is baseball. And if you don't like Joe West, you got a dump in your pants.

Banning the shift would be awesome for baseball

He's considering banning the shift in the next year, which I think that'd be awesome to do.

Shohei Ohtani is the next Babe Ruth and exactly what baseball needs

Shohei Ohtani... he's doing it all. So he's in the Home Run Derby... then he's going to pitch in the All-Star game. And he's going DH in the All-Star game. And this guy, like this is what baseball needs. ... I'm pumped for Shohei Ohtani to be the next Babe Ruth.

Rob Manfred should refuse to drug test Shohei Ohtani for the good of the sport

Rob Manfred, do not piss test Shohei Ohtani whatever you do. I don't care what he's on right now. The only way you could fuck this up is if you stuck a little test strip into a stream of urine and then you just were just a big bummer for America.

MLB is incompetent for banning sticky substances in the middle of the season

The spider attack controversy that they knew about forever and decided, hey, we're going to now start punishing people. They went zero tolerance policy... Tyler Glasnow... is basically saying he got injured because of it... Good job, MLB. You really fucking did it again, you idiots.

College baseball fans are currently the craziest and most intense fans in sports

I think the college baseball fans have been the craziest of all the fans I've seen so far. Or at least it just feels... it's probably a smaller crowd, more packed in. But the walk-off home run in Tennessee the other night was crazy. The Arkansas home run last night was crazy. Insane. It's a great, great atmosphere.

Shohei Ohtani is a rare talent we must appreciate

Shohei Ohtani is one of those rare talents where I think you just got to sit back and be like, holy fuck, I can't believe this guy's doing this. ... Shohei is getting caught up [to Ronald Acuna].

Ronald Acuña Jr. is officially the face of baseball

My cool throne is baseball because we do officially—I'm ready to call it—Ronald Acuña fully the face of baseball already. I just think Ronald Acuña, like, did you see what he did? He beat out the very routine infield hit... scores tagging up from third on a pop-up to the second baseman.

Clayton Kershaw is the greatest postseason pitcher of all time

Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last 25 years since the wild card came around. So yeah, he's he might be the best postseason pitcher out there of all time.

The urge for a glass of milk to wash down cookies is an unstoppable force that justifies breaking MLB bubble protocols.

If you get it in your head that you need a glass of milk, you have to go get a glass of milk. If you get in your head that you're thirsty and you need milk to wash down Oreos, guess what you're going to do? Come hell or high water, you're going to go get some fucking milk.

Lenny Dykstra's reputation is so bad that it is now a legal asset

Lenny Dykstra, it was ruled by an actual court of law in the United States that you cannot libel Lenny Dykstra because his reputation is already so bad that you can't make it worse... He shot the moon with his reputation. It's become so bad that it's actually an asset.

Tim Tebow is better at baseball than Michael Jordan was

Better than Jordan at baseball, yeah. Oh, the stats will bear me out.

Tom Ricketts is lying about the Cubs being too poor to pay their star players

Tom Ricketts, Cubs owner, because he's poor. So he missed the budget for Wrigley expansion by 100%, he said. So just hate it when these guys who have billions of dollars... when time comes to pay their really expensive players what they're worth, don't have the money. Don't buy that bullshit. Like, it's not just you can't sign Chris Bryant.

I do not want the Cubs to trade Kris Bryant despite ownership claims of being over budget

Kris Bryant is the word. And everyone's, you know, what happens is whether they trade Kris Bryant or not, I do not want them to trade Kris Bryant. But what pisses me off more than anything is fans who are like, well, you got to trade Kris Bryant because we have no money. Don't buy that bullshit.

The Yankees would be an easier World Series matchup for the Nationals than the Astros

I'm rooting for whoever makes it easier for the Nationals. ... That would probably be the Yankees, to be honest. I would rather see the Yankees.

The Mets' season is officially over after their 7-run ninth-inning collapse

My hot seat is Mets... They blow a 7-run lead in the ninth... it's clearly over.

The Cubs didn't need Bryce Harper because they need professional hitters like Nicholas Castellanos

Bryce Harper would be a very redundant talent to what the Cubs have right now, and the Cubs need professional hitters, not more guys who hit home runs and strikeouts... I wish they had more [Nicholas] Castellanos, not more Harpers.

The Mets' strategy of having no plan is the perfect plan for the franchise

I love when the Mets have no plan, but pretend they have a plan because that's what you can rely on. So when you look at it from afar, their plan's working perfectly. Their no plan plan is a perfect plan for the Mets.

Edwin Encarnacion hasn't earned his Yankees pinstripes yet because the team lost the game where he hit two home runs

Newly acquired Yankees, Edwin Encarnacion... He had two home runs and the MLB tweeted out that the parrot has earned his pinstripes. But they lost the game, and then home runs meant nothing. You can't earn your pinstripes until you stop getting paid from your former employer.

The New York Yankees' no-beard policy is the dumbest rule in all of sports

[The New York Yankees' no-beard policy] is the dumbest rule in all sports. What happens if [Dallas Keuchel] signed? I would love to see Scott Boras right now if he finds out that Keuchel already gave away the beard in the negotiation for free.

The Chicago Cubs will remain in first place 'by hook or by crook' for the rest of the season

No matter what, by the time you're listening to this, no matter what, the Cubs will still be in first place by hook or by crook.

Joe Maddon gave an Urban Meyer-esque answer regarding Addison Russell's abuse allegations

That's an Urban Meyer-esque answer, basically saying my internet doesn't work and my brain doesn't work and I forgot that I should probably read about my accusations that my players committed domestic abuse. Whether it's true or not, bad answer, Joe Maddon.

