Takes

I don't want the Cubs to trade Chris Bryant

Chris Bryant is the word. And everyone's, you know, what happens is whether they trade Chris Bryant or not, I do not want them to trade Chris Bryant. But what pisses me off more than anything is fans who are like, well, you got to trade Chris Bryant because we have no money. Like, don't buy that bullshit.

The Yankees would be an easier World Series matchup for the Nationals than the Astros

I'm rooting for whoever makes it easier for the Nationals. ... That would probably be the Yankees, to be honest. I would rather see the Yankees.

The Mets' season is officially over after their 7-run ninth-inning collapse

My hot seat is Mets... They blow a 7-run lead in the ninth... it's clearly over.

The Cubs didn't need Bryce Harper because they need professional hitters like Nicholas Castellanos

Bryce Harper would be a very redundant talent to what the Cubs have right now, and the Cubs need professional hitters, not more guys who hit home runs and strikeouts... I wish they had more [Nicholas] Castellanos, not more Harpers.

Edwin Encarnacion hasn't earned his Yankees pinstripes yet because the team lost the game where he hit two home runs

Newly acquired Yankees, Edwin Encarnacion... He had two home runs and the MLB tweeted out that the parrot has earned his pinstripes. But they lost the game, and then home runs meant nothing. You can't earn your pinstripes until you stop getting paid from your former employer.

The New York Yankees' no-beard policy is the dumbest rule in all of sports

[The New York Yankees' no-beard policy] is the dumbest rule in all sports. What happens if [Dallas Keuchel] signed? I would love to see Scott Boras right now if he finds out that Keuchel already gave away the beard in the negotiation for free.

Joe Maddon gave an Urban Meyer-esque answer regarding Addison Russell's abuse allegations

That's an Urban Meyer-esque answer, basically saying my internet doesn't work and my brain doesn't work and I forgot that I should probably read about my accusations that my players committed domestic abuse. Whether it's true or not, bad answer, Joe Maddon.

Christian Yelich will win the MLB MVP

It's Christian Yelich since appearing on Pardon My Take in July. He's first in batting average, tied for first in home runs, first in runs, first in RBIs, and first in slugging percentage. Many people are saying he's going to be the MVP.

Major League Baseball umpires are on the hot seat and we need electronic strike zones

My other hot seat is umps. So Ben Zobrist got tossed in the Cubs-Brewers game today, and on the way out, he said to umpire Phil Cuzzi... That's why we want electronic strike zones. And I think this is going to be the moment where we get this debate going again, and umps are now going to be on the hot seat because they fuck up a couple times a year, like, egregiously.

Yadier Molina will be the next player-manager for the St. Louis Cardinals.

Yadier's going to be the new player manager. That's what my sources are telling me.

The Yankees' protest against ESPN's scheduling is a power move using Aaron Boone's inside knowledge

It's also a power move because you know Aaron Boone knows the inside deal with ESPN, so he knows the leverage he has.

The Cubs should throw at the Pirates for failing to throw at Anthony Rizzo

The Pirates neglected to enforce an unwritten rule, meaning the Cubs should actually throw at the Pirates today to make them respect the unwritten rule of throwing at Rizzo.

The Oakland A's low attendance signifies that baseball is dwindling away

My hot seat is the Oakland A's and baseball in general. Oakland A's only managed to draw 7,000 people for their game against the Rangers last night. ... I mean, baseball, another sign. Baseball's dwindling away.

MLB should have every player miked up for regular season games

They should just have everyone miked at all times. I would love it. I'd watch another feed. ... First five innings. Perfect.

The Washington Nationals will win the World Series based on the Sports Illustrated cover logic

Actually, what this means is that in what, seven years the Nationals beat World Series champions? Because they predicted the Astros, the rise of the Astros. True. So whenever the first time that they picked the Nats was like eight or nine years from then, that's when they're finally going to win.

No one will run on Jon Lester because they're afraid of being picked off by a bounce throw

So John Lester's on the cool throne. He is going to unveil a new bounce throw to first base. ... You can't be the guy who gets picked off from a bounce throw. So now you got to be thinking about that in the back of your head. Don't run on Jon Lester because the embarrassment will be suffocating.

Kyle Schwarber is going to be a Hall of Famer

That's me with Kyle Schwarber. He's going to be a Hall of Famer. I've said it before. And this is the first step.

Scott Boras is on the hot seat because the MLB collusion against him is working

My other hot seat is Scott Boras. So Scott Boras, the number one MLB agent. He has had a tough offseason. He promised a lot of money to a lot of people, and he hasn't really come through... basically the entire collusion against Scott Boras has worked. And he's especially on the hot seat too because he's trying to convince everyone how he's doing well.

The Washington Nationals have a 100% chance of making the NLDS

The Nationals are officially Gucci... The Sabermetrics came out, and they have a 100% chance of making the [NLDS]. I don't know how they can calculate that just yet, but I'm not very smart.

Winning the Home Run Derby will mess up Aaron Judge's swing

I'm going Aaron Judge's swing. Because everyone knows the home run derby, whoever wins it, it messes up their swing. It absolutely does... He was on track to win Rookie of the Year, maybe Triple Crown, but watch out. I already saw chitter chatter on Twitter that watched out for his swing.

The Cleveland Indians should retire Chief Wahoo and just sell throwbacks for profit

I also don't know why they don't. They just get rid of it. Do the C. Do the block C. And then just sell it as throwbacks. You can still make money off it. Just like, you know what, guys, you're right. It's 2016. We need to do a better job with this logo. And then in a year, be like throwback night.

Sammy Sosa put Chicago on the map when nobody knew where it was

Sammy Sosa did an interview today... Sammy also said when nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map. So the third largest city right after Michael Jordan was the greatest player of all time. Sammy Sosa made people know, hey, Chicago's here. It's in Illinois.

The Indians logo is back on the hot seat because the team is actually winning

Hot seat, Indians logo. They're going to be in the ALCS, and that means the Indians logo is going to be on the hot seat again... If you stay bad, no one cares that your logo is offensive.

The Cleveland Indians' Chief Wahoo logo will be on the hot seat this year

We, this show, called the shot that the Indians were going to have a good year and the Chief Wahoo logo was going to be on the hot seat and people were going to all get upset. Well, guess what? They had a good year. They lost in the World Series, but they had a good year. They're back. Chief Wahoo still on the hot seat.