Christian Yelich will win the MLB MVP

It's Christian Yelich since appearing on Pardon My Take in July. He's first in batting average, tied for first in home runs, first in runs, first in RBIs, and first in slugging percentage. Many people are saying he's going to be the MVP.

Major League Baseball umpires are on the hot seat and we need electronic strike zones

My other hot seat is umps. So Ben Zobrist got tossed in the Cubs-Brewers game today, and on the way out, he said to umpire Phil Cuzzi... That's why we want electronic strike zones. And I think this is going to be the moment where we get this debate going again, and umps are now going to be on the hot seat because they fuck up a couple times a year, like, egregiously.

Yadier Molina will be the next player-manager for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Yadier's going to be the new player manager. That's what my sources are telling me.

Shaving your beard during a hitting slump means you're hiding something

Bruce [Bryce] Harper shaved his beard because he's in such a bad slump that he thought, hey, I'm just going to change up my look... Anytime someone's like, hey, I'm going to get a haircut, shaving your beard, you're hiding something.

The Yankees' protest against ESPN's scheduling is a power move using Aaron Boone's inside knowledge

It's also a power move because you know Aaron Boone knows the inside deal with ESPN, so he knows the leverage he has.

The Cubs should throw at the Pirates for failing to throw at Anthony Rizzo

The Pirates neglected to enforce an unwritten rule, meaning the Cubs should actually throw at the Pirates today to make them respect the unwritten rule of throwing at Rizzo.

The Oakland A's low attendance signifies that baseball is dwindling away

My hot seat is the Oakland A's and baseball in general. Oakland A's only managed to draw 7,000 people for their game against the Rangers last night. ... I mean, baseball, another sign. Baseball's dwindling away.

MLB should have every player miked up for regular season games

They should just have everyone miked at all times. I would love it. I'd watch another feed. ... First five innings. Perfect.

The Washington Nationals will win the World Series based on the Sports Illustrated cover logic

Actually, what this means is that in what, seven years the Nationals beat World Series champions? Because they predicted the Astros, the rise of the Astros. True. So whenever the first time that they picked the Nats was like eight or nine years from then, that's when they're finally going to win.

No one will run on Jon Lester because they're afraid of being picked off by a bounce throw

So John Lester's on the cool throne. He is going to unveil a new bounce throw to first base. ... You can't be the guy who gets picked off from a bounce throw. So now you got to be thinking about that in the back of your head. Don't run on Jon Lester because the embarrassment will be suffocating.

Kyle Schwarber is going to be a Hall of Famer

That's me with Kyle Schwarber. He's going to be a Hall of Famer. I've said it before. And this is the first step.

Scott Boras is on the hot seat because the MLB collusion against him is working

My other hot seat is Scott Boras. So Scott Boras, the number one MLB agent. He has had a tough offseason. He promised a lot of money to a lot of people, and he hasn't really come through... basically the entire collusion against Scott Boras has worked. And he's especially on the hot seat too because he's trying to convince everyone how he's doing well.

The 'white powder' Esteban Loaiza was caught with is definitely cocaine

Esteban Loaiza got busted with a shitload of cocaine and marijuana, allegedly... I was reading it because they were like, we got this huge bag of white powder. We haven't tested it yet, but we're going to test to see if it's cocaine. I think it's cocaine, guys. Unless he's a baker and we didn't know.

The Washington Nationals have a 100% chance of making the NLDS

The Nationals are officially Gucci... The Sabermetrics came out, and they have a 100% chance of making the [NLDS]. I don't know how they can calculate that just yet, but I'm not very smart.

The 'Player to be Named Later' in baseball trades is enticing because it sounds like they could be anyone, even a Hall of Famer

But the player to be named later, it sounds really enticing. It's like, that guy could be fucking awesome. Could be anyone. Yeah, could be a Hall of Famer.

Winning the Home Run Derby will mess up Aaron Judge's swing

I'm going Aaron Judge's swing. Because everyone knows the home run derby, whoever wins it, it messes up their swing. It absolutely does... He was on track to win Rookie of the Year, maybe Triple Crown, but watch out. I already saw chitter chatter on Twitter that watched out for his swing.

The Cleveland Indians should retire Chief Wahoo and just sell throwbacks for profit

I also don't know why they don't. They just get rid of it. Do the C. Do the block C. And then just sell it as throwbacks. You can still make money off it. Just like, you know what, guys, you're right. It's 2016. We need to do a better job with this logo. And then in a year, be like throwback night.

Sammy Sosa put Chicago on the map when nobody knew where it was

Sammy Sosa did an interview today... Sammy also said when nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map. So the third largest city right after Michael Jordan was the greatest player of all time. Sammy Sosa made people know, hey, Chicago's here. It's in Illinois.

The Cleveland Indians can play with 'house money' for the next decade because they won a title in 2016

The [Indians] are in the championship series. So as far as Cleveland goes, the whole city could just go to shit even more for the next six to 12 years, and they're still playing with house money at this point. They've had as much success this year as they could expect to have for the next decade.

The Indians logo is back on the hot seat because the team is actually winning

Hot seat, Indians logo. They're going to be in the ALCS, and that means the Indians logo is going to be on the hot seat again... If you stay bad, no one cares that your logo is offensive.

The Cleveland Indians' Chief Wahoo logo will be on the hot seat this year

We, this show, called the shot that the Indians were going to have a good year and the Chief Wahoo logo was going to be on the hot seat and people were going to all get upset. Well, guess what? They had a good year. They lost in the World Series, but they had a good year. They're back. Chief Wahoo still on the hot seat.